JimmyNYC Posted December 31, 2017 Posted December 31, 2017 So I had a first date tonight with a woman I met online. We are both in our mid-forties. The first 15min were awkward and I couldn't tell if she was interested or not. In fact, I thought she was definitely not interested by her body language and behavior. Making conversation with her was a chore and she seemed lost in her thoughts about something and not plugged in or enthusiastic about talking to me. I was seriously thinking how to get out asap. We started about both being goth/punk when we were younger and she did admit she was shy and not a good communicator when she was younger. I was definitely attracted to her but wasn't really getting an indicators of interest from her. Then we started talking about music and we started to connect a bit. But I still didn't feel like she was really seeing me and really into ME. She was just there talking about her interests. But part of me thought maybe she is just bad at communicating her feelings. Who knows. I can't speculate So after about 90 minutes we finished our drinks and I got the check. She had talked earlier about this small NYE party with friends she is going to tomorrow night. At the end I just mentioned to her to have a nice time at her NYE party tomorrow night. Then all of a sudden she said to me"Do you want to go to the party tomorrow night?". I was thinking, HUH? She really showed no signs or communicated interest in me the whole night then she asks me to go to this NYE party tomorrow night. WHAT? What does that mean? I was kind of confused. I had no idea WHY she asked me to go. Does that mean she is interested in me? I figured she was so I said that I was planning on staying home for NYE but would let her know how I felt tomorrow. I also said if I didn't end up going I'd be interested in seeing you (her) again. I don't recall her response to that. It was kind of neutral, I think. Any advice on this? Why would she ask me to go to her friend's NYE party tomorrow night? I really don't want to go because I don't know her and still confused as whether she is even into me. but then why ask me to go to this party tomorrow? and when she asked she didn't say "do you want to my DATE?" or "do you want to go WITH ME?" Weird. What if she really IS into me and just didn't know how to communicate it and I don't go to the party tomorrow with her. Will she be offended? I'm so confused. Any advice on what to do or why she asked me?
Marc878 Posted December 31, 2017 Posted December 31, 2017 Some people are hard to read. She asked you didn't she. What's the harm in going? If it doesn't work out you can leave early.
newyorker11356 Posted December 31, 2017 Posted December 31, 2017 It's funny how sometimes you think the ones who are definitely not into you at all on a date turn out to be the ones who are, lol. Like someone said, some people are just hard to read. Are/were you into her? If so, definitely go to the party and see how it goes.
Arieswoman Posted December 31, 2017 Posted December 31, 2017 jimmyNYC, Ask yourself if you really want to spend time with someone who is such hard work? Making conversation with her was a chore and she seemed lost in her thoughts about something and not plugged in or enthusiastic about talking to me. I was seriously thinking how to get out asap. Just read what you wrote ^^^ does that sound like a whole bundle of fun, because it doesn't to me? If you have reservations about going then just don't go, you met this girl once and you owe her nothing. Spend your time with someone who is really enthusiastic about being with you. Good luck x 2
LivingWaterPlease Posted December 31, 2017 Posted December 31, 2017 She sounds boring and self absorbed. What do you find interesting or attractive about her? 1
Maggie4 Posted December 31, 2017 Posted December 31, 2017 Hi Jimmy, could you list some things that would have made you feel she is interested in you? Did she at least hit a few of them? Are these things like: laugh a lot, play with hair, lick lips, touch his arm, praise the man, etc? These can all be consciously acted out. And I think seasoned daters do it well. Maybe your date is inexperienced. On a first date, you cannot just relax as if you're chilling with a friend. You must entertain and make an effort to laugh (throwing head back laugh), say witty things, not allow silence. During a first date, you're being watched so you're basically on stage and all movements must be exaggerated or else the audience won't get it. I think your date didn't understand this.
GemmaUK Posted December 31, 2017 Posted December 31, 2017 Sounds like she wants a date for the party to me. Go if you feel like going, you might get to know her a bit better so you can figure out if she or you are really interested.
FilterCoffee Posted December 31, 2017 Posted December 31, 2017 I don’t think she’s interested in you. She’s been invited to a friend’s party and she doesn’t want to go alone. Her indifference to seeing you after NYE suggests that she just wants you for the party and not after. 2
act00 Posted December 31, 2017 Posted December 31, 2017 My worry would be that it was a polite gesture because you're going to be alone on NYE, and it was an invitation to be nice, not that she wants or expects you to actually agree to go. Obviously if you don't want someone to go with you someplace, don't extend the invitation, but she sounds a bit awkward and maybe it just kind of slipped out. That's my worry...sorry OP. On the other hand, at 40-something, she knows how she is and how she comes across to people, I would think, and this small gathering might be a good way for her to know you better when she's in a more comfortable environment with people she knows, and she can loosen up. It's a good sign that she's interested enough in you to take you along to a party with her friends, and I think if you're up for it, maybe give it a shot. It's not like you have other plans. Personally, I don't mind being home on NYE. I don't know if I would be up for a second date on New Year's with a group of strangers, and a guy who seems uninterested and took so much work. You were planning an exit strategy pretty quickly. 1
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted December 31, 2017 Posted December 31, 2017 Personally, I don't mind being home on NYE. I don't know if I would be up for a second date on New Year's with a group of strangers, and a guy who seems uninterested and took so much work. You were planning an exit strategy pretty quickly. Same here, but some people really like NYE parties. Jimmy, if you do like NYE parties and generally like meeting new people, I say go. If not, I think I'd pass and see if you can set up a date for later this week and see what she says. 2
central Posted December 31, 2017 Posted December 31, 2017 She could very well be interested, but is just introverted. That she asked you to the party is a very clear indication of interest. I'd say that you hardly know her at this point, but if you find her attractive, then you may want to go and see if you can learn more about what she's really like. On a second date, she may be more comfortable with you. Is there a downside to going? At worst, you won't have a good time, but at least you'll have a chance to have a good time.
rightondude Posted December 31, 2017 Posted December 31, 2017 depends on your options my man. if this is the best you got going on go for it. bet you get a good story out of it at the least! good luck brother. 1
LilySun Posted December 31, 2017 Posted December 31, 2017 Personally I wouldn't invite a guy to something like that unless I was truly interested. I would rather be dateless than lead on somebody I don't even like. So it makes me think she must be interested in you to some degree, and maybe she is just shy and not good at being flirtatious. But if you don't want to go, just say thank you for the invite but I decided to stay in. Follow that up with asking when she might want to meet up again? Her response to that will basically be your answer.
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