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Posted

I have been in a relationship with this guy for about 2.5 years. We are both in our early 20's. I felt so in love with him , and I tried my best to be the best partner. He was also in love with me and he showed it. I had a great time with him and he was very affectionate and supportive with me. We had our small fights sometimes, but we managed to find solutions and get over it. It all started few months ago. We had a big fight and even though it wasn't only my fault, I apologized for everything. Then, He started to have strange behavior towards me. I felt that I wasn't his priority. He canceled our plans, he didn't want to do many things with me, he even avoided me sometimes. He wanted to do everything on his own terms and convinience. However, I tried my best, to have fun, go out as we usually did but I felt that something was wrong. I asked him one night, and he told me that he didn't feel the same, because of that big fight. Then, he told me that he didn't know if he wanted to be with me, that he was feeling strange lately. I started crying. I felt horrible. I tried my best and he said that he was unsure about his feelings. I tried to bring out beautiful memories from the past, to remind him how beautiful our relationship is. But all he said, is that he couldn't stand our fights. The truth is that most of our fights were meaningless. . I couldn't understand why we fought. He got angry with me for stupid reasons. He blamed me for his bad behavior. After a few weeks, we had a fight for a lame reason again and he broke up with me over text. After a few days he came to do the talk and he told me that he couldn't stand any more fighting. I didn't beg at all. I felt so stupid. I stopped any contact with him. After a few weeks he came out of a sudden in my place to see me. We had a chat about the relationship and he told me that sometimes I put pressure on him, even though I always tried to meet and do things as he wished. I lnow, that being too available is a mistake.

10 days passed and he came one night again and he wanted to see me. He said he was missing me a lot. He didn't want to hurt me again and that he had a hard time away from me. He started being affectionate again. He even texted me everyday. I didn't say anything about getting back together, just to see where this was going. Then we cut off communication for 4 days, because I was on a trip outside the country and he texted me again when I returned. I couldn't understand what he wanted. I wanted us to try again but even though he texted he didn't propose to meet in person. So I texted him if he wanted to meet one day, and he said ok without arranging date and time. 5 days past without hearing anything from him. I think he has been acting hot and cold and I wanted to make things clear. So I called. He answered immediately and we met the same day. I wanted some explanation for all this stuff. He seemed very confused. He said that he misses me a lot, he wanted to be together again, but he was afraid that this couldn't work. He didn't want to hurt me and him again even though he had the same feelings for me. He also said that he won't have time for me the next months due to his work and exams. Almost 2 months had passed since the breakup and I was there with him telling me again that he couldn't try for us. (Even though he had feelings for me, as he said). I didn't try to convince him. I just told him that we learn from our mistakes and we are now prepared to manage any difficulties. After that, I didn't communicate at all, neither did he. A week later, he came at a party that he knew I was going. He spent the whole night near me and my friends. He came to say hello, we had a chat for few minutes. Then he acted very immature and I felt really uncomfortable. We didn't speak again. I didn't initiate any contact. He was the one that ended this. I don't know what else to do...I miss him a lot. We had wonderful time before all this fighting and break up. I hope he won't forget me :(

Posted

He won't forget you. You were together for 2.5 years but you are not getting back together.

 

For whatever reason that big fight was the end. The fact that it caused increased tension which eventually broke you apart cemented in his mind that he did the right thing by ending the relationship.

 

This back & forth business where he tells you he still cares, that he misses you & doesn't want to hurt you is a typical break up dance. It can be tough even for the dumper to make a clean break. He too remembers the good times & is holding on to that sentimentality but he knows that you are better off apart. It's just jarring & lonely to be alone after 2.5 years together.

 

You have to do what you need to do to move on. You can't fix whatever broke in him. You didn't break it. He is just done but he's ripping the bandaid off slowly & picking at the scab.

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Posted

Thanks for your reply. Do you think there is anything I can do to make things right? I feel that I did everything wrong. He blamed me for everything even though I never wanted to have these fights. He was aggressive towards me the last months. I couldn't understand why we fought, always stupid reasons. I felt that he didn't value me as before. I don't understand why he can't forgive me just for one fight that I caused. I was never disrespectful :-(

Posted

No you can't make something right when you didn't make it wrong.

 

He's just done. It's nothing you did or didn't do. The begging you want to do makes you less attractive. Prostrating yourself before him won't help.

 

You need to shut the door on your past, heal & move forward. Easier said than done but that is your path.

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Posted

Thank you, you help me. I feel so guilty all the time. That if I did or acted differently everything would be ok. Even after the breakup I think my behavior was mature. I never begged or tried to manipulate him emotionally. I even did no contact from the start, i respected his desicion. I just want to stop feeling guilt...

Posted

It wasnt about that one fight, he was already checked out. There is nothing you could have done for him to stay.

 

I understand you're hurt but try to spend the time you're wasting over analyzing on getting over this and healing. Whenever you're feeling down or that you want to contact him, just post here :)

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