I can't stop my jealousy

[BeckyF]

I just wish he loved me like I loved him. I saw into his soul, I saw the real him, I loved him with every ounce of me. I don't think this is the real him and he'll come to realize that soon enough. But it's too late, I don't play second best to anyone.

[FilterCoffee]

I don't play second best to anyone.

 

And neither should you. But I disagree when you say that this is not him. Him leaving you on a whim IS him. You probably knew other aspects of his character but not this one. It takes 2 strong minds to make a long term relationship work and he didn't have it. I'm sure there were guys hitting on you while you two were dating but did that distract you? No, because you didn't let it.

 

I know you're feeling like crap now but what's done is done. Stay strong, and you'll be back on your feet in no time.

[smackie9]

This isn't the first time I have heard/seen this type of situation. Not just men, but women too! My friend lost a bunch of weight and left her relationship to seek out other conquests. To her dismay the guys weren't knocking her door down. Yes there are different results, but the attitude is still the same..."I'm all that and a bag of chips now."

 

OP I am so sorry this has happened to you...I actually had faith that this would pass and things would setting down. The thing is, he's been a chained up dog for most of his life. And like a dog, he saw the gate was open. He saw opportunity to run away.

 

You got totally shafted,...... all the love, care, and effort you put into him and the relationship. Makes me wonder, when he will finally clue into how selfish, self centered he was....possibly feel any kind of guilt? I think karma will be taking care of his future.

 

I hope your healing is swift, and receive much happiness in you life soon. Maybe join our little community here and offer others advice

[Space Ritual]

OP.

 

Frankly i don't see a real answer to your situation that I could give that will be satisfactory.

 

Your BF now is experiencing what he never experienced before due to his weight. That in and of itself is kind of a no win situation for you. When newfound hotness happens, the ego boost that comes along with it is pretty insurmountable by anyone.

 

He isn't quite that naive...he knows he is getting hit on...and he probably likes it. If you go most of your life being overlooked or mocked, then when the opposite happens its kind of like a Rubicon you'll ever be able to cross back from.

 

I'm sorry, I know it must be defeating for you, but there really isn't any thing that can be done t rectify it other than accepting it or don't.

 

So at least now you understand the dynamic of the instant ego boost in a male...we have very fragile egos..I am afraid he will ride this for all it's worth until you are finally left in the dust. He won't even realize it at first as the swell over his newfound boost will be too powerful for him to come down off of.

 

I wish I had better opinion about it, but in reading here at LS for close to a decade, his need for instant validation will eventually top anything you do to attempt to dial him down. It is perhaps as powerful a drug as you can get...validation, that is. The Lion's share of affairs and infidelity stories that are found on LS start out with the validation from someone other than our spouse or S.O. that end up in a vortex of really preventable drama.

 

My suggestion would be for you to really weigh risk/reward of continuing the relationship. It is not your fault this happened. It is just one of those things that are resolved by unintended consequences,which you are discovering right now.

 

Good Luck.

[mortensorchid]

Now that you mention it, this did happen to me once. At least partially it did. I was with someone in a LDR, I proceeded to loose 40 lbs in the time I was with him. He held it over my head that if I didn't quit smoking and loose weight it wasn't going to be a permanent set up. After I had dropped about 30 of the 40 I would loose and had quit for about 6 weeks, he was furious with me. It took me too long to do it according to him. I don't think that holds much water with me now. I think I showed him I could do it and he had to pay it forward and he didn't want to pay it forward, he thought he was better than me and had to prove it somehow, and he had to mistreat me (in other ways) so that he could feel better about himself. I'll tell what happened to him in another thread, karma was a real b**** to him.

 

So yes, it can and does happen to others. But I think you should get past this as he's enjoying his success rather than his failure and you should be happy for him.