Kristine Posted December 27, 2017 Posted December 27, 2017 My boyfriend dislikes my mom and barely drives up here anymore. She likes him but he doesn't like her. He hates the way she treats me, she makes comments negative comments regularly, even to him, but the fact is she's mom. She's had a heart attack this year, he meds make her act out worse honestly. I don't know what to tell him to loosen up his judgement of her. She's not going to live forever and she's my last surviving parent. As much as I've hated her growing up I like having her around. I'm used to her negativity and can blow it off most of the time. He's more sensitive. What can I say to him to get him to relax a bit and not take her so seriously?
d0nnivain Posted December 27, 2017 Posted December 27, 2017 You can't. This is your dysfunctional family dynamic & because he cares about you he does not enjoy seeing somebody hurt you. The best you can do is to get him to ignore her. Explain her nonsense rolls off your back so he needs to let it go because him pressuring you to abandon your mom after her heart attack makes things worse. You probably need to do a better job enforcing boundaries with her & not letting her always treat you like crap 1
Whodatdog Posted December 27, 2017 Posted December 27, 2017 I dont think theres anything you can say. If he doesnt want to drive up there, then you will have to go see him or meet him part way. 1
BaileyB Posted December 28, 2017 Posted December 28, 2017 It sounds like he has the good judgment not to want to spend time around/live with a negative and emotionally abusive woman. You can't really fault him for that. 2
Author Kristine Posted January 4, 2018 Author Posted January 4, 2018 You can't. This is your dysfunctional family dynamic & because he cares about you he does not enjoy seeing somebody hurt you. The best you can do is to get him to ignore her. Explain her nonsense rolls off your back so he needs to let it go because him pressuring you to abandon your mom after her heart attack makes things worse. You probably need to do a better job enforcing boundaries with her & not letting her always treat you like crap It's hard I try but she has zero respect for me, and declares she doesn't have to respect me the bible says honor thy mother and father. She condescending and rude. I'm on a wait list for housing, I'm low income so I can't afford market rate on my own. When I did move out I go so stressed financially I had a breakdown. Now I'm back at mom's.
stillafool Posted January 4, 2018 Posted January 4, 2018 Why do you insist he be around her? Just let him stay home if that makes him more comfortable. 1
justwhoiam Posted January 26, 2018 Posted January 26, 2018 What can I say to him to get him to relax a bit and not take her so seriously? 1. You talk to your mother and tell her that she needs to tone down her comments, especially if they are negative, because you plan to have a family and it wouldn't help keeping a healthy environment. 2. You talk to your boyfriend and ask him not to interfere in the relationship with your mother. You tell him she's part of who you are and he should accept her as she is, with all of her faults. If neither of them gets the hint and decides not to follow your instructions, what comes next is up to you: A) you move out of your mother's house and cut down on visits (it's drastic and you might regret it, when she won't be alive anymore) B) you drop the boyfriend (and you might lose an otherwise good relationship and regret it later on) C) you endure the situation (your health might be affected) 2
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