Sbla22 Posted December 31, 2017 Posted December 31, 2017 As a fun NYE thread - what things are you going to do in 2018 to find love? This might be improvements to yourself/your life if you are single or if you're in a relationship but it's been sometimes fractured, what will you do to change it? Start off by telling us a little about yourself. I'll start: I'm a 26 year old male - single for 8 weeks now after a five month relationship broke down. This was my 4th relationship in total. One lasted 2 and a half years. One lasted 2 months. Two lasted 5 months. So, what will I do to try and find love in 2018? 1) Hit the gym regularly to work on improving my physical well-being and in turn my mental well being. This goes hand in hand with eating better. Things to cut out: crisps and chocolate, full fat milk, lots of sugar in my coffee. This is something I've done a lot in the last 8 weeks anyway but I'm going to ramp this up. This week I started using weights for the first time - it was a little daunting at first but think I'm getting the hang of it. 2) Buy my own flat to live in. I still live with my parents - I've saved a lot over the last few years but the time is definitely right to move out. I was close to buying a flat recently but it fell through because of a lowered valuation by the bank. However my mortgage was approved which means I know I can definitely afford a decent property - just a case of finding one in the next few months. I think this is my number one priority for 2018. I only realised how important it is when dating people to have your own place. I waited too long to see if I'd move in with some of the people I dated in 2017 but women around my age really want you to have independence and don't want to be sleeping in your house with your parents there! 3) Once moved in to my own place, register with Match.com. I have only used POF and Tinder for around 3 years now and have met some good people on there. I kind of feel like it's too few and far between on these sites though because it's heavily in the female's favour. That means unless you are immensely attractive as a guy (I consider myself a 5 or 6/10) you are fighting a battle from the start. I've been on a few dates with girls where I feel like if they didn't probably have 5 or so other options they might have given me more of a chance. With a paid dating site I expect people to take it more seriously but I wont sign up until I'm living in my own place as I think this is a deal breaker for many women. 4) Work on my social life by attending more Meet Ups. I attended one last month which was pretty good - just meeting up for a few drinks with people. Admittedly it's my own fault I don't have much of a social life at the minute. I lost contact with some of my close friends from school. I didn't really make the most of University, living at home and being a bit of a hermit at times. I have a few close friends but they live in different cities now so don't see them that often. Only problem here is there aren't many Meet Ups where I am (Liverpool UK), there are a few but not as regular as in other cities maybe. 5) Really work hard on my anxieties/insecurities that have played a part in my last 2 break ups. I'm not saying I was fully to blame as I don't think the behaviour of the girls I dated was perfect at times but I admit definitely that my behaviour got very insecure and needy which maybe pushed them away at times, I don't know. All I know is that I was checking the laptop and phone of my last girlfriend fairly regularly, secretly. I also know that one time she told me she was away in a different city for the weekend with friends, I drove to her house at 2 a.m to check she wasn't lying to me. Although her behaviour at times was not good that is definitely not where I should be in life and looking back I'm ashamed at myself for stooping to that level. I'm thinking that my first 4 steps may go a long way to step 5.. ---------------------------------------------------------------. But I know this is going to take a lot of work. I'm definitely willing to make the effort and then at the end of 2018 I can say I really tried. 2017 is a year I wont remember all too fondly all things considered. I placed so much emphasis on trying to get a girlfriend that I made it my whole world and neglected pretty much anything else. And although I did go out with 2 or 3 girls this year, I wasn't prepared for it and the relationships weren't very healthy. Here's to 2018! I tried 2
carhill Posted December 31, 2017 Posted December 31, 2017 Youth are our future. Good luck OP! I'll toss another log on the new year's eve fire and consider life good.
Rali Posted December 31, 2017 Posted December 31, 2017 Good luck! Sounds like you have a solid plan. I'm in a weird transition phase of switching careers, so things aren't very stable and I may be taking a step back from dating to focus on that. I'm going to work on getting that more stable, and on rehabbing a knee injury so I can get back in the gym.
Sunlight72 Posted December 31, 2017 Posted December 31, 2017 Nice plan Sbla22 - and good for you to be observant and objective about your past behavior/mindset in a relationship to note what you want to do differently going forward. For myself, I am focusing more on a few of my wish list projects - studying the philosophers (started last week, and planning to ask an acquaintance to join me on that) - continue learning French (I started a French conversation group here in my town about 2 months ago, which is going pretty well, and I've added some online practice last week) - continue building my body (I've spent a good part of the last 3 months getting acupuncture, and now rolfing so I can start exercising again after some repetitive motion damage - and for this coming year I'll ad yoga back to my routine) - be a bit more social (it's one of my shortcomings, and I'm doing better, but could do more) Through those activities, I'm both working on self-improvement/exploration and open to meeting someone romantically that I share some interests with. So far, the three I've met were - not my type, - engaged, and - already dating someone. But, new people in the future... Thanks for bringing this up - it's a nice feeling to put it all down here in black and white and see that in fact, I've already got a few things going the direction I want - sounds like you do too One note I'd offer you is that going to MeetUps is great, but remember that someone needs to organize those MeetUps - why not you? It's easier than I would have thought, and when people (even one or two) show up to something you are passionate about, it's really encouraging and fun! Best Wishes to you in 2018 - now go get your flat! Cheers, Sunlight
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