Hesjustnotthatin2u Posted December 26, 2017 Posted December 26, 2017 (edited) So me and my boyfriend have been together a little over 3 years. We just recently got our own place together (I haven't moved in yet since I'm still packing and what not, but will be next month). We have gotten more and more serious as the years have passed and started gifting for each other's families and what not. He really spent a lot on me for Christmas this year - I was really impressed! Christmas eve is always spent with my family going over his parent's family party and we all do a big white elephant with their family and friends.. it's really nice. Besides that, I probably only see his parents and grandparents a handful of times throughout the year (He lives an hour away from them). We always give each other's parents a gift card to dinner, and don't normally do gifts for each other's siblings or anyone else. This year, I guess since we've grown closer, he said to me he was getting my sister and her husband a gift. So, in return, I got his sister something. Last year, his grandparents gave me a $25 gift card and chocolate, so I thought it was only right to get them something this year. In conversation I said, 'What should I get your grandparents?' He said, 'I don't know. What should I get your grandmom?' I said 'I don't know, get her a plant!'. When we were out shopping the other day, he found a few gifts for his grandparents, and I found one for my grandmom. He said, 'You should just sign my name on the gift for your grandmom!' I said, 'Ok.. as long as you sign my name on your gift!' He said, 'No way!' I'm not sure if he was joking or what.. but I got kind of irritated by that response. I kind of took it as that he was really close with them, and wanted the gift to be just from him.. or maybe that he felt it would mean a lot to them if I got my own little thing from me. Fine. So I went out and got them a gift card to dinner. I gave it to them last night. Today, he was due to meet us for Christmas dinner with my whole family. Before hand, I texted him, 'So what did you ever get my grandmom?' He responded, 'Nothing. Now I have to go grab a gift card or something. What does she like?' (This is two hours before Christmas dinner). I was really bothered by this because we had already discussed this, and I already just bought his grandparents something. I said, 'What? I thought you said you were getting her something.' He said, 'I did say that. I also tried to split the gift you gave her with you, but you said no. I dont know your grandmom well enough to know what she want's for Christmas.' He ended up calling me while he was in the store looking to pick up a gift card. I told him to please not bother at this point, on Christmas day. He got real short with me and hung up. I guess there was a miss-communication, I don't know. He's a really good guy. But I was really irritated that I went out and bought his grandparents a dinner gift card and my grandmom got jack. The only reason I didn't split my gift with him, was because he wouldn't split his. Would you be upset about this? Edited December 26, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator paragraphs~T
Ruby Slippers Posted December 26, 2017 Posted December 26, 2017 I think you're making a big deal out of absolutely nothing. You're lucky to have a good relationship where you're beginning to embrace each other's families. The spirit of Christmas isn't about material things, who bought what and how much. It's about love for your fellow man and generosity of spirit. I'm sure the gift-giving rituals with your guy will improve in time. Be thankful for what you have. 8
Flame Aura Posted December 26, 2017 Posted December 26, 2017 (edited) Yes you are overreacting. Edited December 26, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
SammySammy Posted December 26, 2017 Posted December 26, 2017 No, I wouldn’t be upset. But, I wouldn’t be doing all of this families visiting each other and tit-for-tat gift giving either. Y’all are doing way too much for an unmarried couple in my opinion. 3
hippychick3 Posted December 26, 2017 Posted December 26, 2017 You are definitely overreacting. Be grateful you have a good guy that was willing to go through the trouble and aggravation of buying your grandmother(!) a last minute gift. If I were him, I’d feel very irritated by your reaction. 1
act00 Posted December 26, 2017 Posted December 26, 2017 Yes, I think you're overreacting. The time to have clarified how you were going to deal with grandma's gift was right there at the store when you weren't sure if he was joking about not signing your name or anytime before Cmas morning. I think it's reasonable to sign both names, and it will be very common to do this after you two are functioning as a unit when you're officially living together. It wouldn't surprise me if you did a majority, if not all the shopping for the family in the future, and just sign both names. I would be upset if he refused to sign both names to his gift, so I will give you that one, but you could have clarified whether the gifts would be shared beforehand. He could have as well. It's really not a big deal to have to stop and get a gift card before going to the house as long as there is adequate time to do so and it didn't make you and him late. I do understand your annoyance, but this is a pretty small thing overall.
ExpatInItaly Posted December 26, 2017 Posted December 26, 2017 Yes, you're overreacting. You have a guy that wants to be part of your family holiday celebrations. That is more than many people get. What exactly he buys for them - or when - is beside the point. Choose your battles, OP.
Maggie4 Posted December 26, 2017 Posted December 26, 2017 I don't think your grandma needs that gift card from your guy. If you feel bad for grandma, just spend more time with her, take her out to a nice lunch, even if it means spending less time with the boyfriend. As for being upset with the bf, the gift giving is between your bf and your grandma, just as between you and your bf's grandma. If one should be upset, it should be your bf being upset for looking bad and for your role in this. He might blame you for messing things up, as he had assumed you'd sign his name. There was a communications problem with gift splitting. He had to go the store last minute because he doesn't want to look bad. He did that for himself, not for you.
Eternal Sunshine Posted December 26, 2017 Posted December 26, 2017 Feel blessed that this is your biggest problem
d0nnivain Posted December 26, 2017 Posted December 26, 2017 I'd be irked but would have been over it by the time he walked in with something.
she'stheone Posted December 26, 2017 Posted December 26, 2017 Always remember, you are ENTITLED to your feelings. My guess is, his behavior triggered something in you. It's probably not about the present at all, but something else. The situation with the present just triggered it. The key to any good relationship is to be able to communicate with your partner. This is something that bothered you, figure out what your REAL issue is (what got triggered for you) and sit down and talk to him about it. Don't be accusatory or blaming. Just explain to him that when xyz happened, you got triggered. Explain why you felt that way (calmly and without anger) and what he can do in the future to help avoid triggering you. You should also work on releasing whatever it is that is causing the trigger. I agree with most that this is NOT a big deal. I disagree with being grateful about having a good guy, and sweep your feelings under the rug and not to sweating the small stuff, becuase... ...when we hold on to these "little things" and don't resolve them with our partner, they will eventually grow into bigger issues (resentment, anger, etc.) and will cause problems later in your relationship. Plus, we men do NOT pick up on subtle hints. We may know we did something wrong but have no clue of what it was. I'm not saying he'll make any changes for you but... ...he can't change something if he doesn't realize it's a problem. Figure out what your REAL issue is (what got triggered) and then calmly and lovingly discuss it with him. Sending much love and light
Versacehottie Posted December 26, 2017 Posted December 26, 2017 Just being devil's advocate here: do you think that your reluctance to split the gift/sign from both of you was a diss to him? I mean, you are 3 years in, living together and let's face it most guys need our help with presents--especially nice of him to get one for your grandma or attempt to. I think maybe he was looking for some unity on gift to your grandma and you shut him out & were not sympathetic or supportive at all when he was still on a last minute mission to get her a gift card. Seeing if you can be supportive and potential life partners for each other is truly a two way street. He can be looking at how you handle things as you are about him. I actually don't necessarily disagree that you didn't want to split your grandma's gift to her with him. I mean you are entitled to that and she might feel a little slighted since she has been your grandma your whole life. But all you need to do is explain that to him calmly, not be stubborn and help him with his gift to her. I can think of many worse problems to have with a serious bf. You are lucky he wants to participate and seems to generous. find ways to keep encouraging that behavior!
JuneL Posted December 26, 2017 Posted December 26, 2017 I thought her bf was the one who refused to let her sign his gift card to his grandma first, no? Just being devil's advocate here: do you think that your reluctance to split the gift/sign from both of you was a diss to him? I mean, you are 3 years in, living together and let's face it most guys need our help with presents--especially nice of him to get one for your grandma or attempt to. I think maybe he was looking for some unity on gift to your grandma and you shut him out & were not sympathetic or supportive at all when he was still on a last minute mission to get her a gift card. Seeing if you can be supportive and potential life partners for each other is truly a two way street. He can be looking at how you handle things as you are about him. I actually don't necessarily disagree that you didn't want to split your grandma's gift to her with him. I mean you are entitled to that and she might feel a little slighted since she has been your grandma your whole life. But all you need to do is explain that to him calmly, not be stubborn and help him with his gift to her. I can think of many worse problems to have with a serious bf. You are lucky he wants to participate and seems to generous. find ways to keep encouraging that behavior! 1
smackie9 Posted December 26, 2017 Posted December 26, 2017 Hah....he's a man. Since the beginning of time I get stuck doing most of the shopping or having to go with my husband....because he's a man. Men don't do well in a mall. So if you are planning to marry him or any other man, you better get used to it. I couldn't imagine him picking out a silk scarf for my mother, or even for his own mother for that matter.
Versacehottie Posted December 26, 2017 Posted December 26, 2017 I thought her bf was the one who refused to let her sign his gift card to his grandma first, no? Yeah it could be that i have the details mixed around. I think my point is still the same though: that he may have wanted to gift as a couple and she refused. In what i've seen, it's pretty typical that as a couple progresses to being more serious, the woman takes over the role of organizing presents and social ties. I don't think it was cause this guy was being lazy (maybe a minor part of it). I think couples define the more serious stages (what it will be like when living together or married) in ways like this and I think her guy may view what she did as a rejection of a sort.
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