Leojax Posted January 4, 2018 Posted January 4, 2018 So I was the dumper about 3 months ago. I wanted to stay but felt like I couldn't because we had a lot of issues. It definitely wasn't because I fell out of love. We're still friends on social media. I'll like her posts (not her selfies though) and will look at her her instastory. I admit I was all over her instastory the first month/1.5 months after the breakup, but now I don't look as much. On NYE after midnight I couldn't help it I guess and ended up checking her stuff. I was worried and curious about who she was with, what she was doing, etc. So I looked her instastory from that morning all the way up until that night. I looked at her stuff the day before. I don't I guess it's weird that I'm worried about this kind of stuff still right? Have any other dumpers on here gone through this-still worried about who she is with and what she's doing?
d0nnivain Posted January 4, 2018 Posted January 4, 2018 Every so often I have bouts of nostalgia about lots of people from my past . . . kind of a where are they now? I never broke up with somebody in the age of social media. It's probably hard not to just check but I'd be hard pressed to stay "friends" with them. Since I never truly wished any EX serious ill will (although there was one I hope for every trivial bad thing to happen -- phone rings when you get in the shower; miss elevators; run out of coffee in morning etc) I suppose I always hoped the other person was doing OK after the end of the relationship. There's a difference between not wishing them ill & wanting them back. 1
HumanMachine Posted January 4, 2018 Posted January 4, 2018 What are you going to do when she eventually posts something with another guy?
amaysngrace Posted January 4, 2018 Posted January 4, 2018 stalk her bitmoji instead...it'll soften the blow 1
Author Leojax Posted January 4, 2018 Author Posted January 4, 2018 stalk her bitmoji instead...it'll soften the blow Lmao will do.
Author Leojax Posted January 4, 2018 Author Posted January 4, 2018 Every so often I have bouts of nostalgia about lots of people from my past . . . kind of a where are they now? I never broke up with somebody in the age of social media. It's probably hard not to just check but I'd be hard pressed to stay "friends" with them. Since I never truly wished any EX serious ill will (although there was one I hope for every trivial bad thing to happen -- phone rings when you get in the shower; miss elevators; run out of coffee in morning etc) I suppose I always hoped the other person was doing OK after the end of the relationship. There's a difference between not wishing them ill & wanting them back. Yea I have been curious about what my ex’s are up to as well. Just pure curiosity. This is a little different though. I was kind of seeing if she had someone new because I’m worried. The others from my past I’ll just look, but I’m not worried. I don’t know. I told her after the breakup that I was having a hard time. This is just a new feeling for me a guess.
anonymousbear00101100 Posted January 4, 2018 Posted January 4, 2018 What are you going to do when she eventually posts something with another guy? Someone on here once told me during my first breakup not to look until you could see a post from your ex kissing a new SO. You don't know what they're up to or what they might be posting, so its best to just not know and eventually you won't care. For me, that type of "I have to look now" feeling comes and goes. If I start feeling that way I just have to remind myself to focus on something different, and a few minutes later I won't care. If you need to unfollow or block them on social media for a while do it. That's not to say one day down the road you can't follow them back, but healing is about doing what you need to do in the present.
Gr8fuln2020 Posted January 4, 2018 Posted January 4, 2018 I hope my ex is okay. I hope she truly is moving on and healed as she claims. But I have no interest in know or seeing what she is doing. It serves me NO good to do so.
Author Leojax Posted January 4, 2018 Author Posted January 4, 2018 I hope my ex is okay. I hope she truly is moving on and healed as she claims. But I have no interest in know or seeing what she is doing. It serves me NO good to do so. So you're indifferent about who she is with or what she is doing? As I said to donnivan, I think this is a little different though. I was kind of seeing if she had someone new because I’m worried. The others from my past I’ll just look, but I’m not worried. I don’t know. I told her after the breakup that I was having a hard time. This is just a new feeling for me a guess
Gr8fuln2020 Posted January 4, 2018 Posted January 4, 2018 So you're indifferent about who she is with or what she is doing? As I said to donnivan, I think this is a little different though. I was kind of seeing if she had someone new because I’m worried. The others from my past I’ll just look, but I’m not worried. I don’t know. I told her after the breakup that I was having a hard time. This is just a new feeling for me a guess So, you still have feelings for her? You are worried or jealous? I still have some feelings for my ex as well, but I know that we were not meant to be. It is better this way. Worried? Yes, a little, but that is based on her past, even long before me. I have no control over that. In fact, it was b/c of her past that we ended up separate.
Author Leojax Posted January 4, 2018 Author Posted January 4, 2018 So, you still have feelings for her? You are worried or jealous? I still have some feelings for my ex as well, but I know that we were not meant to be. It is better this way. Worried? Yes, a little, but that is based on her past, even long before me. I have no control over that. In fact, it was b/c of her past that we ended up separate. Let me put it this way. I didn’t really want to break up. I even told her that I wanted to stay but we just had issues. I never fell out of love or didn’t actually want to be apart.
Gr8fuln2020 Posted January 4, 2018 Posted January 4, 2018 Let me put it this way. I didn’t really want to break up. I even told her that I wanted to stay but we just had issues. I never fell out of love or didn’t actually want to be apart. Ah, so this changes the dynamics of your behavior and the true motivation for your post, right? You are not worried for her, you are worried that she has moved on w/o you and now you have this desire to monitor what she is doing. Am I correct? I was under the impression that you had genuine concern for her well-being. My bad. To be honest, YOU dumped her for reasons that you thought were legit at the time. Are you saying that they were not?
Author Leojax Posted January 4, 2018 Author Posted January 4, 2018 Ah, so this changes the dynamics of your behavior and the true motivation for your post, right? You are not worried for her, you are worried that she has moved on w/o you and now you have this desire to monitor what she is doing. Am I correct? I was under the impression that you had genuine concern for her well-being. My bad. To be honest, YOU dumped her for reasons that you thought were legit at the time. Are you saying that they were not? That's exactly it. Well technically she dumped me. She tried to get back together a week later. I allowed her to come over and we talked for about an hour but then I told her I moved on and was happy (so this now makes me the dumper right?). She just said okay and left. That's when I sent her like 6-8 messages within 24 hrs. I was telling her how her breaking up with me just messed with me. How we had a host of issues. How I wanted to stay but felt like I couldn't. Then days later or a week later I told her this was hard for me.
yaya1289 Posted January 4, 2018 Posted January 4, 2018 My recent ex kept doing this to me. From the dumpees perspective it used to bother me that he’d view all my stories and occasionally like my posts (we aren’t following each other) It at first gave me false hope, given he dumped me yet still said he loved me. It caused a great amount of stress for me and came off as wishy-washy behavior as well as callous. I shut down my instagram just to force the distance. Not saying your ex feels like me but I personally was annoyed. In my case however im sure he’s not worried about me or that i ended up in counseling because of how he went about things. My ex was a real cold hearted jerk and I pray for his sake he changes for the better...im not holding my breath though. You are a good person. Your worry is well meaning but be prepared to see her move on. In my case im grateful my ex let me go, I couldn’t possibly want to be with someone capable of hurting a human that way.
Author Leojax Posted January 4, 2018 Author Posted January 4, 2018 My recent ex kept doing this to me. From the dumpees perspective it used to bother me that he’d view all my stories and occasionally like my posts (we aren’t following each other) It at first gave me false hope, given he dumped me yet still said he loved me. It caused a great amount of stress for me and came off as wishy-washy behavior as well as callous. I shut down my instagram just to force the distance. Not saying your ex feels like me but I personally was annoyed. In my case however im sure he’s not worried about me or that i ended up in counseling because of how he went about things. My ex was a real cold hearted jerk and I pray for his sake he changes for the better...im not holding my breath though. You are a good person. Your worry is well meaning but be prepared to see her move on. In my case im grateful my ex let me go, I couldn’t possibly want to be with someone capable of hurting a human that way. Sorry to hear that. Did you ever hear from your ex again? I'm not sure about the details of your relationship, but this girl was the first person I truly thought about marriage with it. I thought about our kids and what our house would be like. I've never loved anyone like I loved her. I think my last few updates with SimpleNfit will give you a better insight of my situation.
yaya1289 Posted January 4, 2018 Posted January 4, 2018 Ah I see. I can relate to your ex. There were times I’d break up with my now ex (i was petrified of getting hurt) and he wouldn’t allow the break up to unfold. I used to tell him but i don’t think he truly understood how afraid i was. I originally started this account when my bipolar ex fiancé through me out of our home while I was pregnant. As you see after living that, trusting is hard! On our final moments our break up was very similar to how yours went. I initiated and quickly back tracked as anger got the best of me, he then agreed to the break up. What ensued after was the cruel wish washy behavior. He drove me crazy for days. There is a little more to the story where he truly hurt me beyond words but it is too personal and i rather not discuss it on an online forum. I do however own my mistakes and understand i hurt him too but the callous behavior was uncalled for. He tried to contact me via text after i told to please let me go and stop visiting my IG page. It’s not like he wanted to reconcile with me. I blocked after sending my text. A few days later he then tried to send me the screenshot via Instagram, i ignored. Im still not sure what was the point of that last breadcrumb but im not dwelling on it. I am sure my ex probably felt like you, I am not sure what were your exes reasons for breaking up with you in the first place. Did she have her reasons? For me it was sheer panic. He was also much younger than me and i felt he could do better. I pushed to protect me. We were both guilty of things in the relationship.
Emmafive Posted January 5, 2018 Posted January 5, 2018 I've never really worried about who they were with or what they were doing after a breakup, unless I still wanted them. You OP sound like you may still want your ex.
Author Leojax Posted January 7, 2018 Author Posted January 7, 2018 I've never really worried about who they were with or what they were doing after a breakup, unless I still wanted them. You OP sound like you may still want your ex. Yea I think you’re right.
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