Lphan301 Posted December 25, 2017 Posted December 25, 2017 Hi everyone, I’ve been seeing this guy for two weeks. Our first few dates, we always end the dates with a peck on the lips. Even if I try to French kiss him, he would try to stop/pulled away. But would come back kissing on my lips only. On our 5th date, I finally got a bit ballsy. We were talking about being adventurous and he said he hardly said no to anything.. so, jokingly I said then there’s something I want to see if your down to do it. He replied “name it”.. so I told him ..”when you walked me to my car later. I want you to kiss me with tongue and all (in a funny joking tone)”.. he laughed and said “it about time”.. he said he didn’t want to come off aggressive on our last few dates cause he wanted to be a gentlemen. So he walked me to my car at the end of our date.. he leaned in to kissed me and it wasn’t good. *sigh*.. I understand we all have diff kissing styles. I tend to be very adaptable and be able to pick up someone’s kissing style . But with him I’m so lost and confuse. He’s all over the board. How do I go about to show him how I want to be kiss? How do I address this matter? Help!
she'stheone Posted December 26, 2017 Posted December 26, 2017 Hi Lphan301, Let me ask you a question, do you want to have to teach this man everything about foreplay and sex? The reason I ask is, if a man (or woman for that matter) is not a good kisser, they will most likely not be good at the other aspects of physical intimacy. Kissing is so basic and such a huge part of physical intimacy. It's not your job to fix some guy you've only known 2 weeks. In fact it's not your job to fix ANY man you're involved with. My guess is the reason he didn't want to kiss you was he was nervous and probably a bit shy/insecure. He probably wanted you to make the first move (there could be any number of reasons for this), which would have been safest for him. I get it, you never have to worry about being turned down if you never make the first move right? Telling a man his sexual prowess (kissing, foreplay, lovemaking) is not up to par can be very emasculating for a man. You have to tell him and reassure him at the same time. Ask him to go to a class (with you) on kissing or to take a course (with you) on kissing. Tell him it will make your relationship and love life better. Do NOT tell him HE is a bad kisser, just that you want to learn better kissing techniques together and for your relationship. Again, I implore you, make sure you are ready to take this man under your wing to teach him how to please a woman because I'd bet dollar to donuts he has absolutely no clue. Sending you much love and light 2
carhill Posted December 26, 2017 Posted December 26, 2017 If it don't flow, don't go IMO. If you're critiquing his kissing style already, that's just the tip of the iceberg. If other, and you wish to communicate to him what you like, not to be confused with what is right as kissing is purely subjective and individual, make positive statements telling him how you like to be kissed, caressed, held, touched, etc, etc.
smackie9 Posted December 26, 2017 Posted December 26, 2017 Very experienced lady here: What makes a bad kisser? They can't follow your motions, or pick up on your cues so "teaching" them is totally out, they can't learn. Trust me on this, the sex won't be much better. 4
Author Lphan301 Posted December 27, 2017 Author Posted December 27, 2017 I guess calling him a bad kisser is not quite the right description. Because he probably think I’m just horrible also lol... pretty much our kissing styles doesn’t match.Unfortunately The 5 mins kiss wasn’t long enough for him to figured how I kiss lol... we haven’t seen each other since then to Kiss some more to gauge te situation.. If you guys happened to read my other post that I met someone a month ago that I have major chemistry with. He was a good kisser, his kissed was sooo passionate... boy was I fooled, the worst lover in bed I ever had in my life.. I know they said a kiss tend to speak volume for a lot of things.. given my recent bad experiences with dating.. I don’t Know if I can based his kissing make him bad in bed.. lol .. confused
Popsicle Posted December 27, 2017 Posted December 27, 2017 Hi everyone, I’ve been seeing this guy for two weeks. Our first few dates, we always end the dates with a peck on the lips. Even if I try to French kiss him, he would try to stop/pulled away. But would come back kissing on my lips only. On our 5th date, I finally got a bit ballsy. We were talking about being adventurous and he said he hardly said no to anything.. so, jokingly I said then there’s something I want to see if your down to do it. He replied “name it”.. so I told him ..”when you walked me to my car later. I want you to kiss me with tongue and all (in a funny joking tone)”.. he laughed and said “it about time”.. he said he didn’t want to come off aggressive on our last few dates cause he wanted to be a gentlemen. So he walked me to my car at the end of our date.. he leaned in to kissed me and it wasn’t good. *sigh*.. I understand we all have diff kissing styles. I tend to be very adaptable and be able to pick up someone’s kissing style . But with him I’m so lost and confuse. He’s all over the board. How do I go about to show him how I want to be kiss? How do I address this matter? Help! lol be careful what you wish for? This is a minefield so I don't know. Maybe some men can chime in and help out on what a woman can say to a man who's "doing it wrong"
she'stheone Posted December 27, 2017 Posted December 27, 2017 I guess calling him a bad kisser is not quite the right description. Because he probably think I’m just horrible also lol... pretty much our kissing styles doesn’t match.Unfortunately The 5 mins kiss wasn’t long enough for him to figured how I kiss lol... we haven’t seen each other since then to Kiss some more to gauge te situation.. If you guys happened to read my other post that I met someone a month ago that I have major chemistry with. He was a good kisser, his kissed was sooo passionate... boy was I fooled, the worst lover in bed I ever had in my life.. I know they said a kiss tend to speak volume for a lot of things.. given my recent bad experiences with dating.. I don’t Know if I can based his kissing make him bad in bed.. lol .. confused Just because a man is a good kisser doe NOT mean he's good in bed. For a man to be good in bed (at least most of the time) he needs to be focused on his partners needs and desires. Let's face it, most men can ejaculate by humping and old wood stump. Women are typically NOT like that. So when a man is not attentive to a woman's need (in other words selfish in bed) the sex is unlikely to be satisfying. What I will say is if he can't kiss well (based on your likes and style), the sex will most likely be bad too. Being selfish makes sex bad and it's not necessarily a lack of skill but a lack of desire to please a partner. Being a bad kisser, typically shows a lack of skill. Ask yourself this...do you want to be his sexual teacher? And if you do, the more important question is, will he be a willing and open student? Sending you much love and light 1
smackie9 Posted December 27, 2017 Posted December 27, 2017 Yes lack of skill in the kissing dept. usually means lack of skill on other things. Some, even with lots of experience, have been lousy in bed. It can be a number of things as to why. What gets me is the ratio. The majority have been from not good to lousy, no matter the instruction and time taken.
Gaeta Posted December 27, 2017 Posted December 27, 2017 I am not ready to throw rocks at this man and call him a bad lover...yet. Men are bad at 'cues', if you like to be kissed in a different way than use your 'words'. I assure you he won't be offended and he'll be glad you re-directed him. We don't know, maybe the man kiss that way because his ex enjoyed having he face licked, you don't. First time my bf French kissed me he was a bit too enthusiastic about it, I said to slow down a bit I only had to say it once and he adjusted. If I had tried to give him 'cues' he'd still be licking my face. 2
Author Lphan301 Posted December 28, 2017 Author Posted December 28, 2017 Thanks guys for all your advice... he had asked to see me again, but I’ve been stalling cause I’m having a mini anxiety with this... I always known to be more on the blunt side. I was afraid I might slip and said something that might hurt his feeling. I do want to see him again until I have a game plan on what to say.. *sigh* Gaeta, I agreed somewhat on what you said. He was married for 10pmus years and got divorced. Then after that he was in a 4 yrs realationship. Maybe his exes had trained him to kissed that way with them... I wish it was as easy to cue him by saying slow down.. in my case, it’s the technique... he doesn’t lick my face all over. He just suck on my lips a lot and when he does give me the tongue.. he shoved it in my mouth and not move it with mine... when I put mine in his mouth hoping to twirl a bit.. he just sucked on it. I’m crossing my finger this is how he was taught from his previous exes.. lol.
lily999 Posted December 28, 2017 Posted December 28, 2017 I know I'm negative So if I try to French kiss some guy and he avoids it, I would assume that he isn't attracted to me
SammySammy Posted December 28, 2017 Posted December 28, 2017 What we think is good kissing varies from person to person. I don’t like that tongue-all-down-your-throat kissing that many women seem to think is good kissing. If that’s your thing, tell me. It’s not going to shatter my ego and I might even compromise with you. I’ll just prefer kissing with the lips and minimal tongue. Talking to your partner about your preferences is normal and often necessary. Just be are that what we consider to be good my differ. 2
carhill Posted December 28, 2017 Posted December 28, 2017 Just a bit curious as to why men are perceived as mindless automatons who need to be taught how to be affectionate and to be completely oblivious as to what they like to do. Glad I'm done with that stuff. Training? Pffft.... that. OP, the guy likes being physical with you and he has both marriage and LTR experience. If his style of affection isn't your cuppa, that's fair. Now, if you want him to critique you in exactly the same way, well, let's get this party started. 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted December 28, 2017 Posted December 28, 2017 What we think is good kissing varies from person to person. I don’t like that tongue-all-down-your-throat kissing that many women seem to think is good kissing. If that’s your thing, tell me. It’s not going to shatter my ego and I might even compromise with you. I’ll just prefer kissing with the lips and minimal tongue. Talking to your partner about your preferences is normal and often necessary. Just be are that what we consider to be good my differ. I know what you mean. I also do not like lots of tongue unless we are about to or having sex. Kisses during & at the end of the date, I tend to prefer to be slow and sensual, mostly lips and just little tongue. I try to lead men in that direction. Most actually straight up say “you are a great kisser”. However, some men prefer mostly tongue from the get go and we don’t mesh. I’m sure they would say that I’m bad at kissing. I think that it’s all part of the general chemistry. I don’t see a point in teaching any adult how to kiss. If you think it’s really bad, just move on. 2
No_Go Posted December 28, 2017 Posted December 28, 2017 Oooooh men nowadays are so brainwashed with the gentlemanly stuff... Where is the rough real man-woman interaction that brought up our species to existence?? Damn this excessive consent-asking and waiting is driving me INSANE. Literally. Anyway - your kissing styles are just different. One of you should adapt to the other... or you should jst keep in mind you don't match in this depertment, which may be a dealbreaker or not. I personally am not a huge fan of verbal explanations in the moment of kissing / sex (it is kind of a turn off) but you can discuss in no action time. Hi everyone, I’ve been seeing this guy for two weeks. Our first few dates, we always end the dates with a peck on the lips. Even if I try to French kiss him, he would try to stop/pulled away. But would come back kissing on my lips only. On our 5th date, I finally got a bit ballsy. We were talking about being adventurous and he said he hardly said no to anything.. so, jokingly I said then there’s something I want to see if your down to do it. He replied “name it”.. so I told him ..”when you walked me to my car later. I want you to kiss me with tongue and all (in a funny joking tone)”.. he laughed and said “it about time”.. he said he didn’t want to come off aggressive on our last few dates cause he wanted to be a gentlemen. So he walked me to my car at the end of our date.. he leaned in to kissed me and it wasn’t good. *sigh*.. I understand we all have diff kissing styles. I tend to be very adaptable and be able to pick up someone’s kissing style . But with him I’m so lost and confuse. He’s all over the board. How do I go about to show him how I want to be kiss? How do I address this matter? Help! 2
Kristine Posted December 28, 2017 Posted December 28, 2017 My boyfriend is too teethy when he kisses but he more than satisfies my sexual needs, and foreplay is great, he listens, he does things I like and some people are teachable. I mentioned the teethy thing it's improved. 1
mortensorchid Posted December 28, 2017 Posted December 28, 2017 People who are bad kissers are not that great as lovers typically. Experience has shown me this. As for teaching someone to be a good kisser? That ... I don't know how you can do that. Truly. Try Googling it and see if you see something on it. 1
she'stheone Posted December 28, 2017 Posted December 28, 2017 People who are bad kissers are not that great as lovers typically. Experience has shown me this. As for teaching someone to be a good kisser? That ... I don't know how you can do that. Truly. Try Googling it and see if you see something on it. I think there is actually a program (for women) about how to be a good kisser. Not sure about for men, but I wouldn't be surprised. Love and light
mortensorchid Posted December 29, 2017 Posted December 29, 2017 Here is some general information that might help some out there. How helpful is it? TO be seen, but every little bit helps... https://www.huffingtonpost.com/judith-orloff-md/10-qualities-of-a-good-lo_b_4552631.html
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted December 29, 2017 Posted December 29, 2017 I don't think I could ever be with someone who wasn't a good kisser. I know I am, so I expect the same in return ;).
newyorker11356 Posted December 29, 2017 Posted December 29, 2017 Eh, I don't agree that a good or bad kisser means they'd be good or bad in bed. It's two different things. Also, a lot of the time, a bad kisser isn't really "bad." It just means they don't mesh with your style. He may assume you're a bad kisser as well, even if that's not the case. 1
Noproblem Posted December 29, 2017 Posted December 29, 2017 Maybe he is simply not the one and you are trying to force it. Please, no need to hurt his feelings if you decide to end it, just move on to someone who is the right match for you.
Cobra_X Posted December 29, 2017 Posted December 29, 2017 Maybe he is simply not the one and you are trying to force it. Please, no need to hurt his feelings if you decide to end it, just move on to someone who is the right match for you. I absolutely could not think more differently than you. I don't find that many women I get excited about. If she is a bad kisser, I can deal with that. It seems dumb to me to ditch a woman with 9999 good qualities over 1 bad one. Maybe kissing is your #1 priority in a relationship... it's way down the list for me. I've met some seriously bad kissers in my time... and some good ones that were bad at virtually everything else.
Fair Posted December 29, 2017 Posted December 29, 2017 yes tell him or kissing him continually will be hell. I've dated men whom I've wanted to vomit after kissing them... and never told them. I paid. You will too.
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