Can anyone vouch for blocking after months of NC? **Updated**

[Vanity1]

He's going to find a replacement whether u block him or not, truthfully.

[basil67]

Which part has led you to conclude he's well and truly moved on, the long period of no contact? Bear in mind I've been in strict NC all of this time aswell, yet haven't "well and truly" moved on after almost 3 years together.

 

Based on the nature and circumstances of the relationship, some of the things he said/did in it, the fact it ended suddenly without him being prepared (I was prepared as I had been detaching for months), and what I know of his experiences during the last break-up when I asked him about it once we got back together, I struggle to see how he could have "well and truly" moved on already after 2.5 months. If anything, he may be thinking that I have moved on, because usually I was the one fighting for him and trying to make amends whenever we argued, whereas this time I have done absolutely nothing.

 

In the past when he ended it with me, he still contacted me after the relationship ended because he "missed me", and also met up with me for coffee a few times. That was also a scenario where he wanted the relationship to end, and thought it needed to. He came knocking on my door asking for another chance after almost 3 months of being broken up. This time round there has been nothing from either of us, and it's been 2.5 months so far.

 

There are a number of factors which lead me to believe he's moved on.

 

1. In the past, he reached out because he missed you. This time, he hasn't.

2. He agreed that breaking up was the right thing to do.

3. He was non committal when you were together.

4. You wanted more than he was giving, so he's probably really glad to be away from the angst about the two of you wanting different things.

5. I know you haven't moved on, but you are not him.

 

Make no mistake, when someone says thinks like "I can't meet your needs" or "I don't want to hurt you anymore" it actually means that they know it's time to walk away because they are tired of all the complaining about not meeting the partner's needs. It's actually a sneaky barb - not a caring sentiment at all.

 

It's likely he's out having a terrific time and not looking back at all...... except perhaps with the knowledge that this ended at the right time.

[CeciliaCylara]

Regarding amicable break-ups where a split was decided to be the best option by both parties, has anyone never spoken to their ex again after the time of the break-up and stayed NC indefinitely?

 

 

Did this hurt you more and make you wonder why they never reached out/how they moved on so quickly, or did it help you move on and forget them?

 

I have never spoken with my ex and it's helped me greatly. There's no point in clinging onto hope that he'd reach out when he hasn't done so already during NC. Free yourself from rumination when you can spend the time doing things that will actually help you. That will make you feel good about yourself. The person you knew then is gone by their own choice, so choose to live free from them and see that life can offer you much more that this person can't give you.

[SammySammy]

Relief.

 

My ex was being spiteful and disrespectful. Doing things to intentionally hurt me. Cutting her out of my life permanently was the way to have peace in my life.

 

I tend to completely cut off all exes. It’s the fastest way to closure and healing for me.

 

I ended up having an affair with the only ex I let back into my life. Had to cut her off again to end the affair. Wasn’t worth it for me.

 

Exes are exes for a reason. Let them stay that way.

[bluecastle]

When I was younger I always stayed in contact with my exes, whether I was the one who ended it or whether I was the one who got dumped.

 

Looking back, I can see this created a lot of confusion on all sides. I never quite moved on until I met someone new, but because I'd never quite moved on that "new" person found me a bit distant—not a good foundation for a relationship.

 

So now I just let the person go for a good while with zero expectations of ever talking again. It leaves a bigger void, but I think you respect the relationship (and yourself) a lot more by just respecting that void.

 

And, yes, you find true relief. In time.

[TheOnlyOne73]

There are a number of factors which lead me to believe he's moved on.

 

1. In the past, he reached out because he missed you. This time, he hasn't.

2. He agreed that breaking up was the right thing to do.

3. He was non committal when you were together.

4. You wanted more than he was giving, so he's probably really glad to be away from the angst about the two of you wanting different things.

5. I know you haven't moved on, but you are not him.

 

Make no mistake, when someone says thinks like "I can't meet your needs" or "I don't want to hurt you anymore" it actually means that they know it's time to walk away because they are tired of all the complaining about not meeting the partner's needs. It's actually a sneaky barb - not a caring sentiment at all.

 

It's likely he's out having a terrific time and not looking back at all...... except perhaps with the knowledge that this ended at the right time.

 

I can see how it would look this way from an outsider's perspective, but it wasn't all as black-and-white as you're making out.

 

He was the one who ended it last time so he perhaps felt he had more power in the break-up and could contact me whenever he wanted. He probably knows this time round there's no point saying "I miss you" because it won't change the fact that he can't meet my needs. Hence why the last thing he ever said to me was "I'm going to miss you so much", so that he wouldn't need to reach out at a later date to say that.

 

He pretty much used to agree to everything I said or decision I made in the relationship, because he lacked initiative. So, the fact he agreed to the break-up doesn't really prove anything, he wouldn't ever force me into something I didn't want to do, so he probably thought it was best to agree with it and look like the good guy. He's not the fighting type. He's actually said before that his opinion on things of this nature is "if I have to fight for you, I've already lost you", so it makes sense why he agreed to it and didn't fight. However, you're forgetting he did resist the break-up 3 days before agreeing to it. Also, he's very inexperienced and cowardly so that also helps explain why he thought it was easier to just agree to it. He's said before that he doesn't think men ever truly get over/recover from break-ups, at least not in the same way that women do.

 

I don't think everyone is as cold and calculating as you make out. Nobody leaves a long-term relationship and never looks back at it again, especially when there's no indication of whether you'll ever see that person again, unless they're a robot or the relationship never meant a thing to them. If they bottle it up, those emotions will come out eventually. There are many reasons why he would look back on our relationship fondly, and given the nature of the break-up, I think I'm well-justified in saying that he wasn't as well-equipped/prepared to move on as I was. Just a week before we broke-up (beginning of October) he was asking me what I was doing for Christmas, and planning how often to see me over the Christmas holidays, even though they were 2 months away. Back in July he invited me to a gig in October but I declined due to university commitments, but I also remember thinking to myself that I doubt we will still be together by then.

Edited December 31, 2017 by TheOnlyOne73

[geillis]

No, I have no experience on blocking. I personally feel more powerful when they contact and I don't respond.

 

But I'm not you. You sound both completely sure you don't want to be with him and at the same time not over him yet thus fearful for the moment he would contact you.

 

So if I were you, I would go ahead with the blocking. I only don't block because I'm confident with what I would do, but you're not, so you better protect yourself. Think about yourself, this is not a moment to be thinking about him and his feelings.

[TheOnlyOne73]

No, I have no experience on blocking. I personally feel more powerful when they contact and I don't respond.

 

But I'm not you. You sound both completely sure you don't want to be with him and at the same time not over him yet thus fearful for the moment he would contact you.

 

So if I were you, I would go ahead with the blocking. I only don't block because I'm confident with what I would do, but you're not, so you better protect yourself. Think about yourself, this is not a moment to be thinking about him and his feelings.

 

I would like to think that by the time he contacts me, if he ever does, because it would be so far away anyway, I would be in a position to ignore it by then. Or even better, not even recognise the number when it comes up (wishful thinking).

 

Part of the reason I wanted to block him was so I couldn't ruminate and wait for a message in the first place, because he would have no way of sending one. It's like I'm waiting for a message that may never come (and probably won't, as it's been so long already).

 

I haven't received anything from him today or over Christmas, but I'll give it the rest of tonight and tomorrow, then block him and see how it goes.

Edited December 31, 2017 by TheOnlyOne73

[iflipburgers]

Great summary there! just what i needed to know about the "sneaky barb".

[iflipburgers]

Im at this stage now. I would really like to talk to someone about the whole blocking thing. I feel i can truly move on if she is out of sight and out of mind. But at the same time I dont want to give her any satisfaction knowing she was right not to come back to me (I was the forced dumper). Any help available please? I can provide more detail if required.

Thanks

[TheOnlyOne73]

Im at this stage now. I would really like to talk to someone about the whole blocking thing. I feel i can truly move on if she is out of sight and out of mind. But at the same time I dont want to give her any satisfaction knowing she was right not to come back to me (I was the forced dumper). Any help available please? I can provide more detail if required.

Thanks

 

I was the forced dumper too. I'm really struggling at the moment , I feel like I'm getting increasingly frustrated at the fact he never reached out again after the break-up (10 weeks no contact now). Don't know if blocking will help.

 

How long have you been in no contact for?

[NopeNah]

Since this has went into the blocking side of things, I'd suggest if your having a doubt on blocking to watch the Black Mirror(Netflix) episode titled "White Xmas".. I had never seen this show before(i'm behind the times) and it's crazy how accurate it is. Here's the trailer that shows how they 'block'..The whole episode is great though! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9kAEEJSMwd0 With that said, blocking is the way forward. look at it from the angle of an addict. To get and stay clean they would need to 'block' their dealers and using friends. Otherwise the temptation would be at the fingertips.

Edited January 1, 2018 by Praying4Daylight

[TheOnlyOne73]

Since this has went into the blocking side of things, I'd suggest if your having a doubt on blocking to watch the Black Mirror(Netflix) episode titled "White Xmas".. I had never seen this show before(i'm behind the times) and it's crazy how accurate it is. Here's the trailer that shows how they 'block'..The whole episode is great though! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9kAEEJSMwd0 With that said, blocking is the way forward. look at it from the angle of an addict. To get and stay clean they would need to 'block' their dealers and using friends. Otherwise the temptation would be at the fingertips.

 

I watched the relevant parts of the episode on YouTube, but I don't see how it's relevant in my case, because he never tried to find or talk to me after I dumped him. He knows where I live, and he knows where my parents live.

 

Mine isn't to do with temptation to contact him (I don't have any desires to contact him), it's more to do with the anxiety of never receiving a message from him/waiting around for a message that may never come.

 

I don't know why this is happening, for the first 8 weeks of no contact I was doing fine and forgetting about him. Now I'm almost at 10 weeks and relapsing almost; I'm struggling to move on.

Edited January 1, 2018 by TheOnlyOne73

[NopeNah]

Sorry I don't have a Netflix account, what happens in the episode, to summarize? I watched the clip you sent.

 

Mine isn't to do with temptation to contact him (I don't have any desires to contact him), it's more to do with the anxiety of never receiving a message from him/waiting around for a message that may never come.

 

I don't know why this is happening, for the first 8 weeks of no contact I was doing fine and forgetting about him. Now I'm almost at 10 weeks and relapsing almost; I'm struggling to move on.

Once they're blocked; they turn into an electronic 'blob' looking thing. You can no longer see them or hear them.

 

I don't have my Exgf blocked(I don't have her on social media) and we haven't spoke after I pieced together the timeline of her new "Love" and I overlapping. But, I broke up with her because of my gut feeling and have no desire to answer if she were to call/text. I made it clear to her when we last spoke that i'm done and there's nothing she can do to change that. It's a type of addiction and your body/mind are 'relearning' how to get on with life without your 'fix'..Time and no more 'fixes' will help you move forward.

[TheOnlyOne73]

Once they're blocked; they turn into an electronic 'blob' looking thing. You can no longer see them or hear them.

 

I don't have my Exgf blocked(I don't have her on social media) and we haven't spoke after I pieced together the timeline of her new "Love" and I overlapping. But, I broke up with her because of my gut feeling and have no desire to answer if she were to call/text. I made it clear to her when we last spoke that i'm done and there's nothing she can do to change that. It's a type of addiction and your body/mind are 'relearning' how to get on with life without your 'fix'..Time and no more 'fixes' will help you move forward.

 

 

My ex has a very addictive personality and has told me that I'm "more addictive than amphetamines" before, so it astounds me that he hasn't reached out to get his "fix" despite being unblocked...

 

How long have you been no contact for?

[Miss Spider]

Blocking my ex social media and turning my attention to other endeavors was one of the best choices I made. I'm so over it, I laugh at being on it at one point. I can vouch. If you're seeing them in any way, even virtually, you are not completely NC.

[TheOnlyOne73]

Blocking my ex social media and turning my attention to other endeavors was one of the best choices I made. I'm so over it, I laugh at being on it at one point. I can vouch. If you're seeing them in any way, even virtually, you are not completely NC.

 

I don't have any social media accounts apart from on WhatsApp. I deleted his number off my phone on the day of the break-up, which removes him off my contacts on WhatsApp. This means I can't "see" him or contact him on there unless I re-add his number to my phone.

 

I have been completely NC for almost 10 weeks, but I know he still has me on there (because he said he wasn't deleting my phone number, I believed he was telling the truth about that). He isn't one to clear out his phone, he just hoards lots of numbers in case of emergency (see earlier posts on this thread).

Edited January 1, 2018 by TheOnlyOne73

[NopeNah]

 

How long have you been no contact for?

I'm not sure. I know she's been in a relationship,basically the day after I told her it was over, and she'd send a few dunk texts/calls in the 1st month. Once I realized my gut feeling was right(She was talking to/seeing him about a month before I ended it), I've only responded once to let her know that I was correct to end it and she said "that doesn't matter now." I just told her to never contact me again...ever. That was a few months ago..maybe 2-3. I'm good though...They're NYE pics did get by my social media 'security' via a mutual friend tagging..but whatever..Hope they're happy.

[iflipburgers]

I was the forced dumper too. I'm really struggling at the moment , I feel like I'm getting increasingly frustrated at the fact he never reached out again after the break-up (10 weeks no contact now). Don't know if blocking will help.

 

How long have you been in no contact for?

 

Couple of weeks now, I reached out majority of times to her previous to NC. However she never once gave me a thread of hope that she wants to try again, but was polite, caring and friendly (think i hit the friend-zone).

 

Literally its awful to think how quickly someone can go from loving you to nothing....

 

Im not going to block, un-follow, turn off chat and then they are there but you never see them.

 

Hope your feeling better bud!

[TheOnlyOne73]

Couple of weeks now, I reached out majority of times to her previous to NC. However she never once gave me a thread of hope that she wants to try again, but was polite, caring and friendly (think i hit the friend-zone).

 

Literally its awful to think how quickly someone can go from loving you to nothing....

 

Im not going to block, un-follow, turn off chat and then they are there but you never see them.

 

Hope your feeling better bud!

 

Thanks iflipburgers:) . I decided to block him on New Year's Day. I feel a bit better knowing he can't send me anything, so I'm not waiting around anymore. I feel like I'm more able to concentrate on myself, and it's making him become less important/prominent in my life. It's helping me let go and accept that it's highly likely I'll never talk to/see him again. I'll be one of those dumpers in the small minority that never reached out to their dumpee again.

 

However, I've been in NC longer than you so I can understand why you haven't blocked yet. Like me, you may get to a point after 2-3 months of NC where you decide to block, or you may not. It depends on whether you hear from your ex again between now and then, and whether you feel ready to permanently detach after more time has passed.

 

My ex wasn't a good communicator in the relationship so I'm not sure why I was expecting him to miraculously start communicating once out of the relationship. I know he does miss me as he said he would. I think due to inexperience, immaturity, and cowardice, he probably didn't value me enough, no matter how much he said he did when we were breaking up. His actions speak otherwise. Or maybe he's letting me move on by remaining silent and letting me find someone worth my while, since he thought I "deserved better."

 

It's not my responsibility to hang around making people see my value. If he was to ever return, I'm not sure I would want to let him into my life again. It's his loss for letting me go and risking losing me to someone else. To make matters worse, he said he actually UNDERSTOOD this risk but decided to let me go anyway.

 

Did I do the wrong thing by telling him 11 weeks ago I wouldn't be dating again for a while and that I was going to concentrate on myself? I said this in response to this question he asked: 'So would you want to see other people whilst I work on myself?"