Akashsingh Posted December 26, 2017 Posted December 26, 2017 In my experience, most people whether they be men or women who break up with another person in a out of the blue or a final sort of way are ready to move on on day one. They've already mourned the loss of the relationship. They've already said their goodbyes. They're ready to move on I dont think so. Not with me. Both times it has been a gradual deterioration of the relationship that one day ended in a flash. After it ends, the mind feels, oh we should get back together, sometimes I really want to, sometimes there is too much amiss.
stillafool Posted December 26, 2017 Posted December 26, 2017 He said I was demanding and wanted more than he can give because I am impatient and he’s very content as he is....this really sucks, I thought we were past this childish on and off nonsense That was just an excuse he used to end it. What he is talking about could have been worked out if he wanted you.
stillafool Posted December 26, 2017 Posted December 26, 2017 I think I’m scared to find someone new-I’m 33 and I really thought I’d found someone to be with long term What are you afraid of? Do you want to be alone for the rest of your life? Not that that is a bad thing.
TheOnlyOne73 Posted December 26, 2017 Posted December 26, 2017 (edited) OP, I may be able to give you some insight as my situation is almost identical to yours, however I was the forced dumper. A few differences with mine were: A) My guy was a bit younger, almost 30, not 35 B) I'm a bit younger than you, almost 23 C) He mentioned moving in together in the future, not me, but we never got to that stage D) We have been no contact for 8 weeks, broke up 2.5 months ago E) He was a borderline alcoholic, smoked weed most days, had a past history of substance abuse (before I met him) However there were a lot of similarities to yours, 3 year relationship, he was commitment-phobic due to his upbringing and his parents' divorce (he actually stated this and hence agreed to my decision to break up), this was our second break-up, told me he truly loved me as we were breaking up but gave up on me easily (never heard from him again since 2 weeks after the break-up, that was 2 months ago now). Like in your situation, he said he couldn't give me what I needed due to his inability to commit and be a man, and that I deserved better. If he told you he couldn't give you what you needed, YOU SHOULD BELIEVE HIM. Believe someone when they tell you who you are. Almost verbatim what your ex said, he felt he couldn't make me happy, he wished he was naturally fitted for me, I was perfect blah blah blah... He never thought I was being demanding; I just wanted a healthy, committed adult relationship and he wasn't emotionally ready for that. I don't think you were being demanding either, he just told you that to manage down your expectations, to make you feel bad and take some of the blame off of him. Who is he to tell you what you should want or expect from a relationship anyway?? It sounds like both of our exes were emotionally unavailable to some degree, and unable to put themselves into an emotionally vulnerable position where they could allow themselves to love us truly. I don't think it's entirely a case of them not being that into us, I think it's also to do with inexperience, immaturity, and not knowing how to cope with problems or confrontation, so it's just easier to run. My ex was unreliable and inconsistent by character, which spilled into his relationships and friendships with people too. He was very introverted and not trusting of people. He hated being in uncomfortable situations, and could be very passive-aggressive at times. His answer to a lot of things was to just ignore me. With regards to me ending it, yes, I was already emotionally checked out for at least 4 months before I ended it in October. I had already lost some of my feelings for him due to other things that had happened in the relationship. I had known for a while that I wanted to leave (I attempted to in June), but it took me a while to pluck up the courage to actually go through with it. When it ended, he was crying uncontrollably, I shed a tear or two (as callous as it may seem), because I had already accepted long ago that it was over and I couldn't do this anymore. Not what you wanted to hear, I know OP. I'm sorry Edited December 26, 2017 by TheOnlyOne73
Author Annieh Posted December 27, 2017 Author Posted December 27, 2017 He has messaged over the Christmas period,he said he is done with relationships and wants to please himself! Nothing more really to say to him-so bizarre!
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