Open Relationship

[Gr8fuln2020]

@simpleNfit - lol, good question. Apparently we are in a "relationship". A special kind of relationship I guess.

 

I don't really care what the label is to be honest. I want him to stick around for as long as he can/wants. If he decides to disappear or leave my life, i'll let him and won't hold on.

 

Please forgive me, but labels DO matter. You are unable to define what 'relationship' you have. I think that is obviously problematic.

 

I believe you will have a problem. It is clear that you are emotionally invested and for some reason, you are permitting him to have his cake and eat it too.

[lana-banana]

One wonders how your ex-boyfriend would describe the situation. Was he the one who suggested you call it an "open relationship", or is that something you said and he responded with "yeah"? Reading this I get the sense that he's pretty sure you're exes who might have sex at some point, maybe, if he feels like it.

 

If you can go two weeks or more without any kind of contact, then you're not in any sort of relationship beyond FWB. But you guys aren't hanging out or having sex, so honestly I don't see how this is a relationship at all except to you. And the moment he meets someone who demands to be taken seriously as his girlfriend, you're gone.

[LoverOfDance]

Iana-banana - as I previously said, I don't care about the label of our relationship anymore. I titled this thread "open relationship" because that is what we had previously agreed to label our situation. Right now, it doesn't really matter to me what the label is.

 

I'm thinking that i'll just let things be. When he reaches out and wants to hang out, we will. If he doesn't want to hang out, i'm fine with that. At this point, I don't really care what we are. All I want to do is find my ideal man. If my ex or whatever he is stays in my life, good. If he doesn't, that's fine too.

[No_Go]

I think what you describe is extremely common. It happened with each of my 3 exes. I have yet to see/experience a relationship without this type of deconvolution to believe it exists It is the way to go for most people, except for cases of violence or extreme sociopaths that just ‘cut lose’.

 

Don’t initiate anything and enjoy this FWB (label as you said is irrelevant) while it lasts. IME in 3-6 months on of the parties gets tired (or both) and things naturally resolve.

 

[if you try to skip this phase - you’d have ‘what ifs’ in your mind that will haunt you for years...In that sense I think it is actually healthy way to close things up]

[Lorenza]

I think what you describe is extremely common. It happened with each of my 3 exes. I have yet to see/experience a relationship without this type of deconvolution to believe it exists It is the way to go for most people, except for cases of violence or extreme sociopaths that just ‘cut lose’.

 

Don’t initiate anything and enjoy this FWB (label as you said is irrelevant) while it lasts. IME in 3-6 months on of the parties gets tired (or both) and things naturally resolve.

 

[if you try to skip this phase - you’d have ‘what ifs’ in your mind that will haunt you for years...In that sense I think it is actually healthy way to close things up]

 

Yes, it is very common. However, I disagree that feeling it out is always the right answer. The only '"what if" I had after being involved in a disgraceful FWB situation with an ex was "what if I ended it earlier and spent the rest of the year happy, instead of fighting the inner pain and trying to convince myself I'm ok with this?".

[No_Go]

Yes, it is very common. However, I disagree that feeling it out is always the right answer. The only '"what if" I had after being involved in a disgraceful FWB situation with an ex was "what if I ended it earlier and spent the rest of the year happy, instead of fighting the inner pain and trying to convince myself I'm ok with this?".

 

I know very well what you mean - I just doubt that cutting it earlier would make you happier earlier. It is just a natural cycle that can't really be shortened, I've been hypervigilant to signs of heart break recovery in myself and usually there comes the magical time when it's over and no matter how I fight against it (by artificially trying to cut contact), it doesn't become shorter, t becomes worse. There is some research on this out there...

[LoverOfDance]

Here's the thing - I don't trust him. Not one bit. He has hurt me before. I trusted him and he hurt me. He didn't do it intentionally but he still broke me. I don't trust him with my heart or my body. He would have to go to extreme lengths to rebuild the trust I once had for him. I don't think he even realizes this.

 

Anyway, like I said before, at this point, I don't think I care what he does. Let him do whatever he thinks is best for him.

[elaine567]

Here's the thing - I don't trust him. Not one bit. He has hurt me before. I trusted him and he hurt me. He didn't do it intentionally but he still broke me. I don't trust him with my heart or my body. He would have to go to extreme lengths to rebuild the trust I once had for him. I don't think he even realizes this.

 

Anyway, like I said before, at this point, I don't think I care what he does. Let him do whatever he thinks is best for him.

 

So why don't you let go of him completely and start to rebuild your own life. Like many men offered a fwb arrangement he will keep taking as long as it is on offer and it suits him. It is about sex and only about sex. If he cared he would be locking you down, as it is he doesn't care who sleep with as long as he gets some.

Stop it dead.

 

I guess you could meet this wonderful/perfect guy tomorrow and you wouldn't even recognise how perfect he was, as you are still "attached" to your ex.

 

YOU will never successfully move on as long as he is in the picture.

Get rid now.

[ExpatInItaly]

Here's the thing - I don't trust him. Not one bit. He has hurt me before. I trusted him and he hurt me. He didn't do it intentionally but he still broke me. I don't trust him with my heart or my body. He would have to go to extreme lengths to rebuild the trust I once had for him. I don't think he even realizes this.

 

Anyway, like I said before, at this point, I don't think I care what he does. Let him do whatever he thinks is best for him.

 

And what about what is best for you?

 

To answer your earlier question, yes, I feel it would be best to cut contact. I don't think this is an open relationship in any sense, but rather exes who have sex sometimes. There is a significant difference, from my point of view, and you're setting yourself up to get hurt all over again.