Is carrying on a relationship from HS into college fine?

[Hokuto]

So, when I was a senior in HS, I started dating a girl who was a sophomore( I was 17/18 and she was 16) and it worked out pretty well. We continued on from HS into college and know I'm a sophomore and she's a senior. I'm going to turn 20 and was wondering, is this relationship considered common/fine? I always hear about creepy guys in their 20's going after HS girls and I don't want to be lumped into that category. I'm wondering if it's acceptable because just because people are happy doesn't make it necessarily alright

[d0nnivain]

It's unusual because many HS relationships falter once one person gets a taste of the broader world beyond HS but you turning 20 doesn't make you creepy. It may make you less inclined to want to go to her senior prom this spring but it's not bad or strange even if you go to the dance.

[somanymistakes]

You were already a couple, it's not creepy, it's not like you are intentionally trawling high schools now looking for new dates.

 

It can be difficult for a relationship to survive that transition though, because people often change a lot when they leave home for the first time and start trying to figure out who they really are. Especially if you end up going to different colleges and mixing with totally different crowds.

 

And many people break up with their high school loves just beacuse they start thinking 'Well, there's so much else out there, I don't want to be tied down and miss the chance to get with someone even better!' try to avoid thinking that way because it can lead you to make terrible mistakes

[Michelle ma Belle]

My son is in this same situation and it seems to be working just fine. Then again, they are both attending schools in the same city. Had they been separated, my son already said he wouldn't have wanted to continue on because it wouldn't have been fair to either of them. He didn't want a weekend girlfriend or be a weekend boyfriend. Living in the same city makes seeing each other and dating easier no matter your academic endeavors.

[kgcolonel]

No, it's not creepy but not healthy either. Look at it this way (I did the same thing myself).

 

Your girlfriend has been attending HS all these years not able to do the things a typical HS student does. Walk the halls with their SO, go to HS events with SO etc etc. And...you have not been able to do the typical College things that come with college i.e. parties with a SO "study buddies" etc.

 

HS and College are times to grow and experience things that are unique to each other. By holding on to her, you both have missed are missing very important things in life and in growing up.

 

As i said earlier I did this same thing...looking back, I cheated her from homecoming experiences (yes I came home on the weekend to take her to the dance but that is only part of it).

 

You on the other hand are also missing out on exploring new friends your own age and doing things, age appropriate with your college friends.

 

Both of you are more or less trying to keep one foot in two boats so to speak. This is from a personal experience.

[somanymistakes]

But also from personal experience, dumping someone you love just because you feel "well what about the POSSIBLE important experiences I MIGHT have"? can ruin your life. You will never get back the untroubled relationship you had before you threw it away.

 

Every choice we make rules out other choices. Break up because you're actually unhappy, not because you're obsessed with all the things you MIGHT be missing out on.

[Hokuto]

It's unusual because many HS relationships falter once one person gets a taste of the broader world beyond HS but you turning 20 doesn't make you creepy. It may make you less inclined to want to go to her senior prom this spring but it's not bad or strange even if you go to the dance.

 

Am I less inclined to prom because I'm 20 or in college? Would me being 19 change anything?

[Hokuto]

No, it's not creepy but not healthy either. Look at it this way (I did the same thing myself).

 

Your girlfriend has been attending HS all these years not able to do the things a typical HS student does. Walk the halls with their SO, go to HS events with SO etc etc. And...you have not been able to do the typical College things that come with college i.e. parties with a SO "study buddies" etc.

 

HS and College are times to grow and experience things that are unique to each other. By holding on to her, you both have missed are missing very important things in life and in growing up.

 

As i said earlier I did this same thing...looking back, I cheated her from homecoming experiences (yes I came home on the weekend to take her to the dance but that is only part of it).

 

You on the other hand are also missing out on exploring new friends your own age and doing things, age appropriate with your college friends.

 

Both of you are more or less trying to keep one foot in two boats so to speak. This is from a personal experience.

 

If I was a freshman and she was a senior, would it still be unhealthy?

[jjgitties]

I don't think there is anything wrong with it. You met in HS and were dating before you went on out of HS. Why are you thinking or dwelling in this? Are you looking for a reason to break up with her?

[road]

You were already a couple, it's not creepy, it's not like you are intentionally trawling high schools now looking for new dates.

 

It can be difficult for a relationship to survive that transition though, because people often change a lot when they leave home for the first time and start trying to figure out who they really are. Especially if you end up going to different colleges and mixing with totally different crowds.

 

And many people break up with their high school loves just beacuse they start thinking 'Well, there's so much else out there, I don't want to be tied down and miss the chance to get with someone even better!' try to avoid thinking that way because it can lead you to make terrible mistakes

 

I don't think there is anything wrong with it. You met in HS and were dating before you went on out of HS. Why are you thinking or dwelling in this? Are you looking for a reason to break up with her?

 

I see it as fine.

 

You were not looking to date a HS student as a college student.

 

You are continuing a relationship that started in HS.

[kgcolonel]

If I was a freshman and she was a senior, would it still be unhealthy?

 

Yes in that you are entering a new phase of your life and keeping her attached is preventing her from having the same experiences you had during this time in your life.

 

If you skip a phase of growth in your life, there will be a void that can't be replaced in a healthy way.

 

One doesn't need to necessarily see this as a bad thing but a positive in that you don't go from 1st base in baseball to 3rd without touching 2nd....you can maintain a relationship but not in a limiting fashion that prohibits experiences in important phases of life.

[somanymistakes]

If you skip a phase of growth in your life, there will be a void that can't be replaced in a healthy way.

 

So, failing to be single during your freshman year of college is an unhealthy void and a phase of life that can never be fixed?

 

I think you need to write me out a roadmap of all the phases in life and exactly what I was supposed to do at each one of them.

 

Do you know, some people chose not to attend prom in high school? Do you know that some people attended schools that don't even have 'homecoming'? What were their parents thinking, allowing their children to be crippled for life like that?

[d0nnivain]

Am I less inclined to prom because I'm 20 or in college? Would me being 19 change anything?

 

Inclined means your desire to attend.

 

At 20 I'd feel dumb at a HS event but if you love her & want her night to be romantic, go, assuming she asks you.

 

None of this is about what we want. It's all about how you feel about your GF

[GunslingerRoland]

You are only a year or so different, it's not a big deal. It's not unusual at all for girls by their last year of high school to be dating guys that are past high school.

 

And it's also not unusual for high school couples to stay together for a long time, a large percentage of the couples I know started dating around that age.

[kgcolonel]

So, failing to be single during your freshman year of college is an unhealthy void and a phase of life that can never be fixed?

 

I think you need to write me out a roadmap of all the phases in life and exactly what I was supposed to do at each one of them.

 

Do you know, some people chose not to attend prom in high school? Do you know that some people attended schools that don't even have 'homecoming'? What were their parents thinking, allowing their children to be crippled for life like that?

 

 

Not what I said...quote me if you like but be accurate....have relationships but on an age appropriate level. Dating in college hopefully is different than in high school....one learns to make age appropriate decisions in age appropriate situations. He will be looking for a college phase of dating while she is still in HS. Would you want your D dating a college Soph or Jr? Emotionally, she has not had the chance to make college aged decisions not having completed HS and entering College.

 

I respect your opinion and if you'd be good with your daughter going to a frat party or the like, good....personally having lived this situation, I can see that my former GF was deprived of the experiences HS brings a child.

[Hokuto]

Inclined means your desire to attend.

 

At 20 I'd feel dumb at a HS event but if you love her & want her night to be romantic, go, assuming she asks you.

 

None of this is about what we want. It's all about how you feel about your GF

 

At 19, how would you feel if you don't mind me asking?

[snowboy91]

So, when I was a senior in HS, I started dating a girl who was a sophomore( I was 17/18 and she was 16) and it worked out pretty well. We continued on from HS into college and know I'm a sophomore and she's a senior. I'm going to turn 20 and was wondering, is this relationship considered common/fine? I always hear about creepy guys in their 20's going after HS girls and I don't want to be lumped into that category. I'm wondering if it's acceptable because just because people are happy doesn't make it necessarily alright

 

The bit in bold confuses me. When it comes to relationships, if everyone is happy then how is it not OK?

 

More generally, even when I was in high school a 2 year age gap was generally considered acceptable. There might be jokes about "liking the young ones" if a 17yo dated a 15yo but it was just that, with no real judgement.

 

As for transitioning out of high school and into college (I'd say university... should learn American terms!) one person is going through a phase of growth that the other is not, and could potentially create differences that could put a strain on the relationship. But if it that does become a problem, you will feel it. Don't stress about others' perceptions, consider your (and her) feelings.

[Hokuto]

The bit in bold confuses me. When it comes to relationships, if everyone is happy then how is it not OK?

 

More generally, even when I was in high school a 2 year age gap was generally considered acceptable. There might be jokes about "liking the young ones" if a 17yo dated a 15yo but it was just that, with no real judgement.

 

As for transitioning out of high school and into college (I'd say university... should learn American terms!) one person is going through a phase of growth that the other is not, and could potentially create differences that could put a strain on the relationship. But if it that does become a problem, you will feel it. Don't stress about others' perceptions, consider your (and her) feelings.

 

3 years, like senior and freshmen was pushing it, right?

[d0nnivain]

At 19, how would you feel if you don't mind me asking?

 

 

The age doesn't matter. The ONLY Thing that matters is how you feel about your GF. If you care about her & she wants to go to some event at her HS, you go. You do it for her.