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Mind in overdrive

Annieh

By Annieh
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Annieh Member

Annieh

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So I’ve been with a guy for three years on and off,he’s so good looking and a really attentive boyfriend but he has called it off twice in the past with no argument or reason. He has again ended it this past week after we were looking at houses together cause he said I wanted more than he could give me and that he was happy,said it was best for both of us. He’s not contacted me since and nor have I, but he’s added a girl I know on fb. I’m goin out of my mind now thinking he’s moved on already... I don’t know what to do!i think he is emotionally unavailable and the thought of us living together stressed him out or something (he’s 35)

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HumanMachine Established Member

HumanMachine

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He’s clearly not that into you. Sounds like he’s found a better option and has chosen to pursue it rather than be with you. Block on all social media/numbers and move on. It’s the only way.

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HumanMachine Established Member

HumanMachine

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Looking back at your thread in April, this guy sounds like a complete idiot. NO CONTACT!

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Annieh Member

Annieh

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He claims to still love me and is such a thoughtful boyfriend when things are good but rather than ever saying he’s unhappy he just ends it,I’m literally petrified he’s going to move on and I’ll be left devastated

HumanMachine Established Member

HumanMachine

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Posted (edited)
He claims to still love me and is such a thoughtful boyfriend when things are good but rather than ever saying he’s unhappy he just ends it,I’m literally petrified he’s going to move on and I’ll be left devastated

 

Save yourself the inevitable pain Annie, remove him from social media and begin your healing process.. the sooner the better trust me! Don’t let this guy treat you like this, I can imagine you felt like you were walking a tight rope when you were with him? Relationships are all about working together, through the thick and thin..

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Annieh Member

Annieh

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Yeah he’s good when things are good but shuts down at the first sign of disagreement,he’s really good looking so will get someone right away and that’s what I’m trying to prepare for..... how do you heal with so many unanswered questions! I don’t get how he can go from talk of mortgage to ending practically overnight!

HumanMachine Established Member

HumanMachine

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I doubt you’d like the answers to your questions, should you ever get a truthful response of course. Regarding him being with someone else; it’s going to happen, whether it’s right this very second or a week/months time.. This is why it’s best to remove from all social media. It’s going to be a very tough few months for you, focus on yourself and keep busy!!

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BriNyc82 Established Member

BriNyc82

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Sounds like he was already mentally checked out before it actually ended. It sucks but like the other said focus on yourself!!!

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Annieh Member

Annieh

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I now feel like he just said he loved me but never let himself,we were great right up until last week then he said I moaned and he couldn’t give me what I needed, it’s rubbish and I asked if he’d been thinking it for a while and he said no

HumanMachine Established Member

HumanMachine

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He lied to you.. you don’t let a relationship go that easily if you really love someone.

 

Reminds me of my last encounter with my ex, I asked her if she loved me and she said yes, I replied “how are you letting me walk out of your life so easily then?”, she shrugged her shoulders.. haven’t spoken to her since.

JamesonTheWise New Member

JamesonTheWise

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Of course he's moved on. He's probably sleeping with other women now. He clearly doesn't desire to be with you anymore or he would be. I doubt he even gives you a thought now. Give him up, go NC, and move on.

spiderowl Established Member

spiderowl

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Sorry, but he is just not as interested in you as you are in him. Once a guy has called it off, take him at his word. Do not let him back into a relationship unless he gives you very good reasons why he made that mistake and apologises sincerely.

 

I know at the moment you still want him and you are worried he might have found someone else. Actually, he is the one losing out here and you need to assume he's gone because he has opted out. You need to free yourself from your attachment to this guy and make better relationships for yourself. Do not accept anything less than love, affection and commitment from a guy. By 'commitment', I don't necessarily mean marriage or anything long term (as people's circumstances change), but his full attention for as long as you are together.

 

This guy has been treating you like you are the lesser person in the relationship. Walk away and don't look back. You can find better and you will.

 

No contact would be best under these circumstances to protect you from seeing what he is up to and to let him know that he cannot rely on you to sit at his feet adoringly for the rest of his life. I suspect the reality of losing you will hit him once he no longer has access to your love and companionship

SpecialJ Established Member

SpecialJ

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He's 35. That's more than old enough to act like an adult. At best, he's damaged and commitment-phobic and really can't handle a serious relationship. At worst, he's got a carousel of women he rotates between, going on and off with you and others and keeping you all on the hook.

 

In my experience, once a guy is in his mid 30s+, he's unlikely to change. Immaturity, you say? Doesn't matter, he may never actually grow up at that point. He's done you a huge favor. This is the third breakup -- believe him this time and run away. Take some time to mourn, and then try to meet someone else.

 

And don't hold him on this pedestal that he's the only one good looking and the only one who can easily meet other people when ready to. If you really believe that, you may consider building up your self esteem (by doing things for yourself, not by looking for new guys for validation) during this newly single period.

SammySammy Established Member

SammySammy

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Is it possible he feels that he can’t give you what you want? Are you demanding? Needy? Have unreasonable expectations?

 

I’ve left relationships suddenly. It was never because I didn’t care for the woman or didn’t want to be with her. There was always a specific reason. Something about the relationship that I didn’t want to deal anymore. I didn’t have to deal with it. So, I left.

 

A man having options doesn’t mean that he’s some lying cad that doesn’t care about women.

 

Maybe he has a reason for leaving. And it could be just what he said.

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Akashsingh Established Member

Akashsingh

Posted
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So I’ve been with a guy for three years on and off,he’s so good looking and a really attentive boyfriend but he has called it off twice in the past with no argument or reason. He has again ended it this past week after we were looking at houses together cause he said I wanted more than he could give me and that he was happy,said it was best for both of us. He’s not contacted me since and nor have I, but he’s added a girl I know on fb. I’m goin out of my mind now thinking he’s moved on already... I don’t know what to do!i think he is emotionally unavailable and the thought of us living together stressed him out or something (he’s 35)

 

Just sit tight and live your life. If he ever comes back ask him for a commitment and if he doesnt want to , kick him to the curb. You can't allow others to emotionally manipulate you.

HumanMachine Established Member

HumanMachine

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Just sit tight and live your life. If he ever comes back ask him for a commitment and if he doesnt want to , kick him to the curb. You can't allow others to emotionally manipulate you.

 

So hang around for him should he ever pop up and ‘comit’? Disagree..

Akashsingh Established Member

Akashsingh

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So hang around for him should he ever pop up and ‘comit’? Disagree..

 

Not hang around. Go on with life as usual. If you meet someone else, move on, if not, he will come back.

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HumanMachine Established Member

HumanMachine

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Not hang around. Go on with life as usual. If you meet someone else, move on, if not, he will come back.

 

And you’d accept him back as long as he comits to you.. damn come on!! The guy has treated OP poorly and clearly isn’t in to her.. you can’t just keep the door open for these people.. block and nc..

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Annieh Member

Annieh

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He said I was demanding and wanted more than he can give because I am impatient and he’s very content as he is....this really sucks, I thought we were past this childish on and off nonsense

HumanMachine Established Member

HumanMachine

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He said I was demanding and wanted more than he can give because I am impatient and he’s very content as he is....this really sucks, I thought we were past this childish on and off nonsense

 

Well.. are you? Maybe you simply aren’t right for each other if you’re ambitious and he’s not..

Nadine123 Established Member

Nadine123

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Im sorry you're going through a rough time.

 

You keep on mentioning several times that he's good looking so it seems like it's big factor in your decision. Do you feel that you won't be able to find a guy like this again?

 

Just block him everywhere as everyone said and go on to the new year with no baggage. This will pass and you will remember how strong you were.

Akashsingh Established Member

Akashsingh

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Well.. are you? Maybe you simply aren’t right for each other if you’re ambitious and he’s not..

 

I was able to keep life long relationship with my parents because : lines of communication were always open. No contact means , END. With my exes, I have had no contact and that brings more emotional upheaval than not.

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Annieh Member

Annieh

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I definitely wanted the house but so did he,I probably pushed for it more but he was fully onboard, I also don’t feel like I will find somebody as good, he has no children and we have the same interests etc. I know I’m only hurting myself by not blocking him

Thanks for all your comments they’re really helpful

Mrin Established Member

Mrin

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In my experience, most people whether they be men or women who break up with another person in a out of the blue or a final sort of way are ready to move on on day one. They've already mourned the loss of the relationship. They've already said their goodbyes. They're ready to move on

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Annieh Member

Annieh

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I think I’m scared to find someone new-I’m 33 and I really thought I’d found someone to be with long term

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