Hiken Posted January 6, 2018 Posted January 6, 2018 Hi all! It might gona be a little longer post, but its important to know the details I guess. So at my work we had a new collegue 1 month ago whom I had to teach her for the work. We spent together ~40 hours in a few days. I liked her instantly but to the end of the 40 hours I fell into her. She didn't mention that she has a boyfriend so I decided that i've got balls and I told her that I might fell for her. (I haven't feel anything remotely close to anyone in my life until her) Then she told me that she has a boyfriend, but if it helps, she likes me too, she likes to talk with me, and be with me, and she also like my nerdy style, and she would like me. BUT she has a boyfriend since 3 months. During our talks she sent me mixed signals like "don't be depressed, im not married" or "how easy would be for me if she wouldnt have boyfriend". We've been talking for almost 1 month now, I asked her out a few times for a mutual program, not epsecially a date but a program to hang out together, but she did not give any positive or negative answers. So in the end i asked her Is there any chance we ever going to be more than friends, because i have to know whether there is light at the end of the tunnel or there is not. And is she OK with her current boyfriend, does she love him? She replied that it would be stupid to answer to that question, she does not want to hold anyone as a backup plan. And she is OK with her current boyfriend but shes been with him with only 3 months and its not enough for love ( to fell in love). But she doesn't say no either. I can't even sleep well since weeks, im dying inside every f****** day, i can't stop thinking about her, I can't resist to send messages or read hers on FB, I finally decided to let it go, and a few hours later I saw her in person and right on the damn moment when she opened her mouth i got goosebumps and any plans i had just went down the loo. I do realize that her situation is not easy too, to answer a Yes to a call from me is not on the table because she is a good girl. But the No is off the table too because she is really uncertain about the future. So her answer was morally correct. I do realize that we are not on the same emotion level, if she would be in love with me she would already have said yes to the programs. I see only two options Option A: let it go, which i am uncapable of, because if there is 1% chance they broke up in the near future, then i want to be there. Option B: wait, time works against me, and im crying inside every day. We only see each other like 5-6 times a month. We only see each other 5-6 times a month.
d0nnivain Posted January 6, 2018 Posted January 6, 2018 She likes her BF but she also likes the attention she's getting from you. She's keeping you interested but mostly at arm's length. You need to stop holding out hope & learn to be indifferent. If she really cared, she'd dump the BF for you. She's not doing that. Find somebody else to date, preferably not somebody you work with. Dating at work always has too many complications. 1
smackie9 Posted January 6, 2018 Posted January 6, 2018 Turn the tables and make her chase/wonder about you....meaning be aloof/distant. To be less available is to be more desirable. Stop being a sappy shelp because that makes you her doormat...and that is emasculating. Have the confidence to walk away and cut her off. Act like you don't care. 1
LilySun Posted January 6, 2018 Posted January 6, 2018 She has a BF she likes and she can't predict where it's going from here at this point. Waiting for her to free up isn't a good idea. Distance yourself and seek available girls to ask out. If she does become single anytime soon and you are still interested in each other, pursue it then. Leave it alone in the meantime. 1
Author Hiken Posted January 6, 2018 Author Posted January 6, 2018 Thank you for your advices. It is really hard to see straight in the situation but you are probably right, i think i've tried my best, if it wasnt enough for her then it pretty much says it all. Im going to change the plan to a distance keeping one now, if shes gona show any interest or asking about anything i'll probably just answer with a word or two not asking back anything. If its not gona happen then it wasnt worth it from the start. Maybe keeping distance will help me to not take the situation this seriously. But hell... Finding another girl would be a good idea but i am so picky like 1/500 whom i like and probably that one does not like me or something. Finding another girl after i met her, its like almost impossible because i think she is 10/10 in everything.
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