sweetie7 Posted August 23, 2005 Posted August 23, 2005 Well I did it. I told my bf not to call me anymore. I say bf and not ex bc I have absolutely no clue what's going on. We had a big fight last weekend because I went to an all day family event with him on Sat. with the understanding he would help me move out of my apt. on Sun. Well I went to the event which was 3 hrs. away (and nobody in his family even wanted to be there) and got back to his house at 9 p.m. wanted to know what the deal was for the next day and he said he was going to the lake. Sooo I was a little upset. He told me he would help me that night (it was aleady 9 pm!) but I didn't really need help packing; I needed him to load his truck with my stuff and drive me home. So anyway, we fought, he called me selfish and that really upset me- especially after I went to this awful party with him THAT day! I ended up taking his mom's car home on Sun with my stuff and then driving back with my mom following me, drop his mom's car off, go back to my apt. and load my mom's car and drive home again (I live an hour away) He called me twice on his way to the lake to make sure I was ok and say he was sorry he couldn't help me more. So I was still pissed and didn't call him till late that night (we usually talk lots throughout the day) and he didn't answer. He didn't call me all the next day and not until I called him to ask where some stuff was that I left at his house (he works away during the week so he wasn't home anway) He claimed he was really pissed and me and my selfish behavior and that I was really mean on Sun. I had said some mean things but only to defend myself and completely out of anger. He is the type of person when he gets mad he explodes and says horrible things and is in a rage. So yeah I fought back. I apologized and said obvi. I didn't mean any of it. He basically said he didn't want to be with someone like me and that I said I hated his family. Okay I NEVER would say that. His family has been wonderful to me, all I said was that sometimes I wanted to do other things on the weekends then go to his lakehouse with his family. I mean I'm 22 and feel like I am barely with my bf alone, he always wants to be with his fam. So stupid me I continue to call just to say hi. He usually answered or called back and we chatted. A couple days we didn't talk at all. I would say "I miss you" and he said "I miss you too" and other nice things. I found myself getting in horrible moods but as soon as he called, I would be happy again for at least a little while. I went to Chicago to visit my sis this weekend and he made me call when my plane landed, etc. He didn't call me at all on Sat. but I knew he was going to his friend's grad. party. So he left me a message at 2 a.m. really drunk (he rarely drinks at all) saying hi I miss you, etc....nobody at the party is good-looking, but you're really good-looking, I miss you and you should be here" Obviously this made me happy, esp. when he called again the next day. Well last night we talked for an hour and at the end I said, "I really miss you; I love you" He said, "I miss you too and I love you...but...I don't know" and then went into how I'm not perfect and don't tell him every weekend when we're coming back from the lake that I had fun and he thinks that's really rude. OMG. I basically said yeah I'm not perfect, I'm sorry-I'm really sad and down and just moved home for a couple weeks and being mean to my parents because I"m sad. He said he'd call me the next day and we'd talk. So he called tonight an hour ago on his way to the gym and said hi and whatever he was on his way into the gym he'd call me later if I wanted. I said, "it's okay, you probably shouldn't call me" "okay...why?" he said. I told him that he was sending me mixed messages and that I was really feeling badly about everything. In order to get over him, I coulnd't be talking to him so much bc it made me sad. He got pissed and said "fine, whatever" He's really mad but I don't know what else to do. He said, "I have to go now, I'll be done in an hour- call me if you want" Did he not hear what I just said?? I feel really good bc things are finally on my terms and I'm going to show him that I don't need him. I know he's confused too and wants to be with me in a way but is pissed and stressed out. I know he'll miss me, whether or not he'll want to get back with me, who knows. I think if anything, this will force him to realize what he wants and not make me sitting in the middle of it all wondering what's going on and analyzing everything he says. In 10 days, we're both moving to the same city for school (different schools) and we're so excited to be together. Now everything's messed up. Well...it's also a little weird bc I just sent his parents a huge gift basket to say thanks for all they've done for me (let me use their car, let me stay at their house, they are such nice people) I hope he doesn't think I've done it to spite him-he always says I'm ungrateful to his parents. I'm not full of myself, but I can say that I am a very nice, soft-spoken, caring person. I say thank you to them for all they do, just don't go overboard. For one thing I'm not used to having others parents do so much for me-my own parents are just about as good as they get. I do miss his fam though...Anyway please give me any advice and keep me confident that I did the right thing and shouldn't call him!!
Author sweetie7 Posted August 23, 2005 Author Posted August 23, 2005 Maybe I wrote too much for anyone to want to read...anyway I hate how it feels so good after you do it, but now the next day, I miss him like crazy and want him to call...I know he won't though, he's too stubborn and will wait for me to call him. And I won't...I'm going out with my friends tonight!!! I do want to though...
sundrop Posted August 23, 2005 Posted August 23, 2005 sweetie, that is a lot to read, but.... You get mad at him for giving you mixed messages but yet, you told him never to call you again and then you bombard him with phone calls, telling him how much you miss him. Sounds like to me, if he doesn't jump exactly how high you want him to, you get mad. You get mad at him for not helping you move your stuff. Well maybe it hurt him to much to see you move your stuff out. You told him not to call you and then you say you don't have a cue what's going on. Well sounds like he was doing what you wanted him to. I really don't know what your motive is? Why did you tell im not to call you and then bombard him with calls? I don't understand?
Author sweetie7 Posted August 24, 2005 Author Posted August 24, 2005 Thanks for responding Sundrop...I think you misunderstood though. I talked to him last night and told him that he was giving me mixed messages and maybe it would be best if we didn't talk. Because talking to him was hurting me a lot. I didn't say NEVER call me again. I also didn't bombard him w/ phone calls...I didn't call him once after I told him that. I was calling him the week before and he was calling me too but it was just hurting too much. Also, I know he wasn't sad about me moving out of my apt...I didn't live w/ him and anyways, I graduated college, am moving home for one week, and then moving to the city where he is also moving in a week.
jc Posted August 24, 2005 Posted August 24, 2005 I just broke up with my bf too and I still love him, which makes it very difficult. I think it's very true what you said about how it feels so good when you do it, but then the next day you have second thoughts, you're lonely and sad, etc. I'm going through the same thing right now. I still love my ex, but I didn't feel like he ever put me first in his life (his friends and family had that honor). I think you should try to stay strong and not call him. I made it for 3 days without calling, then I called and I just became really upset over the whole situation again. If you don't call him, you'll feel clearer about what you really want in a few weeks and not just try to get back together because you're sad and lonely (if you still want to get back together later, it's more likely that it will be because you really want to.) It will also give him time to figure out what he wants as well. The hardest thing is not calling. I'm fine as long as I'm out doing something and having fun with friends, but as soon as I get home for the night, I automatically want to pick up the phone and call. Or whenever anything upsetting happens in my life, I want to call him. If he's strong enough not to call you, try to be just as strong and not call him.
sundrop Posted August 24, 2005 Posted August 24, 2005 Originally posted by sweetie7 Thanks for responding Sundrop...I think you misunderstood though. I talked to him last night and told him that he was giving me mixed messages and maybe it would be best if we didn't talk. Because talking to him was hurting me a lot. I didn't say NEVER call me again. I also didn't bombard him w/ phone calls...I didn't call him once after I told him that. I was calling him the week before and he was calling me too but it was just hurting too much. . Well I did it. I told my bf not to call me anymore. Also quoted by you...... So that is where I got my info from, that you broke up with him and asked him not to call you.... Another quote by you.....So stupid me I continue to call just to say hi. He usually answered or called back and we chatted. A couple days we didn't talk at all. I would say "I miss you" and he said "I miss you too" and other nice things. So again that is where I got you were calling him....... Sorry guess I misunderstood, It was hard for me to read and choppy. Good luck
sundrop Posted August 24, 2005 Posted August 24, 2005 Sweetie, What about just letting the emotions settle for a few more days and try to regroup when you are in the same town. If that is what you want. Sometimes a step back to let the emotions defuse a little is the best thing. Once you get re-established in your new place, you could give him a quick buz to let him know you new # etc and feel him out. Again if that is what you want...
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