Anxiety with response time

[LilySun]

He texted you a Merry Christmas and you failed to respond until the next day. As a result, he may be waiting to text you again, trying not too appear too needy or clingy. The reality is, and you know this, he might not have the same level of interest or could have found another woman who was available and they hit it off. It hurts and it causes anxiety when this happens, obviously, and I have no really good ways to avoid this other than don't let yourself get wrapped up in it. Let the relationship do what it's going to do. You can text him again and ask how he's doing and how his holiday was.

 

Try not to think too far beyond the next date and don't let texting and communication styles get the best of you. Get busy with your own stuff. Don't be afraid to reach out either. I'll do it a couple times but with no response or laxidaisical response, drop the rope. I don't need this anxiety in my life and I can't control who ultimately falls head over heels with me either.

 

Around the holidays is a bad time to judge due to stress and being busy. Have some patience.

 

I've had that disappearing act as well, and for as much as I like the guy, what will make round two any different? I deserve better than for someone to pop back in after days and weeks...busy. It takes only a few seconds to shoot off a text, but if he's really into you, he'll make some time, even if he's really busy. You'll spare yourself the anxiety if you just don't obsess over it...find something else to do.

 

 

 

Not true... I sent a Merry Xmas back right away that night.

The other text was the following morning after ... He did finally respond late last night and we made plans for a date tomorrow.

 

But still, I do get anxiety about these things. It's something I need to work on.

[LilySun]

He sends “Merry Xmas sweetheart” and you respond a day later with “How are you doing?”??

 

I would back way the F off too if I was trying to escalate and didn’t get reciprocation.

 

Is this the same guy who’s you were supposed to go away with? What happened?

 

I don't know where you're all getting the idea that I didn't say Merry Xmas in return... I did that right away... The other text happened the day after that.

 

We ended up just going out for dinner that night because weather was too nasty for going away.

[LilySun]

I did already notice he had a pattern of answering some things right away, other times it takes him a couple hours. I am the same way so that didn't phase me much. But this was the 1st time he took so long. And we planned our next date in the process.

 

It's not about caring for a guy in particular either, it's how another guy treated me in the past that I did need therapy for and it was so bad that it made me physically ill at times. I ghosted by him every few months or sometimes weeks, I was verbally abused and basically made to feel like crap, except for his good days when he was nice.

 

I got over him close to 5 years ago now, and rarely think of him... But if a guy I like doesn't reply to texts in a reasonable time frame, it triggers some of the terrible feelings I had when mean guy did it to me. So it's not that I have super strong feelings for this guy yet... It's my fear of meeting another guy like the old one. Even though, I did heal enough to know I would never stay in a situation like that again. And since then I have been good about detecting guys who wouldn't treat me right and walking away from them. But there is still a certain fear that every guy I meet will be like he was.

[BaileyB]

I don't know where you're all getting the idea that I didn't say Merry Xmas in return... I did that right away... The other text happened the day after that.

 

We ended up just going out for dinner that night because weather was too nasty for going away.

 

It's just the way that your wrote your message Lily, it sounded like you didn't reply until the next day. I'm glad it was an incorrect assumption, we are sorry about that.

 

Glad he got back in touch. I'm sure he was just busy with Christmas. Good luck!

[SevenCity]

Hi Grays,

 

I think it's great that you don't play text games (games at all?). That's smart and I agree it's a good way to set the tone. Kudos!

 

As for the second part. You say "if a guy makes me feel bad..." remember, the only person that can make you feel bad is you.

 

It is we, who make the meaning of someone's behavior. It is we who have expectations and if those expectations aren't met (whether disclosed or not) we create a story about what happened.

 

I do agree, if a man does not meet your expectations, you do not have to communicate with him. Saying something like "You ruined two days of my life" is giving away your power and you're blaming someone else for your it.

 

You chose to ruin two days of your life because you were waiting for his call/text. He didn't do anything (literally).

 

Again, I agree you should have boundaries and if a guy doesn't get in touch with you fast enough to your liking end it with him. Nothing wrong with that. Just don't blame him for your disappointment.

 

When we are open to understanding the other person in a relationship (two people chatting is a relationship) we can be more compassionate and loving in how we communicate with someone.

 

When we learn to be more compassionate and loving with each other we draw more compassion and love into our lives.

 

When we communicate in anger we bring more anger and pain into our lives.

 

Sending you much love and light

 

 

Very insightful. I’ll also add that sometimes people are busy or don’t have their phone on them. When I’m busy at work 4 hours can go by before I can even look at it. If I’m outside working on the yard I don’t have it on me.

 

Texting is good but also can set too many expectations the person is going to drop everything and wait for a chance to respond to a text.

[SevenCity]

I did already notice he had a pattern of answering some things right away, other times it takes him a couple hours. I am the same way so that didn't phase me much. But this was the 1st time he took so long. And we planned our next date in the process.

 

It's not about caring for a guy in particular either, it's how another guy treated me in the past that I did need therapy for and it was so bad that it made me physically ill at times. I ghosted by him every few months or sometimes weeks, I was verbally abused and basically made to feel like crap, except for his good days when he was nice.

 

I got over him close to 5 years ago now, and rarely think of him... But if a guy I like doesn't reply to texts in a reasonable time frame, it triggers some of the terrible feelings I had when mean guy did it to me. So it's not that I have super strong feelings for this guy yet... It's my fear of meeting another guy like the old one. Even though, I did heal enough to know I would never stay in a situation like that again. And since then I have been good about detecting guys who wouldn't treat me right and walking away from them. But there is still a certain fear that every guy I meet will be like he was.

 

I know it’s difficult, and I could use my own advice, but if you carry past relationships into new ones it will ruin them before they start.

 

The last girl I seriously dated did this a lot. One look of displeasure and she would accuse me of having the same uncontrollable anger of her ex.

 

For example, she knocked over a glass of red wine on my rug and I jumped up to clean it. She commented that she could tell I had a temper like her ex due to the look on my face. I’m not sure in what universe people smile when someone spills red wine on the rug and couch?

[SevenCity]

I don't know where you're all getting the idea that I didn't say Merry Xmas in return... I did that right away... The other text happened the day after that.

 

We ended up just going out for dinner that night because weather was too nasty for going away.

 

Perhaps I missed it, but I didn’t see that you had responded in your post.

 

Other members thought the same. It looked like him: “Merry Christmas Sweetheart!”....ignored for 24 hours...You: “How was your day?”

[LilySun]

I know it’s difficult, and I could use my own advice, but if you carry past relationships into new ones it will ruin them before they start.

 

The last girl I seriously dated did this a lot. One look of displeasure and she would accuse me of having the same uncontrollable anger of her ex.

 

For example, she knocked over a glass of red wine on my rug and I jumped up to clean it. She commented that she could tell I had a temper like her ex due to the look on my face. I’m not sure in what universe people smile when someone spills red wine on the rug and couch?

 

Oh my! I am definitely not quite that sensitive, lol. I just have texting anxiety... Otherwise it hasn't had much effect other relationships since then. I have never accused someone of being like an Ex.. Just carry a small fear of meeting someone who is. But that fear has and still does become less of a thing as time goes on. The anxiety episodes like I had this time happen much less frequently than they used to. But do still occur once in a blue moon.

[she'stheone]

...it's how another guy treated me in the past that I did need therapy for and it was so bad that it made me physically ill at times. I ghosted by him every few months or sometimes weeks, I was verbally abused and basically made to feel like crap, except for his good days when he was nice.

 

I got over him close to 5 years ago now, and rarely think of him... But if a guy I like doesn't reply to texts in a reasonable time frame, it triggers some of the terrible feelings I had when mean guy did it to me.

 

Hi LilySun,

 

I applaud you for recognizing you needed help. Sometimes when things become more than we can bare, we need to find help. Good for you!

 

I think you still have some work to do to release more of the pain from that experience. The great thing about triggers is they show us exactly where we need the work.

 

Work to heal the pain that is triggered so you can free yourself of the anxiety it causes.

 

You've started the process and you've come a long way. Keep working on yourself.

 

Sending you much love and light.

[LilySun]

Hi LilySun,

 

I applaud you for recognizing you needed help. Sometimes when things become more than we can bare, we need to find help. Good for you!

 

I think you still have some work to do to release more of the pain from that experience. The great thing about triggers is they show us exactly where we need the work.

 

Work to heal the pain that is triggered so you can free yourself of the anxiety it causes.

 

You've started the process and you've come a long way. Keep working on yourself.

 

Sending you much love and light.

 

Thank you. And you're right. Even while my anxiety was occurring, I really knew it was only because of the old Butthead, yet I still started to believe the guy was ghosting me.

 

Then I heard from him and we planned a date so of course now I feel silly for being worried. And probably won't be the last time it happens. But I tell myself I will get through because I did this time

[act00]

Not true... I sent a Merry Xmas back right away that night.

The other text was the following morning after ... He did finally respond late last night and we made plans for a date tomorrow.

 

But still, I do get anxiety about these things. It's something I need to work on.

 

You did not include in your original post that you texted him back with a Merry Christmas that day. You said:

Just before Xmas, this guy said I can't wait to see you again. He sent me a. "Merry Xmas sweetheart" on Xmas dayl. But I sent a hello, how are you doing text this morning [my addition, your post is time stamped yesterday, 12/26] and haven't heard anything back.

 

You left out an important detail and are coming back with "not true, I did text him right away." Well, if that's the case, and you're freaking out about his response time and picking apart the details, exactly HOW is this important piece of information just completely forgotten?

 

I'm glad he got back to you and I'm glad you have another date lined up.

 

We have to consider other people's communication styles. We have to consider busy lives that sometimes get in the way, like the holidays.

 

It's good to learn from past bad experiences, but not all men are ***holes. They all have cooties, and I'm done with them for now, but they're seriously not all jerks. Don't paint them all with the same brush as your ex. You'll miss out if you do. You will/need learn acceptable boundaries...and learn not to obsess! I know how hard it is not to when you just feel like you're head over heels, but live a life w/o a man and be happy - they're frosting if you're happy.

[she'stheone]

now I feel silly for being worried.

 

We are so unreasonable with our self-expectations. We expect to be and act perfect and while we believe no one is perfect we still expect perfection from ourselves.

 

When we're not perfect, the self abuse begins. We lack the most basic compassion for ourselves.

 

It's OK to have anxiety and there is NO reason to feel silly. Continue to use it to learn and heal.

 

Keep working on yourself. Be loving, compassionate and kind to yourself.

 

Sending you much love and light

[LilySun]

You did not include in your original post that you texted him back with a Merry Christmas that day. You said:

 

 

You left out an important detail and are coming back with "not true, I did text him right away." Well, if that's the case, and you're freaking out about his response time and picking apart the details, exactly HOW is this important piece of information just completely forgotten?

 

I'm glad he got back to you and I'm glad you have another date lined up.

 

We have to consider other people's communication styles. We have to consider busy lives that sometimes get in the way, like the holidays.

 

It's good to learn from past bad experiences, but not all men are ***holes. They all have cooties, and I'm done with them for now, but they're seriously not all jerks. Don't paint them all with the same brush as your ex. You'll miss out if you do. You will/need learn acceptable boundaries...and learn not to obsess! I know how hard it is not to when you just feel like you're head over heels, but live a life w/o a man and be happy - they're frosting if you're happy.

 

 

Well I am far from feeling head over heels, lol. But I do like the guy and have that "giddy" feeling of excitement I haven't had in at least 2 years. I have met and tried dating other guys that I liked since ..but never to the degree of looking forward to the next date and being excited about about it. Course they didn't last long once I realized my feelings were more of a friendship kind of like. So anyway, just very nice to feel that way again.

 

Far as happiness I am good in that area, I have lived alone for many years and I travel and consider myself pretty independent. Matter of fact a reason I like this guy is because he seems pretty independent also and definitely a happy person always smiling and being funny. It's been hard to find that... I have met lots of guys who are too angry or too depressed or too stressed, etc. But he is none of those things. I enjoy his very positive attitude about life. Drama free personality. Knowing all that I shouldn't be having these dumb anxiety problems, lol.

[she'stheone]

I know it’s difficult, and I could use my own advice, but if you carry past relationships into new ones it will ruin them before they start.

 

The last girl I seriously dated did this a lot. One look of displeasure and she would accuse me of having the same uncontrollable anger of her ex.

 

For example, she knocked over a glass of red wine on my rug and I jumped up to clean it. She commented that she could tell I had a temper like her ex due to the look on my face. I’m not sure in what universe people smile when someone spills red wine on the rug and couch?

 

Hi SevenCity,

 

It's not about carrying past relationships into new ones, it's about healing the pain/fear that gets triggered from the previous experience.

 

Anger can manifest in scary ways, such as verbal and physical abuse. My girlfriend was abused as a child and she is VERY sensitive to anger. She's done a tremendous amount of work around it and she's probably still more sensitive than most.

 

While I agree with you that there aren't very many universes where people smile when you spill wine on the rug and couch, she's probably overly sensitive to anger.

 

You're ex-girlfriend was in a lot of pain and she definitely needs/needed help.

 

I'm not saying you should have helped her or you are in any way responsible and...

 

...we can be much more compassionate when we try understand the other person.

 

Sending you much love and light

[LilySun]

It didn't occur to me I should point out telling him Merry Xmas.. Lol. If anyone says that it's a given that I will say it back so it didn't seem like a huge detail. I was rushing to the point of what happened the next day, lol.

 

And we have a date tomorrow but we haven't texted each other all day today... Luckily I'm not having any issues with that, lol. He spent the day at city museums with his son. I only know that because we are FB friends (he asked for the FB add on our 1st date) He has full custody of his teenagers and he loves hanging out with them. All the more reason I should know better than to freak out if he isn't always prompt with replies.

 

I am confident that we will talk tomorrow and not worried like I was last night.

[Dis]

This is all so sad and useless to ponder over because the guy in question is a total player

 

He asked her out to stay over night at his cabin in the woods....in the middle of the first date!!!

 

There can be no positive reasons for a guy to do that as we've all mentioned in OP's previous thread which she refuses to acknowledge

 

OP is in her 40's but is clearly hell bent on going down this dead end road....I have no idea why. I'm 31 and if a guy ever asked me to spend an over nighter at his cabin in the middle of the first date, I'd have the common sense to never talk to that guy again

 

All this advice about texting anxiety (which I used to have so I get it) is like loading groceries into a paper bag that has a hole in the bottom. Fruitless.

 

The guy is a douche OP but I know you're going to take yourself to the very bitter end with him despite the red flags waving every which way

[LilySun]

He took me out to dinner instead of going away. Our 3rd date is tomorrow. We have been talking almost daily for 2 months before we even decided to meet. In those 2 months he hasn't been a jerk to me, not once . But I have been with plenty jerks, which is why I get anxiety.

 

I've had my share of abusive men, liars, commit phobes, drug addicts.... I have had it all. They didn't bother to ask about my day every day... Like this guy. They didn't say I can't wait to see you again... Like this guy. They didn't say it was very awesome to meet you... Like this guy. Gee... What a douche.. Lol. Asking me to spend the night or not, he doesn't share a single characteristic with any of those guys. Thank god. He hasn't brought up anything else about spending the night either. He is taking me to dinner again tomorrow and we will be at my friend's party for NYE. Also, none of those other guys would have been caught dead making plans with me in advance... Because they were the real definition of douche.

 

It was an odd thing to have him ask me that, but I'm not stupid or inexperienced. My ex used to call me a fat bitch and all the time and made me miserable. Now that... Is a douche. This guy calls me beautiful instead. What a jerk.

[LilySun]

Also btw, we have a mutual friend on FB. I went to college with her and her kids played sports with his kids when they were young. Today she asked how I knew him. She was ecstatic when I said we've had a couple dates. She said he's a super nice guy and the GF he had back then wasn't nice to him.. Well she said he has "nice guy syndrome" as she put it. When her husband got laid off, he gave him a job at his place right away and she said it saved their lives. She wants us to double date with them sometime, but I haven't mentioned that to him yet.

Anyway, I'm pretty sure he's not a "douche", lol. I think he realized asking to go away might have been a bad idea because he hasn't brought it up since.

[she'stheone]

This is all so sad and useless to ponder over because the guy in question is a total player

 

He asked her out to stay over night at his cabin in the woods....in the middle of the first date!!!

 

There can be no positive reasons for a guy to do that as we've all mentioned in OP's previous thread which she refuses to acknowledge

 

OP is in her 40's but is clearly hell bent on going down this dead end road....I have no idea why. I'm 31 and if a guy ever asked me to spend an over nighter at his cabin in the middle of the first date, I'd have the common sense to never talk to that guy again

 

All this advice about texting anxiety (which I used to have so I get it) is like loading groceries into a paper bag that has a hole in the bottom. Fruitless.

 

The guy is a douche OP but I know you're going to take yourself to the very bitter end with him despite the red flags waving every which way

 

Hi Disillusionment373,

 

I noticed the tone of your response is quite angry. You seem to be in a lot of pain. (Your screen name kinda tells it all).

 

When someone has anxiety, there is usually a reason that anxiety gets triggered and most people with anxiety, until they heal the underlying problem/pain/experience will make mistakes.

 

If we are here, to truly help people, we should learn to communicate with understanding and compassion.

 

Maybe, if we help her with her anxiety, she will start to choose better men(not saying this guy is good or bad as I do not know him and have't ready her previous thread(s).

 

Sure it can be frustrating when people make the same mistakes we learned to avoid. And let's help each other with kindness and compassion instead of anger.

 

I'm curious, what got triggered to cause you to respond with such anger?

 

Sending you much love and light

[LilySun]

She is just behind on latest events Asking to go away with him seemed very quick so it was questionable. However it hasn't been brought up again since and things are going good. I think he just realized maybe he shouldn't have done that. Because he keeps making dates and other long term plans without mentioning that idea.

[Gaeta]

I agree with Dis on this guy isn't the pearl you think he is. I dated plenty of jerks in my life and none of them called me names. A man doesn't need to call you names and treat you like dirt to be a jerk, plenty of men out there playing gentlemen to better play you.

 

I also don't care what his friends are saying about him. I got set up on a blind date once with a friend of my brother, they all told me he was an amazing friend etc etc, it turned out to be a boring date, the man had no ambition, no pride, no direction in life at all. OH he was a good friend alright, if you ask him to help you move he'd be there first thing in the morning but as a boyfriend he had no potential at all.

 

Now the anxiety. I am not a specialist in handling anxiety BUT I am a specialist in using good old common sense. If texting caused me anxiety I would simply NOT text. End of story. I would tell this man I don't like texting and to call me if he feels like talking to me. I have been in a relationship for 2 years, my BF does not text AT ALL. He calls. We never run into misunderstanding or assumptions because our conversations are always live. Also, my BF doesn't have a FB and the day he'll feel like having one I will delete mine. I will not put myself through the nightmare I read on here every day, I'll just delete it.

 

When something makes you unhappy, eliminate it.

[SevenCity]

Also btw, we have a mutual friend on FB. I went to college with her and her kids played sports with his kids when they were young. Today she asked how I knew him. She was ecstatic when I said we've had a couple dates. She said he's a super nice guy and the GF he had back then wasn't nice to him.. Well she said he has "nice guy syndrome" as she put it. When her husband got laid off, he gave him a job at his place right away and she said it saved their lives. She wants us to double date with them sometime, but I haven't mentioned that to him yet.

Anyway, I'm pretty sure he's not a "douche", lol. I think he realized asking to go away might have been a bad idea because he hasn't brought it up since.

 

What a douche!!!

 

I totally disagree with D on this one. Everyone is assuming he wanted NSA sex (seems ok to make generalizations about men here...). I'm not so sure. He could have easily taken you back to your place or his place if that was his end game. Would he have thrown you off if your jumped him at the cabin? Probably not, most men wouldn't. Doesn't mean that is the only thing he wanted.

 

I agree it wasn't worth risking a poor reaction on a first date, but that doesn't mean his intent was a F&*k n' Chuck. Ask any guy who is in a serious relationship if they would have slept with the girl on the first meeting. 99% would say yes. When men find a woman attractive of course we want to have sex with them. That doesn't mean that's the only thing we want.

 

Granted, 1st date sex can lead to other problems, but I think it's harsh to paint him as a "douche" because he made an invite with no explicit discussion of sex.

 

As stated before, if I'm looking to bang and bounce, the last things I would do are:

- Add you to Facebook

- Make future plans

- Call you "Sweetie"

- Make plans with you on a holiday

- Be perfectly ok that we didn't have sex and setup more dates

 

The only concern I have is how the "Nice Guy Syndrome" will affect you. Tons of women say they want a nice guy until they get one. Once they do, they often get bored with him and crave a challenge. The guys they are most hung up on are the ones who didn't care about them or treated them like crap.

 

I know you feel this won't be you, but if you get involved and get bored remember what all the other actual douche bags are like.

 

I've learned that I have to present certain challenges to women in order to keep their interest**. Not being an all out jerk, but certainly not the typical nice guy gushing all over them. The women I've been most successful with, who came back for more, are the ones I cared about the least.

**I've seen this in cats vs. dogs as pets. Overall women tend to like cats more than dogs and men like dogs more than cats. I realized it is because you have to really work for a cats affection - women like this. Men, on the other hand, appreciate unquestioned loyalty - which dogs provide with little work on your part. You can screw up with a dog and it will love you no matter what. Piss off a cat and it will hold a grudge - FOREVER.

[Gaeta]

As stated before, if I'm looking to bang and bounce, the last things I would do are:

- Add you to Facebook

- Make future plans

- Call you "Sweetie"

- Make plans with you on a holiday

- Be perfectly ok that we didn't have sex and setup more dates

 

This is how you feel but not all men are like you. I had a different experience with men only looking for some fun. I had men wanting to add me on FB, They spoke of places they wanted to take me to, they called me sweetie, honey, my love from the start, and they just wanted to have fun! They stayed overnight, they wanted to cuddle after sex, they confined in me their horrible childhood and they STILL just wanted to have some fun. They had their fun a few times and went to the next!

 

There is a wide variety of games out there, there's the guy that want to hit and go, but there are men that want to live a thrill with a woman till that thrill end then they go to next, they do exactly like OP's guy, or the guys I met and once the thrill is gone, after a few dates or a couple of weeks, they're gone.

 

Also, it takes guts to ask a woman on a FIRST date to spend the night with him in a cabin for a 2nd meeting, don't you think? A *nice guy* would never dare to make that move in fear the woman reacts negatively and he'd lose his chances. Only a man confident in his game would come up with such an invitation.

 

**I've seen this in cats vs. dogs as pets. Overall women tend to like cats more than dogs and men like dogs more than cats. I realized it is because you have to really work for a cats affection - women like this. Men, on the other hand, appreciate unquestioned loyalty - which dogs provide with little work on your part. You can screw up with a dog and it will love you no matter what. Piss off a cat and it will hold a grudge - FOREVER.

Interesting, how about women that prefer dogs?

[Kellens]

I understand where Dis is coming from, past experiences with similar guys makes you want to call this one out right away. I wouldn't necessarily call him a douche yet but there is something there that doesn't seem right. The cabin thing was definitely weird and while I agree people get busy over Christmas, if Lily is feeling anxiety it might be for a reason. I'm not sure either way. I wouldn't throw in the towel yet, it's way too early. I think you'll see how you feel after the date tonight.

 

SevenCity, I 100% prefer dogs but your analogy is interesting. I find that both men and women like a challenge. If it comes too easy, I always think somethings wrong with it. Also, I think that many guys can do/say all the things that this guys is doing (and what you listed) and still be a douche. Not everyone is super obvious about it. However I will give this guy the benefit of the doubt.

 

Good luck Lily!

[SevenCity]

This is how you feel but not all men are like you. I had a different experience with men only looking for some fun. I had men wanting to add me on FB, They spoke of places they wanted to take me to, they called me sweetie, honey, my love from the start, and they just wanted to have fun! They stayed overnight, they wanted to cuddle after sex, they confined in me their horrible childhood and they STILL just wanted to have some fun. They had their fun a few times and went to the next!

 

There is a wide variety of games out there, there's the guy that want to hit and go, but there are men that want to live a thrill with a woman till that thrill end then they go to next, they do exactly like OP's guy, or the guys I met and once the thrill is gone, after a few dates or a couple of weeks, they're gone.

 

Also, it takes guts to ask a woman on a FIRST date to spend the night with him in a cabin for a 2nd meeting, don't you think? A *nice guy* would never dare to make that move in fear the woman reacts negatively and he'd lose his chances. Only a man confident in his game would come up with such an invitation.

 

Interesting, how about women that prefer dogs?

 

 

I grant you that there are men out there who are willing, or need, to put up such a show just for sex. But we have to take into account the OP's feeling about him and prior experience. She's had users before and has a good feeling about this guy. She's not some kid and should be given the benefit of the doubt on her read of this guy.

 

Moreover, just because a guy leaves after sex doesn't mean that was his end game. It could have been the sex wasn't satisfying, she was fun to be with but lacked qualities that made her good LTR material (this has happened to me a lot - despite my desire to have a LTR), or just changed his mind. You (I think) stated that your opinion flipped on guys after sex as well. It happens - but it doesn't mean that their intent was to use you for sex. Sure, some guys it is, but we don't know.

 

And to the invite, if he is TRULY a "nice guy" it may not have occurred to him that the offer sounded like he wanted sex. It may have been "I like you and would like to spend more time with you, show you the place I had told you about". Remember, they had also spoke for weeks before they got together.

 

As far as women preferring dogs, of course that happens which is why I said "overall". Most people I've seen who own cats are women. Doesn't mean there aren't women who prefer dogs. I actually recall a poster here stating she preferred horses and cats over dogs because you have to "work" for there affection. And haven't you mentioned your bf is "whipped"? Seems like you prefer undying loyalty to "working" for it. Not common for the women I, my friends, most people I have met. But it would be consistent.