fermina Posted August 23, 2005 Posted August 23, 2005 6 months ago, I was learning to enjoy dating multiple guys and enjoying my job and my single life. Then I met Mr. Right. He was such a perfect southern gentleman and treated me like a princess. I absolutely adored him and he adored me as well so I broke with all the other men (even gave up a villa in Bali) to be with Mr. Right. About a month into the relationship, he told me that he has a 2 year old son. He was married for 10 years and divorced 5 years ago. Around about that time, his friend from the military died leaving behind a pregnant wife. Mr Right, being the kind man that he is, stepped in and took care of this woman and her child. Two years later, she gets pregnant and breaks up with him. He is still baffled by this...so for the last 2 years, he has been travelling from DC to FL every weekend to see the baby. He desperately wants to do the right thing and make things work between him and this woman for the kids sake...but I'm not sure where this leaves me. I was born to be a dreamgirl/diva and not a doormat :- ) Everything has been great with me and Mr M up until the last month. He comes home to me on Mondays and stays 3 to 4 days out of the week. His work requires that he travels during the week. He told me that he loves coming home to me and that I am his best friend. He even introduced me to his ex-wife. He spends every waking moment with me during the week and all of our friends treat us as a couple. On the weekends however, he turns off the phone. Sometimes he'll respond to my phone call or text messages, mostly he does not respond until he gets back. He would not return my calls immediately when he was away, but yet when he is back in DC with me, he is just as sweet and attentive as he can be. However, in the last month, I suddenly felt him pushing me away. He stopped calling me on Mondays to let me know when he is on his way home to DC. Interestingly enough, he always has some drastic reason for not calling (his mom fell ill, he was busy working, etc). These did not bother me so much at first because he is a work-a-holic and he does get absent-minded sometimes. Also, when I lost my job on a Friday, he was in the middile of a deposition but he called me several times. However, over the weekend, his phone was off. Last week, before he left, i sent him a message saying i was sick; his response was "get some rest and vitamins. I will talk to you next week". I don't have a problem with him spending time with his son. I think it's admirable that he wants to be there to see his son grow. But I do have a problem with the idea that he wants to go back to his son's mother (who he claims broke up with him because she is still in love with her dead husband) and I'm supposed to just wait to see if it will work out or not? I am so confused. I am at a crossroad in my life, thinking of moving to other cities and we have discussed this possibility. I want to include him in my plans, but I just don't think I can knowing full well that his life is in FL. The last straw was on Thursday when I came to his office and saw all these pictures of him and the mother of his child on his desk. He has pictures of me, but only in his house...I think I did the right thing by breaking up with him, but why do I feel so lousy? He said that he "cares for me deeply" and that he wishes he had met me at a different time in his life. He wants to work on our friendship because he feels that this is really important for him. should i have tried to be patient and waited around until he figures out what he wants? Can we truly be friends?
newbby Posted August 23, 2005 Posted August 23, 2005 i think you are doing the right thing in giving him the space to work out what he truly wants. he could always use you as an excuse otherwise for why he did not put more effort into making things work with her etc. given enough time to really concentrate on that, and enough space to work out whether he wants to be with you or her, (which he will not be able to decide whilst he has both you and her), he will be able to make a choice and stick to it. you have done the right thing, definetly. as for being friends, i am not sure if that would really work at all right now. perhaps just have complete nc for a while. in the meantime live your life, let him realise that you will not wait around forever, and try to have a nice time.
Author fermina Posted August 23, 2005 Author Posted August 23, 2005 Thanks! I go through different stages each day; sometime relieved, at times angry, and at times lonely. It's so difficult to be in the same city with him. We have never been able to spend a night apart when he is in DC... I broke up with him on Friday and have had no calls or messages from him. I guess this is good because it helps me maintain no contact. On the other hand, I feel so bad because I think that he just does not care for me...
newbby Posted August 23, 2005 Posted August 23, 2005 it could be that he cares enough for you to not put you through this. if you read the other posts in here you will see that some men keep stringing along their other woman for years, in my opinion THAT is not caring about them.
Author fermina Posted August 24, 2005 Author Posted August 24, 2005 I feel so terrible about not being there for him during this time. He always told me that I was his best friend, the only one he could really trust (His ex-wife cheated on him and he has a lot of trust issues). I believe him. He has a lot of stress from work, and with all these family issues, he was somewhat emotionally dependent on me. On our last night together (the night before I broke up with him), he placed his head on my shoulder and clung to me. I could feel how lost and confused he was...I don't want him to think that I'm abandoning him during this critical time in my life...there is a part of me that wants to be here for him...i feel like calling him to let him know that he can count on me to be there if he needs a friend to talk to...what should i do?
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