I’m a very sorry fool

[Robert McCall]

Life goes on at some point. In 37 days it’ll be a year since I lost her. I have no one to blame for this but myself. And I blame myself every single day. How she did nothing wrong but love and respect me and all I had to give her was me at my absolute worse.

 

Add insult to injury I cheated on her. Why I did it? Because she was a person that I had liked for about 6 years and I got it and it totally wasn’t worth anything. I was introduced to her and the chemistry was there from the jump. I mean shes stunning. And I knew I should’ve been honest but I wanted to have my cake and eat it too. I totally played my girl out.

 

Karma is real and I live with it every single day of my life. I was rude to her, disrespected her, put myself and my feelings ahead of her, took her for granted, and gave her a version of me that was at an incredible 349lbs. Somehow in all of that I fell in love with her and stopped my stupidity but eventually my Mom told her. She changed her number on me in March and I haven’t heard from her since July. I want to marry this person, the connection that we had I’ve never had with anyone ever. And I know I stupidly broke her trust. She’s a Scorpio....she’s frozen me out completely. And I accept it, I don’t do any “stalker-rific” things, and I let people live.

 

I’m a cancer and yeah I’m dying inside I mean there’s days I cry myself to sleep at night thinking about her. She’s the first thing I think about at day and last thing I think about at night. I don’t know how to get rid of it so I live with it. I lost 70lbs, went back to school, got my own place, and got a new job. All things that had she not left me I would’ve never done. Things that she wanted me to do. A lot of the time I think what would’ve happened had I done these things sooner?

 

I have moved on slightly...I’ve dated and I’ve done my thing and I thought I met someone but she turned out to be about games. The last time I heard from her she told me out of the blue “we’re going to be in each other life the psychic told me” when I asked in what context she said time will tell. That was in July and I haven’t [heard] anything since. I never give up hope because I know that a year of my life wasn’t wasted even though I did the wasting. I can’t lose sight of the fact that I made this mess. I love her and she’s the only person I want to be with and maybe not today and probably not tomorrow but some day I’ll hear from her again.

Edited December 29, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Edited for paragraphs ~ V

[HumanMachine]

Congratulations on the weight loss man. That’s a massive amount you’ve lost already, are you still trying to shed the lbs? Are you just dieting or training as well?

[Robert McCall]

Thanks. To be honest, depression and lots of water. I had to stop eating the way I was.

[Buriall]

This is a new journey bud, you've realized all your mistakes and now you're on route to a better version of yourself.

 

However you need to leave this girl alone. You've hurt her enough already. Stop chasing and do the things that make you happy. Most importantly, hold onto what you've gained from this experience. Better days are ahead. Don't lose sight

[Robert McCall]

Yeah I agree, I’ve done enough. But I won’t give up on the notion that someday I’ll get that second chance.

[someonero]

Well im in the same situation almost but is been only 2-3 weeks since the break up ben with her 6 years and i did the mistakes you did and neglated her a lot..i also entered her fb account just to find out that she was talking and filtring with a guy that is 300km away from my home...they did meet once at work. But after that again the mistake that i entered her privacy was a big mistake...and i feel a lot of guild cause if it were for me to be with her in the first place she would not find emotional support in someone else if i would give her when i had to..and thats just sucks a lot...i learned a lot and saw a lot of stuff i never belived i can do..and i just want her back i love her so much, she is my first love and im her first love too she was a virgin and me too....and god the memories and all are so great but she cant see any of it at this moment due to my mistakes..wish i could turn back time...

[preraph]

Well, I'm glad you have seen the light because it will make you a better man, hopefully, but it is easy to fall into old habits. So I suggest you date other women and "practice" your new self on being nice and respectful to them and see if it holds up or if you backslide. Don't practice on your ex. You've hurt her enough. So date and see how you do. If at some point in the future you decide you really have changed and being with her won't bring out that same behavior (You know how it is -- we fall into patterns with certain people -- I still do with my ex if we're around each other for 10 minutes) then you could get word to her that you'd be willing to do joint counseling to "see" if it would work, but doing this by not getting any commitment from her that you're back together. Good luck.

[Robert McCall]

I know I’ve changed, I’m ready for this second chance. But I can’t rush God’s plan and I fully believe that what I ask for I will get. This journey hasn’t been easy but I’ve grown so much and I know that I AM A BETTER MAN THAN I WAS AT THIS SAME TIME LAST YEAR.

[Rockdad]

In the event the stars align and she does reconsider and contact you I suggest you have kept on your track of personal growth and self discovery.

You have become a fully functioning self motivated independent person.

 

She better not sense there is a hint of that selfish, bully, non motivated person you described that she left. I would think she does pick up a sense of those old bad habits are still within or suspect that you are putting on a show, it will validate to herself that she made the correct decision to leave.

 

I'm sure there was things about you that she was attracted to. Let those things begin to shine again instead of being buried and over shadowed.

[browzer]

some day I’ll hear from her again.

 

Don't count on it.

[BaileyB]

I believe you have learned the true meaning of that old saying... "You reap what you sow." There is a consequence, for every action. I hope that you have learned this lesson such that in your next relationship, you will be able to make better decisions.