Sick and tired of being the only single friend...

[SevenCity]

I've given it a shot, yes. I've been on some dates but nothing of quality. Don't get me wrong, nice guys, but it was painfully obvious why they haven't been taken off the market yet.

 

I also find it inaccurate. There are men I wouldn't be interested in based on a profile or a picture, but in life I would feel interest.

 

 

 

I've been told I'm attractive, and I've never had a problem attracting men. But in order to attract them, you have to make yourself seen. You need to go out and socialize, and when alone I find that I've attracted all the wrong kind of men. Even if I attracted some good ones, it's not exactly a great opening line when someone says "Are you here alone? Why? Why doesn't a woman like you have a boyfriend?"

 

I don't even know how to respond to that...

 

“Because you haven’t asked me out yet”

 

Though I find it an extremely idiotic question and wouldn’t waste my time with them anyway.

 

At least you guys go out - I have zero desire and sit home unless I have a date.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

You're right. Life IS unfair. In different ways for different people. The true test of character is how you rise above that fact because we are actual not entitled to anything in this life - health, wealth, or love.

[Chilli]

Hey! Youre not alone. Pardon the pun. I go to the pics alone, and go to pubs and restaurants alone.

 

What pissed me off last time was when I went to a local chinese restaurant and I asked for a table for one and the waiter said no girlfriend?

 

I replied no, and the he replied:

 

"What no boyfriend"! Gees....I m looking for food not a relationship lol

 

Have you tried internet dating?

 

 

 

l never do stuff like that alone ,maybe l should twist my own arm and give it a go or seems l'm not gonna even have a life the way l'm going.

 

Another problem l have is the house l've just bought on my own is in a new town that all seem to be family and couples anyway. Don't know anyone here and there's nothing going on.

 

But also l dunno what it is about this house though but l can just roam around at home doing whatever and be just very comfortable at that. So l'll have to watch it or l won't go anywhere or do a damn thing if l'm not careful it's too comfortable just hanging out at home.

Edited December 30, 2017 by Chilli

[Zippy2000]

l never do stuff like that alone ,maybe l should twist my own arm and give it a go or seems l'm not gonna even have a life the way l'm going.

 

Another problem l have is the house l've just bought on my own is in a new town that all seem to be family and couples anyway. Don't know anyone here and there's nothing going on.

 

But also l dunno what it is about this house though but l can just roam around at home doing whatever and be just very comfortable at that. So l'll have to watch it or l won't go anywhere or do a damn thing if l'm not careful it's too comfortable just hanging out at home.

 

Im aloud to go to bars alone and the cinema alone. Why should that be an issue?

 

Ive been doing it for the lat 6 years now. I dont have any issue at all and Im a male. I have a female friend that goes to the pics alone and on holiday alone. Nothing wrong with it.

[SammySammy]

Singles groups.

[Versacehottie]

I'll state the obvious. If you don't enjoy hanging around with all of your coupled friends, you need to make more single friends. Single friends are likely going through a lot of the same life experiences that you are at the time. And while nothing can replace life-long friendships and deep (favorite) friends, it's just a logistical fact that you need to cover your bases with some single people whose current lifestyles match up more with yours. You could meet mr right at a BBQ where everyone is coupled up or your best friends party for her 2 year old but it's less likely.

 

Don't be whiney, be proactive. Wondering why and if something is wrong with you will mess with your mindset. When part of the job will be taken care of by finding a friend to share your current state with--then maybe you will realize that you are not so different and everyone goes through dating woes. It could bolster up your mindset AND take the emphasis off just "finding a guy". When you make new girl friends, hopefully it will end up being much more well-rounded than just that and make you more attractive to date in the process. Good luck

[preraph]

you're got to learn to like your own company. I like going most places by myself. the more important it is, the more likely I am to go alone so no one else can mess it up. I find myself endlessly amusing. That said, I wish my friends weren't working during the day and could do more lunches.

 

Get involved in your community. Volunteer for something, crime watch, a charity, go to community meetings and get to know your neighbors and first responders that way. Join a ladies meetup group and do that once a month and see if you click with anyone (so far what's happened with mine is one person dominates the conversation so you can't talk to the ones you might actually like, but they can't all be that way.)

 

Don't get in a hurry to marry and have kids. It's a dangerous state to be in and you'll make wrong choices if you do that. instead, invest this time making yourself more interesting, taking up new hobbies and activities, reading the Washington Post or Wall Street Journal or something reliable and unbiased to get your news and stay informed, avoid idiots who think politics is a football game where you choose a team and are loyal for no reason, travel any you can, even if it's only a day trip. Make a nice nest, get a house with a yard and get a couple of dogs to be your very best friends.

 

Don't put off doing things waiting for a partner. You need to be doing things already to be interesting to others. Don't get caught in that Catch 22. Get busy. Live.

[Hopeful30]

Thank you for your responses but it's repeated advice all over again. I'm not aspiring to marriage or kids. I don't want That. And of course I need more single friends, obviously! Question is where do I make them?

 

I joined a single women's group through meet up but they're mostly older in their 40s, and as a 28 year old it's not exactly fun for them to do young things. The mentality is a bit different.

 

Again, I've done all the traveling and being single fun stuff. I'm just bored of it. I love my own company but you can't be in your own company all the time. It's not healthy. You need to balance with social relationships, which all change once people settle down and start families.

[Imajerk17]

I am sorry to hear that you are frustrated Hopeful30, but some perspective would be useful here. There are plenty of women in their 30s--older than you at 28---who are single--and on Match. Meanwhile there are plenty of women who left bad marriages and now they are trying to date, all the while taking care of their kids. What's more, on top of trying to find a decent guy, these women are trying to find a decent guy who doesn't view her kids as a dealbreaker. You don't have these problems.

 

So no it's not like the grass is green under everyone else but you.

 

Meanwhile what are you doing to meet men? You aren't doing OLD, while most other women who are looking for love, ARE online. Have you tried CrossFit? What about other hobbies. Besides That leaves you set-ups and waiting for guys to approach, unfortunately. And is really NO ONE asking you out, or is it just no one whom you are attracted to at that moment?

 

I agree w @CautiouslyOptimistic. Just as guys who struggle w dating have to hear that they aren't entitled to love, neither are you. In this life we make our own luck.

Edited December 30, 2017 by Imajerk17

[Chilli]

Im aloud to go to bars alone and the cinema alone. Why should that be an issue?

 

Ive been doing it for the lat 6 years now. I dont have any issue at all and Im a male. I have a female friend that goes to the pics alone and on holiday alone. Nothing wrong with it.

 

Of course your aloud , well unless your 3, dunno where that's comin from.

 

Why should it be an issue, well it ain't , personally though l just feel a bit weird going to places like that alone.

[mortensorchid]

Someone already said this and pardon my repeating and the pun, but you're not alone. This time of year is stressful and not fun in which to be reminded that you are single based on what is going on around you. At least they don't run those commercials for diamonds as much as they used to because they made me sick.

 

THink of things this way ...

 

Would you rather be with someone who is making you unhappy during this time of year? Are you going to be with someone because you want to be with someone so badly that you will overlook obvious red flags?

 

And think of things this way ...

 

There are some guys out there who would never do or say anything courteous towards you (from holding a door open for you to giving you diamonds) if there wasn't a possibility of sex behind it. Surely you've met a few like that by now.

 

I think what makes me depressed is the fact that I have been with so many losers or those whose flaws I ignored, or those who would not commit or chose to commit to a trashy girl who came along right after me and then got taken to the cleaners. Did I ignore the Nice Guy? Once or twice I did, but that was a long time ago.

 

All you can do is keep moving forward. If that means being single forever, it might, but whatever you do don't cry to friends and acquaintance about it. No one wants to be around a sad sack.

[rightondude]

people talk about online dating like it's a panacea, and it's not, but have you tried it?

 

where do you live, heck I'll intro you to some friends if you happen to be in my 100 mile radius :-)

 

keep your head up. the world is big (real big), surely you have some common interests, if not just being a boss with your own company where you meet other entrepreneurs? Sounds like you got it going on to me.

[rightondude]

Someone already said this and pardon my repeating and the pun, but you're not alone. This time of year is stressful and not fun in which to be reminded that you are single based on what is going on around you. At least they don't run those commercials for diamonds as much as they used to because they made me sick.

 

THink of things this way ...

 

Would you rather be with someone who is making you unhappy during this time of year? Are you going to be with someone because you want to be with someone so badly that you will overlook obvious red flags?

 

And think of things this way ...

 

There are some guys out there who would never do or say anything courteous towards you (from holding a door open for you to giving you diamonds) if there wasn't a possibility of sex behind it. Surely you've met a few like that by now.

 

I think what makes me depressed is the fact that I have been with so many losers or those whose flaws I ignored, or those who would not commit or chose to commit to a trashy girl who came along right after me and then got taken to the cleaners. Did I ignore the Nice Guy? Once or twice I did, but that was a long time ago.

 

All you can do is keep moving forward. If that means being single forever, it might, but whatever you do don't cry to friends and acquaintance about it. No one wants to be around a sad sack.

 

no offense (seriously) but weren't you asking pretty much the same advice in a different thread?

 

I don't have any magic bullet to add. All I can say is that there's tons of guys out there (like me) looking for women who want the same things you want. I don't think I'm a total loser just like you don't think it. How can we all be alone out there together, yet so seemingly incompatible at the same time?

[kassy]

Ok I'm going to be a bit harsh, you sound like someone who wants a guy to come along and make everything better. Where is your life ? Where are your hobbies? Why don't you get out and find out what's going on in your neighborhood and join in? Why can't you hang out with couples some times?

 

Stop throwing a pity party for one (we have all done it) and go sort your life out. Make some new friends and start online dating too.

 

Your life is what you make it.

 

Why did you buy a house in the suburbs of you don't like it there? Maybe rent it and move into an apartment in a more single friendly area of the city?

 

Go to the local shelter and foster a middle aged dog that's good to go (been abandoned but already toilet trained and able to walk on a leash etc etc). No huge commitment as it's a foster, but you'll meet all your neighbors and everyone at the local dog park and have a reason to go out. Also dogs in foster situations are more likely to get adopted so that's a good deed. You'll also get to know the people at the shelter. And dogs rock for companionship.

 

Get out there, find some friends, get a life, have some hobbies and be ok being single but also date.

 

I don't want to date someone who needs me to give them a life. My boyfriend doesn't have many friends, but he has lots of hobbies and has lots of acquaintances through them, he loves his job and spends time with his kids. He doesn't need me to have a happy life, I just add to his already great life. Get what I'm saying?

[Nilfiry]

I like going out alone. I go to classical concert, tea shops/cafes, parks, and malls alone all the time. You get to do everything at your own pace and not have to care about anyone else. It is great!

 

No? Just me?

 

So, have you tried local meet ups or picking up a hobby and joining local hobby clubs? That could be a great way to meet new people. Where I live, there are local meet ups that will gather in public places and do things like discuss various topics, watch movies, read books, gardening, and even do SCIENCE! There are also clubs around that do various hobbies. For example, there is a biking club near my house, and I only knew they exist because I get stuck driving behind them sometimes.

 

So check your area to see what they have and go from there.

[Noproblem]

I would find single friends like you, why bother with people in relationships, in my experience, they don't value friendships that much and some women will think you'll steal their men.

 

Start at meet up or anywhere where you can find single friends.

 

 

Also, please change your place!

 

Live in the city!

 

Don't live in a suburbs, believe me I know, it's not for single people at all!

[Maggie4]

People get caught in these viscious circles that they can't get out of.

 

You said you are crying, obviously unhappy. People stay away from unhappy people, so great guys sense it and maybe decide not to approach you? Are you aware of the look on your own face when out alone? Hard to meet people when unhappy, so you become more unhappy.

 

Sometimes guys get caught in a viscious circle. Guy thinks women mistreat him, so he has a negative attitude. This attitude brings on being dumped. Prophesy self-fullfilled.

 

Hopeful30. I think you know something's gotta give. The more you want it, the more it eludes you. Sometimes love finds you when you're not looking. In the meantime, make a holiday wish and I hope it comes true for you

[Popsicle]

Is there any way you can make other single fiends? By far I have the best time with my single friends. It’s kind of sad because it took me years to develop these friendships and now I’m going to be moving away in a few months.

[Versacehottie]

What makes you say that? Attending scheduled classes you pay for and making individual times to enjoy someone's company are surely different things. Plus you don't make a commitment right away for 3-4 times a week. You can work up to that. I think dating is very different than joining a fitness program lol

 

Because you have an excuse and a rebuttal for every positive advice and useful suggestion people are giving you. In order to make your love life happen you are going to have to carve out space, time and take a risk. It sounds completely silly that you are moaning about not wanting to find the guy in this place, that place or the other place and not having time for this that and the rest. It's either purely logistical and you are going to have to accept that you just don't have time right now and a bf doesn't fit into your life (plenty of guys do that all the time and some women I know) and enjoy it and move through your other goals----or you are going to (hopefully) come to the realization that some people in life are "poor me, whoa is me" and almost enjoy complaining about their situation and being melancholy OVER actually solving the issue and you don't want to be that type of person. The burden to change things as you have been doing them if you want your life to change is actually on you.

 

BTW, you can do another fitness program that isn't a 3-4 day a week commitment or is drop in, whatever. You just have to expand your horizons and IMAGINE what could be.

 

Sometimes if you really want to "have" what other people "have", the smartest way is to follow by their example. Right now you seem to be hyper-focused on your own examples of failures, i.e. "that avenue won't work because it failed for me in the past". You could start by doing some research of how people met their significant others/bfs/gfs. An informal poll. I have absolutely met bfs and guys I've dated through my fitness stuff. Also directly through work, indirectly through work, through friends, through very new acquaintances almost strangers, in line at the bank, in a parking lot--I can really think of a ton of ways--I personally have met guys.

 

And I say this all the time on this site people need to not think linear--all you need to do is expand your horizons, be open and say yes more. Your potential bf may not be in your cross fit group or a new ballet class you take up BUT you may make a friend through that activity who invites you to a party where you meet him, or bump into a guy on the street with a new acquaintance after cross fit or get set up by a new friend from cross fit. Or simply becoming FB friends with new acquaintances can have their guy friends, brothers or cousins checking you out. There are a million possibilities if you are willing to open your eyes. It's really on you now. Show that you are open. It's just funny that you are getting lots of suggestions and shooting down all of them. Kinda shows your mindset and don't think it doesn't seep through into your daily life and how you approach things and AFFECT that life and block you from your most important goal.