Tgal Posted December 27, 2017 Posted December 27, 2017 I just joined this site today after spending some time reading last night. I just want to say thank you for giving me something to keep me busy during times of weakness. I was the "evil" dumper. Sometimes we have to be the mean one and let go when we feel we just can't serve someone well, that they have to learn a thing or two themselves (tough love of addiction/recovery/past wounds/anxiety) and/or it's just not bringing out the best in us, even though we still care about them. He is hurting and it's hard not to reach out but, I have to be strong and do what is best. He gets his hopes up with every single interaction. Even though I let go, there's still some emptiness to the adjustment and this site made me feel like I'm not alone and gave me some reading to do... and made me feel better about not contacting. I don't want to cause anymore hurt. Just gotta let things suck for a while, let the self-work begin (hopefully) and let the healing take place. Thank you. Peace to all.
RocketQueen Posted December 28, 2017 Posted December 28, 2017 My ex broke up with me 12 day before Christmas on the anniversary of my fathers death three years ago. He did exactly what he promised he would never do- hurt me...but I understood. The thing he did that was worst was keep in contact, it kept the hurt going, it fuelled my anger and caused many a sleepless night of me looking online to interpret whether what he said was a sign of him wanting me back etc. My sisters ex broke up wit her and that was it, the odd text about belongings etc and she got over it so much quicker than me. Being the dumper must never be easy but regardless of of your reasons you shouldn't feel bad. Three years on, my ex is back in contact and seems unhappy-he regrets everything he did after the break up (and possibly the break up itself) and I wish he would be happy because I truly believe he did the right thing by ending it now. Don't beat yourself up and kudos for not being that mindf**k ex who keeps in touch and prolongs the healing. I hope you find happiness
Author Tgal Posted December 28, 2017 Author Posted December 28, 2017 Thank you. And how awesome that you've identified that a clean break works better for you. I truly believe there are life lessons in every relationship (in love, work, friendships). Sometimes it takes a few rounds of the same lesson before we learn but, you've got it! 1
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted December 28, 2017 Posted December 28, 2017 Thank you. And how awesome that you've identified that a clean break works better for you. I truly believe there are life lessons in every relationship (in love, work, friendships). Sometimes it takes a few rounds of the same lesson before we learn but, you've got it! Absolutely!
rachelangelo Posted December 28, 2017 Posted December 28, 2017 Thanks for sharing. It seems like you're doing what is best and healthy for you both--even if it's difficult. Stay strong. You have encouragement and support.
Akashsingh Posted December 31, 2017 Posted December 31, 2017 I have the same issue. When someone loves me or shows love, I back off , feel uncomfortable and feel the need for distance with them. In short its commitment phobia. He will find someone he likes, no doubt about that. However you need to think about yourself as well. You do need a stable , healthy , long term relationship. I dont know what the issues were in your relationship, but I hope you made the decisions with the best in mind.
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