Popsicle Posted December 25, 2017 Posted December 25, 2017 Hey guys. I am wondering from a guys perspective what is the point of texting an ex every blue moon? I mean things like "Merry Christmas litte one" or "Hi hope you are well" once every 6 months? My ex does this to me and I respond in a nice/polite way, but it never goes further snf I feel like I'm on some sort of "drip campaign" in his mind and I'm not really sure why. Why is he doing this? I know guys do this... this being sending the "Hi hope you are well" to a girl every blue moon and I've always wondered why. What is the purpose and what is going on in your mind?
nospam99 Posted December 25, 2017 Posted December 25, 2017 Hey guys. I am wondering from a guys perspective what is the point of texting an ex every blue moon? I mean things like "Merry Christmas litte one" or "Hi hope you are well" once every 6 months? My ex does this to me and I respond in a nice/polite way, but it never goes further snf I feel like I'm on some sort of "drip campaign" in his mind and I'm not really sure why. Why is he doing this? I know guys do this... this being sending the "Hi hope you are well" to a girl every blue moon and I've always wondered why. What is the purpose and what is going on in your mind? From this guy's perspective I don't do it. If I have something to say to my ex I don't text, I phone. And I don't phone for Christmas. I phone when, for example, I find a piece of her jewelry that she left behind and want to know whether I should sell it or ship it to her. I can speculate some other guy might do this to try to keep the chance of a reconciliation (or a booty call) open.
Author Popsicle Posted December 26, 2017 Author Posted December 26, 2017 It definitely feels like when this happens that it's just trying to keep an option open. Or, maybe more likely just trying to put a feeler out to see if I will take the reigns and jump his bones. That's never going to happen. He either puts up a real effort or forget it. I'm guessing he'll give up eventually. I remember one guy doing this for like 3 or 4 years. So strange.
Author Popsicle Posted December 26, 2017 Author Posted December 26, 2017 From this guy's perspective I don't do it. If I have something to say to my ex I don't text, I phone. It's not always an ex. Sometimes it's just a woman you've never been with but want to.
HiCrunchy Posted December 26, 2017 Posted December 26, 2017 I am not a guy, but from my understanding people like to be on everyone's good side even their exes. Maybe he wants to makes sure you are okay, wants you to think good of him and thinks you are a good person. Its not always to keep you as a back up option as some people like to think. 1
Author Popsicle Posted December 26, 2017 Author Posted December 26, 2017 I am not a guy, but from my understanding people like to be on everyone's good side even their exes. Maybe he wants to makes sure you are okay, wants you to think good of him and thinks you are a good person. Its not always to keep you as a back up option as some people like to think. Yes, I think this may be true for him too. I guess some people feel this way. I've never kept in touch with my exes, so this is really throwing me.
Gaeta Posted December 27, 2017 Posted December 27, 2017 It definitely feels like when this happens that it's just trying to keep an option open. Or, maybe more likely just trying to put a feeler out to see if I will take the reigns and jump his bones. That's never going to happen. He either puts up a real effort or forget it. I'm guessing he'll give up eventually. I remember one guy doing this for like 3 or 4 years. So strange. I think it's exactly that, he's keeping a line of communication open just in case. I also think they do that when they're single and if he's doing it with you he's probably doing it with his other exs too. If you reply then you encourage him to keep doing it. 2
Eternal Sunshine Posted December 27, 2017 Posted December 27, 2017 I have one ex that has been doing this for 2-3 years (we only dated for 6 months). I also don't understand point of it. Every few months, I get a text "thinking of you" or "hope you are doing well", just generic texts, we never had much in common. He doesn't ever ask to go out. I also wondered what the point was. I got annoyed and decided to unfriend him on FB and stop answering his texts. He kind of went crazy and started begging me to talk to him. Kept asking if he did anything wrong etc. Eventually he resumed occasional texting. What's your end game dude... 1
Author Popsicle Posted December 27, 2017 Author Posted December 27, 2017 (edited) I have one ex that has been doing this for 2-3 years (we only dated for 6 months). I also don't understand point of it. Every few months, I get a text "thinking of you" or "hope you are doing well", just generic texts, we never had much in common. He doesn't ever ask to go out. I also wondered what the point was. I got annoyed and decided to unfriend him on FB and stop answering his texts. He kind of went crazy and started begging me to talk to him. Kept asking if he did anything wrong etc. Eventually he resumed occasional texting. What's your end game dude... lol funny I think there is no end game. I think it's like porn for them. They get a degree of fulfillment out of it, it being the occasional texts. Just enough to keep them emotionally satisfied. (and hell, they're probably jerking off too after they text with you, lol) Edited December 27, 2017 by Popsicle 1
TheOnlyOne73 Posted December 27, 2017 Posted December 27, 2017 One of my exes did this every 1-3 months over the past 2 years, even though we broke up 3 years ago (I ended it, left him for my most recent ex). I ignored most of his texts for months, but I finally responded and asked him about this. He said it was out of caring for me and because he would wonder how I was doing often. In one of his texts a few weeks ago, he was flirting with me and telling me I looked good in my profile picture (made comments about certain body parts). I didn't flirt back, I just said "thanks." He wanted to come to my flat at uni in the New Year, but I said no. I told him I didn't see the point of this routine checking up on me when I had no intentions of seeing him ever again. I resorted to blocking him a week ago, then he blocked me back....Immature behaviour in my opinion, I had an actual reason for blocking him. I never once reached out to him after we broke up so he had no reason to block me, or to believe I would ever bother him again. I don't really believe his reason for making contact, I think it was just because he wanted sex. 1
Shanex Posted December 27, 2017 Posted December 27, 2017 I have never done that but very few of my exes have. If its over and I feel that theres no hope of reconciliation, I give it up. Being friends with ex is a possibility but theres often hidden thought from one or another to get back together hence why its so tricky to stay friends after a relationship. Actually, an ex from many years ago recently texted me completely out of the blue when I was freshly single and we texted all day, leading to sex in the evening. I know how sleazy both of us sound but being both single we didnt hurt anyone. We are still sporadically texting a bit. We are not getting back together and its a mere FWB or booty call even. So popsicle, my take is your ex is slightly bored and single and want to know if you are willing to talk a bit. He should indeed put more efforts tho if he wants more from you. 1
Author Popsicle Posted December 27, 2017 Author Posted December 27, 2017 So popsicle, my take is your ex is slightly bored and single and want to know if you are willing to talk a bit. He should indeed put more efforts tho if he wants more from you. I agree that he's just bored and single. I AM willing to talk but I'm not going to advance things, he has to do that. How it goes is, he starts a convo with a customary greeting and I respond politely and in kind and then it usually ends there, because he doesn't know what else to say. That's mind-boggling to me that he doesn't know how to have a conversation without someone else doing all the talking. Or even simply asking someone out. I'm pretty sure he's waiting for me to take control, and absent of that, is at a loss/too scared. Eventually he will get tired of nothing happening or he'll find someone else and stop the occasional texts to me. 2
Author Popsicle Posted December 27, 2017 Author Posted December 27, 2017 And then there's his mom, who still texts/calls me. I don't even understand what they are doing....
WaitingForBardot Posted December 27, 2017 Posted December 27, 2017 I did something like this for a few years. It was a New Year's Day ritual, calling my exes just to say hi and see how they were doing. My motivation was simply that these women had been an important part of my life at some point and I still remembered them fondly. I wasn't trying to get back together, I wasn't interested in getting them in bed, I just wanted to say hello and do a bit of catching up with someone I had cared about. I quit as it became clear that my assumption they might be similarly curious about me was naive at best. 1
Zippy2000 Posted December 28, 2017 Posted December 28, 2017 I do it at at Christmas, New Year or at Birthdays. its nothing untoward. Its just a way of saying you are thinking of someone. I used to do it to ex`s to reach out. I ve done it to friends. However with ex`s I d try to follow up on it than just leave it. I would try to continue some sort of dialogue to try to get them out for a drink. Well, that's me anyway. 1
grays Posted December 28, 2017 Posted December 28, 2017 I did something like this for a few years. It was a New Year's Day ritual, calling my exes just to say hi and see how they were doing. My motivation was simply that these women had been an important part of my life at some point and I still remembered them fondly. I wasn't trying to get back together, I wasn't interested in getting them in bed, I just wanted to say hello and do a bit of catching up with someone I had cared about. I quit as it became clear that my assumption they might be similarly curious about me was naive at best. When my exes text I am similarly curious. I wish just about all of them the best and I like to feel like they are out there having nice feelings and memories about me just as I'm having nice feelins and memories about them every now and then.
SevenCity Posted December 28, 2017 Posted December 28, 2017 It definitely feels like when this happens that it's just trying to keep an option open. Or, maybe more likely just trying to put a feeler out to see if I will take the reigns and jump his bones. That's never going to happen. He either puts up a real effort or forget it. I'm guessing he'll give up eventually. I remember one guy doing this for like 3 or 4 years. So strange. What were the circumstances of the breakup? Did you break up with him? What were the reasons? If there is a chance that you would want to rekindle (which is sounds like from the bolded above), you are shooting yourself in the foot by thrusting unknown (to him) expectations on the situation. We are all adults here - why not be the bigger person and just ask what his intentions are? Despite the mantra of LoveShack, when people come back into your life they often will throw out a feeler. No one wants to get rejected outright so they gauge a response from you. If you give him nothing to work with, he will likely disappear and try again down the line to see if the circumstances are more favorable - or stop trying all together. You have nothing to lose by asking him what his purpose of reaching out is. You will get an answer to your question (hopefully) and can either put it to bed or resume contact with hopes of something developing. No one knows what's on his mind but him. Ask him.
WaitingForBardot Posted December 28, 2017 Posted December 28, 2017 When my exes text I am similarly curious. I wish just about all of them the best and I like to feel like they are out there having nice feelings and memories about me just as I'm having nice feelins and memories about them every now and then. I'm with you, I prefer to give people the benefit of the doubt.
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