Gaeta Posted December 28, 2017 Posted December 28, 2017 Well jeez, I guess I've never been over any of my exes then if going by these standards. I can't think of a time since I've been 13 years old that I wasn't thinking about *some* boy. I"m always thinking about some boy when I'm single. Doesn't mean I'm not over them and not ready for someone new. I'm just a romantic. Thinking about some boy isn't the same than constantly having your ex in your mind. There was a long term relationship there that he needs to mourn and make peace with. He needs to reach a place where he can pick a new woman without comparing her to his ex, or her qualities to his ex qualities. 1
mortensorchid Posted December 28, 2017 Posted December 28, 2017 People do not bring up their last gf/bf unless they want to talk about them. When they want to talk about them, that means they are seeing you as their therapist rather than their next potential lover. DON'T get involved with someone who does this. I learned this the hard way. They are either not over that person or use that person as an excuse as to how/why it won't happen for you and them. Even if that person and them have not seen/talked to each other in YEARS they will use it as an excuse. GET OUT and MOVE ON. I am speaking to you as the one who is hearing this.
she'stheone Posted December 28, 2017 Posted December 28, 2017 Well jeez, I guess I've never been over any of my exes then if going by these standards. I can't think of a time since I've been 13 years old that I wasn't thinking about *some* boy. I"m always thinking about some boy when I'm single. Doesn't mean I'm not over them and not ready for someone new. I'm just a romantic. I agree, thinking about a past boyfriend/girlfriend/lover doesn't mean you're not over them. Once again, that is NOT what is going on here. It's one thing to think about various boyfriends (girlfriends) while we're single. (as you said *some* boy) It's an entirely different thing to NEED to date someone in order to STAY SANE. To be thinking about your ex and NEEDING to think about someone else to replace the thoughts of your ex. As I've said in many other posts, I am living with my soulmate, so a committed LTR. With that said, I have thought of some of my excess during this relationship. Something reminded me of them and they were just passing thoughts, gone as quickly as they came. That is NOT what is being discussed here. Dating in an effort to "stay sane" is NOT passing thoughts while he's single and it's not some or all of the past girlfriends it's specifically his ex that he can't stop thinking about. Sending you much love and light 1
Popsicle Posted December 29, 2017 Posted December 29, 2017 Thinking about some boy isn't the same than constantly having your ex in your mind. There was a long term relationship there that he needs to mourn and make peace with. He needs to reach a place where he can pick a new woman without comparing her to his ex, or her qualities to his ex qualities. I agree, thinking about a past boyfriend/girlfriend/lover doesn't mean you're not over them. Once again, that is NOT what is going on here. It's one thing to think about various boyfriends (girlfriends) while we're single. (as you said *some* boy) It's an entirely different thing to NEED to date someone in order to STAY SANE. To be thinking about your ex and NEEDING to think about someone else to replace the thoughts of your ex. As I've said in many other posts, I am living with my soulmate, so a committed LTR. With that said, I have thought of some of my excess during this relationship. Something reminded me of them and they were just passing thoughts, gone as quickly as they came. That is NOT what is being discussed here. Dating in an effort to "stay sane" is NOT passing thoughts while he's single and it's not some or all of the past girlfriends it's specifically his ex that he can't stop thinking about. Sending you much love and light It doesn't matter, lol Because I don't think the OP thinks it's that bad either like you guys think and is going to keep seeing him. I agree with her.
LilySun Posted December 29, 2017 Posted December 29, 2017 I have dated 2 men fresh out of divorce. They were open about how hard it was on them. For one is near devastating. But both wanted to move on, also. I was the 1st girl they dated after. It was challenging because after a while, it was they just weren't all there. I started to suspect they were backing off, both ended up they need to be single for a while, the split up is still hard. And boom, both of them had a girlfriend a couple months later and got married right away... I mean in a matter of months. These guys were saying they loved me. I'm not saying your guy will do that, just saying it can be dangerous territory to be with someone that upset so fresh out of the gate. I don't think those guys meant to hurt me, they convinced themselves that they could move on but couldn't. They got comfortable with the 2nd girl though. Break ups are a roller coaster of emotions, you can feel today the opposite of yesterday. Your fine, then your not. I refuse to date anyone that fresh out of break ups ever since. They haven't had time alone to figure out what they really want.
Miss Spider Posted December 29, 2017 Posted December 29, 2017 This guy has told you his sanity rests on monkey branching to fill a void of desperation left in the wake of his break up. RUN 2
Author ktragers Posted December 29, 2017 Author Posted December 29, 2017 I have dated 2 men fresh out of divorce. They were open about how hard it was on them. For one is near devastating. But both wanted to move on, also. I was the 1st girl they dated after. It was challenging because after a while, it was they just weren't all there. I started to suspect they were backing off, both ended up they need to be single for a while, the split up is still hard. And boom, both of them had a girlfriend a couple months later and got married right away... I mean in a matter of months. These guys were saying they loved me. I'm not saying your guy will do that, just saying it can be dangerous territory to be with someone that upset so fresh out of the gate. I don't think those guys meant to hurt me, they convinced themselves that they could move on but couldn't. They got comfortable with the 2nd girl though. Break ups are a roller coaster of emotions, you can feel today the opposite of yesterday. Your fine, then your not. I refuse to date anyone that fresh out of break ups ever since. They haven't had time alone to figure out what they really want. Ugh. I can totally relate to that and I agree that I've also become very sensitive to how long the guy has been single before we meet! I dated someone like that two years ago and things were going great until a month and a half later when he started withdrawing and one day broke the news to me that he had recently run into his ex and it'd made him realize that he's still getting over it. I experienced something similar with another guy the year before but he was nice enough to break it off after two dates, saying that he's just not feeling anything. Now we're still friends. Both of them are now in a serious, long term relationship with someone and I'm happy for them. I've learned from these experiences that it's not fun being the rebound girl but sometimes it's also because they were just not that into you and were fooled into thinking that any new love interest would get them out of that funk but unfortunately not always. The right person at the right time will heal a broken heart.
Author ktragers Posted December 29, 2017 Author Posted December 29, 2017 So you'd be his first girlfriend since his breakup. It has rebound or transition-girlfriend written all over it. Yes. That's what I'm afraid of. And usually when I hear that someone is not looking to replace an ex, it reminds me of the line dad's new girlfriend says to his daughter that she's not looking to replace her mommy So it means there's only one mommy there and she's irreplaceable. She will always have a special place in their hearts. Probably a bad analogy but I sure don't want to deal with someone keeping an ex in his heart forever.
kendahke Posted December 29, 2017 Posted December 29, 2017 Yes. I could tell that he's lonely and that the breakup had created a huge void in his life. He made it sound like his ex was "irreplaceable." He also said, "I'd like to start seeing someone soon." I guess he's thinking that getting into a new relationship would help him forget his ex faster. Yeah, you have to be careful that he's with you because he's clear and ready to focus on you as well as the rigors of relationship and not as a means by which to lash out at this ex he's still hung up about. If he's not at a place where he can imagine another woman not only meeting the ex's efforts, but exceeding expectations, then he's not ready to be with someone new, no matter what he says to the contrary. Actually, he's being a bit unfair and selfish if he can't be present 100%.
carhill Posted December 29, 2017 Posted December 29, 2017 I tried in vain to find a recount of how a date went and found none so will opine hey why not meet and go on a date before getting wound up in all this stuff? 1
LilySun Posted December 29, 2017 Posted December 29, 2017 People do not bring up their last gf/bf unless they want to talk about them. When they want to talk about them, that means they are seeing you as their therapist rather than their next potential lover. DON'T get involved with someone who does this. I learned this the hard way. They are either not over that person or use that person as an excuse as to how/why it won't happen for you and them. Even if that person and them have not seen/talked to each other in YEARS they will use it as an excuse. GET OUT and MOVE ON. I am speaking to you as the one who is hearing this. All very true. I played the role GF/counselor role, then she was the same reason they broke it off with me. His efforts to move on are there, but not entirely. It's really only half-a$$, emotionally. Half of him may be into you, but on days when his other half is still in the past, it's noticeable and not fun. If I faced this situation now I'd be telling the guy to take some for himself and if he's still interested in me after that time, we could possibly get together then. (not to imply you will wait for him though).
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