xaviercross Posted December 30, 2017 Posted December 30, 2017 As the title states, my ex just texted after three months of NC "Hey, I hope you had a really good Christmas and Aus has been everything you hoped it to be." I met this guy living overseas. We were kinda friends but both fresh out of relationships so I guess we kind of ended up together when we really needed time apart. He also lived (and I think still does!) with his ex (they own a house together). During our time together, I was always planning on heading home and that freaked him out and he couldn't invest. After a few weeks he told me he slept with his ex so I broke things off. Then he told me he only said that because he knew if he asked me to stay I would have and that wasn't what I wanted. He was always busy, lots of communication by text, he always had to win an argument, never said sorry and things mostly had to be on his terms. We didn't hang out because he lived with his ex and I didn't feel like I could organise anything because I didn't feel confident that he liked me enough to want to spend that time together. So after the break up we kinda rekindled things slightly for a few months but I headed home three months ago. We tried to do long distance but that lasted two weeks. His communication was really in and out and it gave me anxiety so I freaked out and blocked him when I thought he was asleep. I unblocked him and he blocked me and it's been three months. Soooo... what do I do? I like him but I guess I feel like he has some toxic tendencies and I'm trying so hard to not keep falling into my pattern. I appreciate him reaching out because I know that would have been extremely difficult for him (pride). But I don't want to start anything while he still lives with his ex. Or really, I'm starting to move on as I see how unnecessarily hard our relationship was. But I felt so comfortable and happy with him during the few times we spent together... Help?
alterest Posted December 30, 2017 Posted December 30, 2017 As the title states, my ex just texted after three months of NC "Hey, I hope you had a really good Christmas and Aus has been everything you hoped it to be." I met this guy living overseas. We were kinda friends but both fresh out of relationships so I guess we kind of ended up together when we really needed time apart. He also lived (and I think still does!) with his ex (they own a house together). During our time together, I was always planning on heading home and that freaked him out and he couldn't invest. After a few weeks he told me he slept with his ex so I broke things off. Then he told me he only said that because he knew if he asked me to stay I would have and that wasn't what I wanted. He was always busy, lots of communication by text, he always had to win an argument, never said sorry and things mostly had to be on his terms. We didn't hang out because he lived with his ex and I didn't feel like I could organise anything because I didn't feel confident that he liked me enough to want to spend that time together. So after the break up we kinda rekindled things slightly for a few months but I headed home three months ago. We tried to do long distance but that lasted two weeks. His communication was really in and out and it gave me anxiety so I freaked out and blocked him when I thought he was asleep. I unblocked him and he blocked me and it's been three months. Soooo... what do I do? I like him but I guess I feel like he has some toxic tendencies and I'm trying so hard to not keep falling into my pattern. I appreciate him reaching out because I know that would have been extremely difficult for him (pride). But I don't want to start anything while he still lives with his ex. Or really, I'm starting to move on as I see how unnecessarily hard our relationship was. But I felt so comfortable and happy with him during the few times we spent together... Help? You both ended up cause distance, right? Maybe he miss you somehow. What you can do is wish him happy holidays too and leave it be. If he want to reconcile or anything else he will tell you. Everything that you think or anyone here say is only especulation.
divegrl Posted December 30, 2017 Posted December 30, 2017 This was just a friendly text. There’s really nothing more to it. Text him back, if you wish. But otherwise keep moving on and living your life. Take care my friend.
sdraw108 Posted December 30, 2017 Posted December 30, 2017 It doesn't sound like this relationship had much going for it. Distance, living with the ex, lies, arguments, bad communication, on again / off again. Why waste time on it when you could be looking for someone compatible?
1fish2fish Posted December 30, 2017 Posted December 30, 2017 It was nothing more than a Christmas breadcrumb and meant nothing. I would do nothing.
Beachead Posted December 30, 2017 Posted December 30, 2017 As the title states, my ex just texted after three months of NC "Hey, I hope you had a really good Christmas and Aus has been everything you hoped it to be." I met this guy living overseas. We were kinda friends but both fresh out of relationships so I guess we kind of ended up together when we really needed time apart. He also lived (and I think still does!) with his ex (they own a house together). During our time together, I was always planning on heading home and that freaked him out and he couldn't invest. After a few weeks he told me he slept with his ex so I broke things off. Then he told me he only said that because he knew if he asked me to stay I would have and that wasn't what I wanted. He was always busy, lots of communication by text, he always had to win an argument, never said sorry and things mostly had to be on his terms. We didn't hang out because he lived with his ex and I didn't feel like I could organise anything because I didn't feel confident that he liked me enough to want to spend that time together. So after the break up we kinda rekindled things slightly for a few months but I headed home three months ago. We tried to do long distance but that lasted two weeks. His communication was really in and out and it gave me anxiety so I freaked out and blocked him when I thought he was asleep. I unblocked him and he blocked me and it's been three months. Soooo... what do I do? I like him but I guess I feel like he has some toxic tendencies and I'm trying so hard to not keep falling into my pattern. I appreciate him reaching out because I know that would have been extremely difficult for him (pride). But I don't want to start anything while he still lives with his ex. Or really, I'm starting to move on as I see how unnecessarily hard our relationship was. But I felt so comfortable and happy with him during the few times we spent together... Help? Hmm, I agree with 1fish2fish and wouldn't intrepret his message as anything more than a Christmas breadcrumb. Reason being is he didn't really ask you any questions about what was going on in your life. Instead he did the old "Wish you well" routine. But on the off chance I am wrong and should you want to respond, then it's good to prepare yourself for the possibility that it might lead to something. So lets delve into it. If you see how unecessarily hard it was yourself and are starting to move on, then I'd leave that chapter closed and carry on with your life. The big red flag is him living with his ex. If you two start dating again, that would be pretty weird yea? It certainly would be weird for me. Unless there's children involved, she shouldn't be in the picture at all. Then when you throw the long distance component into this, it really does make everything unecessarily difficult. I would say, it's not worth the trouble. Best of luck 1
Author xaviercross Posted December 30, 2017 Author Posted December 30, 2017 Thanks for your thoughts. I did reply, couldn't help it. We chatted a little bit but I quickly realised and remembered how it felt being with him, the pressure and expectation for me to be a certain way. I don't really want to continue being in contact. It's a nice place to get to. 2
Beachead Posted December 30, 2017 Posted December 30, 2017 Thanks for your thoughts. I did reply, couldn't help it. We chatted a little bit but I quickly realised and remembered how it felt being with him, the pressure and expectation for me to be a certain way. I don't really want to continue being in contact. It's a nice place to get to. Glad you got to that point. There is a world of potential out there for you. Best of luck
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