Did I do the right thing by breaking up with him? Can we be friends?

[fermina]

6 months ago, I was learning to enjoy dating multiple guys and enjoying my job and my single life. Then I met Mr. Right. He was such a perfect southern gentleman and treated me like a princess. I absolutely adored him and he adored me as well so I broke with all the other men (even gave up a villa in Bali) to be with Mr. Right. About a month into the relationship, he told me that he has a 2 year old son. He was married for 10 years and divorced 5 years ago. Around about that time, his friend from the military died leaving behind a pregnant wife. Mr Right, being the kind man that he is, stepped in and took care of this woman and her child. Two years later, she gets pregnant and breaks up with him. He is still baffled by this...so for the last 2 years, he has been travelling from DC to FL every weekend to see the baby. He desperately wants to do the right thing and make things work between him and this woman for the kids sake...but I'm not sure where this leaves me. I was born to be a dreamgirl/diva and not a doormat :- ) Everything has been great up until the last month. I suddenly felt him pushing me away especially after I lost my job 2 weeks ago. He would not return my calls immediately when he was away, but yet when he is back in DC with me, he is just as sweet and attentive as he can be. He spends every waking moment with me and introduced me to his friends and even his exwife. I am so confused. I am at a crossroad in my life, thinking of moving to other cities and we have discussed this possibility. I want to include him in my plans, but I just don;t think I can knowing full well that his life is in FL. The last straw was on Thursday when I came to his office and saw all these pictures of him and the mother of his child on his desk. He has pictures of me, but only in his house...I think I did the right thing by breaking up with him, but why do I feel so lousy...should i have tried to be patient and waited around until he figures out what he wants? Can we truly be friends?

[J dub]

Originally posted by fermina

should i have tried to be patient and waited around until he figures out what he wants? Can we truly be friends?

 

Hecks no. Move on, get yourself in gear and forget about him right now. He is being selfish and you should be too if thats how he wants to be. Focus on yourself, being friends right now is impossible. Can you imagine the suckfactor of hearing him talk about goin on dates and other females? Um, yeah. It would hurt like all hell. Save yourself and run for the hills. You can be friends later...there's always a "later", when you've healed.

[fermina]

Thanks! I go through different stages each day; sometime relieved, at times angry, and at times lonely. It's so difficult to be in the same city with him. We have never been able to spend a night apart when he is in DC...

 

I broke up with him on Friday and have had no calls or messages from him. I guess this is good because it helps me maintain no contact. On the other hand, I feel so bad because I think that he just does not care (even though he told me when I broke up with him that he "cares deeply for me" and that he wishes " we had met at a different time in his life").

[fermina]

I feel so terrible about not being there for him during this time. He always told me that I was his best friend, the only one he could really trust (His ex-wife cheated on him and he has a lot of trust issues). I believe him. He has a lot of stress from work, and with all these family issues, he was somewhat emotionally dependent on me.

 

On our last night together (the night before I broke up with him), he placed his head on my shoulder and clung to me. I could feel how lost and confused he was...I don't want him to think that I'm abandoning him during this critical time in my life...there is a part of me that wants to be here for him...i feel like calling him to let him know that he can count on me to be there if he needs a friend to talk to...what should i do?

[J dub]

If you ask me, he'll call if he needs someone that bad. He knows how to get a hold of you, youre not abandoning him if youre not ignoring him. If you truly think you want to be there for this man, to be a crutch to him while he regains himself, thats all on you. Of course I'm just throwin out my two cents, but I really think you'll be better off letting him get over things himself. We often underestimate how well humans can function under huge amounts of stress and/or sadness...