Crosswords Posted December 27, 2017 Posted December 27, 2017 Had her over on the 24th for dinner and a movie. Her- 31, Me- 29. She’s Brazilian and I’m Canadian. We both don’t have family here so we decided to spend Christmas Eve together and be each other’s dates. I met this woman on Bumble. We had good text chemistry. Made a plan for her to come over for dinner and a movie. She arrived at 7:30pm. She brought a bottle of wine and a box of chocolate. I cooked us dinner - steak, potatoes and Brussels. It was delicious; she even expressed her satisfaction. During the dinner and initial greeting we flirted and there was attraction which we both told each other. After dinner we threw on on ‘Home Alone’ and watched. Right away on sitting on the couch we touched and kissed. I don’t think I’ve had a better kisser and we both told each other how pleased we were with that department. Throughout the movie we make out on and off. I probably only saw 50% of Home Alone that night. Eventually the movie wraps up and we start making out heavily. It leads to sex. After sex we talk openly about things and at this point it’s about 2am, she says she wants to just keep being with me, so we cuddle a bit before I drive her home (I was so tired at this point). I drive her home and before she gets out we make out for awhile again. She asks me to text her when I get home so she knows I’m safe. I get home, text her, it’s sweet messages back and forth, lots of emojis. The whole evening was great and there was no awkwardness or hiccups, we held hands on the drive home too. ——- On the 25th, I message her at 8:38pm and say: Me: “Hope you’re day has been great! Was thinking it would be nice to see you tomorrow for a little if you’re free?” -2 hours later she responds..- (10:58pm) Her: “Hi, yes has been great day, and your? Sounds great, what time?“ Next morning - 26th - (8:09am) Me: “My day was nice and relaxed. Watched Christmas movies; yeh! I work until 430 today, and then have some time then, if that works for you too” Her: (5:03pm) “Sorry, we'll leave it to you when you get back! I'm not well!” Me: (8:11pm) “I’m back on the 30th. Hope you feel better“ Me: (8:36pm) “I’m slightly confused. I had a great night with you Christmas Eve and I thought you did too. Your recent messages have thrown me a loop. Just curious if we are both interested in something or if you’re not interested?” Her: (9:44pm) “I'm in, I loved the night with you! but today I woke up in those days of woman, I spent the day with colic and headache! only that!” (9:45pm)“I am interested! so much that I said to see you when you return!” (9:45pm)”Ops.. I'm liked the night with you! but today I woke up in those days of woman, I spent the day with colic and headache! only that! (Better)” Today at 7:49am Me: “Ok. hope you start to feel better ” Now it’s 9:30 my time. ——- I know my text about interest was pretty direct and risky as to come off needy, but I just don’t want to waste energy thinking about it all. I’m going home for 3 days for my Christmas to visit family. Looking for some perspective on this situation. I’m taken aback a little how it went from an amazing evening, her words and actions that night, to kind of cold and withdrawn. Thanks in advance!
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted December 27, 2017 Posted December 27, 2017 She got her period, or at least is saying she did. It's possible she realized that you two moved way too fast for a first date and needs some time to think about it.
Gaeta Posted December 27, 2017 Posted December 27, 2017 Sleeping with someone on a first meeting is a gamble even if you both feel thrilled in the moment, it's STILL a huge gamble that's why you just throw it in the Universe and let life take care of it. Your text would have came across as needy to me and probably damaged my image of you. What is done is done, let her get back to you. Also, you don't need to know from a woman you met ONCE if she's into you or not. Don't be so impatient, she may have enjoyed her night with you but she probably still needed 3-4 more dates to know if she has a real interest toward you. 2
Author Crosswords Posted December 27, 2017 Author Posted December 27, 2017 Sleeping with someone on a first meeting is a gamble even if you both feel thrilled in the moment, it's STILL a huge gamble that's why you just throw it in the Universe and let life take care of it. Your text would have came across as needy to me and probably damaged my image of you. What is done is done, let her get back to you. Also, you don't need to know from a woman you met ONCE if she's into you or not. Don't be so impatient, she may have enjoyed her night with you but she probably still needed 3-4 more dates to know if she has a real interest toward you. Why do you think it’s a gamble? Yes I can admit my message may have been needy, however I sent it because I felt like maybe I was getting a possible brush off, so I just decided to put my ego aside and ask straight up so I wouldn’t be racking my brain thinking about possibilities while I was visiting family for three days. The response was ideal, I guess. However something still feels cold? I mean I did say I hope she feels better in my most recent text and have heard a ‘thanks’ or anything. Which I find odd because even if a person is sick there should still be some sort of banter or communication. This is what kind of gets me.
Gaeta Posted December 27, 2017 Posted December 27, 2017 Why do you think it’s a gamble? Dating is a gamble, a first meeting is a gamble, having sex on a 1st date is a gamble, because you are taking a chance on a stranger. Many many people have fantastic first dates and the person still doesn't call them back. The first 3-4 dates are decisive. Any type of investments whether it's physical or emotional is a gamble that there will never be a follow up. Yes I can admit my message may have been needy, however I sent it because I felt like maybe I was getting a possible brush off, So what you were getting a brush off? You had 1 meeting with her. She was allowed to brush you off, fade away, ghost, or whatever. If she does, you let her. You've invested nothing so far. She owes you no explanation or reasons, nothing. so I just decided to put my ego aside and ask straight up so I wouldn’t be racking my brain thinking about possibilities while I was visiting family for three days. You did not put your ego aside, you actually have no 'ego'. If you had a male ego you would have let her fade away, turned around and find a different date for this coming weekend. A man with ego does not send that type of text after 1 meeting. A man with ego does not dig his brain the way you do for a woman he had 1 meeting with. A man with an ego would never lower himself to demand explanation to a woman he's not exclusive with. 1
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted December 27, 2017 Posted December 27, 2017 You did not put your ego aside, you actually have no 'ego'. If you had a male ego you would have let her fade away, turned around and find a different date for this coming weekend. A man with ego does not send that type of text after 1 meeting. A man with ego does not dig his brain the way you do for a woman he had 1 meeting with. A man with an ego would never lower himself to demand explanation to a woman he's not exclusive with. Furthermore, she told you she didn't feel well, and you sent one message saying hope you feel better, then followed it up basically implying you didn't believe her, practically forcing her to explain her symptoms, and she told you, who she's known for one day, she has her period. She may have been getting annoyed by that! 5
Author Crosswords Posted December 27, 2017 Author Posted December 27, 2017 Furthermore, she told you she didn't feel well, and you sent one message saying hope you feel better, then followed it up basically implying you didn't believe her, practically forcing her to explain her symptoms, and she told you, who she's known for one day, she has her period. She may have been getting annoyed by that! It just seemed like a brush off and false answer. Because she had responded before imwithin minutes to my text and all of a sudden it took her the whole day. My actions are somewhat justified to be apprehensive. But yes,8 can agree I should have left it. It doesn’t help my girl friend was saying ‘life is short’ ‘who cares’ while we’re drinking wine. Haha
Author Crosswords Posted December 27, 2017 Author Posted December 27, 2017 Dating is a gamble, a first meeting is a gamble, having sex on a 1st date is a gamble, because you are taking a chance on a stranger. Many many people have fantastic first dates and the person still doesn't call them back. The first 3-4 dates are decisive. Any type of investments whether it's physical or emotional is a gamble that there will never be a follow up. So what you were getting a brush off? You had 1 meeting with her. She was allowed to brush you off, fade away, ghost, or whatever. If she does, you let her. You've invested nothing so far. She owes you no explanation or reasons, nothing. You did not put your ego aside, you actually have no 'ego'. If you had a male ego you would have let her fade away, turned around and find a different date for this coming weekend. A man with ego does not send that type of text after 1 meeting. A man with ego does not dig his brain the way you do for a woman he had 1 meeting with. A man with an ego would never lower himself to demand explanation to a woman he's not exclusive with. Is that actually what ego is? If so.. I have a past of caring sooo much about women. The intention is good and I don’t like to smother or any of that. But how the hell can a man just stop caring so much about a woman.. something I’ve struggled with.. caring too much, I guess
JuneL Posted December 27, 2017 Posted December 27, 2017 It's entirely possible she doesn't want to meet up during her heavy period, considering your first date was very sexual. But your text could easily eliminate most of the interest she originally had. 3
Author Crosswords Posted December 27, 2017 Author Posted December 27, 2017 It's entirely possible she doesn't want to meet up during her heavy period, considering your first date was very sexual. But your text could easily eliminate most of the interest she originally had. True. Yes I see this now, because she presented a reason after me asking. However before it looks a little weird. I’ve been blown off in the past like many, and it didn’t look good. When a person agrees to meet up the next day and then doesn’t follow up until thirty minutes after your suggested date, wouldn’t anyone be suspicious of that thinking they were getting the slow brush?
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted December 27, 2017 Posted December 27, 2017 True. Yes I see this now, because she presented a reason after me asking. However before it looks a little weird. I’ve been blown off in the past like many, and it didn’t look good. When a person agrees to meet up the next day and then doesn’t follow up until thirty minutes after your suggested date, wouldn’t anyone be suspicious of that thinking they were getting the slow brush? No. Maybe she was on the phone with her mother. Maybe she went for a run. Maybe she was in the shower. Maybe she fell asleep. Maybe she doesn't want to text back the very next second because she senses that you're needy. 3
fiskadoro Posted December 27, 2017 Posted December 27, 2017 (edited) I know my text about interest was pretty direct and risky as to come off needy, but I just don’t want to waste energy thinking about it all. I’m going home for 3 days for my Christmas to visit family. Looking for some perspective on this situation. I’m taken aback a little how it went from an amazing evening, her words and actions that night, to kind of cold and withdrawn. Those messages from you strike me as really thirsty. If you "dont' want to waste energy thinking about it all", then that is your problem to solve, not hers. Maybe you could chill and give her space. She is away from her country on Christmas, she might be homesick and not be feeling like dealing with your needy messages. Personally, I see nothing cold and withdrawn in her words. She even told you her aunt is visiting as a way of reassuring you, what more do you want? Please please get a handle on telling yourself you "care too much" and that this is something you have struggled with in the past. If you mean that your super big heart has frightened away women before and if only they could see how much you cared... think about this, guy. Quality women might not put up with this behavior too often. Edited December 27, 2017 by fiskadoro 3
Gaeta Posted December 27, 2017 Posted December 27, 2017 When a person agrees to meet up the next day and then doesn’t follow up until thirty minutes after your suggested date, wouldn’t anyone be suspicious of that thinking they were getting the slow brush? Absolutely not. Thirty minutes is more than acceptable. You have no clue where she was when she took your text, she might have been on her way out and of course could not reply while driving, there could be many good reasons it took 30 minutes.
Author Crosswords Posted December 27, 2017 Author Posted December 27, 2017 Absolutely not. Thirty minutes is more than acceptable. You have no clue where she was when she took your text, she might have been on her way out and of course could not reply while driving, there could be many good reasons it took 30 minutes. No. Thirty minutes AFTER my proposed hangout. At 8am that day I suggested we hangout at 4:30. She didn’t respond back until 5pm That’s a really long time to leave a person guessing. People are glued to their phones these days.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted December 27, 2017 Posted December 27, 2017 No. Thirty minutes AFTER my proposed hangout. At 8am that day I suggested we hangout at 4:30. She didn’t respond back until 5pm That’s a really long time to leave a person guessing. People are glued to their phones these days. Oh ok. Yes, she should have texted you before that. It's definitely mixed messages, her not responded until 30 minutes after the proposed time but being so enthusiastic in saying she wants to see you again. However, you have no choice but to ride this one out for a few days and see where it goes.
Author Crosswords Posted December 27, 2017 Author Posted December 27, 2017 Dec. 25th, 8:38pm: Me: “Hope you’re day has been great! Was thinking it would be nice to see you tomorrow for a little if you’re free?” (10:58pm) Her: “Hi, yes has been great day, and your? Soundsgreat, what time?“ (Dec.26th, 8:09am) Me: “My day was nice and relaxed. Watched Christmas movies; yeh! I work until 430 today, and then have some time then, if that works for you too” Her: (5:03pm) “Sorry, we'll leave it to you when you get back! I'm not well!” So this is what struck me as odd. The times. It’s not like I got weird because she hadn’t responded in thirty minutes. That would be crazy. In our chat history she usually responded within 3-10 minutes...
Gaeta Posted December 27, 2017 Posted December 27, 2017 No. Thirty minutes AFTER my proposed hangout. At 8am that day I suggested we hangout at 4:30. She didn’t respond back until 5pm That’s a really long time to leave a person guessing. People are glued to their phones these days. Oh, I misunderstood. In her defense, who gets up at 8 am on December 26th? She may have been in bed till noon if not later, you don't know this person and her personal habits and life style. I still think you should have dropped it, tell her you hope she feels better soon and to contact you when she's up to do something together. 2
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted December 27, 2017 Posted December 27, 2017 Dec. 25th, 8:38pm: Me: “Hope you’re day has been great! Was thinking it would be nice to see you tomorrow for a little if you’re free?” (10:58pm) Her: “Hi, yes has been great day, and your? Soundsgreat, what time?“ (Dec.26th, 8:09am) Me: “My day was nice and relaxed. Watched Christmas movies; yeh! I work until 430 today, and then have some time then, if that works for you too” Her: (5:03pm) “Sorry, we'll leave it to you when you get back! I'm not well!” So this is what struck me as odd. The times. It’s not like I got weird because she hadn’t responded in thirty minutes. That would be crazy. In our chat history she usually responded within 3-10 minutes... She probably was waiting until after you were off work, and were back home. You did not propose 4:30 as a meeting time, just that you worked until 4:30. She she actually was quite mindful of your timeframe, texting you promptly at 5:03, probably when she assumed you'd had time get home and figure out your evening. You don't know her well enough yet to know what she was thinking or not. Just relax and give it a few days. 2
Author Crosswords Posted December 27, 2017 Author Posted December 27, 2017 Oh ok. Yes, she should have texted you before that. It's definitely mixed messages, her not responded until 30 minutes after the proposed time but being so enthusiastic in saying she wants to see you again. However, you have no choice but to ride this one out for a few days and see where it goes. Yes. True. She still hasn’t even responded to my text when I told her “Ok. hope you start to feel better ” Is that strange? To not even say ‘thanks’!’ I dunno.
Author Crosswords Posted December 27, 2017 Author Posted December 27, 2017 She probably was waiting until after you were off work, and were back home. You did not propose 4:30 as a meeting time, just that you worked until 4:30. She she actually was quite mindful of your timeframe, texting you promptly at 5:03, probably when she assumed you'd had time get home and figure out your evening. You don't know her well enough yet to know what she was thinking or not. Just relax and give it a few days. Oh god. I just looked at the texts and it seems like maybe that’s exactly what happened. What have I done? Why did I send that ridiculous text. Did I eff it up?
d0nnivain Posted December 27, 2017 Posted December 27, 2017 You didn't eff anything up YET. I think sex on Christmas Eve made you read too much into this. Simmer down. It's the holidays & she just got her period. Ask if she's like to go out with you on NYE but considering you only met her on Christmas Eve don't get all bent if she already has plans
Gaeta Posted December 27, 2017 Posted December 27, 2017 You didn't eff anything up YET. I think sex on Christmas Eve made you read too much into this. Simmer down. It's the holidays & she just got her period. Ask if she's like to go out with you on NYE but considering you only met her on Christmas Eve don't get all bent if she already has plans ouch! You sure he should do that? Her reply to his accusation had exclamation marks at every sentence, she sounded annoyed to me. If I were OP I'd wait for her to reach him.
d0nnivain Posted December 27, 2017 Posted December 27, 2017 Yes, I'm sure that he should ask her out tomorrow or later for a date in the future when her cramps dissipate. For the next 24 hours at least he does need to leave her alone. She may very well be done because he has been so pushy but I would hate to see him leave it where it stands. Patience, patience, patience. If you can hold out until after January 2 to ask her out, you might get the best results. 1
Gaeta Posted December 27, 2017 Posted December 27, 2017 If you can hold out until after January 2 to ask her out, you might get the best results. Absolutely agree to leave her alone for a day or 2. When she doesn't hear from him she'll start wondering if she has been too harsh with him and she'll reach out.
Author Crosswords Posted December 27, 2017 Author Posted December 27, 2017 She always uses exclamation marks in all of her texts previous, to us hanging out. NYE is the 31st, and she is also having her 31st birthday on Janurary 2nd... haha. Thoughts of what to do now?
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