Miss Spider Posted January 1, 2018 Posted January 1, 2018 Wow, this guy is super manipulative. He has you on a string, apologizing to keep yourself on it. There's too big of a disparity of interest level here for it to work out. How much could he be interested or even like you if he blew up on you and stonewalled you for a benign comment that shows your interest and insecurity more than anything else? I feel like it would be best for you to reevaluate your worth and what you will and will not tolerate from people you date. 2
Lorenza Posted January 1, 2018 Posted January 1, 2018 He texted me this morning saying we needed to speak so I replayed straight away saying give me 15 min! So I apologiesd and poured my heart out to him over the phone. He was so angry! I suggested he think about it and get in touch later! So now it's been a few hours and I sent him a text saying My apology didn't come off the way I wanted it to so I wrote everything down I want to say to you, if you still want to chat let me know. To which I got no reply. Part of me is worried I really hurt him and the other is thinking maybe he wanted this all along! He's moving to a new part of the city closer to me actually but I'm not sure if he wants a fresh start and see the talent in the area! I really did pour my heart and soul into writing everything in the letter, I'm not desperate and would normally be like so long if it came to this but there is just something I really like about him. What are you even that sorry about? You had your own right to be upset. Never get to this humiliating point where you need to apologize profusely and almost drop down on your knees (figuratively) in front of a guy who doesn't even bother to have a clear communication with you. He doesn't answer because he enjoys being in control while you're "pouring your heart out". Either you two talk it through like two adults who want this to work or it or end it, no need for you to take the position of a doormat. If you're sorry about your part in the conflict, you say you're sorry once, and then wait for him to put on his big boy pants and talk to you about it. If he doesn't - well, now you know how conflicts are going to be handled in this relationship. 4
LilySun Posted January 1, 2018 Posted January 1, 2018 He also mentioned that when ever he thought of me over the last few days he saw red and that at this moment in time he couldn't see a future for us! That's why I wrote everything down just to get my feelings across! I just can't understand, If he really did care for me surely he would be able to get over the anger! This sounds a lot like he is trying to end it. And he doesn't sound willing to talk it out or work on it at all what so ever. It's not that he needs to get over anything because I think he made up his mind. 1
bachdude Posted January 1, 2018 Posted January 1, 2018 He texted me this morning saying we needed to speak so I replayed straight away saying give me 15 min! So I apologiesd and poured my heart out to him over the phone. He was so angry! I suggested he think about it and get in touch later! So now it's been a few hours and I sent him a text saying My apology didn't come off the way I wanted it to so I wrote everything down I want to say to you, if you still want to chat let me know. To which I got no reply. Part of me is worried I really hurt him and the other is thinking maybe he wanted this all along! He's moving to a new part of the city closer to me actually but I'm not sure if he wants a fresh start and see the talent in the area! I really did pour my heart and soul into writing everything in the letter, I'm not desperate and would normally be like so long if it came to this but there is just something I really like about him. OP, this guy has anger problems. Either you are completely insensitive or he flies off the handle way too easily. But it looks to me that he is the one with anger management problems. Btw, what do you mean that you are concerned you really hurt him? I’m wondering if you are taking way too much responsibility for his emotions and he is putting all of his crap on you. 2
basil67 Posted January 1, 2018 Posted January 1, 2018 OK, no matter how this thing started, his anger is out of all reasonable proportions. You MUST stay away from someone who has anger issues such as these. Block and delete him. No discussion. No explanation. Just do it. 3
Author livinglife2019 Posted January 1, 2018 Author Posted January 1, 2018 I try to be a good person and would never intentionally hurt anyone and for me it's more about saying my piece, when he texted me earlier I replied straight away as I thought this needed sorting asap and now I'm hurt because I know he got my message has been online but hasn't bothered opening it yet even though he agreed to us chatting later! Should I just send what I wrote down to him or leave it and see if he gets in touch! Even if we are to go our separate ways I would like to do so with no hard feelings! How long should I wait for him to get in touch before giving up.
LilySun Posted January 1, 2018 Posted January 1, 2018 I try to be a good person and would never intentionally hurt anyone and for me it's more about saying my piece, when he texted me earlier I replied straight away as I thought this needed sorting asap and now I'm hurt because I know he got my message has been online but hasn't bothered opening it yet even though he agreed to us chatting later! Should I just send what I wrote down to him or leave it and see if he gets in touch! Even if we are to go our separate ways I would like to do so with no hard feelings! How long should I wait for him to get in touch before giving up. Say what you need for closure but don't expect it to change his mind or anything like that. There is no need to wait on him at this point. And don't apologize to him as if everything is your fault. He is the one hurting you, not the other way around. Ask your self do you really want to stay with someone who handles argument this way? If he sticks around this scenario will probably repeat itself for every time there is a disagreement. He needs to be the one apologizing, not you.
basil67 Posted January 1, 2018 Posted January 1, 2018 Even if we are to go our separate ways I would like to do so with no hard feelings! The guy has anger issues which appear to be beyond reason. You're dreaming if you think the two of you can go separate ways with no hard feelings. He will hang on to the anger and list you among what he believes are the crazy exes he has. This is why I told you to block and delete him without explanation. There will be no pleasant ending to this.
Miss Spider Posted January 1, 2018 Posted January 1, 2018 Definitely leave it be. If he ever gets back to you, don't respond unless it's an apology. If it's an apology you can say "Apology accepted. No hard feelings. Best of luck to you, byye" but only if you really want. You have nothing to apologize for. It's no use, livinglife2019. There's nothing to salvage here 1
salparadise Posted January 2, 2018 Posted January 2, 2018 Definitely leave it be. If he ever gets back to you, don't respond unless it's an apology. If it's an apology you can say "Apology accepted. No hard feelings. Best of luck to you, byye" but only if you really want. You have nothing to apologize for. It's no use, livinglife2019. There's nothing to salvage here but, but, but... he's a doctor! Doesn't that give him the privilege to treat her badly and have her groveling and trying and keep it together? Yea, it would seem that he has anger issues, however, we only know the one side of that story, one perspective. We don't know why the meeting with the parents didn't happen, whether there were definite plans or if it was merely a possibility. His idea or hers? Extenuating circumstances or not? OP, while I agree with basil and cookies that the guy almost certainly has anger issues, perhaps even a narcissist that requires complete deference and can't tolerate any perceived slight... you have to realize that what started this chain reaction was giving him the silent treatment. You said that you were pushing to label it an official, but that he wasn't ready. So it would make sense that he wasn't ready to introduce you to his parents yet either. Whether this was an egregious offense depends on how this expectation came to be, and the details of how it was handled. So, who's right or wrong notwithstanding, it was the ignoring/silent treatment that lit the fuse. My guess is that the guy expects unquestioned deference in light of his exalted station and marketability. OP, didn't read that correctly and seriously overplayed her hand. The hook wasn't set. I think it's a mismatch. Both are used to exerting control in relationships, and they just clashed.
Recommended Posts