Dealing with our pain in the end of the year

[alterest]

Hey, a little question about how each of you are dealing with the pain, especially at the end of the year holidays.

 

My case: I focus on my work and I fell good when I have to go to work and I go on full sadness when staying home. I was dealing with the pain and breakup the best that I could. My xmas was great, I had no bad trip, no cry... Just think about send her some 'happy xmas', but I didn't, cause I see no real motivation to do that. She didn't sent me a thing as well. I felt bad for that? Yes, a lot.

Yesterday I was a little sad during the work, and after my labor time I went to a bar with my friends and it was cool. Today I woke up and the bad trip hits me so hard... I cried a lot and I pick all the letters she wrote to me, read them all and I also burnt them all... That after our breakup on the first week of november. Don't know if my heart will take it as a closure, but I hope so.

 

So, well. I'm not dealing very good and now I still feel pretty sad and I don't want to spend my NYE with anyone. I miss her so hard, but I know I shouldn't try to contact her, cause I got nothing good with that.

 

How about you, guys?

[1fish2fish]

You're doing all the right things. Healing isn't linear, and the pain will come and go like a roller coaster. Good for you for not reaching out at Christmas and good for you for burning the letters!

 

As for NYE, no, it's not going to be easy. I think NYE is harder to survive than Christmas when you're healing from a breakup because of all the nostalgia of "looking back" over the year.

 

Let yourself feel the pain - remember, the only way out is through. I'm right there with you, and I'm planning on making it a casual evening, in my flannels, with my dog and movies. And New Year's day I'll join 100 of my closest friends and do a 5 mile NY run through the town square.

 

Whatever you do, try not to overindulge on alcohol! That mixed with nostalgia could leave you with a regret hangover should you give into temptation to reach out.

[Beachead]

Hey, a little question about how each of you are dealing with the pain, especially at the end of the year holidays.

 

My case: I focus on my work and I fell good when I have to go to work and I go on full sadness when staying home. I was dealing with the pain and breakup the best that I could. My xmas was great, I had no bad trip, no cry... Just think about send her some 'happy xmas', but I didn't, cause I see no real motivation to do that. She didn't sent me a thing as well. I felt bad for that? Yes, a lot.

Yesterday I was a little sad during the work, and after my labor time I went to a bar with my friends and it was cool. Today I woke up and the bad trip hits me so hard... I cried a lot and I pick all the letters she wrote to me, read them all and I also burnt them all... That after our breakup on the first week of november. Don't know if my heart will take it as a closure, but I hope so.

 

So, well. I'm not dealing very good and now I still feel pretty sad and I don't want to spend my NYE with anyone. I miss her so hard, but I know I shouldn't try to contact her, cause I got nothing good with that.

 

How about you, guys?

 

I don't know if I have any successful tips but I can certainly share what I'm going through as well. Maybe it might help.

 

Me and my ex broke up start of August and she went back to her ex shortly after. Like you, I've had some bad trips over the months. It's been nearly 5 months since we broke up. 3 since we last spoke. The holidays really amplified th pain and my brain has of late as been ever so punishing in letting me know, she gone and never coming back. I am still dealing with it.

 

Luckily my brother came home for the holidays so I try to spend time with family and close friends. Good company feels good. The other thing that helps is the hope/excitement I feel from setting personal goals and working towards them. I teach piano privately so trying to find more students as well as finding new ways to get through to them is always a fun challenge. I also have gym/training goals and I'm starting up school full-time next month. Taking a step back and restructuring my routine from one that was associated with my ex to something that's new and has nothing to do with her is helping a little as well.

 

It'll be a slow heal but you seem to be doing some good things there. Let yourself feel what you have to feel and be patient with yourself.

[Msday91]

Some days you will feel great and think youre on the road to recovery, others youll be an emotional wreck.

That is normal.

Do not pressure yourself to move on or think theres something wrong with you if you arent over it in x amount of time.

Everyone heals differently.

And sometimes the more you loved the longer it takes.

Just shows you have a lot of love inside of you and one day you will give it to someone deserving and worthy.

January 1st, new month, new year, new week, new beginnings.

[alterest]

You're doing all the right things. Healing isn't linear, and the pain will come and go like a roller coaster. Good for you for not reaching out at Christmas and good for you for burning the letters!

 

As for NYE, no, it's not going to be easy. I think NYE is harder to survive than Christmas when you're healing from a breakup because of all the nostalgia of "looking back" over the year.

 

Let yourself feel the pain - remember, the only way out is through. I'm right there with you, and I'm planning on making it a casual evening, in my flannels, with my dog and movies. And New Year's day I'll join 100 of my closest friends and do a 5 mile NY run through the town square.

 

Whatever you do, try not to overindulge on alcohol! That mixed with nostalgia could leave you with a regret hangover should you give into temptation to reach out.

 

Yeah, all of the things that I went yesterday came after I started to look back to my 2017. Hard af.

But I must admit that was pretty hard yesterday and the sadness hits harder then any time before, also emptiness and dellusional about my future.

When I felt so sad I don't like to drink cause sometimes I have suicidal toughts, and I know that won't solve my problems and only bring pain to our loved ones. And, let be real, I will love another person soon, I only need hope and time. So, yeah, I don't want to take my life away for someone that doesn't love me and leave me. It's pointless.

 

 

I don't know if I have any successful tips but I can certainly share what I'm going through as well. Maybe it might help.

 

Me and my ex broke up start of August and she went back to her ex shortly after. Like you, I've had some bad trips over the months. It's been nearly 5 months since we broke up. 3 since we last spoke. The holidays really amplified th pain and my brain has of late as been ever so punishing in letting me know, she gone and never coming back. I am still dealing with it.

 

Luckily my brother came home for the holidays so I try to spend time with family and close friends. Good company feels good. The other thing that helps is the hope/excitement I feel from setting personal goals and working towards them. I teach piano privately so trying to find more students as well as finding new ways to get through to them is always a fun challenge. I also have gym/training goals and I'm starting up school full-time next month. Taking a step back and restructuring my routine from one that was associated with my ex to something that's new and has nothing to do with her is helping a little as well.

 

It'll be a slow heal but you seem to be doing some good things there. Let yourself feel what you have to feel and be patient with yourself.

 

Know your feel. Mine over almost 2 months ago and it hits hard. My previous ex I went in such pain for almost 8 months. Hard to deal with it. I will set little objectives as you did, perhaps it will make things more easier and I work more and more on me and leave the thoughts of her behind. Let the time make its magic. I feel glad for you healing process and that you found and keep finding hapiness. I really do!

 

Some days you will feel great and think youre on the road to recovery, others youll be an emotional wreck.

That is normal.

Do not pressure yourself to move on or think theres something wrong with you if you arent over it in x amount of time.

Everyone heals differently.

And sometimes the more you loved the longer it takes.

Just shows you have a lot of love inside of you and one day you will give it to someone deserving and worthy.

January 1st, new month, new year, new week, new beginnings.

 

Indeed. The worst part is that we think that we are fully healed and then the sadness hit us and I look back and it seems that I made none progress. Which is not true, cause I know I've made it. I really want someone that I can share my feelings and everything will be ok. Maybe lok with more attention for red flags (my current ex is bipolar and she didn't take her meds, only when I said to her to do that... She went in a full stressful situations at her home and work and went into a depression, then she broke up with me. Everything was fine one week, and the next one we were in a crisis and I was responsible for everything. Worst break up I ever went)

[geillis]

How about you, guys?

 

Actually, I believe New Years is great for dealing with pain after a breakup. Symbolically, it marks the end and the new beginning. So I'm focusing on the "new 2018 me", who I'm sure will be pain-free very soon.

[Ufo1205]

I broke up with him 6 months ago. 4 months ago i thought i got over him as i was having very healthy lifestyle and positive work results. But for the last 2 months i have been feeling empty, lost and hopeless. The pain seems to come back and haunt me. Im thinking of suicide all the time. Perhaps the only feeling for him is disrespect and hatred. But im also dead inside. Its too painful. I cannot face it.

[alterest]

Actually, I believe New Years is great for dealing with pain after a breakup. Symbolically, it marks the end and the new beginning. So I'm focusing on the "new 2018 me", who I'm sure will be pain-free very soon.

 

I really like your POV. Gona use here! Thank you!

 

 

I broke up with him 6 months ago. 4 months ago i thought i got over him as i was having very healthy lifestyle and positive work results. But for the last 2 months i have been feeling empty, lost and hopeless. The pain seems to come back and haunt me. Im thinking of suicide all the time. Perhaps the only feeling for him is disrespect and hatred. But im also dead inside. Its too painful. I cannot face it.

 

What happened to you? Why did you both broke up? Have you ever tried to reach him?

[TheOnlyOne73]

My New Year's gift to my ex was to block him; I blocked him on New Year's Day.

Edited January 2, 2018 by TheOnlyOne73