How long did it take you to stop thinking about your ex after a LTR?

[TheOnlyOne73]

Hello,

 

As the title suggests, I'm wondering what all of your experiences are. It can be about any ex you've had, as long as it was a long-term relationship (preferably longer than 1 year).

 

I've been NC for 9 weeks now after a 3 year relationship. Although I don't think of him in the same way (not pining or longing), my ex is still on my mind very often everyday. This may partly be out of habit though because it's what I've been used to doing over the past 3 years.

 

Thanks

[Miss Spider]

I don't know if almost a year counts as an ltr..but it took me about two years (but we got back together 3x during that span which didn't help.) But almost 2 years and I finally feel freeeeeeeeeeeee

[sdraw108]

First LTR was about 2 years, and took me around 5-6 months to move on from. Second one was 2.5 years and took around the same, 5-6 months. In both cases the process probably started before the actual breakup, as it became apparent things were going downhill.

 

Current breakup, we were together 4.5 years. I'll have to let you know how long it takes me! I'm about 6 weeks in and making good progress. I've been a lot more proactive than previously. Going out, meeting new people, keeping busy.

[SevenCity]

10 year rl w/5 years of marriage: a few months

1 year rl: 2 years

7 year rl: 1.5 years and counting

 

It had more to do with how deeply I loved the person than the length of time we were together.

 

My last one was tough because I loved her the most and it was a long time to boot.

 

And this is not to say you will never think about them again, it just won’t hurt when you do.

[SammySammy]

I still think of all of my exes from time to time. It’s usually a good memory of something we shared or simply wondering how they are doing.

 

I don’t think it’s necessary to stop thinking about them. Just stop being bothered by the breakup. Once you let go of that a random thought here or there is not painful.

 

Do, the question really is how long will it take you to get over it?

[unknown_man]

I was in a 3.5 year relationship, had a baby girl, bought a house, travelled a lot, and did things that you'd do as a married couple.

 

Took me 8 months to get over it and start moving on. Well, at least I don't really think about her anymore. What I think prolonged my healing is that I was forced to be in contact and had to see her because of our daughter. But that could be mere speculation. Probably would've taken my this long regardless because I truly did love her.

[Purepony]

6 years together

Broke up then got back together after 6 months only to break up 5 months after that and now it’s been almost 90 days and I don’t think of her anymore because I finally understand and know it just was not meant to work and we are better people apart but I did meet someone new that I am talking to so I don’t know if that helped even thought we haven’t officially even been out, the new girl is occupying my mind but before o met this new girl I wasn’t thinking of the ex

[Fever of love]

Hello,

 

As the title suggests, I'm wondering what all of your experiences are. It can be about any ex you've had, as long as it was a long-term relationship (preferably longer than 1 year).

 

I've been NC for 9 weeks now after a 3 year relationship. Although I don't think of him in the same way (not pining or longing), my ex is still on my mind very often everyday. This may partly be out of habit though because it's what I've been used to doing over the past 3 years.

 

Thanks

 

 

22 year relationship, broke up in June. I'll come back here and post when I stop thinking about her.

[Young mind]

2.5 yrs broke up in Sept, still think about her but like you rightly said, we come to a point where we think about them but don’t ‘thirst’ for them anymore, this is why NC is a good thing, for us slowly we accept the break up and learn to live with it, and it does get better, I remember the first month of my breakup, I couldn’t sleep, nothing was worth smiling over, but it gets better, I still miss her but I accept this and wish her well and don’t want her back because I can’t see her in the same way anymore.

This is the acceptance after 2-3 years, I believe it will take some time to completely erase them from our memories assuming there is no contact.

[central]

If you mean more than an occasional thought, and not seriously missing them or pining for them, then I think it depends on a lot of things, including whether or not you've met someone else.

 

I left my ex after 24 years or a poor marriage, and only thought of them because we had to get through the divorce and we have a child together. I moved on very quickly, though, and have no regrets at all. Almost 20 years later, the only time I think of her is when something triggers a negative feeling like the many she created in all those years.

[ConfusedLuke]

Good post OP.

 

To state the obvious I think it comes down to a range of factors (length of relationship, whether you lived with each other/depended on one another for a significant length of time, whether you have structural things in place - sharing kids for example).

 

I'm also curious because I'm at the beginning of my journey, my ex broke up with me after nine years recently but I now see she was detaching well before that (at least six months to two years - since she went overseas and came back - she never cheated but during her months traveling she took up new interests in yoga and meditation which I didn't share and while she was away I became more fixated on 'stability' - settling down with kids and owning a home).

 

I think it does matter whether you are the dumper or dumpee (to some extent although sometimes the dumper has it much tougher especially if it is the dumpee who has detached, or has someone waiting in the wings).

 

Anyway she already has a new partner (a friend she's known for over six months) and (probably) has 95% moved on. I on the other hand predict at least six months of pining until then hopefully I move along too.

 

It is hard waking up in the morning and not seeing her there and holding back sending messages or calling her from time to time. For the first few weeks I found I had no appetite and had to get sleeping pills to rest. I couldn't concentrate on work and had tremors.

 

My appetite has mostly returned (although I have taken the opportunity to eat healthier - even though I wasn't overweight I did eat take-out frequently) and the tremors have gone but the thoughts are still there (engaging in intense physical exercise and listening to music sometimes shoves them but at other times intensifies memories of her)

 

I now see how dependent I was on her just 'being there' mentally and emotionally. After you spend years with each other it is difficult when someone moves on so quickly and wants to cut off contact but here's hoping time heals our hearts!

 

It is nice hearing the stories of others, even though everyones' experiences vary.

 

The thought of rekindling is very addictive but I know the odds are faint.

 

Anyway without knowing your story at all probably another few months, and for me another six months to a year (I considered her the 'love of my life' so this may be somewhat optimistic) but like others have said once we have had that LTR bond maybe they will never be completely out of our mind but the memories will be more fleeting and (fingers crossed) less agonising.

 

I take solace that no one has died (even if our relationship had) that we cannot predict the future and that patience is a virtue.

 

I dream one day we will be together again but until that day I am going to take all opportunities to better myself.

 

Good luck!

[Downanddown]

6.5 year ltr. 6 months post bu.

 

.Mornings are absolutely awful still. I predict at least another year of healing as she had 2 kids who I adored immensely.

A ton was invested on my part but she is now back with her ex so pretty sure she is 99% moved on.

 

Hoping the healing gets better over time . I cared for her deeply and still think about her constantly.

[flooded]

I will have fleeting thoughts of my important exes from time to time. Zero desire to reconcile or even to reach out - they just cross my mind.

 

I'm in a unique situation in that I'm dealing with two fairly fresh exes. One is my husband, from whom I am separated, and one is my ex-boyfriend. I think about my husband a lot because of logistics, but there are no emotions (other than anger lol) when I think of him. In the context of that relationship I was really done before I had the wherewithal to leave, so it's been a long time since I felt longing and sadness. We've been separated for six months.

 

With my ex-boyfriend it's a little different. It was a short relationship but very hot and heavy. We were together every day. He pulled away toward the end but we had extremely strong chemistry, and had a lot of sex, which keeps the bond strong. He I think about almost constantly, although recently I've found myself not thinking about him and will be like "damn, I haven't thought about him for half an hour" (or whatever).

 

I didn't want to believe it but NC really is the way to go with this. If I were texting or calling him (which I don't think is a good look for a dumpee anyway) I'd be super anxious about whether he'd answer, or when he would reply. I deleted all our communications and pictures of him from my phone. Taking concrete steps like this helps.

 

I think the next few weeks will be a challenge, particularly if he texts/calls again, but I expect by February he'll be little more than a passing thought.

[bluecastle]

I'm three months out of a 3 year relationship. First two months were TOUGH. Although I ended it, I'd put in so much work, and had such a vision of where that work was going to lead us, that I couldn't quite accept it was all for naught. So there was a lot of bargaining going on, a lot of "who knows?" and "what ifs" were swirling in my mind.

 

The past month I spent away from the city where we live, and it's been really eye opening. Having the space allowed me to realize how drained I'd gotten in the relationship, and how I need to be with someone who wants to put in the same effort to sustaining one in the future. Once I saw that, I started to feel free and relieved. It all still hurts, of course, but I accept that what is happening is exactly what is supposed to be happening.

 

My big loves have all taken years to fully recover from. Some I still long for from time to time, but I just kind of accept that rather than react to it. It's kind of the beauty of loving—we take a risk with our hearts, we get some light and some dark, we grow, and a small piece of our hearts will always be attached to the person. I think it's nice to just kind of honor that, while also moving on to the next chapter in our individual journeys.

[SevenCity]

6 years together

Broke up then got back together after 6 months only to break up 5 months after that and now it’s been almost 90 days and I don’t think of her anymore because I finally understand and know it just was not meant to work and we are better people apart but I did meet someone new that I am talking to so I don’t know if that helped even thought we haven’t officially even been out, the new girl is occupying my mind but before o met this new girl I wasn’t thinking of the ex

 

Having someone else definitely speeds things along.

[TheOnlyOne73]

I'm three months out of a 3 year relationship. First two months were TOUGH. Although I ended it, I'd put in so much work, and had such a vision of where that work was going to lead us, that I couldn't quite accept it was all for naught. So there was a lot of bargaining going on, a lot of "who knows?" and "what ifs" were swirling in my mind.

 

The past month I spent away from the city where we live, and it's been really eye opening. Having the space allowed me to realize how drained I'd gotten in the relationship, and how I need to be with someone who wants to put in the same effort to sustaining one in the future. Once I saw that, I started to feel free and relieved. It all still hurts, of course, but I accept that what is happening is exactly what is supposed to be happening.

 

Similar situation here, 2.5 months out of a 3 year relationship where I ended it. I had been detaching for about 4 months prior to the break-up.

 

Like you, I was struggling to believe 3 years of investment had just "gone" in an instant. Our break-up was very brief, there was no arguing, no hostility/resentment, and not much negotiation or begging from his side. We haven't spoken since so I have no idea how he's doing. He has a past history of substance and alcohol abuse, so maybe he's gone back down that path, or maybe not.

 

It helps that I live in a different city during term-time of university, and very rarely go home. Here I have my flatmates, my friends, and people that have nothing to do with my ex. It would be worse if I was still living in my hometown (where he still lives and where the majority of our relationship developed). I went home briefly over Christmas and it was horrible, all the memories came flooding back and had me thinking about him all over again.

Edited December 29, 2017 by TheOnlyOne73

[Downanddown]

Similar situation here, 2.5 months out of a 3 year relationship where I ended it. I had been detaching for about 4 months prior to the break-up.

 

Like you, I was struggling to believe 3 years of investment had just "gone" in an instant. Our break-up was very brief, there was no arguing, no hostility/resentment, and not much negotiation or begging from his side. We haven't spoken since so I have no idea how he's doing. He has a past history of substance and alcohol abuse, so maybe he's gone back down that path, or maybe not.

 

It helps that I live in a different city during term-time of university, and very rarely go home. Here I have my flatmates, my friends, and people that have nothing to do with my ex. It would be worse if I was still living in my hometown (where he still lives and where the majority of our relationship developed). I went home briefly over Christmas and it was horrible, all the memories came flooding back and had me thinking about him all over again.

 

Nice to hear someone posting about breaking up with someone and NOT doing it because you met someone else.

 

Kudos to you for taking the hard road and really dealing with your pain

[TheOnlyOne73]

Nice to hear someone posting about breaking up with someone and NOT doing it because you met someone else.

 

Kudos to you for taking the hard road and really dealing with your pain

 

 

Many thanks Downanddown. I'm turning 23 in a few months, and have decided that 2018 is going to be a year where I stay single and concentrate on myself. I lost sight of myself in my last relationship, and began to put his happiness before my own more often than not.

 

I appreciate your kind words, it means a lot.

[Bromeo]

When the wife left after 10+ years together, took me 8 months to start feeling better. We were simply tired of each other.

 

The 18 month relationship that brought me to love shack has taken well over 1.5 years to get over. The first couple months were torture with her game playing, and I didn’t start properly healing until I cut her off for good. I still think about her.

 

The intensity, passion, and breakups were far different, leading to different healing times.

[SevenCity]

When the wife left after 10+ years together, took me 8 months to start feeling better. We were simply tired of each other.

 

The 18 month relationship that brought me to love shack has taken well over 1.5 years to get over. The first couple months were torture with her game playing, and I didn’t start properly healing until I cut her off for good. I still think about her.

 

The intensity, passion, and breakups were far different, leading to different healing times.

 

Very true. It’s amazing how even a short relationship can take a long time to get over. As posted I had a one year that took me double.

 

The scary thing about the one that brought me here is it was even more intense and 6 years longer. I’m over the crushing pain I had the first 6 months, but now I just feel dead inside.

[TheOnlyOne73]

Very true. It’s amazing how even a short relationship can take a long time to get over. As posted I had a one year that took me double.

 

The scary thing about the one that brought me here is it was even more intense and 6 years longer. I’m over the crushing pain I had the first 6 months, but now I just feel dead inside.

 

It's been almost 3 months since the break-up, but I don't feel dead inside. I'm finding that I'm becoming increasingly frustrated at the zero contact from him since we broke-up and how he has discarded me so quickly. Especially since he asked me to keep his number and to not block him; I thought he asked me to do that because he was intending on making contact. I know I ended it, but the fact he accepted it so quickly and just disappeared is mind-blowing...we're literally strangers now; but I guess that's how break-ups are meant to go.

 

I'm hoping that when the next semester of university starts and I get back into a routine, I'll have more to keep me busy.