What if you don't like your partner's friends?

[heavenonearth]

Has any of you ever experienced this? How did it make you feel, and how did you deal with it?

 

After 6 months of being together, my boyfriend finally was able to take me to a dinner party and meet some of his friends. Three folks who were his best buds in late teenage years. Now all of them around 40, married, kids... My boyfriend, with his 38 years, still childless and dating me, a 30 year old... All of them meet up every few months to catch up. The 'old gang', so to speak.

 

I was nervous for months to meet everyone! And here I was, finally meeting some of his friends, and yes, it went ok, some nice conversations, and I am sure they are nice people, don't get me wrong -- but... I just did not feel a connection at all, I thought they were pretentious, snobbish and I HATED their humor! I was puzzled. These are the people my boyfriend likes? It's so weird, because he's so different from them. I did not understand how he feels connected to them. Perhaps it is because they share a history - but when we drove home, even he was making fun of "the way they lived" (suburban row house, fancy car, boring jobs)...

 

My boyfriend is really so different from them, he's a creative, he drives a car from the 80s, he still does not have kids, he could never imagine living a suburban life, and he's so funny and always complains about pretentious people.

 

Anyway, long story short, I don't get it. I disliked them. I am sure they are nice people, but I felt uncomfortable, they are not the kind of people I would want to be friends with, and now I feel like a jerk, because I am feeling this way.

 

Also, now I am even more anxious to meet his other friends!

 

HELP!

[staggerlee71]

I has this experience however I am a man. It really didn't go well. Its much more difficult if the man doesn't get along with her friends as opposed to you situation.

 

Women have much more intimate relationship with their friends so its crucial that a man finds a way to be cordial.

 

If my friends are not ken on my girlfriends, I can work with that. I'll limit their interaction together or really kind of steer double dates toward the friends she sort of get on with.

 

Liking friends of the significant other , in your 40's is very different than when we were young. you simply cant enjoy them all.

 

Just focus on your relationship and doing your best to get along as best as possible and let the chips fall. After all, it about you two at this point in life

[d0nnivain]

They are nice people. Nobody was awful to you. They just aren't your cup of tea.

 

 

Simply don't spend that much time with them. Do spend some because they aren't going away but don't interfere in his relationship with them.

 

 

At this point all you really have is an extended 1st impression. Perhaps over time you will find reasons to tolerate them.

 

 

I can't stand my husband's childhood friends. They are socially awkward boys who never came out of their proverbial childhood basements. They don't treat DH well IMO so I avoid them. Truth is he doesn't see them much anymore anyway. I think the last time was a funeral about 4 years ago. I never told him I didn't like them; I just begged off when he wanted to see them & sent him by himself. The buddies like it better that way anyway.

[snowboy91]

Spend the occasional bit of time with them, for example the every couple of months they get together. There isn't a need for more than that.

 

Some of my partner's friends I get along with incredibly well. Some I don't but that's more because we have very different interests. It works the other way, my partner thinks some of my friends are obnoxious. That's just the way human interactions work - you can't get along with everyone! Just don't interfere with his friendships or push him into thinking differently about his friends.

[carhill]

IME, people often transition into new social circles as couples. Sure, some old friends will remain but life changes, especially after marriage. I saw it from multiple sides, as the friend transitioned out to the spouse meeting, enjoying and getting along with new couples along with my spouse. Being single for so many years, the dropped friend gig probably got more play but I came to see it as time marching on in the constant change of life.

 

Guys of my generation, can't speak for your guy, in general tend to retain a couple core male friends and do the fade when they get married, and especially when the kids come along.

 

Perhaps your R is the kick in the pants your BF needs to leave his former social group behind and get more into the groove of who he is at the core level and develop friendships in that vein. Hard to know though. One thing to watch out for, in general, is anyone who purposely subjects themselves to stuff/people they don't care for and then complain about it/them. Drama king/queen. My tolerance for those in a LTR is low

[Gaeta]

It's not because they are different that they're wrong or bad. That's the beautiful thing about childhood friendship, you can grow into anything and you'll remain friends. Be glad you will only get to see them once in a while and if possible don't put them down because they made different life choices. Couples buying row houses, working bad jobs, and raising kids are making the economy go around, we need them.

[No_Go]

Heaven, it is a bad sign. TBH it doesn't have much to do with age - both you and your BF are so to speak middle aged, there is no generational difference. There is more there - and you need to figure out what is the 'more'.

 

Personal experience with my last BF (btw very similar - I was 30 back then, he was 37, no kids/marriages for us, all his buddies were married & most had kids): I hated his friends. I found them tiring & uninspiring. I couldn't put my finger on what I dislike, besides that they were 'boring' in my eyes.

 

Well - turned to be that they were all obsessed Christians. I'm very fluid spiritually, agnostic. It made me SO tired, so fast. I couldn't stand their way of living: because I considered it all fake. I feel so lucky I'm no longer with him and them: no matter how hard I'd try, we'd never mesh.

 

It maybe less apocalyptic in your case but you just *have to* figure out what *really* bothers you - and I'm pretty damn sure it is not their age/relationship status/conversations.

[anika99]

Well it's actually pretty normal for people in their forties to be married, have kids, own homes and to work at a job that allows them to support their household and still be home in the evening to spend time with their family. I'd be more concerned if all of his 40yr old friends were still living it up like they were free and single 20 - 30yr olds.

 

The reason you don't like his friends is because you are judgemental and you judged them. We all do it, but you didn't judge them for the things that count, like their character, how they treat others, how they treated you. You instead judged them for their choices in life and for being different than you. That's a shame. Would you like to judged based solely on how you have chosen to live your life? Would it be okay for all of his friends to dislike you because you are not married with kids and working a boring job to support your family? Or would that feel unfair to you? Like they are making assumptions about you before even getting to know you?

[smackie9]

I think since you are new to the group, you don't get that type of teasing humor that bonded friends always seem to have. You know that humor of ribbing and insults that an outsider would find offensive. That's all it is. And in time, when you get to know them more, your perception of them will change. So RELAX and let your hair down! You are in an adjustment period, eventually it will all work out just fine.

[mortensorchid]

I wish I could tell you what the best thing to do with this is or is not, but this is very sticky.

 

I have been through these things in different ways as well. Once I brought my new bf to a party, I knew the hostess, her bf, and another gal and her husband. The hostess did not like him and a few weeks later told me that she did not like him in a scathing hot email which ended with "If this is you now, I liked you better before he came into the picture!" When I told the other gal about it, she then wrote me a similar email telling me of all my bad points. SHe encouraged me to write one about her and then it would help us grow as friends. Needless to say, I stopped speaking to both of them. I don't believe they are friends anymore either.

 

This same bf from the above story, however, later said he didn't like my other friends. I later found out he demanded to be the center of attention and if he wasn't the center of attention he ruined things for everyone else. But he used to give me a hard time about how he didn't like doing things with them, but I think in general he didn't like anyone who wasn't him.

 

It's hard when you have this situation. I think it's worse when you are the man and you don't want to be around the woman's friends rather than vice versa. The only thing you can do is say you don't like so and so because of reason but will tolerate them.

[heavenonearth]

Will try to respond post by post.

 

I has this experience however I am a man. It really didn't go well. Its much more difficult if the man doesn't get along with her friends as opposed to you situation.

 

Women have much more intimate relationship with their friends so its crucial that a man finds a way to be cordial.

If my friends are not ken on my girlfriends, I can work with that. I'll limit their interaction together or really kind of steer double dates toward the friends she sort of get on with.

 

Just focus on your relationship and doing your best to get along as best as possible and let the chips fall. After all, it about you two at this point in life

 

 

Thanks, this is helpful! Although I do think he has very strong bonds with his best friends, I am not so sure how close these friends are. They have history, so yeah, but they still only see each other every few months, not on a weekly basis, and they all live in different cities (one of them even across the pond).

 

I don't think that the bonds I have with my girlfriends are stronger than his bonds with his closest male friends, though. I think his friendships are very important to him! I do hope I will enjoy the company of his other friends, which I have yet to meet, much more!

 

The double date idea is good, but I don't think I will tell my boyfriend that I disliked his friends, that would surely be a bad idea!!! I told him I had a good time and that I hoped that they liked me!

 

They are nice people. Nobody was awful to you. They just aren't your cup of tea.

 

At this point all you really have is an extended 1st impression. Perhaps over time you will find reasons to tolerate them.

 

Yes, true that. You know as they say, it's 'the first impression that counts', but I should maybe not be too thrown off by it... And true, they were very nice, but I just felt uncomfortable, it wasn't a very 'warm' environment, I would say.

 

 

 

Spend the occasional bit of time with them, for example the every couple of months they get together. There isn't a need for more than that.

 

Some of my partner's friends I get along with incredibly well. Some I don't but that's more because we have very different interests. It works the other way, my partner thinks some of my friends are obnoxious. That's just the way human interactions work - you can't get along with everyone! Just don't interfere with his friendships or push him into thinking differently about his friends.

 

That's very true!!! And of course I would never interfere with his friendships, I am in no position to!

[heavenonearth]

IME, people often transition into new social circles as couples. Sure, some old friends will remain but life changes, especially after marriage. I saw it from multiple sides, as the friend transitioned out to the spouse meeting, enjoying and getting along with new couples along with my spouse. Being single for so many years, the dropped friend gig probably got more play but I came to see it as time marching on in the constant change of life.

 

Guys of my generation, can't speak for your guy, in general tend to retain a couple core male friends and do the fade when they get married, and especially when the kids come along.

 

Perhaps your R is the kick in the pants your BF needs to leave his former social group behind and get more into the groove of who he is at the core level and develop friendships in that vein. Hard to know though. One thing to watch out for, in general, is anyone who purposely subjects themselves to stuff/people they don't care for and then complain about it/them. Drama king/queen. My tolerance for those in a LTR is low

 

 

This is an interesting observation, and might even be true!! We do a lot on our own, just the two of us, and run into people! Haven't really made any new friends TOGETHER but I am sure it will happen, and I kind of hope it will, too!

I notice that he told me how his married friends with kids all have less time now. Most of the people he spends most of his time with are still childless as well. I yet have to meet those, but I think it will happen coming week; I am very nervous!!

 

BTW I do not think he will leave his former social group behind, and I do not want him to!

 

 

 

It's not because they are different that they're wrong or bad. That's the beautiful thing about childhood friendship, you can grow into anything and you'll remain friends. Be glad you will only get to see them once in a while and if possible don't put them down because they made different life choices. Couples buying row houses, working bad jobs, and raising kids are making the economy go around, we need them.

 

I don't think I was putting them down in my post and I never would in any sort of way whatsoever in front of my boyfriend! It is HE who is judging them for their life choices. I am not. I only pointed out I thought they were snobbish and pretentious, and I don't think that has anything to do with having kids or row houses.

 

 

Heaven, it is a bad sign. TBH it doesn't have much to do with age - both you and your BF are so to speak middle aged, there is no generational difference. There is more there - and you need to figure out what is the 'more'.

 

Personal experience with my last BF (btw very similar - I was 30 back then, he was 37, no kids/marriages for us, all his buddies were married & most had kids): I hated his friends. I found them tiring & uninspiring. I couldn't put my finger on what I dislike, besides that they were 'boring' in my eyes.

 

Well - turned to be that they were all obsessed Christians. I'm very fluid spiritually, agnostic. It made me SO tired, so fast. I couldn't stand their way of living: because I considered it all fake. I feel so lucky I'm no longer with him and them: no matter how hard I'd try, we'd never mesh.

 

It maybe less apocalyptic in your case but you just *have to* figure out what *really* bothers you - and I'm pretty damn sure it is not their age/relationship status/conversations.

 

No, everyone is very progressive. There are no religious types in his circle of friends And no, their age or relationship status do not bother me.

I honestly just think they are snobs/ a pretentious bunch! That's my judgment, and it may sound harsh, but I have little in common with people like that and I find it difficult to connect with them! I am more free spirited, I don't care about buying fancy art for my house or to vacation in the Hamptons (stuff they talked about)... That's why I was so surprised, because my boyfriend is NOT LIKE THEM in any way! But yeah, they are childhood friends, I think his other friends, who I will meet soon, are different!

[heavenonearth]

Well it's actually pretty normal for people in their forties to be married, have kids, own homes and to work at a job that allows them to support their household and still be home in the evening to spend time with their family. I'd be more concerned if all of his 40yr old friends were still living it up like they were free and single 20 - 30yr olds.

 

The reason you don't like his friends is because you are judgemental and you judged them. We all do it, but you didn't judge them for the things that count, like their character, how they treat others, how they treated you. You instead judged them for their choices in life and for being different than you. That's a shame. Would you like to judged based solely on how you have chosen to live your life? Would it be okay for all of his friends to dislike you because you are not married with kids and working a boring job to support your family? Or would that feel unfair to you? Like they are making assumptions about you before even getting to know you?

 

 

I think you misread what I wrote. I do not judge them on their choices in life.

Not all of them are married, not all of them have kids, and I couldn't care less about that aspect of them... I want kids too!

The issue I have with them is that I though they were pretentious and snobbish! They were talking about things that are very foreign to me. I just did not connect with them! This has nothing to do with them being married, or having kids or the jobs they work in. It's the things they talked about and the way they talked about these things, that made me dislike them.

I certainly don't think they are bad people and I certainly will meet them again and get to know them better. But I was stumped about the fact that they were talking about things that my boyfriend and me really are not interested in at all!

It just puzzled me and it made me feel bad, because I wanted to like them and connect with them, but I didn't.

 

By the way, I am sure everyone makes assumptions about everyone else during a first meeting. That's what people do... For my boyfriend's sake, I cross my fingers they liked me, but what do I know

 

 

I think since you are new to the group, you don't get that type of teasing humor that bonded friends always seem to have. You know that humor of ribbing and insults that an outsider would find offensive. That's all it is. And in time, when you get to know them more, your perception of them will change. So RELAX and let your hair down! You are in an adjustment period, eventually it will all work out just fine.

 

Yes, there were quite a few inside jokes indeed, some of them also in bad taste (not from my boyfriend's side, but from one of the guys). I do hope it will be different the second time around!

 

 

 

I wish I could tell you what the best thing to do with this is or is not, but this is very sticky.

 

I have been through these things in different ways as well. Once I brought my new bf to a party, I knew the hostess, her bf, and another gal and her husband. The hostess did not like him and a few weeks later told me that she did not like him in a scathing hot email which ended with "If this is you now, I liked you better before he came into the picture!" When I told the other gal about it, she then wrote me a similar email telling me of all my bad points. SHe encouraged me to write one about her and then it would help us grow as friends. Needless to say, I stopped speaking to both of them. I don't believe they are friends anymore either.

 

This same bf from the above story, however, later said he didn't like my other friends. I later found out he demanded to be the center of attention and if he wasn't the center of attention he ruined things for everyone else. But he used to give me a hard time about how he didn't like doing things with them, but I think in general he didn't like anyone who wasn't him.

 

It's hard when you have this situation. I think it's worse when you are the man and you don't want to be around the woman's friends rather than vice versa. The only thing you can do is say you don't like so and so because of reason but will tolerate them.

 

I would never tell him that I didn't really like them! I know that it would hurt his feelings and it wouldn't go over well, I'd probably not do myself any favors with it! I certainly will give them another chance and I tried my very best to integrate myself in the conversations, but it's not always possible, and that is what made it also uncomfortable for me. I think my boyfriend thinks it went well :/

We haven't really talked about it. So far he likes the friends of mine he has met, so that's good!

[No_Go]

No, everyone is very progressive. There are no religious types in his circle of friends And no, their age or relationship status do not bother me.

I honestly just think they are snobs/ a pretentious bunch! That's my judgment, and it may sound harsh, but I have little in common with people like that and I find it difficult to connect with them! I am more free spirited, I don't care about buying fancy art for my house or to vacation in the Hamptons (stuff they talked about)... That's why I was so surprised, because my boyfriend is NOT LIKE THEM in any way! But yeah, they are childhood friends, I think his other friends, who I will meet soon, are different!

 

I was just giving my example to illustrate I was bothered by something I didn’t realize at first. Not saying they are religious. Could be anything. Maybe you’re right it is the snobbish stuff,or something else. Meet them few more times and you’ll know.

[elaine567]

“A man is known by the company he keeps”

 

These are childhood friends but they are not guys he sees once in a blue moon these are people he keeps in close touch with, so unless he is a particularly mercenary kind of a guy, then they will reflect who he is.

So whilst he may have laughed with you at your observation of their pretentiousness and snobbery I guess when alone he is just as pretentious and snobbish as they are.

I also guess that what they talked about that went over your head, is what they all usually speak about too.

 

...I was so surprised, because my boyfriend is NOT LIKE THEM in any way!

 

This is obviously a side to your bf, that you were unaware of.

No-one at 38 makes the effort to keep up with childhood friends every couple of months if they have absolutely nothing in common with them.

[todreaminblue]

everyone has a common ground ...sounds like that is what your bf has and you can find.....find the reasons that they have about them to like them......ask your bf about their history, get to know them...you don't have to hang out with them but you can have an understanding even though your bf doesn't particularly follow their ways he can still be friends with them...so can you.....differences are what make the world go round in an interesting way ....how we can learn differences and try not to judge.....will only make you a more well rounded person......

 

i have a thing about really rich people...only because i have met some really ugly on the inside rich people.....rich men to be exact.....but...i have to not judge people by their wallets ......and what they have in them ....its as bad as judging poor....

 

 

they may like to talk about their houses and their cars .......how i would deal with pretention is try to think of the sacrifices they would have had to make and the long hours that they had to work to get to where they are while they are talking about their houses....and how their families missed out on seeing their dad or mum or just maybe they are in massive debt to lead the life they live........or how even though they are there bragging maybe its withholding a deeper longing to fit in and be respected(which can sometimes be the case)

 

 

if you just look on the surface and see the gloss of the waters.....you never get to know how deep those waters go.....and it doesnt sound like you will go swimming often .....but when you can ......you should swim for a while....gain a new perspective or two.....i wish you well.....deb

Edited December 29, 2017 by todreaminblue

[cabbageman]

I'm an arrogant pretentious elitist [and] proud as well, just like most of my friends. That's why they are my friends lol, because we can be ourselves without having to step on eggshells or worrying about offending the "socialist" types. All we want to do is laugh, we don't care to talk about serious things and we aren't bullies either.

 

My soon to be ex-gf does not like most of my friends. Lol. I gave her the option of not hanging out with us many times..and she often takes it, but over time it built resentment, and she is left out more and more. And when she does hang out with the bros it's such a buzz kill, she is very smart and passionate of helping others but sometimes we just want to be dumb arses.

 

It was never a problem because I'd make it up to her, except for one friend of mine, which one day she totally flipped on in a very uncool way because he made an off-color joke. And at one point I was hanging out with him more then her and she went crazy trying to understand why I'd want to hang out with such a negative person instead of her, she took it out on him and almost cost me a friendship.

 

The reality was that she took and still takes life too seriously, some of us don't, there is no such thing as negative conversation, and we should not penalized for it, so as long as we are not physically harming people. Some people judge ppl by their words and others by their actions. In my perception, even though my friends and I joke about "bad" things, we aren't bad people, and there is no drama, no tension or fighting. But coming home to someone who you can't make a joke you find truly funny and get yelled at instead, and all this drama and fighting follows for pretty much no reason, well, it's draining and sad. Really, even though that persons intentions are good in defending what is right they don't have to be such a downer all the time.

 

OP you need to think long and hard about how much you can stomach, and having him stop hanging with his friends who are like that will certainly create some tension.

Edited December 31, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Language

[LilySun]

If they only meet up every few months, that means you won't have to deal with them very often. If would be all the time, like every weekend, you would have a real problem on your hands if you don't like them. Couples don't always love every single aspect of the other person's life... Once in a while, just gotta suck it up. If you have a good relationship it's not a big price to pay.

 

And that was only your 1st impression. The next time you meet them might be less awkward and feel more welcoming, because they know who you are now. In time you could warm up to them and it won't seem so bad anymore.

 

He won't necessarily like all your friends, either. Comes with the territory in most relationships.

 

You could also make excuses for any meet ups in the future, if you don't mind the BF going without you. But that could upset him depending on how much he wants you there.

[heavenonearth]

“A man is known by the company he keeps”

 

These are childhood friends but they are not guys he sees once in a blue moon these are people he keeps in close touch with, so unless he is a particularly mercenary kind of a guy, then they will reflect who he is.

So whilst he may have laughed with you at your observation of their pretentiousness and snobbery I guess when alone he is just as pretentious and snobbish as they are.

I also guess that what they talked about that went over your head, is what they all usually speak about too.

 

This is obviously a side to your bf, that you were unaware of.

No-one at 38 makes the effort to keep up with childhood friends every couple of months if they have absolutely nothing in common with them.

 

Yes i agree that you can learn a lot about a person by spending time with their friends. I hope to find out more about him by meeting his current friends who he spends most of his time with.

I don’t think my boyfriend is pretentious. He can be a bit snobbish but he’s certainly got different ideas of living and different priorities than these friends of his that we met. I think he even tried to point that out to me in our way back.

I mean, i spent the past six months with this person, if he’d be a pretentious snob i would have left a good while ago

[heavenonearth]

everyone has a common ground ...sounds like that is what your bf has and you can find.....find the reasons that they have about them to like them......ask your bf about their history, get to know them...you don't have to hang out with them but you can have an understanding even though your bf doesn't particularly follow their ways he can still be friends with them...so can you.....differences are what make the world go round in an interesting way ....how we can learn differences and try not to judge.....will only make you a more well rounded person......

 

i have a thing about really rich people...only because i have met some really ugly on the inside rich people.....rich men to be exact.....but...i have to not judge people by their wallets ......and what they have in them ....its as bad as judging poor....

 

 

they may like to talk about their houses and their cars .......how i would deal with pretention is try to think of the sacrifices they would have had to make and the long hours that they had to work to get to where they are while they are talking about their houses....and how their families missed out on seeing their dad or mum or just maybe they are in massive debt to lead the life they live........or how even though they are there bragging maybe its withholding a deeper longing to fit in and be respected(which can sometimes be the case)

 

 

if you just look on the surface and see the gloss of the waters.....you never get to know how deep those waters go.....and it doesnt sound like you will go swimming often .....but when you can ......you should swim for a while....gain a new perspective or two.....i wish you well.....deb

 

You seem too good for this world, but yes, it’s definitely important to keep an open mind. That’s the person i am too, and i hope very much that i will find more in common with them in the months to come.

 

When i judged them, i meant no harm. I am not close minded, to the contrary. I am the most open and free spirited person you will meet. This is one of the things my boyfriend and me have in common and what i cherish so much about our relationship. This is why i was so stumped when i realized his friends were everything but so free spirited. like i said, i don’t think it’s a bad thing. To each their own. I just think it’s a bit of a disappointment. But i certainly will give them a chance again. WHo knows what they thought of me... lol.

[heavenonearth]

<snip>

 

My soon to be ex-gf does not like most of my friends. Lol. I gave her the option of not hanging out with us many times..and she often takes it, but over time it built resentment, and she is left out more and more. And when she does hang out with the bros it's such a buzz kill, she is very smart and passionate of helping others but sometimes we just want to be dumb arses.

 

It was never a problem because I'd make it up to her, except for one friend of mine, which one day she totally flipped on in a very uncool way because he made an off-color joke. And at one point I was hanging out with him more then her and she went crazy trying to understand why I'd want to hang out with such a negative person instead of her, she took it out on him and almost cost me a friendship.

 

<snip>

 

OP you need to think long and hard about how much you can stomach, and having him stop hanging with his friends who are like that will certainly create some tension.

 

I don’t think your story resembles mine in any sort of way, but i am very sorry you are in such a toxic relationship. This seems like a case of complete mismatch to me and probably has less to do with just liking friends or not.

 

I don’t know why you speak about him stopping to spend time with his friends. I don’t think that was up for debate here.

Edited December 31, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Truncate quote previously edited for language

[heavenonearth]

If they only meet up every few months, that means you won't have to deal with them very often. If would be all the time, like every weekend, you would have a real problem on your hands if you don't like them. Couples don't always love every single aspect of the other person's life... Once in a while, just gotta suck it up. If you have a good relationship it's not a big price to pay.

 

And that was only your 1st impression. The next time you meet them might be less awkward and feel more welcoming, because they know who you are now. In time you could warm up to them and it won't seem so bad anymore.

 

He won't necessarily like all your friends, either. Comes with the territory in most relationships.

 

You could also make excuses for any meet ups in the future, if you don't mind the BF going without you. But that could upset him depending on how much he wants you there.

 

Yes i think it’s definitely a good thing to try again and be as open as i can be. I was so anxious about meeting them in the first place, i think i also had a lot of expectations. I think it will be more important to see how i get along with his close friends that he sees more often. But that will happen very soon so i just have to wait and see.

 

Personally i think it’s a bad thing to make excuses for meeting a partners friends, sometimes it’s best to just suck it up, lol. I’d do anything for this man, i think i can handle these people every few months. I wouldn’t want to be around them all the time though, that’s for sure. Just too many differences

[Gaeta]

I think you misread what I wrote. I do not judge them on their choices in life.

Not all of them are married, not all of them have kids, and I couldn't care less about that aspect of them... I want kids too!

The issue I have with them is that I though they were pretentious and snobbish! They were talking about things that are very foreign to me.

 

I think you need to look into this. So each time you come across people that have a different speech, that have other things to talk about things you are not familiar with you judge them pretentious and snobbish, could this be a bit of jealousy at play?

 

My brother is married to a doctor, they traval through the world like 3 times a year, they stay in fancy places, eat in fancy restaurants, and I find interest in their trips even if I will never be able to travel the way they do. You should see her house and car, her shed is worth the price of my little condo, do I find her snobbish? not one bit.

 

I think there is a bit of jealousy here, they have what you want, a solid relationship, kids, beautiful homes, vacationing, show me one young woman that don't want that for herself.

[d0nnivain]

Heavenonearth

 

What I'm reading is that these people were not warm, plus you found them to be pretentious & snobby. If you don't find your BF to be that way, relax a bit. Do keep your eyes open but give these folks the chance to warm up to you. Most people tell me I'm cold & intimidating upon meeting me. It's a shield. I'm really very nice but my insecurities prevent me from letting people in initially.

 

Also people change over time. Right now DH & I are at my college roommate's house. She & I have kept in touch over the years but this is the 1st time I have been in her home. The "trappings of wealth" & the "keeping up with the Jones" is a bit disconcerting but I'm trying to plaster a smile on my face for the sake of our life long friendship. If my husband was judging me based on her largess, I doubt we'd still be together.

[smackie9]

You say "Oh he is so not like his friends" Hah I bet money on it he was on his best behavior because you were there...