Repeat offenders

[mortensorchid]

So I did the other day, I decided I am going to try again and I'm going to try OLD again. This time of year is a good time in which to do it because people are full of hope and wanting to try for the best. Results in the last few days? I've connected with a few here and there, nothing odd or worthy of writing home about (or to this forum about) as of yet.

 

One thing I do not get, however, is the repeat offenders coming out of the walls. I have met these guys in the past and they attempt to reach out and again. One I mentioned to him when he tried to connect with me sometime this past year on Facebook that we had met already a few years ago on (website) and since I never heard from him again after that I said NEXT and moved on. He said first dates are hard, give me another chance. I said NO WAY and blocked him. He tried to get back with me on that website. I blocked him.

 

Then I got another message from a guy who I met last year or the year before and he reached out again. I never heard from him after meeting him at a coffee shop, he seemed like a decent guy, but his behaviors told me he was not interested. I found him on Facebook and was going out with this other woman for a while, clearly he's not with her anymore.

 

Why reach out to someone you rejected again? They must think that I am an idiot for not remembering things or that I would give in and say "Yes I will meet you again".

[SevenCity]

Sex and lack of current options.

 

With OLD, people tend to go for the best they can get. If they find someone they like better they will ditch other people for them. When that doesn’t pan out, the others you rejected don’t look so bad anymore.

 

But from a guy’s perspective, you’ll want to steer clear of these men as they are not really interested in you for long term.

[mortensorchid]

Sex and lack of current options.

 

With OLD, people tend to go for the best they can get. If they find someone they like better they will ditch other people for them. When that doesn’t pan out, the others you rejected don’t look so bad anymore.

 

But from a guy’s perspective, you’ll want to steer clear of these men as they are not really interested in you for long term.

 

That was clear to me based on their behaviors. You don't want someone who rejected you or decided you weren't worth their time the first time around. I'm not that lonely or desperate to have someone in my life as they are.

[carhill]

1. Guys don't form emotional memories regarding rejection, in general, the way women do. Our brains don't, again in general, operate that way. We've dealt with rejection, competition and brutality since birth

 

2. Men generally don't get anywhere in life without being persistent. We're lone warriors, not networking gatherers like women are. We set goals and are persistent in reaching them or we die alone trying. Another member mentioned sex. Yup, replicating our genes is a strong drive. Persistent.

 

Looking at the title of the thread, and driving by it only a couple days ago, I like to use the prison test. How many repeat offenders are locked up and what gender are they?

 

Yup.

[GemmaUK]

That's just 'one of those things' with OLD and very common.

More common if you have corresponded or been on a date with any of them.

If either of those things happened then, hey, you're single and showed some interest so they may as well try again.

[I'veseenbetterlol]

Sex and lack of current options.

 

With OLD, people tend to go for the best they can get. If they find someone they like better they will ditch other people for them. When that doesn’t pan out, the others you rejected don’t look so bad anymore.

 

But from a guy’s perspective, you’ll want to steer clear of these men as they are not really interested in you for long term.

 

Def a theme in dating. I had a guy who flaked on me twice apologize to me 3 months later cause he happened to see me (we worked in the same area).

Had I not seen them, they would have never reached out.

[act00]

LOL! I had a guy write me on the dating app - totally didn't remember me AT ALL. We had exchanged numbers the first time. We texted and even talked on the phone. It turned out he lived in a city 90 minutes away, but his profile still listed the city I live in. I had allowed FB friends but with serious restrictions...don't do that. When we texted again, he didn't remember me. I remembered I had added him on FB and deleted. A few days later, another friend request. He must friend every woman whose phone number connects to him on FB. The whole situation was off, and he must talk to a LOT of women if he can't remember me, AT ALL.

 

I guess the question is if the second time will be any different. If there was nothing there the first time or someone else was more interesting to him, what will make you "it" the next time? It's possible it could work out, and I guess it depends on your personal comfort zone and your personal boundaries, but if you really hit it off with the guy the first time (you more than him ), a couple drinks and some nice conversation and getting out for a little bit, maybe some smoochie, can do some good for a girl. Just be careful and don't hold high expectations. It's possible this other woman was a rebound, and now he's ready to settle down...who knows?

 

You state a considerable amount of time had gone by with these guys, and people change over a year or three. Unless he's after filler companionship (replacement) or easy sex, is it possible you struck a cord and the timing wasn't right?

 

Of course, you don't want to be second choice or a filler or anything, I get that, and if he was kind of a butt the first time, will that have changed?

 

I'm not saying you're required to go out with the repeats. It's entirely up to you. Don't do it if you don't want. I've had a few returns, and these are guys I didn't even meet yet, so why the hell not...and I have also just ignored, as they didn't really trip my trigger the first time. I guess you gauge it with each individual. I've had a couple ghostings where I tried again, and the second time didn't work either, but I was pretty infatuated and felt it was worth a shot. This was mostly for me...now I know for sure...yes, it hurt.

 

Good luck. I think the big idea here is to just take it one day at a time...one date at a time, and don't expect a lot...you just can't. I'm not talking about repeats specifically, but OLD in general. Consider it meeting someone new, having some laughs and conversation, and you get out of the house for a few hours.

[Simple Logic]

A. Due to volumn, they don’t remember who they have contacted.

B. They believe they are so cool you will change your opinion of them.

C. They think you are so stupid you don’t remember them.

D. They get off on someone answering even if it is a dead end.

[No_Go]

Sex and lack of current options.

 

Yep ^ . This sums it up.

 

I had this as well. I joined OLD for some time this year after 2+ years of a break. Sure enough SAME guys contacted me. Some that I chatted to but haven’t met (they forgot probably), others I met years ago (they also forgot???).

Also - the brother of a dude I dated (sort of - met 6 times and then told him to be just friends, still friends and meeting up years later). Another one: my long term ex-bf - we started breaking up last October (2016), stopped FWB-post break up in May this year ... And he’s still angrily contacting me again and again. WTH???

[Arieswoman]

mortensorchid,

I also experienced this when I used OLD, then had a break, then used it again.

 

I met one guy, we got on OK and he said he'd call and didn't.

4 months later he answered my ad again and said that he had gone out with someone else and she proved to be a gold-digger, and had dumped her and would I meet him.

I said nooooooo.

 

The same happened with another guy and after radio silence from him for 6 months, said that he's been sent abroad with the war in Afghanistan and could we meet up again. I asked why he couldn't contact me and let me know and he said that it was for "security reasons".

 

You have to give him his due he was bit more creative

 

I said noooooo.

 

Next !

[SevenCity]

LOL! I had a guy write me on the dating app - totally didn't remember me AT ALL. We had exchanged numbers the first time. We texted and even talked on the phone. It turned out he lived in a city 90 minutes away, but his profile still listed the city I live in. I had allowed FB friends but with serious restrictions...don't do that. When we texted again, he didn't remember me. I remembered I had added him on FB and deleted. A few days later, another friend request. He must friend every woman whose phone number connects to him on FB. The whole situation was off, and he must talk to a LOT of women if he can't remember me, AT ALL.

 

I guess the question is if the second time will be any different. If there was nothing there the first time or someone else was more interesting to him, what will make you "it" the next time? It's possible it could work out, and I guess it depends on your personal comfort zone and your personal boundaries, but if you really hit it off with the guy the first time (you more than him ), a couple drinks and some nice conversation and getting out for a little bit, maybe some smoochie, can do some good for a girl. Just be careful and don't hold high expectations. It's possible this other woman was a rebound, and now he's ready to settle down...who knows?

 

You state a considerable amount of time had gone by with these guys, and people change over a year or three. Unless he's after filler companionship (replacement) or easy sex, is it possible you struck a cord and the timing wasn't right?

 

Of course, you don't want to be second choice or a filler or anything, I get that, and if he was kind of a butt the first time, will that have changed?

 

I'm not saying you're required to go out with the repeats. It's entirely up to you. Don't do it if you don't want. I've had a few returns, and these are guys I didn't even meet yet, so why the hell not...and I have also just ignored, as they didn't really trip my trigger the first time. I guess you gauge it with each individual. I've had a couple ghostings where I tried again, and the second time didn't work either, but I was pretty infatuated and felt it was worth a shot. This was mostly for me...now I know for sure...yes, it hurt.

 

Good luck. I think the big idea here is to just take it one day at a time...one date at a time, and don't expect a lot...you just can't. I'm not talking about repeats specifically, but OLD in general. Consider it meeting someone new, having some laughs and conversation, and you get out of the house for a few hours.

 

 

I’ve had at least three women on bumble do this to me. We matched, chatted, never ended up getting together.

 

A few months later they would match with me again with a complete lack of recollection that we ever spoke.

 

Again, we never ended up meeting.

[mortensorchid]

I think there are those out there who I have named in this thread repeat offenders, but they are also serial daters too. I know people who are on multiple dating websites and apps, and it seems like every night or weekend they are meeting someone new. I determined this is how they operate : they just keep going from person to person, are fully knowing at another pass that this is the same person from before, and attempt again. If the person says no, they don't really care. It's like the dude who keeps asking everyone out until someone says yes.

 

Kind of sad.

[I'veseenbetterlol]

Sex and lack of current options.

 

With OLD, people tend to go for the best they can get. If they find someone they like better they will ditch other people for them. When that doesn’t pan out, the others you rejected don’t look so bad anymore.

 

But from a guy’s perspective, you’ll want to steer clear of these men as they are not really interested in you for long term.

 

My thoughts exactly. It actually happened recently to me. I happened to see a guy who pretty much ghosted quite awhile ago (prob was just looking for sex), right before I met my bf, we recognized each other and he looked completely shocked. He ended up texting me and I was amused, he was reaching out prob hoping for something cause he had no other options. I straight up told him I had a bf and I wasn't going to be texting random dudes. These guys act like they are something special, that I will fall at their feet when I see them after they have ghosted me, as if.....

[SevenCity]

I think there are those out there who I have named in this thread repeat offenders, but they are also serial daters too. I know people who are on multiple dating websites and apps, and it seems like every night or weekend they are meeting someone new. I determined this is how they operate : they just keep going from person to person, are fully knowing at another pass that this is the same person from before, and attempt again. If the person says no, they don't really care. It's like the dude who keeps asking everyone out until someone says yes.

 

Kind of sad.

 

Mort - I would think you would be more understanding of men given your current difficulties finding someone. You really have no idea what dating is like for a man. Often numbers is the only thing that will get you results.

 

You were on old for, what, a few days before you started getting hits? That’s not the case for most men. Most have to keep throwing crap at the wall to see what sticks. It’s not just a matter of throwing up some pics and waiting for the responses to flow in.

 

I agree that it is sad, but for completely different reasons.