Mjm1014 Posted January 5, 2018 Posted January 5, 2018 (edited) I've been dating my girlfriend for a couple months now, and overall we have a great relationship. We are both in our early 30's and are both very career driven. For awhile, shes talked about becoming a travel nurse which would mean she would be gone 3 months at a time (opposite side of the country), home a few weeks then travel another 3 months to a different location..until recently she's dropped the subject until today and she's thinking about persuing it again. She told me she wouldn't have to make a decision for another 4-6 months though. I want to be supportive of her, but at the same time I do not want a long distance relationship (I'm looking to setting soon/get married/have kids since I'm going to be 31), but she doesn't share the same feelings. She told me she isn't looking to have kids for another 5-6 years (she will be very late 30s by then), and told me there's no rush on her end and if she leaves we would make it work. She also said she's extremely afraid of making the wrong decision and doesn't want to lose me, and if she's in love with me by the time she has to make a decision she won't go, but right now she feels 50/50 if she will take the job. Here's my delema, I don't want to waste precious time at this point in my life for her to end up leaving me 6 months from now-and she seems kind of set on it..at the same time, I don't want to end things pre-maturely, and I don't want her to base her dreams/decision on me. How do I handle this? Should we just take things slower until then? I feel like her and I may be on two separate paths where I want to get serious, and she's still working on her career, and not ready for things to get more serious. Comment/opinions, thanks Edited January 5, 2018 by Mjm1014
mortensorchid Posted January 5, 2018 Posted January 5, 2018 I wish there was something all purpose I could tell you or anyone else with these questions. I promise you that if I had the answer I would tell you or anyone else who asks these questions. But I don't have THE ANSWER. You might as well ask what the meaning of life is while you're at it. With that being said, this is what I have to say about this situation - and this is something you have to take seriously as you seem to want to take these things seriously... LTRs are difficult things, no question. There must be give and take in the situation, no question. Sit down and have a serious conversation with her about this and tell her that there will be no wishy washy answers here, you have to have an answer about things. (What are your career goals? Are you going to have a geographic location in mind? Do you want to get married and/or have children? etc.) These are serious questions we need to answer. A lot of people avoid them, don't know how to deal with these things once they are asked, refuse to communicate, etc. If her answers do not match up to yours, then you have your answer. It will be painful to hear these things, but it's necessary to do so now rather than later. Good luck. I hope she gives you the answers that you want to hear. Otherwise, you're going to be breaking up soon. 1
basil67 Posted January 5, 2018 Posted January 5, 2018 Mjm, no way would I do an LDR like this. I totally hear you. But even if her plans were cancelled and she stayed around, her baby timeline is way different to yours. Not to mention that she's talking about leaving it so late that fertility issues are a real possibility. If you want a family while you're still youngish, she's not your person. 3
JS84 Posted January 5, 2018 Posted January 5, 2018 (edited) You two don't sound compatible and have different life goals. You've only been dating a couple of months so you aren't as emotionally invested as you could be if you drag things out. I've done travel nursing myself and if that's something she really wants to go into for the next several years you might as well move on. She can find work in the US anywhere pretty much anytime. Not saying the relationship would be impossible, but it would be unlikely to work. As much as you like her, that's not enough to sustain a relationship in itself. Find someone who is looking for something similar to you. Or is at least open to it. Edited January 5, 2018 by JS84 2
Popsicle Posted January 5, 2018 Posted January 5, 2018 At only 2 months in you don’t really have the foundation to make her stay. Unfortunate timing. Even tho I think she’s making a big mistake in deliberately putting off having kids until she’s late 30’s. 1
ChatroomHero Posted January 5, 2018 Posted January 5, 2018 "She also said she's extremely afraid of making the wrong decision and doesn't want to lose me, and if she's in love with me by the time she has to make a decision she won't go, but right now she feels 50/50 if she will take the job." Sounds like you are on different time lines and different paths. How you phrased the quote above made it sound like she is really 50/50 on you which is understandable after 2 months, but by the time she has to make the decision there might not be enough time for her to decide to go "all-in" on you. For me it would be kind of weird trying to date her for another 4-5 months waiting for the other shoe to drop...or not. Since you are not too invested yet I don't think I would want the stress of hanging around with the pressure of trying to impress her enough in a few months to make her change her life goals. I'd respectfully back off until she makes her decision one way or the other. 1
BaileyB Posted January 5, 2018 Posted January 5, 2018 Mjm, no way would I do an LDR like this. I totally hear you. But even if her plans were cancelled and she stayed around, her baby timeline is way different to yours. Not to mention that she's talking about leaving it so late that fertility issues are a real possibility. If you want a family while you're still youngish, she's not your person. This. You need to have a hard discussion with her and tell her that you are not interested in a long distance relationship, and you do not want to wait 5-6 years to have kids. It's too late. 1
Author Mjm1014 Posted January 6, 2018 Author Posted January 6, 2018 Thanks everyone for the responses..I know I need to do a lot of soul searching..I know there really isn’t an an answer since no one can tell the future but was looking for input. I’m going to be taking a gamble whether I stick it out or end it
Iseult Posted January 6, 2018 Posted January 6, 2018 if she's in love with me by the time she has to make a decision she won't go Simple. Make her fall in love with you before she goes. Chop chop.
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