Sick and tired of being the only single friend...

[Hopeful30]

I've found that most guys I meet in this age group through work or friends are already in established families (or married). This might be a bit biased, but people in this age group who go to clubs and bars regularly are also not in my taste. I don't have the time or money to spend on alcohol or parties, because of full-time work and part-time study. I have other priorities. The kind of man I'm looking for would be similar.

 

I've been on online dating for about 6 months, and got some dates but they were disappointing as per misleading photos or serious character issues that came out during the date.

 

So how do people like this find each other? I myself don't have a lot of time to spend on online dating, and just found the time to make this post because school and work are on holidays. Spending time with family and friends is great and all, but being single throughout it all has gotten old.

 

I've been travelling the world the last 4 years alone and single. I've grown personally, I continue to work on myself and making myself a better person, but among it all I still crave a genuine relationship. Doesn't even have to be long term, I just miss having the authentic company and body of a man. I don't have sex unless I'm in a relationship, which means since my last relationship (the ex who tried to kill me), I haven't had sex in over half a year (my longest has been 2 years). For the record, all my exes have been wonderful and good relationships. I don't know what happened with my bipolar ex. We're all allowed mistakes (this isn't a pattern is what I'm saying). I have good judge of character, which is perhaps why I'm typically surrounded by very uplifting and good people. The down-side is because they're so great, they're usually in relationships.

 

In any case, I'm not looking for Mr. Right or Perfect. This is a new age concept that is silly. I'm simply looking for someone authentic who has his head on straight and is going places. In other words, a male counterpart to myself.

 

Online dating hasn't been successful for me, the blind dates my parents set me up on were all desperate (I'm sorry) losers who are single for very obvious reasons, and the most irritating of it all is I still get comments like "Why is someone as smart and beautiful as you single?" Makes me want to punch someone.

 

Where have you met quality men in this age group among having lots on your plate? If not a relationship, at least an authentic man that I can smell, touch and enjoy. I don't mean empty sex, I mean genuinely getting to the core of what makes a man and man, and enjoying him in every way, sexually, conversationally, even man smell.

[ShyLove]

Do you live near museums and/or art galleries? I have met good, looking interesting men there within this age range. Coffee shops? People tend to be very friendly in coffee shops and I have gotten some dates with men who are level headed there as well. It may depend on where you live.

 

Good luck

[Hopeful30]

Do you live near museums and/or art galleries? I have met good, looking interesting men there within this age range. Coffee shops? People tend to be very friendly in coffee shops and I have gotten some dates with men who are level headed there as well. It may depend on where you live.

 

Good luck

 

I haven't been to the museum in a while actually, that's a good idea! Lots of people go in couples, but I don't really care about that. I enjoy museums and can spend a whole day alone there. If it ups my chances of meeting someone even better.

 

Thank you for that tip! So simple, don't know why I didn't think of it before.

[ShyLove]

haha

 

Yes I think going alone would be great! I wish I had the guts to go places alone. I think being alone will up your chances of meeting someone. I went to a museum with a guy I'm dating and we were browsing in separate areas of the museum and a very cute guy did strike up a conversation. Of course I didn't let it lead to anything -but it could have

 

Also, I know you said you don't want to go to bars but have you ever gone to one early in the evening while live jazz or live reggae bands were playing? Good guys go to those types of things too. I have 3 friends who met their boyfriends at things like that. Smart, professional guys!

 

Good luck!!

[Hopeful30]

haha

 

Yes I think going alone would be great! I wish I had the guts to go places alone. I think being alone will up your chances of meeting someone. I went to a museum with a guy I'm dating and we were browsing in separate areas of the museum and a very cute guy did strike up a conversation. Of course I didn't let it lead to anything -but it could have

 

Also, I know you said you don't want to go to bars but have you ever gone to one early in the evening while live jazz or live reggae bands were playing? Good guys go to those types of things too. I have 3 friends who met their boyfriends at things like that. Smart, professional guys!

 

Good luck!!

 

I don't like doing things alone either, that's why I smoke a big fat joint beforehand and it makes things much more enjoyable and fun lol

 

I enjoy live music...it's not weird to go alone to those things? Plus it seems like it would be too loud to actually have a conversation. I suppose the joint will help in that situation too haha

[ShyLove]

haha! Whatever works

 

hmm Well the bands do take lots of breaks in between sets but good point lol I do see people who are alone during the early evening hours. I never judged them for it. In fact I admired them. Try to sit at the bar if you can. Then you can mingle with people buying drinks or ordering food

[d0nnivain]

You can meet people all sorts of places. Have you looked around school or at work? I don't mean your company; I mean the people you see routinely during your work day -- who is around when you get coffee? Who is there at your favorite lunch place?

 

I know you don't have a lot of time with work & school but try volunteering somewhere doing something you are passionate about: fighting disease, preserving art; politics; rescuing animals . . . whatever floats your boat.

 

Also do things to advance your career. I met my husband at a business card exchange. Try going to Chamber of Commerce meetings or industry events.

[Maggie4]

Please, no online dating. Women your age should be meeting men in person. Through friends, work, school. I think young people must be more isolated now, despite all this outward appearance of facebook friends and communications technologies. Uber wouldn't be so popular if people are still giving rides to friends around town. Now no more relying on friends, not necessary, just pay. As for dating, imo social contact is still the way to go.

[alphamale]

In any case, I'm not looking for Mr. Right or Perfect.

 

so, you're looking for Mr. Right Now?

 

try joining some groups on meetup.com

[newyorker11356]

Please, no online dating. Women your age should be meeting men in person. Through friends, work, school. I think young people must be more isolated now, despite all this outward appearance of facebook friends and communications technologies. Uber wouldn't be so popular if people are still giving rides to friends around town. Now no more relying on friends, not necessary, just pay. As for dating, imo social contact is still the way to go.

 

Why can't one use both? I never understand this.

 

Not everyone is lucky to meet someone through friends, work, school, etc. Some don't even want to date anyone from work or school (at least in the same class).

[FilterCoffee]

Have you tried the library? What about places where people play sport like the golf course or range? How about the gym? You should meet guys doing things you enjoy, otherwise it’s going to feel unnatural.

[alphamale]

Have you tried the library?

 

that's a great place to meet nerds

[Purepony]

I haven't been to the museum in a while actually, that's a good idea! Lots of people go in couples, but I don't really care about that. I enjoy museums and can spend a whole day alone there. If it ups my chances of meeting someone even better.

 

Thank you for that tip! So simple, don't know why I didn't think of it before.

 

 

Yeah most people go out as couples and even if you are alone well I’ve been to many many museum, coffee shops and I have yet to see anyone approach anyone

 

I think once you are over 30 it just gets more difficult to meet quality people.

I’m suprised with you touring the world 4 times you didn’t run into someone.

 

Maybe it’s just in LA

[rushed]

I've mentioned this before on this site a few times, but a crossfit gym is a great place. Unlike a regular gym, it's very community orientated, meaning everyone supports and encourages each other. You have time before and after class to talk, and not in an awkward manner either. It's so easy to ask where they're headed off to after the workout or ask how long they've been going there, etc. Also, since it's not cheap, you know that everyone there at the very least has a decent job. Plus, there are so many beautiful and fit men there. And at the box I went to every guy was super nice (they weren't your stereo-typical dude-bro type).

[mortensorchid]

Meetups are good things to try to meet people with. But I would not see them as the end all / be all. Just an avenue.

 

If there was an answer for you or anyone else, I would tell you the answer. But I don't have it. Like no one has the answer. I stopped doing OLD a while ago and I can say that I am happier without it. In that I am not meeting or at least chatting with someone and then getting disappointed.

[Hopeful30]

You can meet people all sorts of places. Have you looked around school or at work? I don't mean your company; I mean the people you see routinely during your work day -- who is around when you get coffee? Who is there at your favorite lunch place?

 

I know you don't have a lot of time with work & school but try volunteering somewhere doing something you are passionate about: fighting disease, preserving art; politics; rescuing animals . . . whatever floats your boat.

 

Also do things to advance your career. I met my husband at a business card exchange. Try going to Chamber of Commerce meetings or industry events.

 

I work in a rehab centre. That's the last place I would look for a man lol! Surrounding food places included.

 

Have you tried the library? What about places where people play sport like the golf course or range? How about the gym? You should meet guys doing things you enjoy, otherwise it’s going to feel unnatural.

 

I enjoy work and study! Lol I enjoy both way too much to risk getting involved with anyone from those environments. I've done that before and it only spoils things. I like my love life and everything else to be separate. I've learned that the hard way.

 

Yeah most people go out as couples and even if you are alone well I’ve been to many many museum, coffee shops and I have yet to see anyone approach anyone

 

I think once you are over 30 it just gets more difficult to meet quality people.

I’m suprised with you touring the world 4 times you didn’t run into someone.

 

Maybe it’s just in LA

 

I've met plenty of wonderful people but as you're travelling the world, youre too busy jumping from place to place to date regularly so it grows into something. I keep in touch with some of these guys, but I don't like any of them enough yo make serious effort. Yeah you would think I would have met someone. I've literally been to 20+ countries lol I suppose it's not as simple as people say.

 

I've mentioned this before on this site a few times, but a crossfit gym is a great place. Unlike a regular gym, it's very community orientated, meaning everyone supports and encourages each other. You have time before and after class to talk, and not in an awkward manner either. It's so easy to ask where they're headed off to after the workout or ask how long they've been going there, etc. Also, since it's not cheap, you know that everyone there at the very least has a decent job. Plus, there are so many beautiful and fit men there. And at the box I went to every guy was super nice (they weren't your stereo-typical dude-bro type).

 

Great idea, but no time. I work 10 hour days and what's left in evenings and weekends is for school. Even the time off I have, I need to spend it resting. I wouldn't mind joining crossfit but that's a big commitment off the top and I'm already spending 40 grand on a continuing education.

[alphamale]

I work in a rehab centre. That's the last place I would look for a man lol! Surrounding food places included.

 

 

 

I enjoy work and study! Lol I enjoy both way too much to risk getting involved with anyone from those environments. I've done that before and it only spoils things. I like my love life and everything else to be separate. I've learned that the hard way.

 

 

 

I've met plenty of wonderful people but as you're travelling the world, youre too busy jumping from place to place to date regularly so it grows into something. I keep in touch with some of these guys, but I don't like any of them enough yo make serious effort. Yeah you would think I would have met someone. I've literally been to 20+ countries lol I suppose it's not as simple as people say.

 

 

 

Great idea, but no time. I work 10 hour days and what's left in evenings and weekends is for school. Even the time off I have, I need to spend it resting. I wouldn't mind joining crossfit but that's a big commitment off the top and I'm already spending 40 grand on a continuing education.

sounds to me like you don't have the time or inclination to date right now

[Hopeful30]

sounds to me like you don't have the time or inclination to date right now

 

What makes you say that? Attending scheduled classes you pay for and making individual times to enjoy someone's company are surely different things. Plus you don't make a commitment right away for 3-4 times a week. You can work up to that. I think dating is very different than joining a fitness program lol

[d0nnivain]

I work in a rehab centre. That's the last place I would look for a man lol! Surrounding food places included.

 

Why? There isn't a cute doctor or OT in your facility? At one of the food places you may find the handsome son or nephew of a patient.

[Hopeful30]

Why? There isn't a cute doctor or OT in your facility? At one of the food places you may find the handsome son or nephew of a patient.

 

The practitioners are much older and married most of them. In any case, I love my work too much to risk dating someone from the centre. I'm studying to become a doctor myself, and I need to keep a clean slate at work to work my way up. Maybe if there was someone I really really liked, then maybe I would consider a romance, but there really isn't.

 

Food places could be a good idea but with the amount of work, when you get to eat, it's order to go and you grab your food and run back. I've seen some cute men but with the rush (and I'm sure they're working too) there aren't really opportune moments to meet and greet.

 

That's why I'm looking around for things to do where it's a good environment for that kind of interaction. I've spent my twenties going out being social and dressing the part, with romances but nothing I would see long term. Now almost 30 I'm a bit more worried. If in my twenties and my peak of everything I still couldn't find a man despite the mass choices, then I need to start getting serious about finding a partner now, before I work even higher in the corporate scale and my pickings become even slimmer.

Edited December 25, 2017 by Hopeful30

[Hopeful30]

Another weekend spent crying because everyone is busy with boyfriends or babies, meanwhile I can't even find someone to go downtown with. I've done it alone, and it's not fun. I just don't enjoy sitting by myself among groups and couples, even if I'm in a good mood.

 

Any advice? I'm just so sick of being so bored and alone. I'm sick of going to the movies alone, or dining alone. I feel more and more pathetic every time I do it. I've spent years travelling the world and working on becoming a better person, and for what? Nothing changes. The world continues to be unfair and being wiser/better/kinder makes no f*ckn difference.

Edited December 30, 2017 by Hopeful30

[Zippy2000]

Hey! Youre not alone. Pardon the pun. I go to the pics alone, and go to pubs and restaurants alone.

 

What pissed me off last time was when I went to a local chinese restaurant and I asked for a table for one and the waiter said no girlfriend?

 

I replied no, and the he replied:

 

"What no boyfriend"! Gees....I m looking for food not a relationship lol

 

Have you tried internet dating?

[surferchic]

Op.... I totally understand. There are so many of us like you nowadays. I am supposedly seeing a guy and he acts wierd so I'm basically single. No ring on my finger and no stable relationship.

 

I too, have traveled , got my education, "working on me", whatever the heck that's suppose to really mean, etc.

 

 

Fact of the matter is that I'm single. Never married. Was engaged but it didn't work out. "It was for the best", is what people say and perhaps they're right but it sucks being independent and alone most of the time especially after 30-35...

 

I'm sure you're attractive and have no problem meeting men. I've been told I'm easy on the eye. The mystery to me is making the relationships last...?

[Chilli]

Yeah it's a strange life l'm only just trying to get use to now myself for really the first time.

 

Wish l had some words of wisdom. One of my things is that l'm not really into friends much, just very now and then'ish .

 

But the few people l know and hit it off with are coupled up or kids and stuff anyway.

Not being use to this it's a weird thing for me and seems to end up with a lot of time on my own.

like you l'm not getting many kicks out of getting out there and doing things alone either.

When l was younger l liked doing things on my own or getting some space when l could , doesn't do much for me these days though, hope l don't have to get use to it

[Hopeful30]

Hey! Youre not alone. Pardon the pun. I go to the pics alone, and go to pubs and restaurants alone.

 

What pissed me off last time was when I went to a local chinese restaurant and I asked for a table for one and the waiter said no girlfriend?

 

I replied no, and the he replied:

 

"What no boyfriend"! Gees....I m looking for food not a relationship lol

 

Have you tried internet dating?

 

I've given it a shot, yes. I've been on some dates but nothing of quality. Don't get me wrong, nice guys, but it was painfully obvious why they haven't been taken off the market yet.

 

I also find it inaccurate. There are men I wouldn't be interested in based on a profile or a picture, but in life I would feel interest.

 

Op.... I totally understand. There are so many of us like you nowadays. I am supposedly seeing a guy and he acts wierd so I'm basically single. No ring on my finger and no stable relationship.

 

I too, have traveled , got my education, "working on me", whatever the heck that's suppose to really mean, etc.

 

 

Fact of the matter is that I'm single. Never married. Was engaged but it didn't work out. "It was for the best", is what people say and perhaps they're right but it sucks being independent and alone most of the time especially after 30-35...

 

I'm sure you're attractive and have no problem meeting men. I've been told I'm easy on the eye. The mystery to me is making the relationships last...?

 

I've been told I'm attractive, and I've never had a problem attracting men. But in order to attract them, you have to make yourself seen. You need to go out and socialize, and when alone I find that I've attracted all the wrong kind of men. Even if I attracted some good ones, it's not exactly a great opening line when someone says "Are you here alone? Why? Why doesn't a woman like you have a boyfriend?"

 

I don't even know how to respond to that...