Extreme Anger Over Little things

[MTmarie]

Hello,

So I'm new here but I'm really struggling with the relationship I'm in and would like some advice or thoughts. A few months ago I recently decided to give an ex another chance (he's an ex due to cheating and just in general was not nice to me). Anyways after months of him begging for another chance and being surprisingly insightful into how he hurt me and made me feel I gave him another chance. Only this time around he's even more extreme with the emotional whip lash. One minute things are fine and the next he is pissed off at me for the littlest (at least I think they are) things.

 

Facts: He's been unemployed for a few months so I bought everything for Christmas for his family and put that they were from him. I didn't mind I was more than happy to help in this hard financial time. He sends me last night this beautiful text telling me how appreciative he was how he loved me and when he could he would make it up tome some way some how.I go to his house to hang out. We're laying on his couch having a good time watching tv and talking, I told him that TOMORROW I WAS GOING TO SEE IF MY LITTLE BROTHER WHO WAS IN TOWN FOR CHRISTMAS (HE LIVES IN SEATTLE AND COMES IN ONCE A YEAR) WOULD LIKE TO GO TO LUNCH SINCE HE FLIES BACK HOME THE NEXT DAY.

 

He get sup and thinking its funny slaps me in the forehead. Not only did it scare me but it hurt. It didn't leave a mark and it was excruciating pain but til hurt and just random. I told him it hurt and that it was rude and he said it didn't hurt stop being a baby. About 30 mins go by and he slaps me again this time I go to tell him to stop that it hurts and he then proceeds to in succession continue to slap me a few more times. I'll admit my next reaction was also in poor taste but I just got instantly pissed as he was so blatantly ignoring my request for him to stop so I sat up hit him back in the thigh a few times and said "stop ****ing hitting in the head as that ****ing hurts." He got pissed and hit me across the knuckles with the tv remote. Then yells at me for my freak out. Gets up proceeds to go into the bedroom and go to bed without telling me or saying a word.

 

So today I'm talking with my boyfriend and the conversation is like pulling teeth. Lots of whatevers and nothings as answers. No effort on his end to have an actual constructive conversation. I went lunch with my little brother as I had told him the night before I wold do. Now I am 31 and my boyfriend is 32. I did not text him to say I am leaving the office to go to lunch. But after lunch I'm again trying to have a conversation with him and it's again very one sided. He asked how lunch was and I said it was fine we talked about this and this and it was sad to say good bye. His exact text word for word was, "you're such a *****!!! Lol I was being a smart ass!! I didn't even know you left...god forbid you communicate anything but continue to ask me the same stupid ****ing questions day in and day out...**** you."

 

Those questions he's referring to were how is your day? What have you been up to? Normal questions aren't they? I talk to him daily I tell him pretty much everything. Did I text him the exact moment I left the office? No. But is that really necessary when he knew my lunch plans from the night before? Does that justify him calling me names?

 

Mind you I also know for a fact that he has gone out to the bar with his friends and not told me. In fact I was texting asking what he was doing and he responded with nothing. Found out after he was actually at the bar.

 

His ex girlfriend also stopped by his house one night (the one he cheated on me with) his kids were home so nothing happened but he didn't tell me about it until i brought it up because he'd made a comment to one of his kids and I overheard it.

 

So last night it's he loves me and appreciates me and today this. Am I overreacting? Was I wrong to not text him that I was leaving to go to lunch when I had already said something the night before?

Edited December 27, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Language~T

[she'stheone]

Hello,

So I'm new here but I'm really struggling with the relationship I'm in and would like some advice or thoughts. A few months ago I recently decided to give an ex another chance (he's an ex due to cheating and just in general was not nice to me). Anyways after months of him begging for another chance and being surprisingly insightful into how he hurt me and made me feel I gave him another chance. Only this time around he's even more extreme with the emotional whip lash.

 

Hi MTmarie,

 

I did not read much further than this, because it tells enough of the story. You recognized in the past that he wasn't right for you.

 

He then convinced you he'd changed and maybe he did but...

 

...certainly not enough.

 

I would like to tell you this is on him and I would be doing you a disservice if I did.

 

You made a mistake in taking him back, it's OK, we all make mistakes. My concern is now that you know you've made a mistake in taking him back, you are looking for advice on what to do.

 

You already know what to do, and for whatever your reasons, you're afraid to do it. This is where doing some personal development work for yourself would be helpful.

 

Love yourself first and you'll find a good man to love you back.

 

Sending you much love and light

[basil67]

For what it's worth, the words he's called you would be an automatic dealbreaker for me. Why do you choose to stay with a man who calls you names?

[healing light]

Get out of this relationship. Now!

 

If this man feels comfortable physically and verbally abusing you unprovoked, can you imagine what he would do if you actually did something offensive? This will only escalate and there are absolutely NO excuses for him behaving the way that he has.

 

Sounds like he is super controlling, too--slapping you for wanting to see your brother that flies in once a year? Guess what? My sister has a controlling husband and he cut her off from me for planning a 3 day trip. This was in 2009. We haven't had an actual conversation since, haven't seen her since. These types never get better, they only get worse. Trust me.

 

This is him on the honeymoon period...can you even imagine what's in store for yourself? He's a cheater, he lies by omission (still having the affair partner over at his house?!), he's aggressive, and he's emotionally abusive. Every time you take someone like this back, they will have less and less respect for you.

 

Get out while you still can.

[basil67]

For what it's worth, the words he's called you would be an automatic dealbreaker for me. Why do you choose to stay with a man who calls you names?

 

I should have said that his violence and words would be a dealbreaker.

[SammySammy]

I do like a woman to let me know she’s arrived at a location safely. Simply because I’m concerned about her.

 

That’s about the only thing that comes close to being reasonable in your post.

 

Everything else makes me wonder why would you stay with this guy another minute. There are so many unacceptable things about this guy that I wonder why you tolerate ANY of them much less all of them.

[SevenCity]

These are the kind of guys who get a second chance?!?!?!

 

Him hitting you and calling you names (not to mention cheating) should be reason enough to get rid of him. Again.