Angel29 Posted January 2, 2018 Posted January 2, 2018 I confessed my feelings to a guy in my hiking group 2 months ago which his response was he said he 'led me on' but he kept staring at me at a party weeks later. I have avoided bumping into him for the past 7 weeks which has been fine but mutual friends keep mentioning him to me or they laugh and say they found out he was the guy I liked. I have seen photos posted by a friend on social media of him cosy with a woman on New Years which he is entitled to do so but it made me feel sick. I want to move on but these 'friends' keep talking about him to me.
Frostedflake Posted January 2, 2018 Posted January 2, 2018 Tell'em to knock it off. A good group of friends would respect that it's making you uncomfortable and stop when told. 1
rightondude Posted January 2, 2018 Posted January 2, 2018 I'd say "yeah I wish it had worked out different, kinda bummed about it actually" and if they continue on, your friends are some real jerks. 4
maxi105 Posted January 4, 2018 Posted January 4, 2018 Ah Angel, im sorry to hear that. It takes courage to admit to someone that you like them, especially if you are shy or sensitive etc...so to have that thrown back at you by your friends (and I use that in a way that says - sometimes you don't always know the people you think they do); kind of way. look, its happened now, if it were me I'd get back in touch with the guy and say im really sorry I made a mistake and leave it there with him, im sure if he is a decent person he will accept that and as he's already said that he lead you on then he does have some ethics and sense of duty for your feelings and has maybe thought about how you felt so is apologising. it might also be that he hasn't actually lead you on (maybe it was mutual or he was using you not realising how sensitive maybe you felt or were open to being with him) - either way if he didn't lead you on but is saying that he did it may be that he knows how others have reacted to this. What kind of people are you letting into your life? are they old friends, trusted friends before this situation or are they gossips, immature, envious of you a bit or just like to see others fall on their faces? maybe you need to ask yourself what it is that you get from these people, do they give support to you in other areas...only you know this. but this is something small in relation to the worlds troubles, but still important for you at this time so yes, it has and is VERY EMBARRASING FOR YOU IM SURE, but it "WILL" pass in time - if or when your friends grow up a little! what I mean by saying this is small is, if something more serious but personal was discovered would they still be gossiping about you in this nasty way? its unfeeling at best of them; but you have to have people around you that you feel you can talk about stuff at times without it being broadcast to everyone, if you are concerned by this may be the new year is a time you should at least contemplate seeking new friends, if not perminantly (if they are ok people) but certainly to meet other needs or areas in your life. this kind of thing is no good for your self-esteem or you r reputation and people like this can do damage on a larger scale without even realizing it. social media and the way people handle personal subjects needs trust, respect and care - and if you don't feel you have this then maybe you need to move on. I think the friend who posted the picture of him with another woman all cosy needs to go!!!!! I don't often say things so surely and I could be very wrong and you can tell me hey you got it wrong maxi we are old friends, but I feel this person is getting off on what they suspect/know and are trying to use or rope others into the situation to keep this thing going.....however you look at it, long friend or not, there are traces of bullying there!!!!!! the next thing it might be worth doing is telling them all that you spoke to the guy and its all cool, you know he is with someone so get off your back. if after that they still are mocking you - then really, if it was me, id get shot of the lot of them! you don't need people like this in your life. its a sign that they have seen weakness and that they will go for you again in another areas if they get a chance. if they are good friends or you don't want to lose them, then don't talk about this with them, if they offer to go out don't go with them, go with others you know or walk off - and more importantly KEEP AWAY FROM THIER FB PAGES OR SNAP CHATS OR WHATEVER MEDIA YOU ALL USE...it'll grind you down (and I suspect that is exactly what these immature insecure and thoughtless people want to see), if they are friends they will apologise and come to you in sincerity...but don't go chasing them to hang around with, they are looking for someone to fill time in their boring lives (and probably use the pub, the same mates and social media to keep talking about the same boring things and moaning or mocking the same people/situations or on-line videos because they don't have the intelligence to respect your feelings or live a life that isn't like something off a reality tv show). emotional intelligence is somthting they don't sound like they have! as for the hiking situation, Its probably the result of spending concentrated time in someones company and talking, opening up and being happy in nature - so don't blame yourself there, get you r boots on and get back into what you enjoy doing. if he is there then you say hi and go walking with someone you get on with, who is good company and you don't have to have the awkwardness of it all. but I think if you can talk to him first or drop a text or whatever, hopefully a lot of your discomfort will ease because HE IS THE SORCE OF YOUR DISCOMFORT. hope that helps you. VERY BEST OF LUCK WITH THIS....IT WILL DIE DOWN SOON I PROMISE- and when the warmer weather comes, you will see this situation for what it really was. ok, I gotta make for the hills now myself! see ya. XXXXXXX Maxi
Mystyry Posted January 4, 2018 Posted January 4, 2018 You are right to use quotes to describe these “friends”. Spend less time with them, they do not seem to have your interests at heart. Or explain to them that you are ready to be done with these conversations, and if they don’t respect that, you have your answer. 1
Arieswoman Posted January 4, 2018 Posted January 4, 2018 Angel29, Are your "friends" fresh out of high school and have too much time on their hands? It seems to me they need to grow up. You told this guy you liked him, he didn't reciprocate, so end of story. It's a bummer I know but you need to hold your head high and carry on as if nothing's happened. If/when you see the guy again just be polite but cool. Tell these people to MYOB (in UK 'mind your own business') and say they need to give it a rest. If they don't stop then they are disrespecting you and you may want to rethink your involvement with this group. I know that it's tough but I have left several hobbies groups because of silly, immature, women who were dismissive, non-supportive and gossipy. I have never regretted these decisions because there are always other groups you can join where people are more mature and friendly. Just be the bigger person that you are and rise above all this immaturity. Good luck x
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