mortensorchid Posted January 5, 2018 Posted January 5, 2018 I got a phone call from someone today, we had been chatting through a dating website and over text messages. We seemed to hit it off, dare I say I even liked the guy somewhat. Or was starting to that is. We had a phone conversation tonight and agreed that at some point we were going to meet. How do I feel? My only hesitation at this point is that he sounded kind of ... Dumb. As in he sounded like he was not the sharpest tool in the shed. I've been with guys who were like him in the past, either because they had lower IQs or because they smoked a lot of pot, and they ended up resenting me. I don't know much about this guy save for that one phone call, I admit. He has a job (as a consultant), went to college and graduated, and ... I don't know much else other than those facts. Advice? Looking for some. Unfortunately my gut is telling me that this may not turn out well... 1
FilterCoffee Posted January 5, 2018 Posted January 5, 2018 I think you’re being a little to quick at judging him. What gave you the impression that he wasn’t the sharpest?
GemmaUK Posted January 5, 2018 Posted January 5, 2018 If you're not feeling it you're not obligated to meet him. This is what messages, texts, calls and first meets are all for - to see if you would want to go on a date or not. 4
Iseult Posted January 5, 2018 Posted January 5, 2018 I don't know much about this guy save for that one phone call, I admit Well obviously that's enough to judge a person so what are you worried about? 1
NuevoYorko Posted January 5, 2018 Posted January 5, 2018 Advice? Looking for some. Unfortunately my gut is telling me that this may not turn out well... Um ... don't meet him. You don't like him. 3
Gaeta Posted January 5, 2018 Posted January 5, 2018 The night I met my ex-husband I didn't want to go out, my friends forced me into going to a club. My second long-term ex I met because I was bored and had nothing else to do, I was also disappointed some guy had dumped me. We hit it off and were together 4 years Last boyfriend I almost cancelled on him. I was all dressed up ready to go meet him and suddenly felt *why do I bother it never works*, we hit it off. My current boyfriend, on my way to our first coffee, I was certain I would not like him as he had sent me the ugliest pictures of him. I asked him later on what the heck he was thinking sending me these pics lol. We've been dating 2 years. GO MEET HIM. Stop getting in the way of destiny. Get out, go meet him. How do you want LIFE to put someone on your path if you keep blocking life from happening. 2
hippychick3 Posted January 5, 2018 Posted January 5, 2018 If you’re not sure, then just meet for a coffee for 30 min. Then you can decide if you want a date with him. But if you’re going to meet him, do it as soon as possible so you don’t waste any more time texting and talking with someone you may not like in person. 1
RecentChange Posted January 5, 2018 Posted January 5, 2018 I kinda agree with Graeta go meet him.... On the other hand, smarts is my #1 first requirement. I won't suffer a fool..... But that is just me (and personally I think it's often easy to suss out over text / email).
ThisisIt606 Posted January 5, 2018 Posted January 5, 2018 A phone call is a good way to get a feel for someone. Think of job interviews... you first have a phone screen and if employers like what they hear you will be invited for an in person interview. In your case, you didn't like what you heard. Would you be able to stand an in person convo with him based on your phone preview? I'm not sure if he sounded dumb by the actual comments he made or the tone of his voice didn't please you (perhaps lots of ummms, ahhhs, talking too slow, etc). or maybe it was a combo. Texting and phone calls is a good way of weeding out people and telling if you want to really spend you valuable time with them. I used to struggle with this saying yes to nearly every date as a small part of me thought, "but what if!!" feeling the need not to leave any stone unturned to maximize the changes of meeting someone good. Many dates, annoyances, pain, and aggravation later, I've learned to listen that the inner voice I've been fighting. Most of the time, my first reaction based on about 5 things the guy does is correct. It proves to myself he is not for me. 1
smackie9 Posted January 5, 2018 Posted January 5, 2018 I get it we have dating veterans here that don't/didn't mind throwing caution into the wind and go on many/multiple dates. BUT if you feel your time is precious, and your new strategy this year is to not waste your time on a bunch of crappy dates, then don't bother....It all depends on YOU, your personality, your expectations, how YOU feel......follow your gut. 1
NuevoYorko Posted January 5, 2018 Posted January 5, 2018 GO MEET HIM. Generally I would agree with your post, but the OP thinks he sounds dumb. That is quite a judgement to make based on a phone call. She needs to date a man she doesn't think sounds dumb, and he needs to meet women who aren't going into it already thinking he's dumb. If she were to have withheld judgement and just thrown caution to the wind that would be a different story. OP has a history of disappointments in dating. Ignoring her own gut feelings is unlikely to serve her well. 2
smackie9 Posted January 5, 2018 Posted January 5, 2018 I'm guess you don't trust your decisions these days? and that's why you are here to confirm things? Confidence/trust your gut is your answer.
Author mortensorchid Posted January 6, 2018 Author Posted January 6, 2018 I will meet him should it come up. I will not have this defeatist mentality. I will try.
SevenCity Posted January 6, 2018 Posted January 6, 2018 If you were a guy (who has less options in general but especially on OLD) I would say go because you might get sex out of it (happened to me several times). But, considering your posts I would just wait for someone who you are excited to meet. You will have no shortage of suitors as a woman on OLD. Going on a date that has failure written all over it will do nothing for you but further depress you.
NuevoYorko Posted January 6, 2018 Posted January 6, 2018 If you were a guy (who has less options in general but especially on OLD) I would say go because you might get sex out of it (happened to me several times). I don't think that the OP is interested in hanging around with a dumb man so she can "get sex out of it." As a man, I'm not interested in spending time with a dumb woman so I can "get sex out of it." Why would anyone do that. 1
SevenCity Posted January 6, 2018 Posted January 6, 2018 I don't think that the OP is interested in hanging around with a dumb man so she can "get sex out of it." As a man, I'm not interested in spending time with a dumb woman so I can "get sex out of it." Why would anyone do that. Ummm...for sex?
NuevoYorko Posted January 6, 2018 Posted January 6, 2018 Ummm...for sex? My go-to approach is to have sex with women I like being around. Works for me. 1
rightondude Posted January 6, 2018 Posted January 6, 2018 depends, have you got any better options than going and meeting this dude? If the answer is NO, then why not meet up and see how it goes? Beats sitting at home watching reruns of Night Court or something
Author mortensorchid Posted January 8, 2018 Author Posted January 8, 2018 Well ... I haven't heard from him in 24 hours now, almost 48. I think the trail is going cold. If I haven't heard anything by tomorrow night I will move on. Probably no harm no foul ...
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