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He blocked me on all social media after we had an amazing evening

Missye

By Missye
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Missye New Member

Missye

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Women need to take responsibility for themselves and stop blaming men for their poor decision making. Stop sleeping with men you've known for a few weeks and expecting things to turn out any differently. She wanted the sex just as much as him. If you make the decision to sleep with a man you barely know, you suffer the consequences. If you want an actual relationship with a man, act in that manner. Don't book a hotel room with a man you've been dating for two weeks and expect it to turn out any differently than it did.

 

The only thing the guy did wrong was ghost her. Is that a nice thing to do? No, but it happens. Yes, he should have texted her back and said he was no longer interested. We all deserve at least that. But he didn't use her. OP needs to make better decisions next time. A lot of young women fall into this trap, so it can be a learning lesson.

 

Please dont give me this old fashioned BS.. i am in my thirties and people my age don't wait that long to have sex. Not sure where you are from but here we don't usually wait that long. And I don't want to get into a relationship without having sex first. I want to know if we are good together sexually. We discussed all this. He said he had feelings for me and wanted to be with me. My biggest issue is him ghosting me. And lying to me about taking it further

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Missye New Member

Missye

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She didnt accuse him of anything. She said that she was stressed out he's going to bail. and surprise he only decide to bail after they had sex? comeon now.

 

Whatever OP's issues were, she deserved to be treated like a human being. Instead of properly speaking to her, or even sending her a text telling her it wont work, he chose to run away like a coward. Honestly good riddance, the last thing you would want in your life is a douche like him.

 

Thanks. It would have still hurt if he just said he didn't want to persue it. But I would have respected him for being honest. But him taking the coward way is what hurt the most because of what we have experienced together.

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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Mate he was the one who was oversharing at first. Told me about how he walked out of his job because he had an anxiety attack and was crying at the beach. This was just before we met! I didn't lie to him about feeling sick. I told him before and he made me tea and was good about it

 

I was overworked because I have two jobs. He shared with me all his fears and things going on in his life. And I liked it

 

Fine. You liked it. But because he had all these issues too don't you see that when you shared too it may have overwhelmed him?

 

My point remains that early dates are not the place to disclose so much personal info.

 

I'm not saying you are wrong or bad for feeling anxious. I am suggesting that a new guy is not the person to address those issues with.

 

It doesn't excuse his bad behavior but it may prevent you from having to endure this from the next guy. Play your own cards closer to your vest moving forward,

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Missye New Member

Missye

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Fine. You liked it. But because he had all these issues too don't you see that when you shared too it may have overwhelmed him?

 

My point remains that early dates are not the place to disclose so much personal info.

 

I'm not saying you are wrong or bad for feeling anxious. I am suggesting that a new guy is not the person to address those issues with.

 

It doesn't excuse his bad behavior but it may prevent you from having to endure this from the next guy. Play your own cards closer to your vest moving forward,

 

 

I never told a date these things. He asked me to share things and shared things as well. He said he wanted us to be completely honest. Apart from that I was happy and positive. I was the one cheering him up when he was overwhelmed with things and being encouraging when he was down because of work.

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HumanMachine Established Member

HumanMachine

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I never told a date these things. He asked me to share things and shared things as well. He said he wanted us to be completely honest. Apart from that I was happy and positive. I was the one cheering him up when he was overwhelmed with things and being encouraging when he was down because of work.

 

Why are the tables suddenly turning?

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1fish2fish Established Member

1fish2fish

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Please dont give me this old fashioned BS.. i am in my thirties and people my age don't wait that long to have sex.

 

Maybe they should.

 

And this is complete bullsh*t. Many people, no matter their age, wait until they are ready to have sex with a partner. 1 day or 1 year, it doesn't matter, as long as both parties are on the same page.

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Nadine123 Established Member

Nadine123

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You're going on and on about who did what first. It doesn't matter, he ghosted. Take this as a learning lesson and don't trust people unless they give you a reason to.

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Nadine123 Established Member

Nadine123

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You're going on and on about who did what first. It doesn't matter, he ghosted. Take this as a learning lesson and don't trust people unless they give you a reason to.

 

and many people do wait until they have sex. Having a one night stand is different than wanting a relationship with someone. Unfortunately, most guys view girls who sleep with them quickly or on the first night as easy. Im not judging you, I used to be that girl.

 

Embrace your mistakes and work on your anxiety. Meditation really helps :)

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stillafool Established Member

stillafool

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He used her for sex. It's obvious and an unpleasant thing to do. Unkind.

 

Be a man. Tell her if you're not interested.

 

But what if you are interested in sex and the woman booked a hotel room? Is he supposed to decline and wouldn't he assume she wanted sex too by booking the room?

heartbrokenlady Established Member

heartbrokenlady

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But what if you are interested in sex and the woman booked a hotel room? Is he supposed to decline and wouldn't he assume she wanted sex too by booking the room?

 

 

That isn't the problem. The problem came from the way he treated her afterwards.

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HumanMachine Established Member

HumanMachine

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That isn't the problem.

 

Well it was according to your post on the first page!

stillafool Established Member

stillafool

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I agree it was a sh--y thing to do to ghost her; but I disagree that he used her for sex.

elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

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Whether or not he used her for sex is moot, we will never know.

He may be a one and done guy or he may just be an unstable guy who got out of his depth, or he may not be ready for dating (hurt, disappointed, recent break up, has a crush on someone else) and the sex was one step too far for him...

Who knows?

 

But the bigger problem here is that the OP told this guy early on that her mental health was not good and that to many "predators" is as attractive as blood in the water. "Oh goodie, a victim"

Also many "predators" will mirror in an attempt to feign closeness, to provide a link, "Look, we have so much in common, you with your insecurities, me, with my anxiety."

Maybe the "wall" comment was designed to open the OP up, to make her even more compliant. It is a common PUA trick and classic manipulation.

I am not saying this is what happened, but the OP needs to be aware.

 

Not a great idea either for her to home in on guys with issues. She has enough of her own to deal with, she needs to be sourcing the "normal", not looking for someone with problems to "save".

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BC1980 Established Member

BC1980

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Noone is saying she shouldnt take responsibility. If some of you remember, a similar thing happened to me and I now understand that my actions were wrong.

 

However, the way he treated her afterwards was unacceptable. No women wants to be treated like that. Also, I know alot of men who have one night stands with women, or have sex with them after a couple of dates, and still treat them with a dignified way afterwards, whether they want them or not.

 

I made the same mistakes when I was younger and less experienced. So many women fall into that trap and have to learn the hard way. Ghosting unfortunately happens. I've done it myself I'm sorry to say, and I've been on the receiving end as well. I don't think anyone deserves disrespect after sleeping with a guy, but you have to take into account how you present yourself as well. If you present yourself as easy (paying for all the dates and jumping in the sack right away), you don't command respect. I still don't think ghosting or disrespect is okay, but you can't act surprised. You very occasion find a woman who sleeps with a guy really quickly, and it turns into more. But I'd operate under the assumption that the opposite will happen.

 

It's not to bash anyone because women are fed a lie that they can operate sexually the way men do. And that's just not the case. Men and women treat sex and relationships differently, but most of the women in my generation and younger were not taught to appreciate the differences between men and women when it comes to sex and relationships. We were unfortunately left to stumble around and figure it out on our own, causing a lot of heartache along the way. Well, my mom gave me good advice, but I never listened.

BC1980 Established Member

BC1980

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Please dont give me this old fashioned BS.. i am in my thirties and people my age don't wait that long to have sex. Not sure where you are from but here we don't usually wait that long. And I don't want to get into a relationship without having sex first. I want to know if we are good together sexually. We discussed all this. He said he had feelings for me and wanted to be with me. My biggest issue is him ghosting me. And lying to me about taking it further

 

I'm not saying you should practice abstinence until your wedding day. I'm saying to use better discretion. If you think what you're doing is working, carry on I guess. Good luck to you. Since you won't take it from me, I would suggest asking some men what they think. I mean that with all sincerity. I think it might do women a world of good to get some advice from men. Ask them how they view a woman who pays for every date and books a hotel room to sleep with a guy after a few weeks.

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stillafool Established Member

stillafool

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Please dont give me this old fashioned BS.. i am in my thirties and people my age don't wait that long to have sex. Not sure where you are from but here we don't usually wait that long. And I don't want to get into a relationship without having sex first. I want to know if we are good together sexually. We discussed all this. He said he had feelings for me and wanted to be with me. My biggest issue is him ghosting me. And lying to me about taking it further

 

People your age don't book a room, have sex with someone and then moan to them the next day that they might lose interest either. They own it.

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Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

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Why did he block on all social media though. That doesn't even make sense. You weren't harassing him. It sounds like he might have some mental problems himself or maybe he just didn't know how to handle the situation and handled it...like that. I am sorry this happened.

Edited by Cookiesandough
mrs rubble Established Member

mrs rubble

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Why did he block on all social media though. That doesn't even make sense. You weren't harassing him. It sounds like he might have some mental problems himself or maybe he just didn't know how to handle the situation and handled it...like that. I am sorry this happened.

I reckon there were photos of him at the BBQ when he first slowed down the texting, I think he met another woman and she probably features in these pictures.

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  • 3 weeks later...
Nadine123 Established Member

Nadine123

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I hope you are feeling better.

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