Jimmy3858 Posted December 29, 2017 Posted December 29, 2017 Hey guys, New to this website. Just figured I’d let everyone know how my wonderful relationship went. Met this girl online, went on a first date and after that we were joined at the hip. Had a pretty fun relationship, never really fought or anything crazy like that, didn’t argue ever! For Christmas she goes and flys back home to her fathers house up north for the holidays and I go to my family’s house down South. Christmas Eve she started acting extremely short, maybe 2 word texts and was very distant and she’s the kind of woman that is extremely bubbly and is never short with texts. I figured something was up but maybe she was just being grumpy for some reason, well that wasn’t the case. I get a text Christmas morning saying, “Hey look I need space, my dad put stuff in my head and I’m freaking out”. (Her father is extremely wealthy, owns multiple businesses) We’re both mid-late twenties, is that even normal that a father has that much control over someone at that age? I went NC with her and hopefully she doesn’t try because I won’t be answering.
HumanMachine Posted December 29, 2017 Posted December 29, 2017 If she is a heir to her father’s fortune then it would be of concern to him who she is dating. You’ve made the right decision with NC. All the best Jimmy. 3
usa1ah Posted December 30, 2017 Posted December 30, 2017 Wow how, well, um. I would give her space and not read more into it. It’s not like she said I found someone new. But if you aren’t ready to be there for her if things get rough better to bail out now. 1
usa1ah Posted December 30, 2017 Posted December 30, 2017 How long have the two of you been dating? I take it not long sense you two didn’t spend the holidays together.
Author Jimmy3858 Posted December 30, 2017 Author Posted December 30, 2017 So we dated for about 3 months. I’m just now thinking that maybe she was a future faker because now that I think back, there were about 5 red flags and i was blinded sided and I guess just wanted to believe it all.
Mr.Me Posted December 30, 2017 Posted December 30, 2017 Would you really want to be a girl that allows her father to decide her life? I sure wouldn't. 1
Author Jimmy3858 Posted December 30, 2017 Author Posted December 30, 2017 You’re absolutely right. Thanks for the advice I really do appreciate it!
Beachead Posted December 30, 2017 Posted December 30, 2017 (edited) Hey guys, New to this website. Just figured I’d let everyone know how my wonderful relationship went. Met this girl online, went on a first date and after that we were joined at the hip. Had a pretty fun relationship, never really fought or anything crazy like that, didn’t argue ever! For Christmas she goes and flys back home to her fathers house up north for the holidays and I go to my family’s house down South. Christmas Eve she started acting extremely short, maybe 2 word texts and was very distant and she’s the kind of woman that is extremely bubbly and is never short with texts. I figured something was up but maybe she was just being grumpy for some reason, well that wasn’t the case. I get a text Christmas morning saying, “Hey look I need space, my dad put stuff in my head and I’m freaking out”. (Her father is extremely wealthy, owns multiple businesses) We’re both mid-late twenties, is that even normal that a father has that much control over someone at that age? I went NC with her and hopefully she doesn’t try because I won’t be answering. Hey OP, After reading some of the responses here, I'll try to provide a little more of a neutral standpoint. Two ways to handle this. The first way: Be more self-centered and self-loving and see her as someone who blew you off via text instead of a call or a face to face talk. Furthermore, she let her dad convince her of you not being worthy for her which can be intrepreted as she didn't believe in you all that much. Do you want to be with someone who can't back you up? Nope. So block her off of everything and be done with her. This way you just cut any possible bs, salvage any possible destruction to your well-being and move on. It grants you full protection but might leave with a bit of doubt/guilt down the road. The Second Way: Be more giving and give her the benefit of the doubt. This requires far more emotional strength and puts you at risk of messing your own head up but it shows maturity as well. Give her what she wants and don't read into it anymore. Relationships have their ups and downs and nothing is perfect so this may be a situation that requires patience, balance, and understanding on your end. Give her like an excess amount of time to figure out what's on her mind (3 months) and if you don't hear from her or if she contacts you but continues to act strange, then drop her. This way you know you gave her the benefit of the doubt, put your well-being at risk and can therefore leave with no regrets and a clear conscious because you know this was solely on her. Both of advantages and disadvantages. Pick your poison Goodluck Edited December 30, 2017 by Beachead 1
Author Jimmy3858 Posted December 30, 2017 Author Posted December 30, 2017 That just helped me out so much! I won’t be contacting her because I would hate to continue the relationship, get closer to her and potentially want to marry her, and then her father end up having control of her life decisions. I figured at my age I wouldn’t have to worry about situations like this, but I was most definitely wrong. It could always be way worse and I’m staying as positive as possible, this forum has definitely made it easier and I appreciate everyone’s advice!
Author Jimmy3858 Posted January 1, 2018 Author Posted January 1, 2018 She said she had a very long relationship with her ex and he was an alcoholic. She also said her father abused her. She moved from FL to GA with a guy but broke up with him prior to moving and lives there now. I ended up going onto another forum and found out that it was in fact love bombing and I was dating a narcissist. Pretty crazy and intense month. I’m just happy it didn’t go any further than it did and I have learned quite a bit from this relationship with this woman. If anyone is ever curious about love bombing or if they have been manipulated PM me and I can point you into the direction of the group that i went to search for answers.
NopeNah Posted January 1, 2018 Posted January 1, 2018 She said she had a very long relationship with her ex and he was an alcoholic. She also said her father abused her. She moved from FL to GA with a guy but broke up with him prior to moving and lives there now. I ended up going onto another forum and found out that it was in fact love bombing and I was dating a narcissist. Pretty crazy and intense month. I’m just happy it didn’t go any further than it did and I have learned quite a bit from this relationship with this woman. If anyone is ever curious about love bombing or if they have been manipulated PM me and I can point you into the direction of the group that i went to search for answers. My ex was a love bomber. I'm sure her new guy is feeling like god's gift to women right now! I just sit here and think; "Just wait,bud." Good you got out at only 3mo! Imagine being several years in it! It's mental torture!
Author Jimmy3858 Posted January 1, 2018 Author Posted January 1, 2018 My ex was a love bomber. I'm sure her new guy is feeling like god's gift to women right now! I just sit here and think; "Just wait,bud." Good you got out at only 3mo! Imagine being several years in it! It's mental torture! Man, it’s insane. First time I’ve ever been “love bombed” and it was mentally draining after the cycle ended. Idealize, devalue, and discard. I know for a fact mine is most likely with someone right now, filling her ego buckets and he’s in for a ride of emotions! Sorry you had to go through that man but glad you are out of it as well.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 1, 2018 Posted January 1, 2018 I'm really sorry this happened to you, especially on Christmas Day. But, man, is it refreshing to see someone taking it with self respect and not wallowing in self pity or denial! Onward and upward, Jimmy. Happy New Year. 1
Author Jimmy3858 Posted January 1, 2018 Author Posted January 1, 2018 I'm really sorry this happened to you, especially on Christmas Day. But, man, is it refreshing to see someone taking it with self respect and not wallowing in self pity or denial! Onward and upward, Jimmy. Happy New Year. I appreciate that so much. You know it wasn’t easy because it was a very intense time and the way narcissists work is by idealizing and either devaluation or discard. Well I was discarded. I originally didn’t want to go into too much detail, but we were talking about marriage, what ring she likes, she told me she loved me, I was her soul mate, drove around looking for houses so I could move into, and usually I would of told that woman to pump those brakes. I’ve never been told all that, constantly. So I had some sort of mental fog and was used lol. But with this forum and another forum specifically for people in my situation, I was able to really understand how they work and how to avoid being in the same spot again. I’m writing out some deal breakers tonight and that alone would of mitigated this current issue from ever happening. I appreciate everyone who commented positive stuff and have been supportive 1
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