Sm12345 Posted December 26, 2017 Posted December 26, 2017 I went on a date with someone I met on OkCupid. She’s a 40 year old single mother, was married 12 years, has been separated for two. Her profile lists the same city as mine, but in talking to her, she’s actually about 45 minutes west of here. That was fine, I don’t mind taking the train or driving (my previous ex is 2 hours East of here.) The lead up to our date, we’d been sending each other photos and such from the holidays, but a few of the photos she sent are of her and her 8 year old son. I like kids, and I was actually 8 when my step dad entered the picture (my parents have been married 22 years last July.) When I asked her if she was trying to gauge my interest in her as a single mom to see if it was a deal breaker for me, she said “No, I know you’d be accepting of F. I’m just shy taking photos of just me..” We had our first date this afternoon at an art museum in town, and it was apparent very early on that we had boat loads in common. We had coffee in the art gallery’s cafe before just to see what the chemistry was and it was unlike anything I’ve ever experienced l. Her descriptions of her childhood were very similar to mine. I also noticed we like a lot of the same artists, getting bored easily by contemporary art and preferring the more abstract pieces. As the museum was closing, she sort of invited herself back to my place. I really enjoyed her company and had a feeling it might not be a good idea on the first date. I’m trying to justify it in my head. I would very much like to be intimate with her, she’s very attractive and I feel challenged, but I don’t want to rush this. Did I make the right decision here? Anything I can say to make her feel like it isn’t that I don’t want to, just that I want to wait.. She also knows I’m a writer and bought me a small gift, a style guide and even a cat nip toy for my cat. On the surface she seems like a really catch, and I don’t want to blow it.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted December 26, 2017 Posted December 26, 2017 If she's at all someone "worthy" of a relationship she won't be put off by you putting the brakes on things on the first date . Don't worry about her being offended, and don't say anything about it. Just ask her out on a second date. 2
jjgitties Posted December 27, 2017 Posted December 27, 2017 Yup. I agree with the above. Its actually *good* to not boink someone you actually like on the first date. The pessimist in me when it comes to human nature says -- a person that is willing to sleep with you on the first date is probably willing to sleep with other people on a first date and most probably has. So.. its good what you did. Sounds like you might have caught a good one there. ;-) The world needs more cultured people who are into art. 2
Author Sm12345 Posted December 27, 2017 Author Posted December 27, 2017 Yup. I agree with the above. Its actually *good* to not boink someone you actually like on the first date. The pessimist in me when it comes to human nature says -- a person that is willing to sleep with you on the first date is probably willing to sleep with other people on a first date and most probably has. So.. its good what you did. Sounds like you might have caught a good one there. ;-) The world needs more cultured people who are into art. We’ve both only been with a few partners. She was married over a decade, and I was common law for almost 3 years, so I know that’s not indicative of her personally. But I agree that it usually is true.
Author Sm12345 Posted December 28, 2017 Author Posted December 28, 2017 (edited) A new situation has surfaced. I think she’s thinking too far ahead, but I understand it as well. On my dating profile I put undecided for having kids. I think I’m about 60/40 in favour. But the more she describes her son, the more I think he may be enough. He’s very creative (like me), and likes to paint and draw. I’d like a family, but I don’t think that necessarily means pregnancy (she’s 40). We could also adopt.. We’ve only been talking to each other for a little less than a month and it feels far too soon for the exclusive talk, even though I’m talking to other people, but I’m not dating others. She had this to say: “I know you really want a family... That's the biggest one in my mind right now.” My response was honest though. I told her I could spend my entire life trying to find a perfect fit, but I could also take the opportunity I have now with a wonderful woman who I seemed to have a lot in common with and who seems to be a really great mom. Edited December 28, 2017 by Sm12345
jjgitties Posted December 28, 2017 Posted December 28, 2017 A new situation has surfaced. I think she’s thinking too far ahead, but I understand it as well. On my dating profile I put undecided for having kids. I think I’m about 60/40 in favour. But the more she describes her son, the more I think he may be enough. He’s very creative (like me), and likes to paint and draw. I’d like a family, but I don’t think that necessarily means pregnancy (she’s 40). We could also adopt.. We’ve only been talking to each other for a little less than a month and it feels far too soon for the exclusive talk, even though I’m talking to other people, but I’m not dating others. She had this to say: “I know you really want a family... That's the biggest one in my mind right now.” My response was honest though. I told her I could spend my entire life trying to find a perfect fit, but I could also take the opportunity I have now with a wonderful woman who I seemed to have a lot in common with and who seems to be a really great mom. Yeah. it does sound like someone is jumping the gun a bit.Talking about family and a future after only dating or knowing each other for 1 month. I think you may want to put some brakes on it and first establish with her are you two exclusive already? Then maybe spend a little time (at least 6 months) in getting to know her as a person. And then(but this is just me) live together for at least 6 to 12 months). You DO NOT want to get into a marriage with someone you can't handle living with.
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