acapelo_dp Posted December 27, 2017 Posted December 27, 2017 I have a boyfriend I have been dating for 10 months and he is amazing and I love him a lot. To get to the point I am in school full time as well as working , and in the beginning of the year I met a guy in the class that was closer to my age let’s call him Joe. Joe and I started hanging out at school during breaks (sometimes grabbing lunch and a drink or with a group) and he was aware I have a boyfriend. My boyfriend is also aware I made this friend and he is fine with it. Joe would text me a lot and I’m not a big texter so it would annoy me a bit. Anyway, last week Joe and a girl friend from school went out for drinks to celebrate the end of semester. Our other friends couldn’t make it out. Since my place was close they both came back to hang out for a bit before they went home. I don’t know how the convo came up but Joe basically admitted feelings towards me and even asked my roommate when they went out for a smoke (first time meeting) how my relationship was with my boyfriend. Needless to say, I am kinda mad about it. He has texted me quitea bit the past week and I’ve been short with him and he asked if he did anything, I told him that I’ve been working a lot and I’m not a big texter so I feel overwhelmed. Basically I’m wondering should I bring up that convo? He was drunk but I no longer feel like being friends with him anymore as I have no intentions of ever returning those feelings and now feel like the friendship is in appropriate. The problem is the faculty at my program is small and I’ll see him next semester so I can’t avoid it. I’m also annoyed by the amount he texts me. Any advice?
she'stheone Posted December 27, 2017 Posted December 27, 2017 Hi acapelo_dp, I'm sorry to hear about your discomfort with your friend. There is no "easy" way to tell him and you can NOT control or minimize his actions(reactions). So, the best thing is... ...honesty. Simple and to the point. "I don't have feelings for you and while I enjoyed our friendship in the past, I am now uncomfortable with that friendship. Please stop texting me. I wish you love and happiness in your life." Simple, kind, compassionate, yet direct and very clear. If he has an issue with it, that's on him NOT you. Sending you much love and light. 1
smackie9 Posted December 27, 2017 Posted December 27, 2017 Out of respect for your BF, and since this guy is annoying/over stepping his boundaries...you better cut him off completely. Secondly, when a guy pays attention to you, texts you, wants to hang out all the time, etc, that means he's into you. You have a BF, stop making friends with guys that follow you around like a puppy. Having a BF doesn't stop guys from pursuing you, as you already found out. Next time this sort of thing starts to happen with other guys, be confrontational. You have every right to call them out on things like over stepping their boundaries. Just tell him this isn't going to work. And if your BF finds out, you better run. lol And don't be all sweet and fluffy about it or he's going to think he has a chance with you....show him how put off you are by his behavior. 1
d0nnivain Posted December 27, 2017 Posted December 27, 2017 Did you tell him his confession made you uncomfortable? You need to do that; you need to tell your BF about this unwanted declaration and you need to stay away from Joe. 1
Author acapelo_dp Posted December 27, 2017 Author Posted December 27, 2017 Thanks guys - I just sent him a text. It’s just going to be awkward now seeing him at school. Ugh
Author acapelo_dp Posted December 27, 2017 Author Posted December 27, 2017 Did you tell him his confession made you uncomfortable? You need to do that; you need to tell your BF about this unwanted declaration and you need to stay away from Joe. Yeah I told my boyfriend about it the other day - he didn’t seem concerned. I told my BF I was mad about it. Anyway, sent a stern text after he literally texted me how my night was hours after I said the texting was too much. Wow.
d0nnivain Posted December 27, 2017 Posted December 27, 2017 Anyway, sent a stern text after he literally texted me how my night was hours after I said the texting was too much. Wow. Then block him. He's not hearing you. He's not respecting you. School shouldn't be awkward. You can't feel awkward when you are angry. I'd be pissed at this guy. 1
Els Posted December 27, 2017 Posted December 27, 2017 It really depends on how he behaves afterwards IMO. I've had a male friend do the whole "drunk confession" thing too, but he wasn't texting me every day or ignoring my boundaries otherwise. So I just pretended it didn't happen, and he either forgot it happened or was happy to do the same. It didn't bother me terribly much as everything remained completely platonic otherwise. If he DID try to push boundaries, I'd cut contact.
Popsicle Posted December 27, 2017 Posted December 27, 2017 You guy “friend” did the right thing. He told you his true feelings. You never had a friendship, he was pretending. Don’t be mad, be happy that he had the courage to stop faking. And no, you can’t be “friends” anymore. This is real life. 1
Popsicle Posted December 27, 2017 Posted December 27, 2017 You sound super busy being that you’re in school full time, working and have a boyfriend. How do you make time for anything else? How are your grades?
Author acapelo_dp Posted December 27, 2017 Author Posted December 27, 2017 You sound super busy being that you’re in school full time, working and have a boyfriend. How do you make time for anything else? How are your grades? I am super busy lol which is why I don’t have the patience to be texting constantly. On my down time I just like to relax. I made three As and one B this semeste so grades are good! Thanks for your response Thanks everyone. He responded sorry etc but I keep getting random texts like “God Damn” and such so I’m going to block him on everyone’s advice. It’s too much. 2
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