SpinScratch Posted December 31, 2017 Posted December 31, 2017 This might be weird, but what are some other ways you can tell that someone doesn't have that confidence? I don't want to assume something like that about him and make myself look dumb. The biggest sign of a crippling lack of confidence is making out with a woman, snuggling and sleeping in bed with her, and NOT trying to have sex with her. Is he a virgin? Does he have complete erectile dysfunction? Does he get hard when you guys are in bed together? Otherwise... he is just scared. Next time your in bed with him, start making out with him, put your hand on his.. you know. Trust me, he wants this. But if you pull his pants down for him and he still doesn't take action, then you have a complete dud on your hands. You are going to be the dominant one in this relationship. Get used to it. 1
alphamale Posted December 31, 2017 Posted December 31, 2017 ... Is this the consequence of scaring men and ultimately effeminating them due to excessive PC?! Harvey Weinstein and the #MeToo movement don't help either
No_Go Posted December 31, 2017 Posted December 31, 2017 Harvey Weinstein and the #MeToo movement don't help either True but if one f*cking invites a dude home, he should at least take the hint it is consensual. I can’t imagine what’s wrong with men unable to read ‘subtle’ signs. Also, being too scared is... better suits females. 2
No_Go Posted December 31, 2017 Posted December 31, 2017 Next time your in bed with him, start making out with him, put your hand on his.. you know. Trust me, he wants this. But if you pull his pants down for him and he still doesn't take action, then you have a complete dud on your hands. Oh god.... That’s the new wave on ‘men’ out there?!?? Beautiful, at least well limit the human population to healthy numbers soon because not many women will enjoy ‘hinting’ the dude to take his pants off... 1
jjgitties Posted December 31, 2017 Posted December 31, 2017 I've kind of started doing that a little bit and I feel really bad because I want it to work out. But there are other guys out there who are also nice and stuff... I say move.on and find another guy. This one is a dead fish.you want to keep taking the lead on everything?
BaileyB Posted December 31, 2017 Posted December 31, 2017 You wouldn't sleep in the same bed with someone you didn't like, right? Darling, I wouldn't sleep in the same bed with someone I haven't had sex with. I find it rather strange that he wants to, especially considering that there hasn't been much physical affection between you both, at all. I do think that for many people, it takes time to get comfortable with someone new. I would hope that he will become increasingly comfortable with you, with a few more dates. Perhaps, he is very inexperienced and you will need to lead the way. I wouldn't give up just yet, but I would want to see clear interest and the sleepovers would not be happening until this relationship is more firmly established. 1
SpinScratch Posted December 31, 2017 Posted December 31, 2017 Oh god.... That’s the new wave on ‘men’ out there?!?? Beautiful, at least well limit the human population to healthy numbers soon because not many women will enjoy ‘hinting’ the dude to take his pants off... Its not a new phenomenon. There has always been beta males. I was a bit nervous around women when I was younger too. Then I realized that many women want you to be assertive. So I just faked confidence until it came naturally. I understand the fear of rejection... but this guy HAS THE GIRL SLEEPING IN HIS BED. She's probably not going to say no, and yet he still wont seal the deal. Some guys are just like that. Its sad and pathetic, I have some close friends like this and they just dont have the social tools to do it. I can completely understand why its frustrating and probably a huge turn off for a man to act like that. BUT... nothing boosts a mans confidence and ego like sex and pleasing a woman. So if OP likes this guy and wants this to work, you are going to have to walk him through the first few times. Literally take his penis out of his pants and tell him you want to have sex. Once you get a few sessions in, he might start to relax and have less erectile issues. He has a fragile ego so, make sure you tell him how great he was. Once you guys start getting it in, he will probably take more initiative. I still want to know... does he get hard when you guys are cuddling? How old are you two? 1
mortensorchid Posted December 31, 2017 Posted December 31, 2017 I have been where you are with people like this in the past. They are either socially awkward or they are insecure. Some may argue "he's shy" (or "she's shy" on the other side), but chances are they are shy about a lot of other things in life. Are they shy about things in their careers or other aspects of life? If so, this is not the person you want to be with. They will find another reason why they can't be with you. And they will dump you in a cowardly way (email or text most likely) and disappoint you time after time. You deserve someone who is good in all areas possible. Fact. 1
newyorker11356 Posted December 31, 2017 Posted December 31, 2017 (edited) Oh god.... That’s the new wave on ‘men’ out there?!?? Beautiful, at least well limit the human population to healthy numbers soon because not many women will enjoy ‘hinting’ the dude to take his pants off... Oh, give me a break. "Healthy numbers"...lol. You're acting as if shy guys are like the devil. Why can't a woman take the lead (at least to start off)? It's almost 2018, not 1918. There's nothing wrong with it whatsoever. And no, luckily (for you at least), not all men are like that. It's gender double standards, in my opinion. Edited December 31, 2017 by newyorker11356
jjgitties Posted December 31, 2017 Posted December 31, 2017 Oh, give me a break. "Healthy numbers"...lol. You're acting as if shy guys are like the devil. Why can't a woman take the lead (at least to start off)? It's almost 2018, not 1918. There's nothing wrong with it whatsoever. And no, luckily (for you at least), not all men are like that. It's gender double standards, in my opinion. No... nothing wrong with it. But my hunch is, there is a lot more baggage attached to guy than just shyness. A guy who is that introverted and sensitive and "shy" is going to have a whole bunch of other stuff going on in his head. A brave girl grabbing his johnson and pulling it out of his pants is not going to magically turn him into a different type personality. I wouldn't deal with it if it were me -- this is real life and relationships, not daycare. 1
newyorker11356 Posted December 31, 2017 Posted December 31, 2017 No... nothing wrong with it. But my hunch is, there is a lot more baggage attached to guy than just shyness. A guy who is that introverted and sensitive and "shy" is going to have a whole bunch of other stuff going on in his head. A brave girl grabbing his johnson and pulling it out of his pants is not going to magically turn him into a different type personality. I wouldn't deal with it if it were me -- this is real life and relationships, not daycare. Maybe, maybe not. One way to find out for sure is for her to take the lead.
No_Go Posted December 31, 2017 Posted December 31, 2017 Oh, give me a break. "Healthy numbers"...lol. You're acting as if shy guys are like the devil. Why can't a woman take the lead (at least to start off)? It's almost 2018, not 1918. There's nothing wrong with it whatsoever. And no, luckily (for you at least), not all men are like that. It's gender double standards, in my opinion. IMO it’s not double standards, it’s biology. I have *nothing* against shy guys, I’m pretty introverted and shy myself. But I do NOT cock tease unless I plan sleeping with a guy and do expect to be treated the same way.
No_Go Posted December 31, 2017 Posted December 31, 2017 I have no issues with shy men - I actually prefer shy people. But for god sake - yeah he had a sleepover with a woman ?!?!? It is not shy/beta/low confidence, it is like intentionally teasing her with no intentions to give her what she wants. Btw performance ED is not something to be worried about, I’ve worked it out with a partner with severe performance ED, no issues at all after the second week. Its not a new phenomenon. There has always been beta males. I was a bit nervous around women when I was younger too. Then I realized that many women want you to be assertive. So I just faked confidence until it came naturally. I understand the fear of rejection... but this guy HAS THE GIRL SLEEPING IN HIS BED. She's probably not going to say no, and yet he still wont seal the deal. Some guys are just like that. Its sad and pathetic, I have some close friends like this and they just dont have the social tools to do it. I can completely understand why its frustrating and probably a huge turn off for a man to act like that. BUT... nothing boosts a mans confidence and ego like sex and pleasing a woman. So if OP likes this guy and wants this to work, you are going to have to walk him through the first few times. Literally take his penis out of his pants and tell him you want to have sex. Once you get a few sessions in, he might start to relax and have less erectile issues. He has a fragile ego so, make sure you tell him how great he was. Once you guys start getting it in, he will probably take more initiative. I still want to know... does he get hard when you guys are cuddling? How old are you two?
SpinScratch Posted January 1, 2018 Posted January 1, 2018 Jesus, Im an introvert too. But if a girl gets in my bed, guess what... Im gonna have sex with her. 2
Author caboosegoose Posted January 1, 2018 Author Posted January 1, 2018 Just to answer some questions from the comments: 1. I definitely DO NOT think he's being a "tease." There is a big difference and having anxieties about some things and being a tease. 2. As far as the sleepovers, it's not like we intentionally invited each other over under the pretenses of sleeping over (even though I was hoping for it every time). 3. He does this weird thing during the sleepovers where while we're kissing he'll start dry humping me? I've never had a guy do that before, but he never really gets very far. I've felt him get hard though. It was only one time that we were really drunk that he couldn't get it up. I think he just thinks that he's moving to fast?
SpinScratch Posted January 1, 2018 Posted January 1, 2018 (edited) 3. He does this weird thing during the sleepovers where while we're kissing he'll start dry humping me? I've never had a guy do that before, but he never really gets very far. I've felt him get hard though. It was only one time that we were really drunk that he couldn't get it up. I think he just thinks that he's moving to fast? Im speechless... unbelievable. He is the one that needs advice, not you. Lady, you have three choices. Find a guy who isnt scared of you. Put this guys penis inside of you yourself and hope he starts thrusting. Or settle for sleepovers and dry humps. He's handing over the mans role to you. EDIT: and if CabooseGoose mean you have a Goose Caboose... he is ****ing up here big time. Edited January 1, 2018 by SpinScratch 1
jjgitties Posted January 1, 2018 Posted January 1, 2018 3. He does this weird thing during the sleepovers where while we're kissing he'll start dry humping me? I've never had a guy do that before, but he never really gets very far. I've felt him get hard though. It was only one time that we were really drunk that he couldn't get it up. I think he just thinks that he's moving to fast? Very weird. and nope, i think he's messed up. you are bound to discover sooner or later what you are involved with. my advice, save yourself the headache and move on..
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