confused05 Posted August 23, 2005 Posted August 23, 2005 Hello, Well Ill spill my guts, what im kinda looking for is kinda someone to tell me what all this means from anothers point of view cause im so sad and confused. Me and my girlfriend been dating for about 1.5 years moved in together 5 months ago etc. She also was pregnant in march but lost the baby, that is what led to us moving out together. Anyway we were so happy it got a little rough around 6-10 months but we made it and then it started to decline, when asked she would always say im tired etc well fast foward to last friday, I get a text in the morning ( are you happy ) I replied what does that mean and she wrote back ( in general with us ) I immediately got nervouse and left work to see her ( couldnt work 10 hours with that on my mind ) anyway we talked and cried and talked and she said shes just not happy and she doesnt know why, and that its not me im wonderfull and its her. I just cant really make out what all this means, Also to make things more confusing she wants to go back home to think about stuff and take a break a little, but she said we wont mess with anyone else and that she will leave all her stuff still at the apt and come by to do what she has to do in the daytime when im at work, she said id hate to go home and move out 100% just to find it this isnt what i want. My questions are is there hope? I mean why wouldnt she just leave like now or friday, why is she staying for another week or so and also wanting to not just move everything out just yet. This is so hard for me and im praying for the best. She has felt smothered and trapped in the past and feels she needs some space it just scares me cause she has an ex that still sweats her but thats not the issue. She says she loves me so much and shes so scared to make the wrong decision and she doesnt want to hurt me, and doesnt want me to hate her. This last week that shes been at the house still shes been so pleasant to me and giving me so much more sex than normal I dont know what to make out of it. Anything anyone could do to help me understand this would be so appreciated. By the way we are both 26 years old and have good jobs. She asks me too if i made a mistake would you take me back and i said i probaly shouldnt say this but yes I would, I just wish i knew what was in her head, I would think she already knows what is going to happen.
Author confused05 Posted August 23, 2005 Author Posted August 23, 2005 I just hope that she really means what shes saying and really may come back and that she doesnt have it already in her head what shes gonna do and is just saying and doing this stuff to try to make it easier. We have so many memories, pets together, a really nice place ( nicer than her parents ) she has full benifits under me etc, ( i know all that doesnt make a person happy ) but i just wish i knew what was really bothering her, Im really close with my mom and she says ( she has to find out whats wrong with herself inside ) and you cant help that she has to figure it out herself. She also has brought up things like : I use to go out all the time people always use to call me now the phone barely rings etc Man I wish I could see into the future. Its so wierd that shes probaly moving out this week but still says things like i want to get this for our place, and hey did u buy that new video game for us? It just doesnt make sense to me.
alphamale Posted August 23, 2005 Posted August 23, 2005 Originally posted by confused05 I immediately got nervouse and left work to see her mistake #1 anyway we talked and cried mistake #2 She asks me too if i made a mistake would you take me back and i said i probaly shouldnt say this but yes I would, mistake #3 I just wish i knew what was in her head, what is "in her head" is that you're not acting like a man.
Author confused05 Posted August 23, 2005 Author Posted August 23, 2005 Thanks youve answered all my questions. I wish I thought of that myself. Thats not the response I was looking for and didnt help me at all.
celticguy Posted August 23, 2005 Posted August 23, 2005 Originally posted by confused05 Hello, Well Ill spill my guts, what im kinda looking for is kinda someone to tell me what all this means from anothers point of view cause im so sad and confused. Me and my girlfriend been dating for about 1.5 years moved in together 5 months ago etc. She also was pregnant in march but lost the baby, that is what led to us moving out together. Anyway we were so happy it got a little rough around 6-10 months but we made it and then it started to decline, when asked she would always say im tired etc well fast foward to last friday, I get a text in the morning ( are you happy ) I replied what does that mean and she wrote back ( in general with us ) I immediately got nervouse and left work to see her ( couldnt work 10 hours with that on my mind ) anyway we talked and cried and talked and she said shes just not happy and she doesnt know why, and that its not me im wonderfull and its her. I just cant really make out what all this means, Also to make things more confusing she wants to go back home to think about stuff and take a break a little, but she said we wont mess with anyone else and that she will leave all her stuff still at the apt and come by to do what she has to do in the daytime when im at work, she said id hate to go home and move out 100% just to find it this isnt what i want. My questions are is there hope? I mean why wouldnt she just leave like now or friday, why is she staying for another week or so and also wanting to not just move everything out just yet. This is so hard for me and im praying for the best. She has felt smothered and trapped in the past and feels she needs some space it just scares me cause she has an ex that still sweats her but thats not the issue. She says she loves me so much and shes so scared to make the wrong decision and she doesnt want to hurt me, and doesnt want me to hate her. This last week that shes been at the house still shes been so pleasant to me and giving me so much more sex than normal I dont know what to make out of it. Anything anyone could do to help me understand this would be so appreciated. By the way we are both 26 years old and have good jobs. She asks me too if i made a mistake would you take me back and i said i probaly shouldnt say this but yes I would, I just wish i knew what was in her head, I would think she already knows what is going to happen. Well this might sound a bit harsh, I know you still love her and i know you want to help her no matter how much it hurts you, but really it sounds like you need to think about yourself a little bit too, otherwise the relationship will definetly never work, it would take too much of a toll on you emotionally and that would feed back without you even realising it. I know you feel like you don't care about yourself and you'd do anything for her, Talking and crying and talking .. that says it all, there must be alot of stuff there .. maybe you tried to get through but didn't really get through, it was always there but you just tried to forget about it. As well, Your probably feeling angry in some way and it might actually help to get that anger out there, you'll feel better, don't feel like you have to repress it because you think shes fragile at the moment, be yourself, be honest and tell her how you feel deep down, but to do this first of all you have to be honest with yourself and not say what you think might save the relationship and most of all think about what you want aswell because a relationship is two way, you won't have one if theres room for the both of you. Maybe, far back in your mind your feel like you don't want to be with her anymore and in another way you want to be with her because you love her so much. The last thing you want is to have any regrets either way it pans out. Thats my 2 cents anyway. Im not judging or anything .. just take it with a grain of salt
she_9325 Posted August 23, 2005 Posted August 23, 2005 it sounds to me like she knows exactly what she's gonna do. maybe not her ex but ? why would she ask you "She asks me too if i made a mistake would you take me back and i said i probaly shouldnt say this but yes I would"............... that's a red flag....... so is this: "She says she loves me so much and shes so scared to make the wrong decision and she doesnt want to hurt me, and doesnt want me to hate her." she's "scared to make the wrong decision"...... she doesn't want you to hate her...... why would she say those things unless she has something already specific in mind..... sounds like something major to me.... i'm tellin ya, if she cheats on you, do NOT take her back!
orto Posted August 23, 2005 Posted August 23, 2005 Originally posted by confused05 she said shes just not happy and she doesnt know why, and that its not me im wonderfull and its her. I just cant really make out what all this means, Also to make things more confusing she wants to go back home to think about stuff and take a break a little, but she said we wont mess with anyone else This is what really pisses me off. Men who get the **** end of the stick for trying to satisfy women. It is really bull****.. We try so hard to give women whatever they want and it is never appreciated. We get this response: "I'm just not happy, and I don't know why". Can a WOMEN please explain what the hell that quote means? If you are giving everything you wanted, everything you are asked to give, what is that other problem that we aren't satisifying or that other thing that we aren't doing? Is it just something that either of the couple knows? Is it just a "thing"? Why is so hard for a women to express herself? A women please respond on this.... I'm having the same issue with my ex.
she_9325 Posted August 23, 2005 Posted August 23, 2005 orto it's probably just a poor excuse. keep being you, if your ex says that, she's just not the one for you. whomever you're with should accept and love you for who you are and if that's not enough that's their prob not yours.
Author confused05 Posted August 23, 2005 Author Posted August 23, 2005 Originally posted by she_9325 it sounds to me like she knows exactly what she's gonna do. maybe not her ex but ? why would she ask you "She asks me too if i made a mistake would you take me back and i said i probaly shouldnt say this but yes I would"............... that's a red flag....... so is this: "She says she loves me so much and shes so scared to make the wrong decision and she doesnt want to hurt me, and doesnt want me to hate her." she's "scared to make the wrong decision"...... she doesn't want you to hate her...... why would she say those things unless she has something already specific in mind..... sounds like something major to me.... i'm tellin ya, if she cheats on you, do NOT take her back! NO NO NO.. heheh you took that the wrong way. She means by if i make a mistake meaning that taking a break was a mistake. Not cheating. She is saying shes scared to make the wrong decision as to take a break and she doesnt want to hurt me meaning seeing me so upset that she wants a break and that shes unhappy
Author confused05 Posted August 23, 2005 Author Posted August 23, 2005 I dunno another thing that baffles me is that her ex she still talks to here and there a few times a week. Supposely put her through hell. Is ugly by all girls standards and alot of girls find me attractive, not being conceeded, and say we look great together. Ive given this girl more than anyone ever as in favors, niceness, security, a nice home + full benifits and he treats her crappy but he had her for 5 years when she was younger and im lucky to get 1.5 and its over I just dont get it.
sundrop Posted August 23, 2005 Posted August 23, 2005 Originally posted by orto This is what really pisses me off. Men who get the **** end of the stick for trying to satisfy women. It is really bull****.. We try so hard to give women whatever they want and it is never appreciated. We get this response: "I'm just not happy, and I don't know why". Can a WOMEN please explain what the hell that quote means? If you are giving everything you wanted, everything you are asked to give, what is that other problem that we aren't satisifying or that other thing that we aren't doing? Is it just something that either of the couple knows? Is it just a "thing"? Why is so hard for a women to express herself? A women please respond on this.... I'm having the same issue with my ex. Orto, Hummmm,,, I am having the same problem with my ex boyfriend. It's not a man or woman problem, it's a person problem we all deal with. find ti very easy to express my feelings, because I have nothin to hold back, from me you hear the good and you hear the bad. I told my ex exactly how I felt, he should have no questions as to how I felt about him and the relationship, but he on the other hand I wish I knew how he felt.... But anyway.... I can only speak for my self. Now I know a lady, who her husband gave her evrything she wanted, he paid off $44,000, yep thousand dollars of her debt, flew her everywhere she wanted to go, he was awesome to her emotionally, but she ended up leaving him, because for her is wasn't "enough" we nothing is ever to going to be enough for her. These types of women tick me off to, because it leaves the goods one like me, looking bad.
she_9325 Posted August 23, 2005 Posted August 23, 2005 oh oops........ well then.......... i'd just try to talk to her...... tell her you'd like to try to understand where she's coming from and what she is going through. let her know up front, that she can tell you anything... Maybe she is holding something back for fear of how you'd react? i dunno........ could be a possibility.
sundrop Posted August 23, 2005 Posted August 23, 2005 Originally posted by confused05 I dunno another thing that baffles me is that her ex she still talks to here and there a few times a week. Supposely put her through hell. Is ugly by all girls standards and alot of girls find me attractive, not being conceeded, and say we look great together. Ive given this girl more than anyone ever as in favors, niceness, security, a nice home + full benifits and he treats her crappy but he had her for 5 years when she was younger and im lucky to get 1.5 and its over I just dont get it. confused05, Has she fullt dealt with her feeling of loosing the baby? Maybe some of these feelings are coming up and she doesn't know how to deal with them and is pushing you away? Maybe she is dealing with drepression from that loss? I don't know, just a guess maybe?
Author confused05 Posted August 23, 2005 Author Posted August 23, 2005 Originally posted by sundrop Now I know a lady, who her husband gave her evrything she wanted, he paid off $44,000, yep thousand dollars of her debt, flew her everywhere she wanted to go, he was awesome to her emotionally, but she ended up leaving him, because for her is wasn't "enough" we nothing is ever to going to be enough for her. These types of women tick me off to, because it leaves the goods one like me, looking bad. This sounds like my girlfriend well soon to be ex i guess. She told me .. ITS NOT YOU. Its me your wonderfull youve treated me like gold and given me everything. Im hard to please im a jerk i know im sorry. Wierd. I dont get it at all.
orto Posted August 23, 2005 Posted August 23, 2005 I don't think we will ever get it as men. When we give women whatever they want is almost like we give them nothing? I mean do women need not to be given whatever they want to remain happy?
sundrop Posted August 23, 2005 Posted August 23, 2005 Originally posted by confused05 She told me .. ITS NOT YOU. Its me your wonderfull youve treated me like gold and given me everything. Im hard to please im a jerk i know im sorry. Wierd. I dont get it at all. I got the same from my ex last year. He said I gave him way to much and he felt he couldn't give me back the same in return and made himself feel bad and he ended up breaking up with me because he felt bad. I told him I knew I was a giver, I always have been in all my relationships, family, friends etc. and I wasn't keeping score. I told him people bring different things into a relationship and I got from him what I needed. I had to tell him that he could see what I did for him, laundry cooked etc... But what he gave me in return was not tangable, love, safety, he feeling of being loved. etc..... He seemed to understand that a little more a began to feel not so bad, but he was trying to push me away becuase he felt he wasn't giving enough into the relationship.
Author confused05 Posted August 23, 2005 Author Posted August 23, 2005 Originally posted by she_9325 oh oops........ well then.......... i'd just try to talk to her...... tell her you'd like to try to understand where she's coming from and what she is going through. let her know up front, that she can tell you anything... Maybe she is holding something back for fear of how you'd react? i dunno........ could be a possibility. Trust me ive talked and talked a million times telling her talk to me please im so here for you we can make anything work etc etc and the constant answer is im just not happy and i dont know why i dont get it when im upset i know why im upset or not happy. And I try to communicate and fix the issue or atleast make an attempt. So much better than flying blind like I am.
Author confused05 Posted August 23, 2005 Author Posted August 23, 2005 Originally posted by sundrop confused05, Has she fullt dealt with her feeling of loosing the baby? Maybe some of these feelings are coming up and she doesn't know how to deal with them and is pushing you away? Maybe she is dealing with drepression from that loss? I don't know, just a guess maybe? I dont think thats its. Ive even said that in the past and she kinda just still says I dont know I just dont know what it is. She seems so unbothered like im trying and trying and shes just going along but doestn initiate it. My parents see it as its not going to work if your trying 85% and shes barely trying like the spark and the want just isnt there on her part to try.
sundrop Posted August 23, 2005 Posted August 23, 2005 Originally posted by orto I don't think we will ever get it as men. When we give women whatever they want is almost like we give them nothing? I mean do women need not to be given whatever they want to remain happy? Honestly, there are some people out there who will take and take and take as long as you let them and for a while it will be fun and then it will get old. I have always heard, leave the erson wanting more, that way they will always be intrigued and want to come back..So I guess to answer your question, no don't give them evrything they want at first.
Author confused05 Posted August 23, 2005 Author Posted August 23, 2005 Trust me I never will again. I just dont get it. For me personally if roles were reversed, and i had a Hot boyfriend, who gave me alot of stuff was easy to talk to , never had to worry about cheating or trusting because it wasnt even an issue i would be so scared to loose that and thats what she has and it seems like it doenst matter. she told me once. Im too nice and perfect for her esp since i dont sweat the bs and get mad easy. She said " im like a boring book "
sundrop Posted August 23, 2005 Posted August 23, 2005 Well Confused, I sounds like you have done everything you can do. Maybe just give the space and time she needs. Don't push, just let her know, you will try to respect her space and time and if she needs anything you will be there to try to help her sort some things out. As hard as it will be try to give her space. Hopefully she will see how much she misses you and you will be able to work through this. I'm sure you will not be a jerk to her, but also don't let her walk all over you.
she_9325 Posted August 23, 2005 Posted August 23, 2005 um, dump her. that's straight out sh*tty that she said that!
Author confused05 Posted August 23, 2005 Author Posted August 23, 2005 Originally posted by sundrop Well Confused, I sounds like you have done everything you can do. Maybe just give the space and time she needs. Don't push, just let her know, you will try to respect her space and time and if she needs anything you will be there to try to help her sort some things out. As hard as it will be try to give her space. Hopefully she will see how much she misses you and you will be able to work through this. I'm sure you will not be a jerk to her, but also don't let her walk all over you. We have been dating for 1.5 years and havent had a week apart since the day we met. So im just hoping maybe the time apart will give her time to be like maybe ( wow i really cant be without him ) or it will be like ( this isnt so hard im happier now ) which im not hoping for. I really just want everything to pan out but I cant keep bugging her i know that. That will make it worse im sure.
sundrop Posted August 23, 2005 Posted August 23, 2005 Originally posted by confused05 Trust me I never will again. I just dont get it. For me personally if roles were reversed, and i had a Hot boyfriend, who gave me alot of stuff was easy to talk to , never had to worry about cheating or trusting because it wasnt even an issue i would be so scared to loose that and thats what she has and it seems like it doenst matter. she told me once. Im too nice and perfect for her esp since i dont sweat the bs and get mad easy. She said " im like a boring book " Well #1 looks aren't evrything, they don't hurt but the best looking people as be *ssholes. #2, you can't buy peoples love, I would rather have a guy spend time with me on a park bench and share an icecream cone, than buy me whatever I wanted. #3 a litlle jelousy can be cute, it shows that you do care. I got a letter in the mail once from a guy who wanted me to call him, I had met him at a Doctors office, while I was working. This guy went through some trouble finding out where lived and sent the letter to my home. I told my boyfriend about it and he aced like so what. It may me a little mad because he acted like he didn't care if I called him or not and in return possibly lose me. Well if she tinks you are a boring book, then give her the space she needs, and let it be space. Don't let her know everything you are doing, give her something to be intrigued by. Let her wonder what you are doing.
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