SpinScratch Posted December 30, 2017 Posted December 30, 2017 I met her on Tinder... yeah I know maybe she's lying. But I went on a couple dates with her and she seems shy and wholesome, but pretty open and honest about any topic. I'm 34 btw. She says guys are only interested in sex and not getting to know her first. this is why shes a virgin. After meeting her, I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt, while also being realistic that it could be a lie. Im sure it will be obvious if we have sex. I like her as a person and enjoy her company, but I honestly am attracted to the idea of her never had sex. I feel like at her age, if she decided to have sex with me first then she would be a devoted and faithful partner. She would take the relationship seriously. Im kind of attracted to that idea. I'm 34 now and having meaningful relationship is something Im ready for. Is there anything I really need to think hard about and consider before taking her virginity? If it gets that far, that is. Women and mens answers would both be appreciated.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted December 30, 2017 Posted December 30, 2017 I met her on Tinder... yeah I know maybe she's lying. But I went on a couple dates with her and she seems shy and wholesome, but pretty open and honest about any topic. I'm 34 btw. She says guys are only interested in sex and not getting to know her first. this is why shes a virgin. After meeting her, I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt, while also being realistic that it could be a lie. Im sure it will be obvious if we have sex. I like her as a person and enjoy her company, but I honestly am attracted to the idea of her never had sex. I feel like at her age, if she decided to have sex with me first then she would be a devoted and faithful partner. She would take the relationship seriously. Im kind of attracted to that idea. I'm 34 now and having meaningful relationship is something Im ready for. Is there anything I really need to think hard about and consider before taking her virginity? If it gets that far, that is. Women and mens answers would both be appreciated. There's no reason not to believe her on this. We're almost in 2018, not 1918. It's likely she's still quite experienced in other sexual acts, just not intercourse, which is really just the final step. I'd say, as a woman, just make sure you ARE ready for an actual relationship (and it sounds like you are) before you take that step with her. Don't do it just for the "novelty" and then break up with her 2 weeks later. 1
jjgitties Posted December 30, 2017 Posted December 30, 2017 (edited) but I honestly am attracted to the idea of her never had sex. I feel like at her age, if she decided to have sex with me first then she would be a devoted and faithful partner. She would take the relationship seriously. Im kind of attracted to that idea. what would give you that impression? it will still come down to how much she likes you back as a person on a day to day basis. her hymen does not have a nerve that connects to the middle of her heart. Is there anything I really need to think hard about and consider before taking her virginity? If it gets that far, that is. Women and mens answers would both be appreciated.I would be a little worried that she might be very inexperienced, hesitant, withdrawn in bed. Edited December 30, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Fix quote 2
Author SpinScratch Posted December 30, 2017 Author Posted December 30, 2017 There's no reason not to believe her on this. We're almost in 2018, not 1918. It's likely she's still quite experienced in other sexual acts, just not intercourse, which is really just the final step. I'd say, as a woman, just make sure you ARE ready for an actual relationship (and it sounds like you are) before you take that step with her. Don't do it just for the "novelty" and then break up with her 2 weeks later. She actually said she has only made out with a guy, and didnt want to have sex. Claims she's never given head or anything like that. Im definitely not into it for the novelty. I seems like a huge responsibility. I think I would need to be ready just as much as she does. My concern is that I'm basically going to have to teach her how do do everything from the ground up. I dont know how to teach someone to kiss, and "teaching" would probably take all the romanticism out of someones first time. Or does she even need to be taught? Does an animal instinct just take over? Im not really sure how to tackle this whole thing, even hugging her after a date I could feel how she's not used to physical contact.
Author SpinScratch Posted December 30, 2017 Author Posted December 30, 2017 I would be a little worried that she might be very inexperienced, hesitant, withdrawn in bed. You know, thats major. What if I build a relationship with her, earn her trust and take her virginity only to realize.... this is not a woman I want to have sex with. I think I'm going to have to lay out all these possibilities ahead of time. 1
caboosegoose Posted December 30, 2017 Posted December 30, 2017 I'm 22 and a virgin as well. I totally understand where she's coming from. I've been on a lot of dates with guys who try to hook up at the end of the first date. Personally I haven't wanted to have sex with any one of them because I've put a weird amount value on my virginity and I've been waiting for "the right guy." One of my biggest fears about losing my virginity is that I won't be good, and I feel like that is probably a common fear for virgins, especially when you're an older virgin (considering most women have sex around 18-20ish). Just have patience with her and show her that you really do care about her and that you don't just want to sleep with her. And don't make her do anything she clearly doesn't want to do or looks uncomfortable with because that sucks.
No_Go Posted December 30, 2017 Posted December 30, 2017 There's no reason not to believe her on this. We're almost in 2018, not 1918. It's likely she's still quite experienced in other sexual acts, just not intercourse, which is really just the final step. Nah, I was a virgin at her age - with *zero* experience (my first kiss was at 27, 3-4 days before my first intercourse). Btw I had no sexual inhibitions whatsoever, I'd been orgasmic (self-loving ) like 15 years before the first intercourse day. My first time was a multiple hour affair - the guy wanted to impress me obviously, the physical 'barriers' I took care to remove myself, it was actually kind of weird and awesome in the same time. Not every virgin is waiting for prince on a white horse. In my case I just put 'dating' on the end of my priority list - there was never time for it. My first guy was borderline rapey, I mean I wanted it but he pushed real hard to get laid, if he didn't - I swear I'd have stayed virgin for forever . 4
carhill Posted December 30, 2017 Posted December 30, 2017 I met her on Tinder... yeah I know maybe she's lying. But I went on a couple dates with her and she seems shy and wholesome, but pretty open and honest about any topic. I'm 34 btw. She says guys are only interested in sex and not getting to know her first. this is why shes a virgin. If you're interested accept her as authentic unless and until she proves otherwise. I like her as a person and enjoy her company, but I honestly am attracted to the idea of her never had sex. I feel like at her age, if she decided to have sex with me first then she would be a devoted and faithful partner. She would take the relationship seriously. Im kind of attracted to that idea. I wouldn't jump to any conclusions. Anything is possible. She could be a virgin bride. She could go on a sexual rampage. Anything. I'd take the virgin part completely out of the equation of attraction. Focus on her, who she is. I'm 34 now and having meaningful relationship is something Im ready for. Cool, communicate that to her and show her with your actions that such is your focus. Is there anything I really need to think hard about and consider before taking her virginity? If it gets that far, that is. Women and mens answers would both be appreciated. Communication about sex is always healthy so start there. Don't presume any lack of experience infers ignorance. She can be very knowledgeable about sex without substantial, or any, sexual experience. Talk about her preferences and insights. For example, what does 'virgin' mean to her? Overall, I'd watch the non-sexual physical interaction. A woman can be very physically affectionate and loving without obvious sexual content so I would expect her to be so if she truly likes you and is attracted to you. How does that go so far?
BaileyB Posted December 30, 2017 Posted December 30, 2017 I find it somewhat sad that we when someone reveals themselves to be a virgin, that she is not really believed. Look, the fact that she is a virgin does not necessarily mean that she will be a good and honest partner. Although, the thing that you need to consider before entering a sexual relationship with this woman is whether you plan to be a good and loyal partner. If she decides to have sex with you, I would hope that you are interested enough to stay around... to do anything less, would be quite hurtful. 1
MJJean Posted December 30, 2017 Posted December 30, 2017 Possible Concern 1: She may lose her virginity, embrace her sexuality, become curious and decide that she wants to experience other men. Possible Concern 2: She may actually not be into sex very much, have a naturally low or nonexistent libido, never really embrace sexuality, and be a prudish and reluctant lover. If it turns out that she isn't sexually compatible with you after you take her virginity, how would you handle that? Would you stay and settle for bad sex or would you want to end the relationship because sexual compatibility is important to you? 2
Author SpinScratch Posted December 30, 2017 Author Posted December 30, 2017 If it turns out that she isn't sexually compatible with you after you take her virginity, how would you handle that? Would you stay and settle for bad sex or would you want to end the relationship because sexual compatibility is important to you? Thats true, if there is no sexual chemistry, I would not want to continue the relationship. And maybe she wouldnt either. Obviously that is not something that will be determined the first time. I guess the only thing I could do is warn her of the possibilty we might not really mesh. I find it somewhat sad that we when someone reveals themselves to be a virgin, that she is not really believed. It wouldnt be the craziest lie a woman has told me.
heavenonearth Posted December 30, 2017 Posted December 30, 2017 I don't think it's that bad, I have a friend who is 37 and still a virgin, but it's because she never found the right guy and didn't want to have sex with someone she wasn't in love with. She was in love once but the guy didn't love her back so they never slept together. It's a bit sad, but everybody is different, and not everyone is conventional when it comes to sexual activity. I just think, as another poster here said, it could be that she will become more curious after you sleep together and want to sleep with other people, too. But it could also be that you guys fall in love and she will be faithful and your relationship will be great. You will never know. Just go with the flow, be honest and open with each other, and see where it goes. 2
Msday91 Posted December 31, 2017 Posted December 31, 2017 I had sex for the first time at 24. We did it only a few times then he didnt want to seem to do it anymore/made excuses. Maybe he couldnt be bothered to 'teach me' who knows, but think carefully about this and be sensitive with her and her needs if you do get to that point.
Author SpinScratch Posted December 31, 2017 Author Posted December 31, 2017 I had sex for the first time at 24. We did it only a few times then he didnt want to seem to do it anymore/made excuses. Maybe he couldnt be bothered to 'teach me' who knows, but think carefully about this and be sensitive with her and her needs if you do get to that point. Were you hoping the two of you would be together long term? Were you hurt that he lost interest? Did you sow your wild oats after that?
Msday91 Posted December 31, 2017 Posted December 31, 2017 Yes, as he waited months for sex I expected it would last. We had sex 2/3 times. I was drunk - pft. No, I have been celibate ever since - this was 7 months ago.
Msday91 Posted December 31, 2017 Posted December 31, 2017 One thing though I became VERY attached to him after that. But thats because I always felt I was waiting for my prince charming who would be worthy of my 'precious' (haha) virginity. Just be mindful of these factors, but dont worry if she choses to lose it to you thats her choice, you cant predict how she will feel after.
Author SpinScratch Posted December 31, 2017 Author Posted December 31, 2017 How was the sex? Were you clueless?
Msday91 Posted December 31, 2017 Posted December 31, 2017 Yeah I was you know haha It was meh there was no proper foreplay thats why I think
healing light Posted December 31, 2017 Posted December 31, 2017 I recently lost my virginity at 32 in mid November. I hadn't dated since I was 18 due to health issues (which I still have) and attracting the wrong kind of guy. I wanted to have sex with someone who respected me, ideally someone who I was in love with... it just hadn't happened prior to that point (one of my boyfriends actually broke up with me because he thought we were going to have sex, and he ended up becoming a pastor--there was no religious reason for the wait on my end). Anyway, my boyfriend had been with a dozen women before me. We did it about 2.5 months into dating and the sex itself lasted an hour... he said it was the most amazing he had ever had and accidentally slipped I love you for the first time later that night (which, at the time, I took with a grain of salt since I wasn't sure if it was just the sex talking). However, he did have to go slow with me in the beginning because the first 10 minutes hurt quite a bit (I didn't play around with toys so I was a total virgin in regards to penetration). I initiate every time we see each other and he says he often has to remind himself that I was a virgin because I'm a lot more touchy feely/less inhibited than the virgin he had been with before (and presumably some of the women who were experienced?). So, no, not all older virgins are weird, inhibited, or super clingy afterwards. Some of us just didn't have the same luck or circumstances that led to dating/falling in love. I could have lost my virginity a million times over in a bar or with the guy friends I've had, etc. but I just wanted someone that I was truly into where the feeling was reciprocal and expressed. That being said, I have no burning desire to go off and experience a ton of other men. I've always been fine with being with just one if the connection is right, even though I think that's unrealistic. So, I'm just seeing how it will go, but he is more special to me in part because I've been deprived and dickless for so long, and in part because he had the patience and caring to wait for me.
Els Posted December 31, 2017 Posted December 31, 2017 She actually said she has only made out with a guy, and didnt want to have sex. Claims she's never given head or anything like that. Im definitely not into it for the novelty. I seems like a huge responsibility. I think I would need to be ready just as much as she does. My concern is that I'm basically going to have to teach her how do do everything from the ground up. I dont know how to teach someone to kiss, and "teaching" would probably take all the romanticism out of someones first time. Or does she even need to be taught? Does an animal instinct just take over? Im not really sure how to tackle this whole thing, even hugging her after a date I could feel how she's not used to physical contact. I think in general, someone who has never had sex before might possibly take a bit longer to get into it, but there isn't necessarily a need to "teach" them everything. Lots of things are just basic instinct, and anything beyond that (technique etc) would likely need to be "taught" to someone who has had other sexual partners as well, since their exes might not like/want the same things that you do. I wouldn't really worry about the whole teaching bit. I will say though that if a girl has never had any kind of sex at 25 despite having had previous relationships, chances are that she may want to wait a long time before having sex. Is that something that you could be on board with, that you could genuinely accept without pressuring her to go sooner? By "long time" I don't just mean 6 dates or something, I mean potentially 6 months or more. When you do have sex, I'd strongly recommend starting with lots of making out and giving her oral. That's the absolute best way to ease a girl into it, IMO. It may be a good idea to have oral sex a few times before you consider having intercourse.
Author SpinScratch Posted December 31, 2017 Author Posted December 31, 2017 I think in general, someone who has never had sex before might possibly take a bit longer to get into it, but there isn't necessarily a need to "teach" them everything. Lots of things are just basic instinct, and anything beyond that (technique etc) would likely need to be "taught" to someone who has had other sexual partners as well, since their exes might not like/want the same things that you do. I wouldn't really worry about the whole teaching bit. I will say though that if a girl has never had any kind of sex at 25 despite having had previous relationships, chances are that she may want to wait a long time before having sex. Is that something that you could be on board with, that you could genuinely accept without pressuring her to go sooner? By "long time" I don't just mean 6 dates or something, I mean potentially 6 months or more. When you do have sex, I'd strongly recommend starting with lots of making out and giving her oral. That's the absolute best way to ease a girl into it, IMO. It may be a good idea to have oral sex a few times before you consider having intercourse. Nope she tells me there arent any previous relationships. She was a but of an ugly ducking as a teen... now she is beautiful. I cant believe nobody has pounced on this lol. I have the impression that she's not wanting to wait a super long time. But just enough to know that I want more than sex.... Kissing and oral for a while, thats what I was thinking too.
littleblackheart Posted December 31, 2017 Posted December 31, 2017 At 25, she knows what she wants. She's on Tinder, so chances are she is not completely unaware re sex or dating; at the very least, she has thought it through. Having sex with her is no more of a big responsibility than having sex with any other woman; if she gives you the green light, go for it! 1
TunaCat Posted December 31, 2017 Posted December 31, 2017 I am a 32 year old virgin. The only reason I stayed a virgin was because I was in an on again off again relationship with a guy for ten years who didn't want sex. He is literally the only guy I've ever been out with, it's not like I've had tons of options. He's been out of my life for almost 3 years and I'm STILL single & sexless. Not a single date of any kind. I'm totally not the clingy type at all. Nor am I inhibited, sexually speaking. So don't go by those stereotypes. 2
SevenCity Posted December 31, 2017 Posted December 31, 2017 Don’t look a gifted horse in the mouth. Funny how you mention the greater potential for loyalty. This is by far the number one thing men look for in a partner. Hard to find with all women. Don’t be down on having to teach her. That’s a good thing. I’ve had to teach all my LTR gfs. The end result is a custom product. The other option is a woman who thinks she’s good and usually isn’t (have had way too many of those). My ex wife was a virgin. It was a real pain (literally) for a year. It took her that long to enjoy it. The down side was is she didn’t have the sex drive I did (a lot had to do with religious reasons I think. It’s a crap shoot as evident from some of the former virgin posts. Just see where it goes and hopefully you’ll be compatible sexually. I’ll say this though, women never forget their first.
Author SpinScratch Posted January 1, 2018 Author Posted January 1, 2018 Yeah loyalty... The one thing Ive never really had from a woman. If I take this girls virginity and we hit it off... I'd probably die for her, with that level of loyalty. Even if the sex isnt up to par. For once that would be only mine and I would kill for her. Maybe its just a myth. We'll see.
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