Gaeta Posted December 28, 2017 Posted December 28, 2017 And haven't you mentioned your bf is "whipped"? Seems like you prefer undying loyalty to "working" for it. Not common for the women I, my friends, most people I have met. But it would be consistent. haha, interesting. I have a complete different theory on people who prefer dogs to cats and the parallel with the life partner they pick. It would make an interesting thread.
SevenCity Posted December 28, 2017 Posted December 28, 2017 haha, interesting. I have a complete different theory on people who prefer dogs to cats and the parallel with the life partner they pick. It would make an interesting thread. Start one! For me, it is the reasons stated. I don't like conflict, challenges, etc. with my relationships...or my furry friends!
JuneL Posted December 28, 2017 Posted December 28, 2017 Is this why you prefer women who are ethnically Asian? I've heard such a stereotype. However, I also notice that you like to go for those very high maintenance ones (those who spend lots of time and money grooming themselves, and expect their significant others to take care of them financially). Start one! For me, it is the reasons stated. I don't like conflict, challenges, etc. with my relationships...or my furry friends! 1
she'stheone Posted December 28, 2017 Posted December 28, 2017 Start one! For me, it is the reasons stated. I don't like conflict, challenges, etc. with my relationships...or my furry friends! Hi SevenCity, Without challenge we do NOT grow. Challenges do NOT have to lead to conflict. If you want your relationship to grow (as well as grow yourself) you need to have challenges. Sending you love and light.
Gaeta Posted December 28, 2017 Posted December 28, 2017 Hi SevenCity, Without challenge we do NOT grow. Challenges do NOT have to lead to conflict. If you want your relationship to grow (as well as grow yourself) you need to have challenges. Sending you love and light. What kind of challenge could possibly be positive for a relationship? Personally I do not wish for relationship challenges. At 52 I want my relationship to be a heaven of peace and contentment. I want things to be smooth, easy, fulfilling. I want our biggest challenge to have to pick between the 6 o'clock movie or the 9 o'clock movie.
SevenCity Posted December 28, 2017 Posted December 28, 2017 Is this why you prefer women who are ethnically Asian? I've heard such a stereotype. However, I also notice that you like to go for those very high maintenance ones (those who spend lots of time and money grooming themselves, and expect their significant others to take care of them financially). Well if the stereotype were true I wouldn't be having such a hard time finding one would I? I like asian women because I: - Like petite figures - Small feet - Dark hair - Brown eyes - Women who are short (5'3" or under) I'm open to other races, but Asians tend to fit my preferences nicely. As far as high maintenance, I run from those. It just happens to be most women (of any nationality) in the NY Metro area are high maintenance/entitled.
JuneL Posted December 28, 2017 Posted December 28, 2017 Just curious: What shoe sizes are considered small feet (US size)? Thanks. Well if the stereotype were true I wouldn't be having such a hard time finding one would I? I like asian women because I: - Like petite figures - Small feet - Dark hair - Brown eyes - Women who are short (5'3" or under) I'm open to other races, but Asians tend to fit my preferences nicely. As far as high maintenance, I run from those. It just happens to be most women (of any nationality) in the NY Metro area are high maintenance/entitled.
SevenCity Posted December 28, 2017 Posted December 28, 2017 What kind of challenge could possibly be positive for a relationship? Personally I do not wish for relationship challenges. At 52 I want my relationship to be a heaven of peace and contentment. I want things to be smooth, easy, fulfilling. I want our biggest challenge to have to pick between the 6 o'clock movie or the 9 o'clock movie. Challenges like: - Not agreeing to everything she has to say - Standing your ground when your beliefs are challenged - Not reaching out as much as they do - Not responding in minutes to their messages / letting them miss you - Not being too available - Letting her know you are willing to walk away for ever if pushed too far. Basically not being a push over and always letting her get her way. Even the best of women will start to take things for granted if you always cave.
SevenCity Posted December 28, 2017 Posted December 28, 2017 Just curious: What shoe sizes are considered small feet (US size)? Thanks. 5/6 Some guys like big, busty, leggy blondes. I like petite. Edited to add - the almond shaped eyes of Asians melt my heart...
Gaeta Posted December 28, 2017 Posted December 28, 2017 Challenges like: - Not agreeing to everything she has to say - Standing your ground when your beliefs are challenged - Not reaching out as much as they do - Not responding in minutes to their messages / letting them miss you - Not being too available - Letting her know you are willing to walk away for ever if pushed too far. Basically not being a push over and always letting her get her way. Even the best of women will start to take things for granted if you always cave. All these are non-issue when you have mutual respect for each other. None of your list are present in my relationship. We don't challenge each other beliefs we respect them, we respond to communication when we're available and never question each other why it may have taken a longer time, I'm gone 12 hours a day, he's gone 16 hours a day we're never too available - it all comes down to acting like trusting adults. I think challenges come when you're not compatible and you're pushing something that's not meant to be.
she'stheone Posted December 28, 2017 Posted December 28, 2017 What kind of challenge could possibly be positive for a relationship? Personally I do not wish for relationship challenges. At 52 I want my relationship to be a heaven of peace and contentment. I want things to be smooth, easy, fulfilling. I want our biggest challenge to have to pick between the 6 o'clock movie or the 9 o'clock movie. I understand wanting smooth, easy, fulfilling and life just doesn't work that way. Again, we have challenges in our lives to grow. I recently had a challenge with my girlfriend. I was terrified to talk to her about it and was afraid she would judge me (because I already had judged myself). When we talked about it, she was upset, not with me per se but with what happened (it was serious enough that I thought she might end our relationship over it) It took a few days for her to work through whatever was triggered for her and she forgave me (only after I forgave myself). Our relationship is stronger for it. I feel safer, more comfortable and more in love with her than before (I didn't even think that was possible). Without the challenge I would never have forgiven myself for what happened in my past and it's the experiences of our past that come back to haunt us in our present if we don't work through them. I am grateful for all the challenges in my life (not always in the moment), because they have helped me grow into a more loving, compassionate and kind human being. Challenges in our relationships help us release resentment and anger (along with other pain). It's the challenge that triggers the pain and the trigger points us in the direction of the work we need. Sending you much love and light
JuneL Posted December 28, 2017 Posted December 28, 2017 5/6 the almond shaped eyes of Asians Learned something new every day
Author LilySun Posted December 28, 2017 Author Posted December 28, 2017 (edited) I agree with Dis on this guy isn't the pearl you think he is. I dated plenty of jerks in my life and none of them called me names. A man doesn't need to call you names and treat you like dirt to be a jerk, plenty of men out there playing gentlemen to better play you. I also don't care what his friends are saying about him. I got set up on a blind date once with a friend of my brother, they all told me he was an amazing friend etc etc, it turned out to be a boring date, the man had no ambition, no pride, no direction in life at all. OH he was a good friend alright, if you ask him to help you move he'd be there first thing in the morning but as a boyfriend he had no potential at all. Now the anxiety. I am not a specialist in handling anxiety BUT I am a specialist in using good old common sense. If texting caused me anxiety I would simply NOT text. End of story. I would tell this man I don't like texting and to call me if he feels like talking to me. I have been in a relationship for 2 years, my BF does not text AT ALL. He calls. We never run into misunderstanding or assumptions because our conversations are always live. Also, my BF doesn't have a FB and the day he'll feel like having one I will delete mine. I will not put myself through the nightmare I read on here every day, I'll just delete it. When something makes you unhappy, eliminate it. We also talk on the phone already. And, I am not unhappy. I've been all smiles since I met the guy. This morning I got a text that he can't wait to have dinner with me tonight. And I feel the same way, (and yes I agreed with him). I'm now learning to like that he is not an OVER texter. Because I have had problems with that sort of thing also. Instead of worrying about any delayed response, I am glad he texts me every single day but keeps it simple and doesn't over kill. I met a guy online a few months ago that sent me text messages 4 paragraphs long, all about his day.... Without EVER once asking about me. I was able to incorporate myself into the conversation a bit, but he would still turn it back on him. Drove me nuts. Who wants to a mile long text that has nothing to do with you? And he was a nice guy, I met him once. But clearly too self absorbed. This guy says have a wonderful day and we ask about each other s day and plan dates through texting, aside from that we talk on the phone. He is very talkative but he also asks questions and listens well. Oh but, I should assume he's a player because of one stupid thing he said that has never come up again. Well that's not how I work, I don't have any reasons not to see what happens after that and it's going better than I imagined. I've yet to see any other proof at all that he's such a huge jerk like everyone thinks. Oh but, he's being so nice so he MUST be a player. Wow, if I spent my life assuming that about every nice guy, I would definitely be alone forever. Edited December 28, 2017 by LilySun
SevenCity Posted December 28, 2017 Posted December 28, 2017 (edited) We also talk on the phone already. And, I am not unhappy. I've been all smiles since I met the guy. This morning I got a text that he can't wait to have dinner with me tonight. And I feel the same way, (and yes I agreed with him). I'm now learning to like that he is not an OVER texter. Because I have had problems with that sort of thing also. Instead of worrying about any delayed response, I am glad he texts me every single day but keeps it simple and doesn't over kill. I met a guy online a few months ago that sent me text messages 4 paragraphs long, all about his day.... Without EVER once asking about me. I was able to incorporate myself into the conversation a bit, but he would still turn it back on him. Drove me nuts. Who wants to a mile long text that has nothing to do with you? And he was a nice guy, I met him once. But clearly too self absorbed. This guy says have a wonderful day and we ask about each other s day and plan dates through texting, aside from that we talk on the phone. He is very talkative but he also asks questions and listens well. Oh but, I should assume he's a player because of one stupid thing he said that has never come up again. Well that's not how I work, I don't have any reasons not to see what happens after that and it's going better than I imagined. I've yet to see any other proof at all that he's such a huge jerk like everyone thinks. Oh but, he's being so nice so he MUST be a player. Wow, if I spent my life assuming that about every nice guy, I would definitely be alone forever. ��According to some here, all men are jerks. This guy could be on bended knee asking for your hand in marriage and they will still be saying he just wants to use you for sex I for one, with the information you posted, think he's a nice guy. Please post back as to the progress you have made with him. Not all of us think this will end badly. Edited December 29, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1
MaleIntuition Posted December 28, 2017 Posted December 28, 2017 Everyone doesn’t think he is a player, he seems interested. I think a lot of men would feel slightly uncomfortable texting a date in front of their teenage kids, with whom I assume he spent some time with during the holidays.
Miss Spider Posted December 28, 2017 Posted December 28, 2017 Wow!!! You dated a guy who would ignore your texts for a week(s)?? You are one of the most patient people ever. I don’t think it is normal for a guy who is ‘courting’ to go not respond right away, unless there is something they are extremely occupied with and they explain. That is just based on my observation - what I have experienced and heard. But I’m sure sometimes it happens. You may be a more anxious person and your love-life is presently important to you, so it might be hard for you to avoid some anxiety about your love interests. Or maybe you are tying some of your self esteem to this person’s interest. But keep busy and remind yourself that if they are right for you and it is meant to work out it will(and they will text back in a reasonable time).
Gaeta Posted December 28, 2017 Posted December 28, 2017 [/b]According to some of the hens here, all men are jerks. This guy could be on bended knee asking for your hand in marriage and they will still be saying he's a douche and just wants to use you for sex I for one, with the information you posted, think he's a nice guy. Please post back as to the progress you have made with him. Not all of us think this will end badly. I do not appreciate being called an animal name. My opinion in this thread is based on experience, a wide dating experience that OP does not have. If you look at her past dating experience and this current dating experience it shows she is unfamiliar with the dating traps she will find out there. This man may not be a jerk, or he may be, bottom line she doesn't know him. Three weeks of chatting and 2 dates is not enough gathered information to qualify this man as 'amazing'
Author LilySun Posted December 28, 2017 Author Posted December 28, 2017 You think I've never been in a dating trap? Hahaha.. That's funny. I most certainly have, with multiple men. I have also had very good relationships with good memories. And I still have healthy platonic friendships with some of them. At 40 years old you can bet I have been through all the good and bad and the ugly. I have also been the player myself. I'm not little miss perfect and neither is any man that I meet. I have also said stupid things that slip out on a 1st date. Knew it was dumb right after I said it. In some cases, I'm pretty sure it broke any chance I had with the guy. Other times, they didn't seem to notice so I just pretended that didn't happen. I am pretty sure this guy knows he let a stupid thing slip and he hasn't said a word about it since. That doesn't mean things couldn't fall apart on me in a few weeks, a few months, or even years. But I am having a great time so I have no reason to stop that yet. 1
Gaeta Posted December 28, 2017 Posted December 28, 2017 I am pretty sure this guy knows he let a stupid thing slip and he hasn't said a word about it since. That doesn't mean things couldn't fall apart on me in a few weeks, a few months, or even years. But I am having a great time so I have no reason to stop that yet. Now his cabin offer has become just a stupid thing that slipped? in your last thread you thought it was a terrific idea and you were ready to ignore all common sense and go along with it. You did not see it as something that slipped but as as a sign he took meeting you very seriously.
Author LilySun Posted December 29, 2017 Author Posted December 29, 2017 (edited) Now his cabin offer has become just a stupid thing that slipped? in your last thread you thought it was a terrific idea and you were ready to ignore all common sense and go along with it. You did not see it as something that slipped but as as a sign he took meeting you very seriously. I didn't really know what it meant. But yeah, I wanted to go. He canceled because weather sucked, took me out to dinner, kissed me (not the 1st time) and we had a blast. The get away trip never came back up. So now I figure, maybe he decided it was a bad idea or just a dumb thing to say... Who knows. He hasn't continued to push it so I don't feel uncomfortable. We're having dinner in about an hour, and we have NYE plans but who knows, dinner could suck, it could end up being a dud and there will be no NYE. Lol. But I'm hoping it's as fun as it was the last 2 times. I'm assuming HE thinks it was stupid. But I like him so I'm not holding it against him. Now if he started to get all pushy about it, that would run me off. But that hasn't happened. Edited December 29, 2017 by LilySun 3
sunny-face Posted December 29, 2017 Posted December 29, 2017 We do rely on our phones and whatever we do on it can sometimes determine our feelings which can be unpleasant. Waiting on an important text can be annoying but “good things come to those who wait!” If a particular guy is not responding as you would like then maybe it’s time to have a discussion or just move on. I guess I’m old-fashioned, but I still believe in the guy pursuing the girl. If I had to coax and prod a man to engage in a conversation with me or take me out, I’d be looking elsewhere. You deserve to be treated with respect, kindness, and courtesy.
SevenCity Posted December 29, 2017 Posted December 29, 2017 I do not appreciate being called an animal name. My opinion in this thread is based on experience, a wide dating experience that OP does not have. If you look at her past dating experience and this current dating experience it shows she is unfamiliar with the dating traps she will find out there. This man may not be a jerk, or he may be, bottom line she doesn't know him. Three weeks of chatting and 2 dates is not enough gathered information to qualify this man as 'amazing' If you’re not saying all men are pigs, then it doesn’t apply to you. Also, I find it hard anyone would take offense at “hen”. I think you are not giving the op any credit at all. There is something to be said about someone’s feelings about a potential partner. She’s not a kid.
Author LilySun Posted December 29, 2017 Author Posted December 29, 2017 Thanks SevenCity, thanks everyone I mean just coming here to talk about it helped any anxiety I had, it hasn't happened again. We had a great dinner. I was a few minutes early, he was a few minutes late. I had already had a table, so he said "this worked out great. Can you always be early and get the table? I am always late.". That was a good laugh. He is a funny guy and also made our waitress laugh when he ordered. We had a lot more talking about our lives, he asked about my travels, he told me more about his family, funny stories, etc. Decided our next date is bowling.. After new years. So I feel good about everything for now. Lol
Gaeta Posted December 29, 2017 Posted December 29, 2017 Thanks SevenCity, thanks everyone I mean just coming here to talk about it helped any anxiety I had, it hasn't happened again. We had a great dinner. I was a few minutes early, he was a few minutes late. I had already had a table, so he said "this worked out great. Can you always be early and get the table? I am always late.". That was a good laugh. He is a funny guy and also made our waitress laugh when he ordered. We had a lot more talking about our lives, he asked about my travels, he told me more about his family, funny stories, etc. Decided our next date is bowling.. After new years. So I feel good about everything for now. Lol That's much, much better. I noticed your NYE plans were changed but I personally prefer your 3rd date not being a major holidays with family members. You are both being reasonable here and taking your time, it's usually the best route to a solid relationship. I give him double points for making the waitress laugh!
Chilli Posted December 29, 2017 Posted December 29, 2017 I swear I would throw my phone away if it was causing me this much anxiety. Ahh yessaa , l have thrown my phone away because of the hassle Once l was driving home , l drive over the bridge and river and l got about the 30th text for the day ,exhausted. Out the window and into the river it went. Didn't get another phone for 18mths but l had to cave in the end because they're just too damn convenient now that we're use to having them 1
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