ConfusedLover2018 Posted January 7, 2018 Posted January 7, 2018 (edited) I really (really) want advise on my current situation, please! After being single for a year and praying for a good man I was blessed with my (now) boyfriend who's 45 years old. Im 28. I am not the type of girl to jump into something unless I am very serious about the person so, needless to say, after dating for about 4 months he asked me to be his girlfriend and THAT night was our first night together physically. We talk everyday pretty much since we met (either text, call or FaceTime) but he and I both travel for work and he's way busier than I am so I get it when he doesn't answer the phone etc. By the way I think this part may be important to fully understand. He is a celebrity but is (I think B list) he's in a lot of shows, movies etc. I am not! My concern is this. 2 nights ago he takes me out for date night and we stay overnight at a hotel. We don't get physically together that night but we do the morning after right before we leave. He drives me home right after and he takes off to meetings/work. I don't hear from him until 10pm and I was already sleeping so we talked for 1 MINUTE. The next morning, nothing from him. So I texted him "thinking of you, had a great time with you. Can we FaceTime before bed" he texts back but no FaceTime call. and its bedtime now!!! Im feeling played. Should I be? Should I bring up that I don't like how I feel, or is that too dramatic? Should I just let this one go even though I don't like how I feel right now? should I wait to see if this is a pattern before making it a conversation???? Edited January 7, 2018 by ConfusedLover2018
Arieswoman Posted January 7, 2018 Posted January 7, 2018 CL2018, I'd do nothing and wait until he reaches out to you. The last thing you want to do is appear needy or desperate. If you haven't had a response within another 24 hours then I'd cut your losses. I'm sorry x 2
SammySammy Posted January 7, 2018 Posted January 7, 2018 What is your gut feeling? What is your gut telling you to do right now? 1
Author ConfusedLover2018 Posted January 7, 2018 Author Posted January 7, 2018 @Midknightdreams I think I am over thinking this. This man is probably sleeping and dreaming something peaceful and here I am, a fool, thinking why he hasn't called me today. My gut is saying to get in bed and see what happens tomorrow. but the girl I me is feeling anxious and wanting answers right now. ughhhh! I think its the celebrity part that makes me feel like damn he prob just used me and that's it. but this is our 2nd time together and we both click personality wise, I don't know. But thank you for answering and asking me those questions. It helps me reflect!
Author ConfusedLover2018 Posted January 7, 2018 Author Posted January 7, 2018 @arieswoman okay, that's tough because I really do like him. I will wait then....not easy when you're feeling anxious and asking 100 questions to myself but yea knowing that leaving it alone is an option is good to remember. But damn I haven't felt like this in so long that I don't want that to be true!!!! ughhhhhhhhhhh my life! 1
SammySammy Posted January 7, 2018 Posted January 7, 2018 You're welcome. Learn to listen to that inner voice. It's almost always right. Get some rest. See what tomorrow brings. Then make a decision from there. 3
emzara Posted January 7, 2018 Posted January 7, 2018 I think it's completely reasonable and normal to want to connect with a new guy, especially after becoming more serious and becoming more physical. I would personally feel uneasy in your shoes. If he wasn't able to FaceTime, then in my opinion, the appropriate text to you would be something like, "Me too, can't chat now, but would like to talk soon". Something along those lines. You said he texted. What did he write? I agree that if he hasn't contacted you within 24 hours, I would communicate something like, "This doesn't work for me. I need more communication in a relationship"
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 7, 2018 Posted January 7, 2018 So you dated him for four months before having sex, and now after the second time having sex, you're not getting a response from him as quickly as you'd like? Is this correct? I think you should probably relax due to the time of day, etc. But why did it take you so long to have sex? Was it just because of schedules?
emzara Posted January 7, 2018 Posted January 7, 2018 Not everyone moves quickly. Four months is perfectly respectable. 3
BaileyB Posted January 7, 2018 Posted January 7, 2018 If he only wanted sex, four months is a long time to wait for sex... Although many will say that it does not matter, the age difference and the fact that he is a celebrity would give me pause. But, I hope it works out for you. All will be revealed with time. 1
smackie9 Posted January 7, 2018 Posted January 7, 2018 His schedule sounds pretty hectic to me, so IMO you are over reacting. Anyone who is involved in that industry will have weird hours and very long days for a stretch at a time. The thing you should be asking yourself is, can you tolerate this part of his life. 3
carhill Posted January 7, 2018 Posted January 7, 2018 SOP in that lifestyle. He's in his prime period. What's the long-term goal here? Or is there one? IMO, his verifiable relationship or marital history will likely tell everything one needs to know about his style. Whether or not that's acceptable or desirable or compatible is another story. At your age I'd date other guys and enjoy this one as schedules match up. You seem to do fine if you can pull a B-lister with no sex for four months. I'm sure plenty of other guys will enjoy your company. Being single is fun. Enjoy.
Miss Spider Posted January 7, 2018 Posted January 7, 2018 (edited) Maybe. Either that or he is getting comfortable now and no longer feeling the need to get right back to you. Also, that he saw you for four months without sex means nothing to me and it baffles my mind that people think it does. It presupposes all men are sex crazed savages and/or that the particular man is actually waiting and not seeing any other girl(s) and getting sex there in the meantime. I've never met a guy that stopped seeing me because I didn't put out. I think there are plenty of men who get tunnel vision on a goal just to sleep with a girl and go to great lengths to achieve that goal even when there are easier targets... Edited January 7, 2018 by Cookiesandough
snowboy91 Posted January 7, 2018 Posted January 7, 2018 I really (really) want advise on my current situation, please! After being single for a year and praying for a good man I was blessed with my (now) boyfriend who's 45 years old. Im 28. I am not the type of girl to jump into something unless I am very serious about the person so, needless to say, after dating for about 4 months he asked me to be his girlfriend and THAT night was our first night together physically. We talk everyday pretty much since we met (either text, call or FaceTime) but he and I both travel for work and he's way busier than I am so I get it when he doesn't answer the phone etc. By the way I think this part may be important to fully understand. He is a celebrity but is (I think B list) he's in a lot of shows, movies etc. I am not! My concern is this. 2 nights ago he takes me out for date night and we stay overnight at a hotel. We don't get physically together that night but we do the morning after right before we leave. He drives me home right after and he takes off to meetings/work. I don't hear from him until 10pm and I was already sleeping so we talked for 1 MINUTE. The next morning, nothing from him. So I texted him "thinking of you, had a great time with you. Can we FaceTime before bed" he texts back but no FaceTime call. and its bedtime now!!! Im feeling played. Should I be? Should I bring up that I don't like how I feel, or is that too dramatic? Should I just let this one go even though I don't like how I feel right now? should I wait to see if this is a pattern before making it a conversation???? Here's part of your answer I assume life as an actor can get incredibly busy. Finding time for others is difficult, so it's not outlandish to suggest he will miss things like texts and Facetime sessions. That being said, you have to ask yourself whether you can tolerate this as part of your life with him. I don't feel as if he has used you for sex, but I do feel as if he's just not available enough for you. 1
phineas Posted January 7, 2018 Posted January 7, 2018 If he only wanted sex, four months is a long time to wait for sex... Although many will say that it does not matter, the age difference and the fact that he is a celebrity would give me pause. But, I hope it works out for you. All will be revealed with time. I doubt he was waiting for sex.
preraph Posted January 7, 2018 Posted January 7, 2018 Could mean many things. But none of them require you confronting him. Though some might require you let it fade away. 1) He may feel he's finally conquered you and the thrill is now gone, so he's not on his best behavior anymore. If so, let him go. 2) He may feel he's finally conquered you and put in all the work it took to do so and that he can now rest easy that you will be there for him without needing constant assurances since you are now supposedly bf/gf. In which case, just know he's not wanting as much communication as you are. 3) He could just be busy. 4) He didn't want to Facetime, so he didn't, so take that as a hint that maybe he doesn't want to have to be in contact with you constantly. 5) He could be super busy, like anyone with a job is. But if this is new behavior, it's more likely one of the above. He may have hoped that if you had the "we're now bf/gf talk" and had sex, that you wouldn't be as needy for attention, so better stop asking him for more attention all the time. Not many people like someone who is always demanding more. It can be a dealbreaker for a lot of people. It's very desperate to act like that, and desperate isn't sexy, so whether you withheld sex or not, you needing attention and reassurance and contact all the time is just as needy emotionally. Take a chill pill and just see what he will do when it's totally left up to him. That's the only way you will know the truth, not by trying to nag him into more contact so you don't have to think he'll never call again. 3
preraph Posted January 8, 2018 Posted January 8, 2018 One thing you should consider is that celebrities get chased a lot, so that gets to be not only boring to them but also annoying. Someone always wants a piece of them, and lots of times they have ulterior motives too. Either way, they often get to where they are not interested in anyone who's interested in them right off. They may want to be able to chase like they used to have to do before fame. So you holding out sexually may have been what kept him interested as long as he was. He may very well still be interested, but I tell you this only as a precaution. You'll get further with a celebrity by not chasing at all or asking for attention. Now, I realize this may not be a fair situation to put yourself in. You have needs too. But I'm just telling you that is often how it is with famous people. Everyone is demanding and fakey with them and wants something. And getting attention from the opposite sex is too easy for them and not sporting. Guys especially may just want to feel they're running the agenda and want to feel like the woman isn't just automatically going to go for it. After all, they want to be loved for who they are aside from their fame. 2
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