SevenCity Posted December 27, 2017 Posted December 27, 2017 Wow I am yet again amazed at the responses from our female posters. If the roles were reversed (a woman posting) they would claim the guy is a jerk and used you. Moreover, they often claim that how you are acting is how an interested guy acts. But I digress. They are absolutely correct in saying you came on too strong and would benefit from backing off. The same thing that is taught in the PUA books they hate so much lol. Thing is, women are terrified you will be a controlling stalker and will test your behavior to see if the traits exist. Last thing a woman wants is to get involved with a guy who will try to take their freedom. BUT....It’s a balancing act. You don’t reach out enough and they feel you don’t care / used them. You’ve already put your intentions out there. Ball is in her court to respond. If she wants to see you again she will. DO NOT ask her out for NYE as it’s way expensive and too relationshpy for a second date. If she brings it up, then maybe but you have to appear like you have a life outside of her and if you do you likely already have plans. Let her come to you at her pace and NEVER ask a woman where you stand. You are a man - you’re supposed to know where you stand. If you don’t hear from her in a week ask her out again. If she is wishy washy delete her number. 1
d0nnivain Posted December 27, 2017 Posted December 27, 2017 NYE is the 31st, and she is also having her 31st birthday on Janurary 2nd... haha. Thoughts of what to do now? Send her a nice card for her birthday -- snail mail. Otherwise back off. Leave the girl ALONE until she reaches out to you or until after January 3. Give her time to recover from her hangover.
badfella Posted December 27, 2017 Posted December 27, 2017 Mate, WTF? You got to sleep with her, she has backed off. Bonus. Move on, there are loads of women out there. Notch on the bed post. Result.
Author Crosswords Posted December 27, 2017 Author Posted December 27, 2017 Send her a nice card for her birthday -- snail mail. Otherwise back off. Leave the girl ALONE until she reaches out to you or until after January 3. Give her time to recover from her hangover. I don’t have her address? If I haven’t heard anything from her by January 2nd, I will send her a text, I suppose.
d0nnivain Posted December 27, 2017 Posted December 27, 2017 Fine. Then send her some sort of ecard on her birthday but nothing else. YOu really have to curb your enthusiasm 1
Author Crosswords Posted December 27, 2017 Author Posted December 27, 2017 Mate, WTF? You got to sleep with her, she has backed off. Bonus. Move on, there are loads of women out there. Notch on the bed post. Result. Yea but I actually liked her.
SevenCity Posted December 27, 2017 Posted December 27, 2017 Send her a nice card for her birthday -- snail mail. Otherwise back off. Leave the girl ALONE until she reaches out to you or until after January 3. Give her time to recover from her hangover. No no please don’t do this. Sending a card (for a guy) is a huge thing. We don’t normally send them and as a result too much meaning would be attached to it. Should he even have her mailing address at this point??? Also, sending her a card is not leaving her alone. It will come across as more desperation: “She won’t text me so I’ll use another communication vehicle.” No, please don’t. 1
Author Crosswords Posted December 27, 2017 Author Posted December 27, 2017 Wow I am yet again amazed at the responses from our female posters. If the roles were reversed (a woman posting) they would claim the guy is a jerk and used you. Moreover, they often claim that how you are acting is how an interested guy acts. But I digress. They are absolutely correct in saying you came on too strong and would benefit from backing off. The same thing that is taught in the PUA books they hate so much lol. Thing is, women are terrified you will be a controlling stalker and will test your behavior to see if the traits exist. Last thing a woman wants is to get involved with a guy who will try to take their freedom. BUT....It’s a balancing act. You don’t reach out enough and they feel you don’t care / used them. You’ve already put your intentions out there. Ball is in her court to respond. If she wants to see you again she will. DO NOT ask her out for NYE as it’s way expensive and too relationshpy for a second date. If she brings it up, then maybe but you have to appear like you have a life outside of her and if you do you likely already have plans. Let her come to you at her pace and NEVER ask a woman where you stand. You are a man - you’re supposed to know where you stand. If you don’t hear from her in a week ask her out again. If she is wishy washy delete her number. Good advice. Thanks. I just don’t get why she back up so heavily. From my experience a girl would be thrilled to hear back from the guy the day after. All the warmth was there at the end of the first night, but quickly seemed to chop off the next. You think she’s testing me right now?
d0nnivain Posted December 27, 2017 Posted December 27, 2017 No I don't think she's testing you. I think she feels like crap & you are annoying her. 4
SevenCity Posted December 27, 2017 Posted December 27, 2017 Good advice. Thanks. I just don’t get why she back up so heavily. From my experience a girl would be thrilled to hear back from the guy the day after. All the warmth was there at the end of the first night, but quickly seemed to chop off the next. You think she’s testing me right now? She could be testing, she could be busy, she could be banging another guy, she could be knee deep in papmperin. You don’t know and can’t base decisions on it. What you do know is you reached out and it’s her turn to reach out to you. 1
Author Crosswords Posted December 27, 2017 Author Posted December 27, 2017 She could be testing, she could be busy, she could be banging another guy, she could be knee deep in papmperin. You don’t know and can’t base decisions on it. What you do know is you reached out and it’s her turn to reach out to you. So don’t even wish her a happy bday if she hasn’t reached out by January 2nd?
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted December 27, 2017 Posted December 27, 2017 Good advice. Thanks. I just don’t get why she back up so heavily. From my experience a girl would be thrilled to hear back from the guy the day after. All the warmth was there at the end of the first night, but quickly seemed to chop off the next. You think she’s testing me right now? Newsflash, young dude: Some women have horrendous periods!!!! It can really suck and make you feel like not talking to people for days at a time! You are making it seem like the one and only thing on this girl's plate is her feelings toward you. She has a lot of other things going on, most likely. Step outside yourself for a bit.
mortensorchid Posted December 28, 2017 Posted December 28, 2017 Having sex on the first date / meeting is ... Well it's tacky is all I can say. Not that there aren't plenty of people out there who have done this (myself included), but one party is going to realize that they made a mistake. And if you don't see that now you may realize later on that you have nothing in common with this person at all. I think you should just let it be for now. 2
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted December 28, 2017 Posted December 28, 2017 Having sex on the first date / meeting is ... Well it's tacky is all I can say. Not that there aren't plenty of people out there who have done this (myself included), but one party is going to realize that they made a mistake. And if you don't see that now you may realize later on that you have nothing in common with this person at all. I think you should just let it be for now. Very true and a great point. I think it's rare for both parties to be totally ok with it and end up in a relationship together.
Author Crosswords Posted December 28, 2017 Author Posted December 28, 2017 Really? its Rare both parties would be highly interested after? That blows my mind. There’s a date where it’s just a hookup and then it’s done; that I could see not boding well for one party. When sex is the main objective. But then there is a date when it’s kind of romantic and you have sex; unexpectedly. I couldn’t imagine someone being like “that was great! Well.. Back to the drawing board because I just met someone I connect well with!”
SevenCity Posted December 28, 2017 Posted December 28, 2017 So don’t even wish her a happy bday if she hasn’t reached out by January 2nd? I wouldn’t. Game of tennis, you lobbed over a ball and have to wait for her to return.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted December 28, 2017 Posted December 28, 2017 Really? its Rare both parties would be highly interested after? That blows my mind. There’s a date where it’s just a hookup and then it’s done; that I could see not boding well for one party. When sex is the main objective. But then there is a date when it’s kind of romantic and you have sex; unexpectedly. I couldn’t imagine someone being like “that was great! Well.. Back to the drawing board because I just met someone I connect well with!” Sometimes women don't feel all that great about themselves after giving it up so easily on the first date. Of course an argument could be made that men should feel like that, too, if women do, but that's a whole 'nother debate!
Author Crosswords Posted December 28, 2017 Author Posted December 28, 2017 Sometimes women don't feel all that great about themselves after giving it up so easily on the first date. Of course an argument could be made that men should feel like that, too, if women do, but that's a whole 'nother debate! But if the guy is keen on seeing her and taking her out again.. who cares?
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted December 28, 2017 Posted December 28, 2017 But if the guy is keen on seeing her and taking her out again.. who cares? Maybe she does. 1
Author Crosswords Posted December 28, 2017 Author Posted December 28, 2017 I wouldn’t. Game of tennis, you lobbed over a ball and have to wait for her to return. So don’t message her until she messages me first? Even though it’s her birthday and NYE? These seem like pretty loaded days to miss.. saying she hasn’t messaged me by the 31st evening..
Marc878 Posted December 28, 2017 Posted December 28, 2017 You are doing the pesting texting. The best way to push someone away and end it is overwhelm them. 4
Author Crosswords Posted December 28, 2017 Author Posted December 28, 2017 You are doing the pesting texting. The best way to push someone away and end it is overwhelm them. Well not really. I sent one message that was a touch needy. Not like I was blowing up her phone!
fiskadoro Posted December 28, 2017 Posted December 28, 2017 You may want to not only cultivate some chill, but also some empathy too. This woman gave up the temple to you on the first date. Then, she was having her period while having to deal with you having yours. Some women have crippling cramps during these times; one of my most humbling moments was watching a gf in college suffer through her period and I couldn't do much to alleviate it. If you didn't know before, you have to get up on this concept. I have seen some excellent advice from female posters here, you would be very wise to heed it! I wish I had been lucky enough to get (and listen to) such sage advice in times past. Even if you make it through this rough patch and get another date with her, you still seem to feel entitled to rapid responses to texts. I noticed that you mention everyone being glued to their cell phones, but IMO you should not indulge this sort of habit, it has you coming undone here. And I get the feeling you only want to wish her a happy birthday as a way of testing her to see if she responds quickly and in the manner you seem to feel entitled to. If you really want to wish her a happy birthday, do it with no expectations of when and how she should reply. 3
mortensorchid Posted December 28, 2017 Posted December 28, 2017 What happens when you do this is that you're both high on the after flooding hormones which make you happy that you have done what you did. And you naturally are going to want to do more of this, and you're thinking that you are happy as in relationship happy. You are not. Not truly, you're high. Eventually the high will wear off and you'll realize you have nothing in common with that person. Because you don't know each other at all. All you had in common was this powerful sexual attraction, and once that wears off you'll not have anything in common. Don't believe me? Ignore the statements and see what happens down the road. I've seen it happy more often than I care to think about, many by perfectly intelligent people. Many by younger people without certain experiences, but older people can do the same from time to time. 1
Gaeta Posted December 28, 2017 Posted December 28, 2017 Really? its Rare both parties would be highly interested after? That blows my mind. There’s a date where it’s just a hookup and then it’s done; that I could see not boding well for one party. When sex is the main objective. But then there is a date when it’s kind of romantic and you have sex; unexpectedly. I couldn’t imagine someone being like “that was great! Well.. Back to the drawing board because I just met someone I connect well with!” I smell a bit of naivety. It happens all the time. I had first dates where I was into the guy and acted very flirty and the following day I had completely changed my mind about him and didn't want to see him again. And yes, it did happen I even had sex on a fun night and the following day realized I don't even like the guy enough to see him again.
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