Playing Hard To Get or Low Interest - Text Intepretation

[perpdartNY]

Hey guys I find this funny. I've started reading many posts on here the past few days and many threads started are so similar to this. But I am at a lost. Anyway I dislike the feeling of being obsessed but even a girl-friend of mine said I'm being desperate and it's coming across in my text. I didn't think so....

 

So long story short. I met this girl online. We were supposed to go out somewhere when we met but she ended up inviting me over to her apartment because she had something important to do that required her to be at home. I think things went really well. I enjoyed her couldn't keep a smile off my face and from my opinion I could say she was comfortable around me. But I think I have that affect on most people

 

She showed a decent amount of interest in person. Example of things people would say are good signs... She suggested I should go try an activity with her in the future. She was seductively twirling and rubbing to rim of a cup. When I asked to see her hand they were sweaty oh god I can't believe I'm doing this right now. Imagine she is reading this. We end up going out to grab some food. Ice cream dessert. Then I walk her back to her place and ask her if she's gonna invite me up for some tea. She said you want some tea? She makes me tea. We hang out for a little longer. It was pretty much an open/honest interaction. She asked me what I'm looking for. She kinda told me what she's looking for. And I forgot how sex was brought up. So I asked her would you have sex with me? She replied at least not today. One last detail. She identifies as queer w.e that means and likes girls too.

 

And here has been our text log after our date.

 

Dec 17

Her- She texts me a screenshot of an album art of a song we listened to while we hung out cause I asked her to

Me 11:17PM- That's how you looked as a little kid?

11:18PM: (Insert pic I took after I left her place) They had this library closed for the longest time. It looks pretty at night

 

Dec 18

Her 9:51AM- Yes that's how I looked but more Asian and balder.

9:52AM (Sends me a link to a podcast she talked about)

Dec 19

Me 8:08PM- Hey are you free this Saturday?

Her 9:57PM- I might be in xxxx for a bit that day. Why?

Me- Well I still owe you an ass whooping in ping pong. But also since you didn't consider last time a date... I'm trying to ask you out on one *blush emoji*

 

Then I deleted her texts cause eventually she took forever to answer hence the reason why I'm writing out all the time stamps. Either she's just genuinely a bad texter or low interest or playing hard to get idk.

 

But she answered something along the lines of it was a totally datey since we went to grab food and stuff. I replied something along the lines of I grab food and stuff with my gay friends. Then she said she'd be busy for holidays cause her family was coming but that she'd be free the week after cause she's off from work the whole week. and maybe we could meet Tuesday or Wendesday(On those days I didn't text her) cause I thought she was playing games so I decided to play the game too. Then I said something along the lines of don't forget my present! She didn't respond for like two days. So I text her again

 

Dec 22.

Me 3:00PM- Link to something that is kinda funny and related to something we talked about when we hung out.

No response.

 

I text her AGAIN on christmas

Dec. 25

Me 9:48AM- *Her name* Merry Christmas *christmas emojis* Even though you make for a pretty sucky friend *roll eye emjo*

Her 7:26PM- Thanks?

7:41PM: Also definitely just watched the video. ****ing savage.

Me 8:37PM- Omg!! You had me like sooo worried. I seriously thought someone ran you over on your bike and you died

 

Dec 26.

Her 1:02PM- Nope Just busy

1:03PM And food poisoning *toxic emoji*

 

Dec 27.

Me 4:21PM- Close Enough *shrug emoji* So when are you taking me on this date man?

Her 6:14PM- Well I've only stopped puking up my guts and I'm off to DC tmrw until tues. So looks like I might not see ya until 2018 *eye emoji*

Me 9:43PM- That doesn't answer my question *name*! And at least it's not squirting out of your butthole. I just realized you've been sick since we've met *poop emoji*

Her 10:33PM- Food poisoning was no fault of my immune system *girl emoji she used a few times before*

 

Dec 28.

Me 7:53AM- Maybe not. Then must mean you're dirty *girl emoji she used* And dahell is that girl doing anyway? She looks like she got dropped on her head as a kid

Her 4:36PM- The emoji? She's like "uh huh" also I resent the dropping on the head comment *can't see two emojis*

7:00PM: Also let's say Janurary 7th 2018 at 4PM Fat Cat?

Me 11:05PM- Well no one told you to take things so personal *roll eyes emoji* Uhh in that time a crazy biker could run me over or something... and I'll be dropped on my head and won't remember you. Soo let's play it by ear. Cool?

 

That was the last text from me. I apologize for the long detailed text and time stamps. Just goes to show I'm literally pretty obsessed. I really think the first date went. Don't know if she's really busy or what. I mean if you have enough interest it's nice to be courteous and respond ya know. I mean the past few days have been a lot better. I've been going out more with friends and occupying myself with other things. And honestly at this point I think I like the idea of her more than I actually like her. Especially with the lack of response has def lowered my interest level. So It's been almost two weeks since we met. And if we hang out the time she suggests it'd make it three weeks. I would appreciate your guys take on this. Especially girls.

 

-Lost lover boy

[Erik30]

I think you should stop texting her so much, she told you she would be busy. I also noticed you're using a lot of "PUA tricks" in your texts, that and the frequent texting might turn her off.

 

You kind of messed up by not contacting her when she actually was available, so I guess now you just have to wait a couple of days till next year. She already set the date so that's good

[Maggie4]

Low interest.

[I'veseenbetterlol]

I equate "playing hard to get" as low interest. Think about this, if you like someone why risk them thinking low interest by playing hard to get?

[Scarlett.O'hara]

You knew she was busy over the Christmas, yet you still pout and play games with her. At this point you are just getting to know each other. I have to be honest, you are not making a very good impression. It doesn't come across as cool an hard to get, but a bit hostile and petty.

 

Your reaction to her food poisoning was to shrug it off then ask when she is taking you out. Not very considerate of you. Not to mention those comments about "And at least it's not squirting out of your butthole" and "Then must mean you're dirty *girl emoji she used* And dahell is that girl doing anyway? She looks like she got dropped on her head as a kid" are really immature. It might be fine to talk like that with your guy friends, but that is not the way to impress a woman.

 

Don't believe me? Just look at her responses. You aren't impressing her, you are putting her off. You have basically rejected two dates with her out of pride and insecurity, and you risk pushing her away completely because of it.

 

I'm telling you this to help you out, because right now you are blowing it.

 

Please reconsider your approach.

[perpdartNY]

And here I was thinking I'm being smooth

 

I actually don't read any of the PUA stuff. I'm really not about that life. But I guess me chasing her just subconsciously pulled anything I knew of PUA mentality. I don't think it's me.

 

But I shrugged off both the time she was free to hang out and her food poisoning is because many times she just ignores some of my text. You know how people only reply to what they want to reply to? So early on it was like that and I thought I would reciprocate. Real me would definitely care and ask about food poisoning for example. But PUA community says don't ask questions.

 

Also thank you guys for your input. Would appreciate a few more. So the verdict is that she has low interest? I really thought the date went well. But I guess it's easy to flatter our own egos

 

So I guess now the only thing to do is wait for her to reach our again? Or wait until the new year to reach out again? I've pretty much initiated everytime.

 

EDIT:

I just checked her profile online and she finally logged in after like a week of not signing on. If I did just completely blow it I mean no use in trying to force resistance on someone who isn't really that interested. I would say through text I wouldn't say I was completely being myself. Definitely was trying. Even if subconsciously... But I don't think it's my personality to want to impress a woman. So I guess might as well just let it go and move on. So yeah should I just wait for her to initiate or wait like a week to hit her up? Maybe call her or something

Edited December 30, 2017 by perpdartNY

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I honestly can't tell if you are interested in her or mad at her. You insult her but want to see her. I would not want to out with either of you to be honest!

[preraph]

I don't think she's playing games. I do think her interest in you is tenuous and you're not making it better by playing games yourself. You should have tried to firm a date up for the days she was available instead of snub her. And always firm up dates and don't say "play it by ear." Inconsiderate. Also, get off phone and get on the phone with her but don't keep her on there forever. And don't insult her or talk about butts or anything like that in a graphic manner.

[newyorker11356]

Most of the time, and in my experience, it's because they have low interest.

[perpdartNY]

Gotcha guys. Well now I feel dumb/disappointed. Thanks for your input!

 

Just want to know how if it was because of the texting or before that. Also there are a few texts I didn't include because I forgot what she said when she was telling me why she couldn't hang out the first tim she did give me a detailed reason for just about everyday during that weekend. And she did say the date was kinda datey. Idk. Whatever some right now I'll prolly just call her in a week. But honestly can't say I'm all that excited anymore. When you're interested and the feeling isn't mutual... in any relationship thats not a good feeling

 

P.s a girl who can't take a joke I probably shouldn't waste my time with anyway

[Yosemite]

Don't call girls that you're interested in "man" or "dude."

 

She gave you two days that she was available, that was your chance to step up and arrange a date, instead you decided to play games and didn't text. That was a mistake.

 

Then you ask her over and over again to ask you out and the second she does, you turn her down. That was another mistake, if this girl had any interest before, it's probably close to nonexistent now.

 

Calling her a sucky friend and saying that you thought she got run over by a bike made you sound desperate and like you have no life.

 

Asking her if she would have sex with you one day is just a bad move.

 

Overall, my impression of you from the texts is that you're kind of rude, I wouldn't be surprised if she's put off by that.

 

After New Year's ask her if she's still available on the 7th, if she says no, forget the whole thing and move on to someone else.

[SevenCity]

Don't call girls that you're interested in "man" or "dude."

 

She gave you two days that she was available, that was your chance to step up and arrange a date, instead you decided to play games and didn't text. That was a mistake.

 

Then you ask her over and over again to ask you out and the second she does, you turn her down. That was another mistake, if this girl had any interest before, it's probably close to nonexistent now.

 

Calling her a sucky friend and saying that you thought she got run over by a bike made you sound desperate and like you have no life.

 

Asking her if she would have sex with you one day is just a bad move.

 

Overall, my impression of you from the texts is that you're kind of rude, I wouldn't be surprised if she's put off by that.

 

After New Year's ask her if she's still available on the 7th, if she says no, forget the whole thing and move on to someone else.

 

Totally. I’m not sure how old you are but the way you communicated with her was rude and crass. You were not slick at all and came off as desperate, needy, and angry.

 

When she reached out to you, you should have said “I had a nice time with you tonight, when are you free to meet up again?” Then set a definite time and place and keep your mouth shut unless she reaches out except maybe “Looking forward to seeing you tomorrow at X time at X place”

 

Squirting out her ass? Come on man. What did you think that would get her wet for you??

[perpdartNY]

LOL! I can't right now. Don't know if I should be laughing or crying right now.

 

I'm 25. Honestly I don't think I'm so bad with interpersonal communication. I definitely felt like I was trying and it came off that way I guess.

 

Yosemite I'll probably do just that. I texted what I texted to invoke response. Before we met she wasn't the greatest texter anyway. I was ways trying to find out more but she just wasn't big on texting. And in that way it's probably better to text than to call to ask If she's still free then?

 

Also thanks for all the comments. Really do appreciate eventhough it was kinda a slap to the face. What I most definitely needed to hear to bring me back to reality. Happy New Year to you all!

Edited December 30, 2017 by perpdartNY

[GemmaUK]

None of that was smooth.

I think you should move on and leave her be.

Try to be actually kind and pleasant next time with a woman who might

be a potential date instead of insulting and crass.

[Scarlett.O'hara]

Don't be too hard on yourself. Just learn from it and try and loosen up a little. Keep it light and a bit flirty and you'll be amazed at the difference.

 

Good luck and Happy New Year!

[act00]

I think it's thin ice with her at this point. You blew her off on the two days she said she was available and then when she gave you a time and place your reaction was to "play it by ear."

 

I try not to put too much on what people say because I don't know what kinds of things they think are funny, acceptable, or what things they normally talk about, but the butthole comment, dirty girl, and sucky friend really didn't go over well for me, and rather crass. It's generally not a good idea to get graphic about bodily functions.

 

It could be part of the problem with is losing that momentum in the early stage of dating. When people are busy or have to leave town, some fun texts and maybe a call in between would have helped, not insulting ones, and even if there is slow response. Certainly grab any time available. Solidifying a date upon return is good to keep that momentum alive. You said you had a really great time, so it would seem she would be up for another, but after so much time has passed and the less than enthused behavior from both of you, really, I don't know if the busy schedule just did not work in your favor. It could be a slow start, but one more try, maybe, before you toss in the towel. See if she still wants to go to Fat Cat.

[Yosemite]

I texted what I texted to invoke response.

 

What response were you hoping to invoke by telling her that the reason she got sick is because she’s dirty? That's so insulting. Not trying to give you a hard time, but if you have a sarcastic sense of humor, you have to be very careful in the beginning stages when you first meet someone because they might not understand your sense of humor yet and think you're rude instead of funny.

 

And in that way it's probably better to text than to call to ask If she's still free then?

 

I don’t think it matters if you call or text. It may be better to text because you probably won’t want to leave a voicemail if she doesn’t answer. Don’t get your hopes up because it’s a long shot.

 

BTW, I just read your first thread from when you were 17. lol Did you ever text that girl? I would’ve told you to text her, you were going to be in college in a few months anyway...

[perpdartNY]

hey guys so i'm back with a little update.

 

so i ended up just picking up the phone and called her. opened with i thought you forgot about me jokingly. she laughed and said no blah blah. i mentioned how i know how i always joke about people getting run over by bikes and that i just saw someone a biker get hit blah blah. ask if shes still down to hang that sunday. she agreed

 

a few days later after i called her i send her a pic of the snow storm here and said guess we might just have to play ping pong on your kitchen table. she replies an hour later with a video of the snow storm from her apt. I reply putting those pull up muscles to work! no reply. this is on thursday.

 

she hits me up the night of saturday and asked meet up tmrw afternoon maybe at like 3? i text her back the next morning( day of) i thought that was the plan. she writes "yeaaaahh but let's meet at at 3 instead of 4 if that's cooo?" i said oh you just couldn't wait to see me. in that case we could meet up earlier or youre gonna have to wait till 330. she says im trying to go to sleep by like 9. so 4 it is(Original meet up time)

 

we go on this date and like the first it went great for the both of us. there was a lot of chemistry i just felt not just out of disillusionment. pretty much couldn't take our eyes off each other. at the end of the date she said we should play ping pong all the time like soon. parted ways. no kiss yet just hug. maybe because i decided to smoke a cig last minute when we were parting ways lol. during the date she shows asks me if i want to see the girl shes going on a date with this weekend. then i end up making fun of her for being unoriginal in her messages with copy and paste and that i was done with her. she screams nooo hear me out! and our first date she also mentioned how the night before she was spending the whole night naked with another girl. FYI i'm a guy. she's bi. identifies as queer.

 

so the date was cut short because she still had family staying with her and had to go home and eat dinner. when i got home i text her a pic of my cup noodle and said this is your fault. she replies right away saying i need more info... I reply did you not get the pic? she replies yes but how are those noodles my fault? also where are they from? I reply i found it sitting all lonely in the corner and because sundays i usually like to have a decent dinner. here i am stuck with cup noodles. she replies i think your dietary choices at this point are hardly my doing. this is all within like 30 mins. I don't reply.

 

Didn't text her Monday. text her tuesday(yesterday afternoon)

*her name/nickname i keep calling her* i know what i want do for our next date!

She replies soon after ping pong!?!?!

 

I reply that evening "noo It's already been agreed on that we're having regular ping pong practice until we do a doubles tourney." "now don't get too excited... but i remember you said you like comedy. so what's better? free comedy!" "link to event(for something that is today at night). you can thank me later *emoji*" then no response it's been over 24 hours.

 

i know i'm writing these details pretty much in detail but i really don't know what the deal is. in person i feel a real connection and that she's really interested. but in texting it's really hard to tell. some times she'll reply right away. then other times days later. i mean i don't like playing games and would say i think i'm fairly upfront about my attraction for her. maybe she has some personal baggage or whatever her deal is. but at this point if she really didn't get run over on her bike i don't whole heatedly want to talk to her. it's pretty much a turn off. if you like someone you can give them a time of day to send a damn text. but i am attracted to her.

 

what to do? guess just stop focusing on her and move on. and if she comes she comes. also since the beginning i've always been the one to initiate. she'll reply but never once initiated.

[act00]

Would your reaction be the same if she was telling you she was going to be naked with a dude all day and whipped out her phone to show you the guy she was seeing tomorrow? Since it's a girl, it's not considered cheating, or in poor taste to share that information? Or is it just that guys are okay with the girl on girl thing and are quite pleased with the idea? I would not be okay with it. If you're going to toss other women you're seeing out there, with detail, in my face, no thank-you...go have your fun...next.

 

I get that when people first start dating, they may be dating other people, but it is not necessary to discuss it, in detail, with photographs...leave it unsaid.

 

She's hooking up with this girl she went out with, and maybe later she'll get with you again, for hugs, since kissing is off the table for the unforeseeable future, apparently. I'm glad the date went well, but it doesn't seem like she's highly motivated to really give it a go with you, even if she does like you and is attracted to you. She should initiate some contact and initiate the desire to see you as well. It shouldn't fall on you entirely.

[Miss Spider]

Not interested. People think people play hard to get way more often than they do.

[perpdartNY]

Would your reaction be the same if she was telling you she was going to be naked with a dude all day and whipped out her phone to show you the guy she was seeing tomorrow? Since it's a girl, it's not considered cheating, or in poor taste to share that information? Or is it just that guys are okay with the girl on girl thing and are quite pleased with the idea? I would not be okay with it. If you're going to toss other women you're seeing out there, with detail, in my face, no thank-you...go have your fun...next.

 

I get that when people first start dating, they may be dating other people, but it is not necessary to discuss it, in detail, with photographs...leave it unsaid.

 

She's hooking up with this girl she went out with, and maybe later she'll get with you again, for hugs, since kissing is off the table for the unforeseeable future, apparently. I'm glad the date went well, but it doesn't seem like she's highly motivated to really give it a go with you, even if she does like you and is attracted to you. She should initiate some contact and initiate the desire to see you as well. It shouldn't fall on you entirely.

 

I wasn't pleased with the idea. Not when she mentioned it On the first date. And when she asked me if I wanted to see I said sure not in the most enthusiastic manner.

 

On our first date she did ask what I was looking for. I said something along the lines of no expectations wherever the wind blows. She also mentioned how she met this girl who she liked and there was no sexual tension/attraction there. Idk. But I guess it's just time for me to move on. I was pretty obsessed with this girl

[mortensorchid]

This is low interest on her part. Don't take it personally, she is just not interested in you for whatever reason. I'm going through this myself now, low interest on the parts of those I am encountering online : it never gets past a few messages on the website itself, or if we move onto texting we will text a few "hi how are you" messages to one another ... And then one goes poof on the other and ... That's that.

 

Just move on. Life won't be any better or any worse, just move forward.

[Sbla22]

This is low interest on her part. Don't take it personally, she is just not interested in you for whatever reason. I'm going through this myself now, low interest on the parts of those I am encountering online : it never gets past a few messages on the website itself, or if we move onto texting we will text a few "hi how are you" messages to one another ... And then one goes poof on the other and ... That's that.

 

Just move on. Life won't be any better or any worse, just move forward.

 

Yup - finally realised it's pointless to try and MAKE someone want to talk to you or spend time with you. This recent girl I met on Tinder, went on 2 dates with. She said she had a nice time both times but her communication after both showed virtually 0 interest in me. After the last date tried to arrange a third date, she gave me the 'dont know when I'm free' line. So i said get in touch when you know. That was 3 and a half days ago.

 

Deleted her number.

 

Life is too short. If someone is interested I will know and I deserve to be with someone who wants to be with me. Keep trying to tell myself that anyway!

[Iseult]

Hey op, welcome to purgatory, aka the friend zone.

And, your text game is really bad. You're leaving her high and dry. Emphasis on dry.

[perpdartNY]

Yup thanks for the encouragement guys. If I'm fully invested I expect the other person to put the same. You're all worth it and they don't deserve you if they're playing games. I mean I'm not expectation a relationship or anything but even a good friend would put in the same effort to maintain a friendship.

 

I deleted her number. If she decided to ever get in touch I guess I'll see how I feel then. Honestly it's a turn off.

 

But I would like to know women's opinion on this