fooloflurve Posted December 27, 2017 Posted December 27, 2017 We're seeing each other for around 2 months now, everyday was going great we talk about everything when we're together, he has nothing to hide, not his phone, he unlock his phone in front of me, he texts his friend and scrolls in front of me free and openly, sometimes he even tells me who's he texting and what are they talking about.. So i was thinking now we're getting into a more stable way of being together, i suggested to add him up on FB, and he refuses, and said lets not temporary not share so much information just yet, we're been sleeping together at his place or mine fluently, he doesnt give me the feeling that he is messing around because he always remembers little things about me. He spend most of his time not working with me too i asked him the reason of what kind of information is there not to be able to share with me and he refuses to answer, i was thinking maybe he might be still having his ex photos, but i dont care about the past and i explained, and i said not getting to add u on FB seems really upsetting to me as we said from the start we are really open and honest to each other. He then said ask me to stop being like that and texted me like normal today like nothing happened. ps: he told me its been many years since he dated anyone seriously so he is really bad at expressing and communicating feelings Any advice?
Popsicle Posted December 27, 2017 Posted December 27, 2017 I'm not a fan of the social media thing. Look at how many problems it causes? There is really NO benefit to being on there. Count your blessing that you're not on it. 2
Author fooloflurve Posted December 27, 2017 Author Posted December 27, 2017 I'm not a fan of the social media thing. Look at how many problems it causes? There is really NO benefit to being on there. Count your blessing that you're not on it. But isnt being together aslo counts as me being able to see his posts on social media?
Popsicle Posted December 27, 2017 Posted December 27, 2017 But isnt being together aslo counts as me being able to see his posts on social media? Once upon a time, there were relationships before social media existed. In other words, you don't HAVE to. 1
Author fooloflurve Posted December 27, 2017 Author Posted December 27, 2017 Once upon a time, there were relationships before social media existed. In other words, you don't HAVE to. But he does uses social media, if he doesnt i can understand, and when i asked why cant he just be open of what he feels about it? just the truth would be good enough
basil67 Posted December 27, 2017 Posted December 27, 2017 You're not wrong to use social media. Nor are you wrong to want to add him. There are many of us who don't see social media as the root of all evil. However, none of us can give you insight into why he won't add you. Personally, I'd be worried that he's trying to hide me. Or hide someone else. While I wouldn't dump a guy over this, I would add a caution to his name. Run with it for a bit but hold your cards a little closer.
she'stheone Posted December 27, 2017 Posted December 27, 2017 Hi fooloflurve, Relationships today (especially with social media) are so darn complicated. We don't know how to communicate with each other and things like social media only seem to muddy the waters. Having said all of that. We all have things we are uncomfortable sharing with another person. Sometimes it's just a matter of time, others it can always be that way. Two months is not that long to be so concerned over his adding you to social media. It may not be about hiding things as much as just keeping certain things in his life "private" (at least to him) right now. Here's the thing. Ask yourself why it bothers you and I don't mean the superficial stuff. I mean the deep down reason you're getting triggered by this. To me it's no big deal if my girlfriend adds me to social media but, I'm 49 and not a big social media fan. But... ...that's me. The only person who's feelings are important here are yours. No one can tell you if your feelings are justified or if this is truly a red flag. Again, figure out what is triggering you. Why is this making you so uncomfortable? Once you understand that you can address if it's something you are OK with or if it's a deal breaker. It's OK, if it's a deal breaker. It's very possible there's something off with his behavior and it's just as possible you're overreacting. Understanding why you're getting triggered can help you determine that. As an example, I used to get very upset when my ex-wife did certain things. What I discovered was I felt like she was trying to control me...like my mother tried to do...and I did not like it. Once I realized this and was able to clear certain resentments, her behavior didn't change but... ...my reactions to her behavior did and I have less stress and aggravation in my life now. Hope that helps Sending you much love and ligh
Author fooloflurve Posted December 27, 2017 Author Posted December 27, 2017 Hi fooloflurve, Relationships today (especially with social media) are so darn complicated. We don't know how to communicate with each other and things like social media only seem to muddy the waters. Having said all of that. We all have things we are uncomfortable sharing with another person. Sometimes it's just a matter of time, others it can always be that way. Two months is not that long to be so concerned over his adding you to social media. It may not be about hiding things as much as just keeping certain things in his life "private" (at least to him) right now. Here's the thing. Ask yourself why it bothers you and I don't mean the superficial stuff. I mean the deep down reason you're getting triggered by this. To me it's no big deal if my girlfriend adds me to social media but, I'm 49 and not a big social media fan. But... ...that's me. The only person who's feelings are important here are yours. No one can tell you if your feelings are justified or if this is truly a red flag. Again, figure out what is triggering you. Why is this making you so uncomfortable? Once you understand that you can address if it's something you are OK with or if it's a deal breaker. It's OK, if it's a deal breaker. It's very possible there's something off with his behavior and it's just as possible you're overreacting. Understanding why you're getting triggered can help you determine that. As an example, I used to get very upset when my ex-wife did certain things. What I discovered was I felt like she was trying to control me...like my mother tried to do...and I did not like it. Once I realized this and was able to clear certain resentments, her behavior didn't change but... ...my reactions to her behavior did and I have less stress and aggravation in my life now. Hope that helps Sending you much love and ligh Thanks for ur advices and ur time to type it out, i was thinking about it and I think what’s bothering me and the trigger is that he is not open to me, as I’m to him, I appreciate honesty a lot in my love life, and by his action of delaying to add me on social media made me felt like he’s not opening up and I feel like I’m a stranger who sometimes share his bed. Me and him, we talk about almost anything possible in real life, so again I was upset when he didn’t want to be on social media so soon, I thought we are more than this.
stillafool Posted December 27, 2017 Posted December 27, 2017 So, because he has not added you on social media you feel like a stranger in bed with him? What is more important to you a relationship or social media? Why does everyone need to know your business?
Gaeta Posted December 27, 2017 Posted December 27, 2017 I would have never added a boyfriend of 2 months on my FB. The relationship isn't long enough and not secure enough to pass the test of social media. You add him after 2 months and at 3 months you de-friend him then all your contacts will laugh at you. He doesn't want to be that guy who adds and de-friends girls 3-4-5 times a year, when he'll add you it's because he'll be sure and his family and friends will know about you.
she'stheone Posted December 27, 2017 Posted December 27, 2017 I think what’s bothering me and the trigger is that he is not open to me, as I’m to him, I appreciate honesty a lot in my love life, and by his action of delaying to add me on social media made me felt like he’s not opening up and I feel like I’m a stranger who sometimes share his bed. I'm not sure if I'm reading into this but... It seems like your feelings about him not being open to you are more than just about social media and maybe the social media is the "last straw" type deal that has you questioning the relationship. If that's the case then listen to your intuition. If he can't be open to you the way you want, then he's not right for you. It doesn't make him bad or wrong, just wrong for you. If it's JUST the social media thing, then you need to dig deeper. feeling he isn't open with you ONLY because of the social media thing, seems a little over the top if it's the ONLY issue. I hope that helps. Love and light
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