After 2 dates it's going great..but a little confused

[Brady_to_Moss]

So I asked a nurse out at my doctors office and she said yes. I was so happy. First time in 2.5 years I have the courage and confidence to ask someone out and follow through with a date!

 

We went out on date one to a bar to grab food and drinks...laughed..spent 4 hours talking. It was great.

 

2nd date same thing but across from where we work (She works 2 streets over from me actually) Same thing. But this time when I went to hug I gestured for a kiss and she was into it as we kissed and said goodnight. I'll admit it was a bit awkward but I wanted to let her know where I stand and I would like to move forward and I could tell she liked it.

 

Now here is where I get confused. She's a very slow txter. Like I get maybe 2-3 responses a day 5-10 hours after I send something so it's really hard to set something up or get playful talk going while we are not with each other which Is why I try to set things up maybe quicker than I normally would because I really want to get to know her better.

 

After the 2nd date and kiss I suggested we go to bowling or go karts because she likes that stuff and wanted to gauge her reaction. She said ya that would be great!

 

Problem is now When I send her a few txts to ask her how her day was and does next Tuesday work....she won't say yes it works but talks about her day and asks about mine..so I almost have to ask twice.

 

I know she's on her phone more than what she is txting me so I am just a bit confused. She seems interested in more dates and that's great...but it's so hard to set them up and I hate asking twice in 3 days because she forgets or won't answer the question.

 

And I am always the one to ask first...she's very shy but I would like for her to txt first. Maybe lay off a bit and see if she does?

Edited January 6, 2018 by Brady_to_Moss

[Chilli]

Mines a lot like that too and it's also in her culture to take things very very slow.

 

But as neither of us are daters, l wait for someone l really like and her way is the same but the slowness is confusing actually because it's usually the women pushing me if anything.

 

But l dunno , if LS is anything to go by , the texting mentality out there is effg surreal , all the games and when to and when not to and wtf to say and do and show, l dunno , don't people just do what comes natural anymore.

So maybe she's been reading too much of this bs like everyone else.

Or maybe she's just not that interested, curious to see what everyone thinks.

Edited January 6, 2018 by Chilli

[Iseult]

Hey op, there’s no such thing as too much texting. It’s fast, it’s free and it’s available to use 24/7. It doesn’t make sense not to text. Keep sending texts so she has no recourse but to respond to them and ask you to stop. That’s when you say, “So, now you decide to respond?” Write a program to automate this and you’ll be texting her even in your sleep. Gotta love technology!

[Brady_to_Moss]

I am trying to nail down plans for early this week/ or possibly tomorrow and get to know her more playfully but I can't when you get 1 txt a day.

 

Just not sure if I should test if she really wants this by backing off and going dark for a bit to see what happens

[smackie9]

This is how it works....if she's not that much of a texter, then stop trying to engage her to text. She isn't into it and you become annoying. Now here's the thing....if one of your expectations is to have the girl engage in texting, friendly banter and all that, you are wasting your time with this girl...you are not compatible. Here's a tip: you can't force someone to fit your expectations. It's either they do or they don't, and when they don't you move on. It's pretty obvious she's avoiding you so stop bugging her.

 

And BTW no one is testing anyone here. Her is response is typical of someone who isn't all that interested.

 

If you want to give it one last shot, back off with communication for a few days, then ask her out on a specific night, but something more simple like a coffee date where you can just talk. If she gives you the runaround, cut her off and stop chasing.

 

Why a simple coffee date? Because people can find time to grab a coffee. It takes no real planing or arranging to meet up for that.

Edited January 6, 2018 by smackie9

[Brady_to_Moss]

This is how it works....if she's not that much of a texter, then stop trying to engage her to text. She isn't into it and you become annoying. Now here's the thing....if one of your expectations is to have the girl engage in texting, friendly banter and all that, you are wasting your time with this girl...you are not compatible. Here's a tip: you can't force someone to fit your expectations. It's either they do or they don't, and when they don't you move on. It's pretty obvious she's avoiding you so stop bugging her.

 

And BTW no one is testing anyone here. Her is response is typical of someone who isn't all that interested.

 

If you want to give it one last shot, back off with communication for a few days, then ask her out on a specific night, but something more simple like a coffee date where you can just talk. If she gives you the runaround, cut her off and stop chasing.

 

Why a simple coffee date? Because people can find time to grab a coffee. It takes no real planing or arranging to meet up for that.

 

After our second date I txted her about something stupid I saw that we talked about at the restaurant and that we should get together again soon..that's when she said let's plan something exciting and said she was free Sunday.

 

So I feel like she does want to do something again..but maybe not that soon like I said earlier if she doesn't want to rush. I know she has anxiety issues like myself so that could be it. But I plan on backing off unless she txts me here today or tomorrow. I will respond not like I usually do and see what happens.

 

I can change my expectations if that's just not who she is. I just want to know it's that and not she's not really that interested if that makes any sense.

 

No matter how this ends I will say this: I am very happy with my progression with my anxiety and talking to women. It's a great step in the right direction!

[spiderowl]

If she does not respond to your questions by text with anything definite, then do not make plans. She's either clueless or rude. If she was not interested, she could say so.

 

If she did not hear from you for a while, asking her for a date, she might start to wonder why. Let her follow up for a change. If she was a genuinely poor communicator, I suspect you would have picked this up in person. She must be pretty good at communicating so the lack of specificity in texts suggests she is being evasive.

[Marc878]

I wouldn't overwhelm her with texts. It can become bothersome. Don't come off as needy, clingy.

 

Maybe just call her occasionally.

[Brady_to_Moss]

If she does not respond to your questions by text with anything definite, then do not make plans. She's either clueless or rude. If she was not interested, she could say so.

 

If she did not hear from you for a while, asking her for a date, she might start to wonder why. Let her follow up for a change. If she was a genuinely poor communicator, I suspect you would have picked this up in person. She must be pretty good at communicating so the lack of specificity in texts suggests she is being evasive.

 

She txted me last night saying " Yea I am around tomorrow to hang out!"

 

So I sent plans and a time and if this works let me know when you get a chance...still nothing here Sunday AM. I was going to call but not sure

[smackie9]

Anxiety takes all shapes and forms. She might be one of those who tells you what you want to hear to avoid confrontation/ to pacify you.

 

Call! not text her, to confirm. If you don't get a response "Yes", then ditch her. IMO you should not have to work this hard to get a date.

[Brady_to_Moss]

Anxiety takes all shapes and forms. She might be one of those who tells you what you want to hear to avoid confrontation/ to pacify you.

 

Call! not text her, to confirm. If you don't get a response "Yes", then ditch her. IMO you should not have to work this hard to get a date.

I am with you. She just texted with can we meet a bit later. After today I am changing my approach.. anything I should say on the date to try and clear this air? I want to go for holding hands and a longer kiss to see where she stands but idk

[smackie9]

It's not a do or die thing. Got to go by actions/body language to determine stepping up the intimacy. IMO if she isn't starry eyed and flirtatious you can't expect heavy petting on your date.

[preraph]

Good lord man, don't bother a woman at work! You know she's a nurse and you know how busy nurses are. They should be off limits during work hours. And she is working full time and also has a household to run. She's too busy to hold your hand through texts for NO reason other than your insecurity. Cool it or you'll lose her. Leave her alone during work hours and don't expect her to stop in the middle of cooking to answer you back either. Be realistic.

[Arieswoman]

Brady,

I'm a bit concerned about this.

 

I thought it was inappropriate for nurses to date their patients?

 

If a nurse did this in UK they'd be hauled up before the disciplinary board.

[Brady_to_Moss]

It's not a do or die thing. Got to go by actions/body language to determine stepping up the intimacy. IMO if she isn't starry eyed and flirtatious you can't expect heavy petting on your date.

 

I just got back from the date...held her hand...kissed lasted a bit longer (wasn't a peck like the first one) and felt much more intimate and she just smiled at me after the kiss as did I as said txt me when you get home to let me know you made it home safely.

 

We were eye locked for 3 hours...She was very apologetic about not getting back to me sooner in the past few days and wants to see me again next weekend.

[Brady_to_Moss]

Good lord man, don't bother a woman at work! You know she's a nurse and you know how busy nurses are. They should be off limits during work hours. And she is working full time and also has a household to run. She's too busy to hold your hand through texts for NO reason other than your insecurity. Cool it or you'll lose her. Leave her alone during work hours and don't expect her to stop in the middle of cooking to answer you back either. Be realistic.

 

She lives with her Parents and is 27...so no household to run. I only txt her in the PM after work or the weekends? So

[geckojohn]

It doesn't sound like she's into you. Maybe move on or wait until she contacts you next

[Mkn1010]

Hey op, there’s no such thing as too much texting. It’s fast, it’s free and it’s available to use 24/7. It doesn’t make sense not to text. Keep sending texts so she has no recourse but to respond to them and ask you to stop. That’s when you say, “So, now you decide to respond?” Write a program to automate this and you’ll be texting her even in your sleep. Gotta love technology!

 

Ahahaha this just made my date! Society in 2018

[Brady_to_Moss]

Just an update:

 

We were going to go out on our 4th date tonight but I had to cancel as a meeting came up at work and I wasn't leaving till 8 (Still at work) as this week is very busy for me.

 

 

She has really only txted me once each day since Sunday..2 times she said "OMG I am so sorry..i am really bad with my phone sometimes lol" I didn't reply to that just replied...so we good for tonight or now i txted..maybe next week? My last txt to see if she's intersted..but I know she will say sure as she always wants to meet up or never cancels on me..but it's weird. She's a bit...spacey? Is the word i am looking for.

 

I know I won't get a txt till tomorrow or whatever but If she was that into me..she would check her phone..it's that simple.

 

I am pretty much done unless she sets up the next date because I won't...the ball is in her court for this one.

 

it's just strange that she will still hold plans better than me and kiss longer and longer and she likes my company...yet just seems..out of it. She commutes 3 hours a day plus 8 hours of work so she is rarely available besides weekends so that could be it...but lets see if she sets plans...I am not going to txt unless she initiates it first from now on. I told her I like her company and like seeing her and she says the same..but lets test it now

 

God dating is such a chore it seems...but my goal for 2018 is to be more open to it at least