GIGs?

[Zoolander]

So was wondering if this is a typical case of GIGs having come across it on this site and others.

Long story short: friends for about 2 years, together for 2 and a half. I'd say the honeymoon period lasted around 9 months and after that it was comfortable and loving.

Went on our first holiday back in september and everything was going well. Then, we both go to university and we spoke about how it was going to be a change but one we could overcome if we communicated well wirh eaxh other. She told me how she felt if we made it through uni, we'd be set for life. So i was optimistic

She visited me a few times and we had a good time, both exploring the city and relaxing in my room

Went to visit her and although we had an argument we made up the nexr day and had a good day.

Then she came to see me the following week and we had a small falling out that was blown out of proportion but we made up literally an hour later . Had a bed date the following day and had sex and everyrhing seemed to be better. Next couple of days we spoke on the phone at night and everythingwas good

 

Thrn all of a sudden she tells me on the fourth day that the falling out on the previous weekend was on her mind and she feels like we're at different places mentally? I tell her that that's fair enough and we can speak about it but she says she's thought about it for a while. I told her to take some time and we could speak about it. She took literally a day and then met with me to say it was over. Her eldest brother spoke to me and he told her she felt as if I didn't make an effort in the relationship. I found this unfair as I literally travelled to her throughout the past 6 months and was the one to initiate going out places about 60% of the time. There was a period when she had exams and I said to her I would leave it to her to decide when we wantes to go out and do thinfs rather than stay at home as I didn't want to interfere with her studies. She said she appreciated that but is now using that as a source of resentment?I know i had flaws but i was at a point in my life where I had told her i saw a vision for myself literally two weeks prior. She said she believed i could improve but couldn't stick around while I do ( If that was the issue then surely she'd be around if I changed)

So we left it at that.

Then a couple of weeks later she messaged me a happy birthday and asked me what i was doing. I told her inwas seeing friends and said she was welcome to come but I'd have a good time regardless. She came and spent 2 nights with me. Told me she missed me in the first night and wanted me to hold her. The next day acted as if nothing happened but we had a good day regardless. Second night she told me she didn't want me to close Any doors as she "finds herself " and doesn't want me waiting around.

Then we agreed we'd take some time apart and meet again in January ( I wanted to meet in December but she was pushing for January so i ledt it). She also said we were free to date during this period - signs she'd met someone or wanted to see what was out there?

I did message her a couple of times in November asking if she wanted to meet but then left it. Messaged her on Christmas and i said id chrck in with her a couple of days before the date we agreed in january. She then said she knew she wanted to be friends but that wouldn't be possible right now so there's no point meeting. Thrn she said she felt emotionally manipulated and it was unfair how I messaged her ( seriously?!). I know i shouldn't have but give me a break. She said she didn't feel as happy at the end of the relationship- bear in mind, that we had just gone on holoday, had booked another one for December and she seemed way more invested in the relationship than before. She would get jealous whenever i was out at night but i would always reassure her. And although some arguments were creeping in, he fact we were both going to uni meant it was a transitional period and so differences were inevitable, she did seemhappy so it came out of nowhere. She said she realised she stopped loving me when one day she was drunk at night and a guy attempted a kiss and she pulled away "not because I thought i love my boyfriend, but because this is wrong" ( wow). She went from being that innocent, slightly strange nerdy adorable girl to a typical college girl who enjoys constantly going out. Theres nothing wrong with going out and i myself enjoy going out on occasion too. But the sad thing is she's becoming the kind of girl she used to bitch about. Her best friend is also like this; afraid of commitment, with her boyfriend now but planning on ending it when she moves to Australia so i guess I should've seen the warning signs. She's had issues with confidence, depression, eating disorders and i was there for her as a friend and a lover. I myself had an issue 12 months ago but sought help and improved massively.

I'm not understating my flaws, i know there are things I need to work on. But the whole " ILYBNILWY, there's no spark , don't want this as much as i used to etc " screams GIGs at me. I told her i wasnt going to contact her again and I'm 100% going to stick to my word. No New year's messages or anything. I told her she'd have to be the one to reach out now and i wasn't going to put any more unreciprocated effort in. I don't know when she'll message me, maybe a month or two or maybe many months later. I'd like to have moved on by then but she has left a lasting impression on me and i will always have a place for her in my heart. If i do have feelings for her when she reaches out, then at least ill be emotionally stronger to deal with them and at least ill have some control back as she's the one that has messaged first. It's sad thst its come to this but i do honestly believe that she thinks the grass is greener either as a single 20yo or with a new man. I know what we had was good, and if she eventually realises that throwing away a stable ans loving relationship that couldve laated a very long time, for a few months of "living the life". Maybe she has a new guy or had her eyes on a new guy whilst at uni, what I don't know won't hurt me and i don't want to know really. I don't know whether ill be in a position to accept friendship whenever she contsxfs me but i know I'll come out stronger. I will most likely still want reconciliation, but i feel she'll have to go through the process of realising herself that it wasn't worth it

 

Sorry this was so long!

[d0nnivain]

I started skimming after I read that you have both recently headed off to different universities. That is your answer. Her world opened up & she is no longer interested in her HS BF. It happens.

 

She was right to say that if you made it through university you'd be set for life. Unfortunately, like many you didn't make it.

 

Whether it's GIGs or something else, she's done. She had decided to try new paths & they don't include you. Let her be. Concentrate on your own healing. I don't think she'll come crawling back intent to reconcile but I do suspect she may reach out just to keep you dangling on her string. Hopefully once some time as passed, as you predict you will be stronger & less persuaded by her wiles

[Zoolander]

I started skimming after I read that you have both recently headed off to different universities. That is your answer. Her world opened up & she is no longer interested in her HS BF. It happens.

 

She was right to say that if you made it through university you'd be set for life. Unfortunately, like many you didn't make it.

 

Whether it's GIGs or something else, she's done. She had decided to try new paths & they don't include you. Let her be. Concentrate on your own healing. I don't think she'll come crawling back intent to reconcile but I do suspect she may reach out just to keep you dangling on her string. Hopefully once some time as passed, as you predict you will be stronger & less persuaded by her wiles

 

Haha the "crawling back" bit made me chuckle! But yeah i suspect it's mostly to do with university and a change of eenvironment from being "trapped at home" to free to do whatever she wants. Perhaps it was naive of me to expect us to make it through. I did start university a month before her and i seemed to be settling in fine. But yeah, just hoping with time i end up stronger. Thanks a lot man

[d0nnivain]

I'm a woman, old enough to be your mom, but you're welcome.

 

Hang in there.

[Zoolander]

I'm a woman, old enough to be your mom, but you're welcome.

 

Hang in there.

 

Sorry for assuming your gender! but no in all seriousness, it was nice getting another perspective from someone who's probably seen it all in comparison to someone my age.