Wishing I could turn back time

[Thinking_Of_Forever]

My ex broke up with me 3 days before Christmas over a rental car. We had a trip planned for the Florida Keys and he paid for the room, I paid for the rental. Originally, it was only going to be 10.00 a day to add him on as a second driver. When I got to the rental kiosk, they told me it was going to be 15.00 a day, which would have added an additional 45.00 in fees. I told my bf I couldn't afford to add it on and he got mad. He told me to take him home, and he took all of his things out of the car and went on the vacation without me. He said that I was selfish and that he's spent so much money on me. He said that I was unreliable and that I constantly say I'm going to do things and then I don't. I told him that I would have rather used that money towards food/gas for the vacation. Also, he had been in a fender bender a week before and I was really nervous about letting him drive the rental under my name. He got mad and said I didn't trust him and that he can't be with someone that doesn't trust him. I told him that if it were the other way around, I wouldn't have had a problem with it. I wouldn't want him to be financially responsible if I damaged the vehicle.

 

Never the less, he broke up with me over that. I begged and pleaded and cried and he told me to fly down to the Keys to salvage the rest of the vacation. I was under the impression we were back together. On the drive back up, I asked him and he said no, that he didn't think I was ready for a real relationship. He said the rental car incident was one of many where he felt I was being selfish. I told him he wasn't being fair to me at all. I have a limited income and he makes far more than I do. I have paid for things as well.

 

Yesterday, he got his things from my house and I drove up to his place to get my things. I literally couldn't even drive home- I was in tears, wishing I had just paid for the stupid fee. We could have been together right now if it weren't for that.

 

But what really makes me upset now, is that he is accusing me of cheating on him. I never once cheated on him, or any other man that I've dated. He said that because I didn't pick up my phone a few months ago, that I was cheating. Also, he found a naked picture of me in my phone and went off. I never sent the picture to anyone, but the fact that it was in my phone set him off. I let him search my phone and that still wasn't good enough. He is hellbent on making me say I cheated when I didn't.

 

Our 1 year anniversary was only 3 weeks away. I'm 34, he's 41, and I thought he was my soulmate. I'm so tired of starting over. I just wish I could go back and fix this. He claims that he can't trust me, but I literally spent the majority of my day talking with him on facetime or with him (he lives 2 hours away). I did so much for him...I changed how I dressed, how I did my hair and makeup, and yet it was never enough.

I'm upset about being accused of cheating. I want this pain in my chest to stop. I feel like I'm literally going to die.

Edited December 26, 2017 by Thinking_Of_Forever

[d0nnivain]

If you weren't cheating but he suspect you of cheating, you didn't break up over $45. You broke up because he didn't trust you & this was just the proverbial straw. I'm not even sure he liked you. He sounds like a jerk quite frankly: making you change so much about yourself then being a bully about it. For your sake I hope he wasn't your soulmate. He soul seems awfully black to me.

 

The timing certainly sucks but ending a toxic relationship is not the end of the world. FWIW, I was 39 when I met my husband. We have been married for 9 years. He was worth waiting for. Hang in there.

[Thinking_Of_Forever]

If you weren't cheating but he suspect you of cheating, you didn't break up over $45. You broke up because he didn't trust you & this was just the proverbial straw. I'm not even sure he liked you. He sounds like a jerk quite frankly: making you change so much about yourself then being a bully about it. For your sake I hope he wasn't your soulmate. He soul seems awfully black to me.

 

The timing certainly sucks but ending a toxic relationship is not the end of the world. FWIW, I was 39 when I met my husband. We have been married for 9 years. He was worth waiting for. Hang in there.

 

Thank you for this. I do have to look at how he treated me...none of my family thought he was right for me. I guess I just wanted to prove to myself that I could make it work, because I'm so tired of failure.

 

I will have to start NC...which has been very difficult. Just when I think I can do it, I get weak and call or text him.

[Purepony]

This guy so bad like a total jerk and my guess is he knows he over reacted so now he’s just adding things to either mess with your head or hurt you more.

 

At 34 you should have more faith in yourself and experience in dating to know this would not have gotten any better, I really think you should take a break from this guy and find a theraphist who can make more sense of this situation.

 

In the meantime forget this loser who will probably be single for another 5 years

[Thinking_Of_Forever]

This guy so bad like a total jerk and my guess is he knows he over reacted so now he’s just adding things to either mess with your head or hurt you more.

 

At 34 you should have more faith in yourself and experience in dating to know this would not have gotten any better, I really think you should take a break from this guy and find a theraphist who can make more sense of this situation.

 

In the meantime forget this loser who will probably be single for another 5 years

 

Thank you for your reply. The more I look at this relationship, the more I realize it was dysfunctional. I dodged a bullet...but it still hurts. This guy really messed with my head and me sticking around was my way of proving him wrong.

 

Honestly, I don't even think I miss him per se, I just miss having someone to cook for, spend time with, and plan a future with. But I won't go back.

[bluecastle]

You certainly dodged a bullet. I'm a few months out of a toxic relationship myself, and while I still long for her occasionally the more the manipulative behavior I put up with comes into focus, the more I see that the break up was a blessing.

 

The whole cheating accusation thing is such a red flag. Toward the end my ex constantly questioned my integrity along those lines—and it turned out she'd been cheating on me. I'm not saying this is the case with you, but when one person is flinging false accusations they're generally doing it for manipulative reasons. In your case, this guy just sounds lousy.

 

Stay strong, mourn it with integrity, and move forward. There is brighter light on the horizon.

[Thinking_Of_Forever]

You certainly dodged a bullet. I'm a few months out of a toxic relationship myself, and while I still long for her occasionally the more the manipulative behavior I put up with comes into focus, the more I see that the break up was a blessing.

 

The whole cheating accusation thing is such a red flag. Toward the end my ex constantly questioned my integrity along those lines—and it turned out she'd been cheating on me. I'm not saying this is the case with you, but when one person is flinging false accusations they're generally doing it for manipulative reasons. In your case, this guy just sounds lousy.

 

Stay strong, mourn it with integrity, and move forward. There is brighter light on the horizon.

 

Yes, there were some things that really worried me. I was taking a shower once and because I didn't answer the phone while I was in the shower, he accused me of cheating then as well. 20 minutes in the shower = cheating to him. I always felt like he was deflecting, especially since he was the one with multiple female friends.

 

The more I look back, the more I see that it wouldn't have worked out.

[BaileyB]

I'm sorry that you are disappointed, but this is for the best. He sounds like a jealous and controlling man. It wasn't really about the rental car, but you want to be with someone who loves you and is mature enough not to throw a tantrum over something this stupid.

[d0nnivain]

Honestly, I don't even think I miss him per se, I just miss having someone to cook for, spend time with, and plan a future with. But I won't go back.

 

There's nothing to go back to. As you are realizing you don't miss HIM with all his paranoia. You miss the idea of having a healthy, loving, mutually fulfilling relationship. That is still in front of you, in your future. He's behind you in your past. Leave him there.

[1fish2fish]

I told my bf I couldn't afford to add it on and he got mad. He told me to take him home, and he took all of his things out of the car and went on the vacation without me.

 

What a baby.

 

 

 

I asked him and he said no, that he didn't think I was ready for a real relationship.

 

It's not up to him to tell you what you are or are not ready for. Is he your parent?

 

 

 

But what really makes me upset now, is that he is accusing me of cheating on him. I never once cheated on him, or any other man that I've dated. He said that because I didn't pick up my phone a few months ago, that I was cheating. Also, he found a naked picture of me in my phone and went off. I never sent the picture to anyone, but the fact that it was in my phone set him off. I let him search my phone and that still wasn't good enough. He is hellbent on making me say I cheated when I didn't.

 

He's blameshifting, trying to make you look like the bad guy so he doesn't have to own the childish way he dumped you.

 

Our 1 year anniversary was only 3 weeks away. I'm 34, he's 41, and I thought he was my soulmate. I'm so tired of starting over. I just wish I could go back and fix this. He claims that he can't trust me, but I literally spent the majority of my day talking with him on facetime or with him (he lives 2 hours away). I did so much for him...I changed how I dressed, how I did my hair and makeup, and yet it was never enough.

I'm upset about being accused of cheating. I want this pain in my chest to stop. I feel like I'm literally going to die.

 

Pack up your dignity and walk away from this f*cktard. Starting over is so much better than being with someone who doesn't respect you.

[mrs rubble]

What really jumped out at me was the fact your family and friends didn't like him, looking forward to the future pay careful attention to how a new potential partner interacts with your family and friends. These are the people who are most important to you, if a partner can't be respectful or polite to these people or these people sense that the potential partner is a bad egg he likely is.

 

 

You're lucky to leaving this one behind, he sounds like the selfish one and a controlling jerk, he would have made life miserable for you indefinitely. Look forward to your future, you're still young.

[Gr8fuln2020]

Wishing I could turn back time...

 

Oh, my friend, don't we all. Don't we all!